Falsely accused of adultery in divorce
Discussion
snorky782 said:
Unreasonable behaviour has theoretically just as big a stigma attached to it. However, in reality neither matter much at all. This will now sound very insensitive, but I think the OP is falling into the age old trap of letting his emotions rule his head on this divorce, as if there is a victory to be won, when there isn't.
Call me paranoid BUT down the line the ex-wife could be explaining to the child that daddy had an affair and that is why he left..... Which may then "poison" her against him when she is old enough to understand?!Jasandjules said:
Call me paranoid BUT down the line the ex-wife could be explaining to the child that daddy had an affair and that is why he left..... Which may then "poison" her against him when she is old enough to understand?!
What's to stop her doing that anyway? If the OP has started a new sexual relationship after separation, but before divorce, then he is committing adultery. 
Hackney said:
I'm sorry, I don't understand this.
Did you date this woman in Leeds?
Were you married at the time?
The marriage was over, I was forced to leave and ended up at my parents in Leeds. After a while I begun dating...well, having a good time. Yes I was married, but separated and both looking to divorce.Did you date this woman in Leeds?
Were you married at the time?
She settled her new guy in not long after and I found my current partner. The marriage had been done for a while, we just didn't want to admit it.
No I didn't beat her or sleep around. I wasn't the best stepdad or husband, but I tried to do everything I could being the main parent, part time worker, full time student and part time photographer. It doesn't help that I suffer with manic depression and I don't think she knew how to handle it.
snorky782 said:
Unreasonable behaviour has theoretically just as big a stigma attached to it. However, in reality neither matter much at all. This will now sound very insensitive, but I think the OP is falling into the age old trap of letting his emotions rule his head on this divorce, as if there is a victory to be won, when there isn't.
I'm actually not. I just wish to know the ramifications and using it to poison my daughter against me is one concern. I feel nothing but indifference toward her now, she's shown her true face.
The prior post does explain a few things
ZombieT5 said:
The marriage was over, I was forced to leave and ended up at my parents in Leeds. After a while I begun dating...well, having a good time. Yes I was married, but separated and both looking to divorce.
She settled her new guy in not long after and I found my current partner. The marriage had been done for a while, we just didn't want to admit it.
No I didn't beat her or sleep around. I wasn't the best stepdad or husband, but I tried to do everything I could being the main parent, part time worker, full time student and part time photographer. It doesn't help that I suffer with manic depression and I don't think she knew how to handle it.
But whether you like it or not, you have committed adultery. However, the burden of proof for her is quite high, unless you admit it. Personally, I'd suggest you let her divorce you on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour and be done with it. Unreasonable behaviour can be daft things like leaving the toilet seat up amd using the toothpaste from the middle and stupid little things like that nowadays. She settled her new guy in not long after and I found my current partner. The marriage had been done for a while, we just didn't want to admit it.
No I didn't beat her or sleep around. I wasn't the best stepdad or husband, but I tried to do everything I could being the main parent, part time worker, full time student and part time photographer. It doesn't help that I suffer with manic depression and I don't think she knew how to handle it.
You mention "stepdad" are these different kids to your daughter, or is your daughter, really your stepdaughter? You don't mention "not being the best dad", so just wondering,as it's highly likely you won't see your stepdaughter again unless she wants to maintain a relationship, if that's the only child in these discussions.
Impasse said:
It's not really a public document. No one except your respective legal teams and the court officials will ever see the papers. If you're not bothered then it would certainly speed up the divorce process. If her extra helping of lies does bother you then, as above, unreasonable behaviour is the more conventional route to a "quickie" divorce and it might be worth having your solicitor let her know that you would agree to this instead of insisting she proves a false allegation.
Exactly. This is what my matrimonial solicitor said to me. The grounds for divorce is not a matter of public record, and frankly don't really make a lot of difference in the grand scheme of things because, really, the grounds are largely superfluous as "don't want to be married any more" is sufficient grounds these days really. The "adultery" route seems rather an anachronism these days, since such behaviour could easily be seen as "unreasonable behaviour" anyway, and also only heterosexual adultery counts whereas the betrayal of being unfaithful isn't really gender-specific. But I digress.
Edit: Sorry, I should have read the whole thread before going off half-cocked (missus) and saying what has already been said.
Edited by ClockworkCupcake on Thursday 28th July 16:27
snorky782 said:
ZombieT5 said:
The marriage was over, I was forced to leave and ended up at my parents in Leeds. After a while I begun dating...well, having a good time. Yes I was married, but separated and both looking to divorce.
She settled her new guy in not long after and I found my current partner. The marriage had been done for a while, we just didn't want to admit it.
No I didn't beat her or sleep around. I wasn't the best stepdad or husband, but I tried to do everything I could being the main parent, part time worker, full time student and part time photographer. It doesn't help that I suffer with manic depression and I don't think she knew how to handle it.
But whether you like it or not, you have committed adultery. However, the burden of proof for her is quite high, unless you admit it. Personally, I'd suggest you let her divorce you on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour and be done with it. Unreasonable behaviour can be daft things like leaving the toilet seat up amd using the toothpaste from the middle and stupid little things like that nowadays. She settled her new guy in not long after and I found my current partner. The marriage had been done for a while, we just didn't want to admit it.
No I didn't beat her or sleep around. I wasn't the best stepdad or husband, but I tried to do everything I could being the main parent, part time worker, full time student and part time photographer. It doesn't help that I suffer with manic depression and I don't think she knew how to handle it.
You mention "stepdad" are these different kids to your daughter, or is your daughter, really your stepdaughter? You don't mention "not being the best dad", so just wondering,as it's highly likely you won't see your stepdaughter again unless she wants to maintain a relationship, if that's the only child in these discussions.
The UK divorce laws are so out of date - you effectively still have to blame the other party, regardless of circumstance. Even if you have been the adulterer, you can't file for divorce on the basis of adultery committed by yourself!
All states in the US (even the hick ones) now recognise no-fault, where you pretty much both sign saying you agree that the marriage has irretrievably broken down, and job done. In some states you can be divorced in as little as a day, although some do have a much longer mandatory waiting period.
All states in the US (even the hick ones) now recognise no-fault, where you pretty much both sign saying you agree that the marriage has irretrievably broken down, and job done. In some states you can be divorced in as little as a day, although some do have a much longer mandatory waiting period.
spookly said:
- but does it make any difference to the outcome (financial or otherwise) these days between no fault divorce and being divorced for adultery?
I cited adultery on my Ex's side but didn't name the other party but then he couldn't deny it as he was shacked up with her!Either way it makes not the slightest bit of different between sharing of assets and maintenance if applicable.
If you want a divorce, just go along with it otherwise you'll end up with an even bigger solicitors bill just for the sake of the reason for the divorce!
GCH said:
All states in the US (even the hick ones) now recognise no-fault, where you pretty much both sign saying you agree that the marriage has irretrievably broken down, and job done.
Indeed. My solictor told me that the reality of UK divorce now is that, so long as both sides agree it has broken down, and go with "unreasonable behaviour", then it pretty much doesn't matter what you put as the grounds as the fact the couple agree the marriage has broken down is taken as the overriding reason and now carries a lot of weight in the mind of the judge / magistrate. drdel said:
While it won't affect the outcome the records are on file.
Make sure you stick out for the reflecting the truth - is never a good idea to have anything but the facts recorded.
You never know what and how material may be used at some future data with work, kids etc.
Piss poor adviceMake sure you stick out for the reflecting the truth - is never a good idea to have anything but the facts recorded.
You never know what and how material may be used at some future data with work, kids etc.
snorky782 said:
drdel said:
While it won't affect the outcome the records are on file.
Make sure you stick out for the reflecting the truth - is never a good idea to have anything but the facts recorded.
You never know what and how material may be used at some future data with work, kids etc.
Piss poor adviceMake sure you stick out for the reflecting the truth - is never a good idea to have anything but the facts recorded.
You never know what and how material may be used at some future data with work, kids etc.
When i got divorced my solicitor made it explicit that we would not contest any stated grounds on the basis that it had no implications on any other aspects of the divorce.
Reasons were cited that i thought may prove awkward when it came to access and yes she did try to bring them up in court when we went there, however the judge ruled inadmissable because of the agreement made before we accepted the grounds for the divorce..
Reasons were cited that i thought may prove awkward when it came to access and yes she did try to bring them up in court when we went there, however the judge ruled inadmissable because of the agreement made before we accepted the grounds for the divorce..
Marcellus said:
Reasons were cited that i thought may prove awkward when it came to access and yes she did try to bring them up in court when we went there, however the judge ruled inadmissable because of the agreement made before we accepted the grounds for the divorce..
Indeed. The judge at my hearing even went as far as to chastise the other party for "mud-slinging" and said there was no place for it in his courtroom. Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff