Ex being unreasonable about seeing my daughter... !!!
Discussion
After three years of fighting the system and two ex's, I abandoned the fight to remain part of my childrens lives 10 years ago now.
You get on with your life.
The pain slowly diminishes.
You stop thinking about them every day.
Their last birthdays passed without me remembering.
I don't consider myself a father anymore and tell people I have no children.
You get on with your life.
The pain slowly diminishes.
You stop thinking about them every day.
Their last birthdays passed without me remembering.
I don't consider myself a father anymore and tell people I have no children.
PurpleMoonlight said:
After three years of fighting the system and two ex's, I abandoned the fight to remain part of my childrens lives 10 years ago now.
You get on with your life.
The pain slowly diminishes.
You stop thinking about them every day.
Their last birthdays passed without me remembering.
I don't consider myself a father anymore and tell people I have no children.
holy fYou get on with your life.
The pain slowly diminishes.
You stop thinking about them every day.
Their last birthdays passed without me remembering.
I don't consider myself a father anymore and tell people I have no children.
k... 
Passport office are a breeze to deal with compared to her.
Paid twice for them too. Imagine the first lot went on smoking and catalogue bills.
Was so pleased when they finally turned up and I actually had them in my possession, because of course it all had to be done through her.
Finally at the age of 14 kids has their first foreign holiday and learnt a bit about other cultures.
Only frustration was getting stopped again at border control as they 'recommend' getting a letter from kids mother giving permission for their travel as all men are peado's or something.
Paid twice for them too. Imagine the first lot went on smoking and catalogue bills.
Was so pleased when they finally turned up and I actually had them in my possession, because of course it all had to be done through her.
Finally at the age of 14 kids has their first foreign holiday and learnt a bit about other cultures.
Only frustration was getting stopped again at border control as they 'recommend' getting a letter from kids mother giving permission for their travel as all men are peado's or something.
SickFish said:
I am just so scared that my daughter (being so young) will "forget" me in two weeks
This is going to sound harsh but for goodness' sake, man up! Of course she won't forget you. Does that happen to servicemen who go away for months at a time? (and do they "die" because of it?) Try and leave the ridiculous melodrama to your ex.Rick101 said:
Only frustration was getting stopped again at border control as they 'recommend' getting a letter from kids mother giving permission for their travel as all men are peado's or something.
No, they do it for married mothers as well. I always write a letter for when my wife flies with my daughter without me, and we are still married.
Pothole said:
This is going to sound harsh but for goodness' sake, man up! Of course she won't forget you. Does that happen to servicemen who go away for months at a time? (and do they "die" because of it?) Try and leave the ridiculous melodrama to your ex.
I disagree a little one will be less comfortable with him after two weeks without him.Regardless, I find it quite ridiculous that I have to provide a shed load of documentation, signed photos etc to get the passport, yet they still ask for a letter which anyone can knock up in 5 min flat.
Vaud, are you saying your wife is stopped, questioned and asked to provide the letter or is it carried just in case?
Vaud, are you saying your wife is stopped, questioned and asked to provide the letter or is it carried just in case?
Edited by Rick101 on Friday 8th July 16:19
Rick101 said:
Regardless, I find it quite ridiculous that I have to provide a shed load of documentation, signed photos etc to get the passport, yet they still ask for a letter which anyone can knock up in 5 min flat.
True. They tend to be pragmatic though and don't always ask for it.My understanding is that you might have a higher burden of proof (i.e. they will contact the other parent) if you were a dad travelling to, say, Pakistan with a child and no mother with an open ended ticket (or a one-way), vs a mum on a package holiday to Tenerife for 2 weeks.
Sorry, heading off topic.
PurpleMoonlight said:
After three years of fighting the system and two ex's, I abandoned the fight to remain part of my childrens lives 10 years ago now.
You get on with your life.
The pain slowly diminishes.
You stop thinking about them every day.
Their last birthdays passed without me remembering.
I don't consider myself a father anymore and tell people I have no children.
Nearly nine years for me.You get on with your life.
The pain slowly diminishes.
You stop thinking about them every day.
Their last birthdays passed without me remembering.
I don't consider myself a father anymore and tell people I have no children.
I thought it was just me going through that. I make a point of not forgetting Birthdays/Xmas at the moment but I am starting to question that. I am flip/flopping about saying whether I have children or not too, it's much easier to say no so that there are no follow up questions
OP, as a lot of posters have said, tread carefully and do not retaliate or fight.
surveyor_101 said:
Pothole said:
This is going to sound harsh but for goodness' sake, man up! Of course she won't forget you. Does that happen to servicemen who go away for months at a time? (and do they "die" because of it?) Try and leave the ridiculous melodrama to your ex.
I disagree a little one will be less comfortable with him after two weeks without him.Just to reiterate what's been said.
- Document everything. Dates, times, finances, phone calls, texts etc
- Keep calm. Always walk away of things start to become heated.
- Do everything you can to avoid solicitors. It cost me in excess of £10k to gain access.
- Be firm but understand you need to compromise.
- Document everything. Dates, times, finances, phone calls, texts etc
- Keep calm. Always walk away of things start to become heated.
- Do everything you can to avoid solicitors. It cost me in excess of £10k to gain access.
- Be firm but understand you need to compromise.
Good luck with this. Everyone's circumstances are different so people advising what will happen for you shouldn't be taken as fact. I hope the mother remains reasonable and focuses on what is best for your child rather than hatred for you. As, if things get messy, your ex decides that false allegations and unwillingness to compromise and allow a father a decent amount of time to have a quality relationship with his child, your wife will always win, the archaic family courts are not fair and you really wouldn't believe how the system works until you witness it for yourself. Avoid courts, aggressive barristers etc at all costs. The man will not get a fair outcome from the family court unless the mother plays fair in which case there would be no need to be in court in the first place. I'm afraid the mother decides the rules and is empowered by the broken system. Your only hope is that she is rational and amicable and a good mother.
Vaud said:
Rick101 said:
Only frustration was getting stopped again at border control as they 'recommend' getting a letter from kids mother giving permission for their travel as all men are peado's or something.
No, they do it for married mothers as well. I always write a letter for when my wife flies with my daughter without me, and we are still married.
Rick101.....
Nope, we're not all Paedos but some unelightened countries still ask for the permission of fathers to give wives and children to travel. It's a tricky problem in some countries at the moment. By Law (of her home country, to have our marriage registered there) she had to change her surname. I refused to allow her to do it, at the embassy. The embassy staff didn't have a clue what to do. ....
And then we pulled out a double barrelled surname....
I have a friend going through the court process at the moment. He unfortunately doesn't get to see his son for weeks at a time sometimes, then other times, when his ex knows that he has to work away or has plans with his partner, will threaten at the last moment that if he doesn't cancel plans and have his son for that period, he'll never see him again. Being a numbskull, she texts him all of her abuse and to his credit, he knows to be chilled.
The son is suffering due to her actions, which I assume are out of hurt as consequence of the break up. The court process for him is not equal access, but for structure in the times he'll see his son. If that's every other weekend, then that's what it has to be, but at least he knows he'll see his son...sad as it is.
I believe his ex has refused the court hearing, so I'm not sure what's happening. I think a new date is to be set, and in that time she'll be compiling lies to destroy my friend's relationship with his son. Funny how someone that you loved once can be so evil.
The son is suffering due to her actions, which I assume are out of hurt as consequence of the break up. The court process for him is not equal access, but for structure in the times he'll see his son. If that's every other weekend, then that's what it has to be, but at least he knows he'll see his son...sad as it is.
I believe his ex has refused the court hearing, so I'm not sure what's happening. I think a new date is to be set, and in that time she'll be compiling lies to destroy my friend's relationship with his son. Funny how someone that you loved once can be so evil.
Edited by 1Addicted on Tuesday 12th July 12:12
1Addicted said:
I have a friend going through the court process at the moment. He unfortunately doesn't get to see his son for weeks at a time sometimes, then other times, when his ex knows that he has to work away or has plans with his partner, will threaten at the last moment that if he doesn't cancel plans and have his son for that period, he'll never see him again. Being a numbskull, she texts him all of her abuse and to his credit, he knows to be chilled.
The son is suffering due to her actions, which I assume are out of hurt as consequence of the break up. The court process for him is not equal access, but for structure in the times he'll see his son. If that's every other weekend, then that's what it has to be, but at least he knows he'll see his son...sad as it is.
I believe his ex has refused the court hearing, so I'm not sure what's happening. I think a new date is to be set, and in that time she'll be compiling lies to destroy my friend's relationship with his son. Funny how someone that you loved once can be so evil.
Therein lies the 'meat' of the problem.The son is suffering due to her actions, which I assume are out of hurt as consequence of the break up. The court process for him is not equal access, but for structure in the times he'll see his son. If that's every other weekend, then that's what it has to be, but at least he knows he'll see his son...sad as it is.
I believe his ex has refused the court hearing, so I'm not sure what's happening. I think a new date is to be set, and in that time she'll be compiling lies to destroy my friend's relationship with his son. Funny how someone that you loved once can be so evil.
Both go to court
Whoever is behaving badly gets a stern looking at
Order put in place
First weekend approaches annndd... "oh sorry, x is sick and can't make it this weekend, maybe next weekend"
This may work, this may muck up your plans.
Next weekend comes..."oh sorry we weren't home, car broke down..."
etc...etc etc
Take her to court for mucking about
a) you're the bad guy for taking her to court.
b) They get a stern looking at and the court order is 'enforced'
rinse and repeat, meanwhile, child told you don't care and don't want them, and all of a sudden child doesn't want to see you, child's 'rights' enforced.... shut up 'non-resident' parent, back off...but keep paying the money.
When dealing with unreasonable, hate-filled, nut jobs, be they mum or dad, the whole thing collapses, the courts have a lot to answer for but they can't police the actions of genuinely nasty people 24-7
Of course it doesn't help if the nut job is backed up by an equally nutty family, or a family that sticks their head in the sand... whilst a complete innocent genuinely loved in a way only a parent can, goes without. Makes me f
king sick.Quickmoose said:
Therein lies the 'meat' of the problem.
Both go to court
Whoever is behaving badly gets a stern looking at
Order put in place
First weekend approaches annndd... "oh sorry, x is sick and can't make it this weekend, maybe next weekend"
This may work, this may muck up your plans.
Next weekend comes..."oh sorry we weren't home, car broke down..."
etc...etc etc
Take her to court for mucking about
a) you're the bad guy for taking her to court.
b) They get a stern looking at and the court order is 'enforced'
rinse and repeat, meanwhile, child told you don't care and don't want them, and all of a sudden child doesn't want to see you, child's 'rights' enforced.... shut up 'non-resident' parent, back off...but keep paying the money.
When dealing with unreasonable, hate-filled, nut jobs, be they mum or dad, the whole thing collapses, the courts have a lot to answer for but they can't police the actions of genuinely nasty people 24-7
Of course it doesn't help if the nut job is backed up by an equally nutty family, or a family that sticks their head in the sand... whilst a complete innocent genuinely loved in a way only a parent can, goes without. Makes me fking sick.
Regrettably she is backed up up a nutty family, and a father with a few quid to throw at a lawyer. She believes she is WAG material, an upbringing given and supported by her parents so you can imagine she might be a handful. Princess-butter-wouldn't-melt in front of the correct people, then wart-ridden witch when no one is looking; I've seen it.Both go to court
Whoever is behaving badly gets a stern looking at
Order put in place
First weekend approaches annndd... "oh sorry, x is sick and can't make it this weekend, maybe next weekend"
This may work, this may muck up your plans.
Next weekend comes..."oh sorry we weren't home, car broke down..."
etc...etc etc
Take her to court for mucking about
a) you're the bad guy for taking her to court.
b) They get a stern looking at and the court order is 'enforced'
rinse and repeat, meanwhile, child told you don't care and don't want them, and all of a sudden child doesn't want to see you, child's 'rights' enforced.... shut up 'non-resident' parent, back off...but keep paying the money.
When dealing with unreasonable, hate-filled, nut jobs, be they mum or dad, the whole thing collapses, the courts have a lot to answer for but they can't police the actions of genuinely nasty people 24-7
Of course it doesn't help if the nut job is backed up by an equally nutty family, or a family that sticks their head in the sand... whilst a complete innocent genuinely loved in a way only a parent can, goes without. Makes me f
king sick.My friend had sex with the devil.
Edited by 1Addicted on Tuesday 12th July 14:07
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