Absolutely seething - advice required

[egor110]

LordHaveMurci said:

esxste said:

As I said before, get her into activity groups out of town; so she can meet new people entirely unrelated to whats going on at school.

Not sure what your daughters interests are; but there's bound to be social groups for some of them.

Also talk Anti-bullying charities, see what advice they can give.

Her main interests are outside of school, they're summer biased though so we need to get her into something new for the winter.

Anti bulling charities are a great idea, thanks.

Wasn't she into her road cycling ? is there a local road club?

[xxChrisxx]

LordHaveMurci said:

She really is a truly vile specimen

LordHaveMurci said:

this vile creature

LordHaveMurci said:

she's a big unit

LordHaveMurci said:

eveil little cow

Does the petty derogatory labelling make you feel better?
I hope it's just being used to vent on here, as you really lose credibility if you actually say those things when discussing with the school.

[anonymous-user]

Good luck with it - my sons school had two 'sets' in each year who's paths dont cross in lessons so any bully gets transferred to the other set. My son got bullied by a big unit girl too and being the way he is he just walked away each time but we got her moved. The next was an overweight kid who initially my lad was friends with until the kid started behaving oddly and very gay and made up all sorts of bizarre lies until in 6th Form pushed my lad too far with some daft accusation that he'd looked at him strangely (or something) which escalated to my lad (for the first time) exerting a bit of summary justice to the kid and his car - it went very quiet after that.

[davepoth]

LordHaveMurci said:

Her main interests are outside of school, they're summer biased though so we need to get her into something new for the winter.

Anti bulling charities are a great idea, thanks.

Is she learning a musical instrument? That will help if she gets into it.

[anonymous-user]

egor110 said:

That depends on the upbringing the 15 year olds had doesn't it .

If he's grown up in a rough area, had plenty of hidings from his parents then he's probably not going to see a teacher or mr middle class as much of a threat.

If they had nipped it in the bud when it was first raised with the school then it might have worked. I guess you're right that it's probably gone now.

[SpamCan]

LordHaveMurci said:

Glad it worked out for you, sorry but the paragraph quoted did make me , probably because it's so close to the truth!

Thanks

It will work out for her too, it may seem rough now but it will work out in the end as extese said, keep her supported and mentally strong.

[cymtriks]

It is because you are not actually doing this...

LordHaveMurci said:

I said that if no satisfactory conclusion comes from this we will seek private legal advice & pursue it, that will be a last resort & was not a threat.

..that they say the last six words in this quote:

LordHaveMurci said:

They asked what we would ideally like, I said we'd obviously like the offender removed but as they said, that is pretty much unheard of.

Teachers don't really want to expel children as this counts against the school. This is the reason, most teachers would love to expel trouble makers if this were not the case. So because of this they:

tell parents they have a policy
tell parents it'll all blow over next year
tell parents that they'll have a chat with the kids involved
set detentions and exclusions

but very rarely permanent expulsions because as said above these count against schools and of course if they can string out the above long enough they'll get away with not having to do that.

You need to force the issue. Otherwise your daughter will still be putting up with this all through her remaining time at school.

See if you can find the similar thread where a parent got a solicitor to remind the school about their failure in their duties relating to being "in loco parentis". The expulsion happened the next day.

[LordHaveMurci]

School rang yesterday afternoon as promised, they have had 1 other pupil & 1 parent express concern so far, they are meeting the parent today.

They confiscated phones from 5 pupils in the offenders friend group, sadly she was off sick (happens frequently apparently) so she's had chance to clear her phone before it can be confiscated, the School contacted her parents (divorced I believe) and asked them to go through the phone with their daughter, don't believe that will happen. The confiscated phones were being handed over to the parents who have all been contacted with the request that they go through them with their children.

The PCSO has been in & the school are keeping them informed as they gather evidence, they have taken statements from everybody & asked the parents to take one from their daughter who is off sick.

More than one girl has said whats happening is wrong but they are scared of standing up to her, they have found NO evidence of our daughter doing anything wrong.

I was left with the impression that they are very much taking this seriously, especially as there are other concerns around the girl involved, not relating to our daughter. They will be in touch again today, we'll see where this goes before taking any further action.

We are looking at activities outside of school for our daughter, think we have found something ideal which will only help.

Thanks once again for all the advice & support, it really is much appreciated

[CoolCurly]

LordHaveMurci said:

School rang yesterday afternoon as promised, they have had 1 other pupil & 1 parent express concern so far, they are meeting the parent today.

They confiscated phones from 5 pupils in the offenders friend group, sadly she was off sick (happens frequently apparently) so she's had chance to clear her phone before it can be confiscated, the School contacted her parents (divorced I believe) and asked them to go through the phone with their daughter, don't believe that will happen. The confiscated phones were being handed over to the parents who have all been contacted with the request that they go through them with their children.

The PCSO has been in & the school are keeping them informed as they gather evidence, they have taken statements from everybody & asked the parents to take one from their daughter who is off sick.

More than one girl has said whats happening is wrong but they are scared of standing up to her, they have found NO evidence of our daughter doing anything wrong.

I was left with the impression that they are very much taking this seriously, especially as there are other concerns around the girl involved, not relating to our daughter. They will be in touch again today, we'll see where this goes before taking any further action.

We are looking at activities outside of school for our daughter, think we have found something ideal which will only help.

Thanks once again for all the advice & support, it really is much appreciated

Seems the school has taken notice - good luck to your family to get this sorted.

[esxste]

LordHaveMurci said:

School rang yesterday afternoon as promised, they have had 1 other pupil & 1 parent express concern so far, they are meeting the parent today.

They confiscated phones from 5 pupils in the offenders friend group, sadly she was off sick (happens frequently apparently) so she's had chance to clear her phone before it can be confiscated, the School contacted her parents (divorced I believe) and asked them to go through the phone with their daughter, don't believe that will happen. The confiscated phones were being handed over to the parents who have all been contacted with the request that they go through them with their children.

The PCSO has been in & the school are keeping them informed as they gather evidence, they have taken statements from everybody & asked the parents to take one from their daughter who is off sick.

More than one girl has said whats happening is wrong but they are scared of standing up to her, they have found NO evidence of our daughter doing anything wrong.

I was left with the impression that they are very much taking this seriously, especially as there are other concerns around the girl involved, not relating to our daughter. They will be in touch again today, we'll see where this goes before taking any further action.

We are looking at activities outside of school for our daughter, think we have found something ideal which will only help.

Thanks once again for all the advice & support, it really is much appreciated

Happy to read this update.

[anonymous-user]

When these sorts of things happen its normally difficult to a school to get evidence as the kids affected disappear or become unwilling to speak out. In your case OP its cast iron so I sincerely hope the bully gets hammered and excluded. You'll need to nudge it along though.

[Red Devil]

LordHaveMurci said:

They asked what we would ideally like, I said we'd obviously like the offender removed but as they said, that is pretty much unheard of. They ran through their options - detention, exclusion for 2-3 days, swap to a different school for a few days, restorative justice work with the Police. The offender would also have to sign a (behavioural?)contract when she returns to school.

You might find this of interest - https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploa...

Note the comment in Section 2 Key Points about early intervention. This is where schools so often fail. They simply don't grasp the nettle and prefer the Nelson approach. It most often occurs when the Head/Principal is the wishy-washy type who is a poor leader. We had one of those with our son. The only solution was to extricate him altogether and go private. It was a real financial struggle for us but worth it in the long run.

LordHaveMurci said:

QuickQuack said:

Is it possible for her to go to a different school? Do you have the option of being able to send her to a private school?

Even if that was possible, it wouldn't be very sensible with them starting prelims this week.

Prelims? I thought they were specific to Scotland. If so the above link won't be applicable. I assumed from your profile that you are in England.

[Terminator X]

Perhaps too drastic, move schools? Old friends will still be on the end of a phone etc.

TX.

[MrBarry123]

Unfortunately, provided there is no physical violence occurring, there's very little a school can do directly as all of those involved are children.

The easiest way for the school to deal with this is, in my opinion*, to make the students who are "scared" understand there's absolutely no reason to be scared of the bully. Doing so will result in the group ostracising her almost immediately, forcing the bully to either change her ways and/or remove herself from the group as a result of losing her support network.

*I left school 6/7 years' ago and in my experience where the bully lost their social circle, they very quickly stopped their behaviour.

[anonymous-user]

^ Also exclusion from school for a term would mean all her associates would drift away and move on so when she returns the dynamic will have changed.

[Vroom101]

MrBarry123 said:

Unfortunately, provided there is no physical violence occurring, there's very little a school can do directly as all of those involved are children.

That's not true. The children are all over the age of criminal responsibility. Bullying isn't just physical. As has been mentioned earlier in the thread, the acts of the bully look as if they come under the harassment and malicious communication laws, which is why the police are taking it seriously.

There is plenty a school can do, but as a rule, they prefer to sweep stuff under the carpet to protect the reputation of the school. That's why the OP needs to keep on at them, and be a thorn in their side until it is dealt with. There will be processes that have to be followed, and hoops through which they will have to jump, but it is certainly possible to exclude a child without them having to punch someone first.

One of the reasons that schools are reluctant to permanently exclude a pupil is because they have to pay the school that takes the problem child off their hands (at least this was the case in a school at which I was a governor - £4k was the amount that springs to mind).


Keep on at the school, OP. Don't give them an inch. At the meeting, did you get a record of all the incidents so far?

[Jasandjules]

Vroom101 said:

That's not true. The children are all over the age of criminal responsibility. Bullying isn't just physical. As has been mentioned earlier in the thread, the acts of the bully look as if they come under the harassment and malicious communication laws, which is why the police are taking it seriously.

And why I'd be seeking an injunction to prevent it using the internet or mobile phone........... That will totally shut down the bullying and have a severe impact upon it.

[LordHaveMurci]

Red Devil said:

Prelims? I thought they were specific to Scotland. If so the above link won't be applicable. I assumed from your profile that you are in England.

In England.

Have made it very clear that this stops here, we will do whatever it takes to make that happen. I do not give up easily, they must be royally pissed with this girl by now, they want her to pack it in just as much as we do I'm sure.

Daughter has been informed today by the Deputy Head that the girls mother has made an allegation, we are very interested to hear what this allegation may be, and who it may be about. Strange it's only just been made...

School has just appointed a new Head, this has now been referred to him, a file 3" thick apparently. OH has been in touch with PCSO's, they will be back in School today or next Monday.

Edited by LordHaveMurci on Wednesday 23 November 12:25

[LordHaveMurci]

PCSO's have been to see us, there is no criminal act been commited sadly so they can do very little, they were going to the girls house when they left us, they were going to suggest restorative justice as a way forward, we don't think her or her mother will agree but we'll see. They pretty much confirmed the girl was known to them, that she was the main instigator & what had been said (written) was rather unpleasant.

They did stress that our daughter needs to delete & block her an ALL social media platforms (which she had already done) and keep her blocked, no more trying to build bridges.

Mainly down to school to deal with now so we'll see what the new Head decides to do, hopefully hear later today.

Our daughter is just pleased that it's been taken seriously this time, she got up with a spring in her step this morning.

[davepoth]

LordHaveMurci said:

PCSO's have been to see us, there is no criminal act been commited sadly so they can do very little,

Push back on the PCSOs, or take it to their superiors. It seems that an offence has been committed, but it's not a simple "he punched me in the face" one that they can sort out easily.

http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/s_to_u/stalking_and_ha...
http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1997/40/sectio...