Seperation Advice Needed

[Durzel]

George111 said:

If you do get divorced, give your wife a generous settlement, your children will admire and thank you for it later in life and your wife will speak well of you to your children and their friends . . . that's important too for their welfare and self worth. All you had to do to earn it was go to work, she's had to bring up two children - I know which is the harder. People who screw their wives out of a good financial settlement seem to end up more bitter themselves than their wives. I'm not suggesting you hand over everything but that it's generous and fair.

With all due respect you talk about people wistfully thinking about their ex-husbands/ex-wives as if we live in a fairytale world. I would argue that when it comes to splitting up quite often compassion and objectivity goes completely out of the window, regardless of the equity split.

[George111]

Durzel said:

George111 said:

If you do get divorced, give your wife a generous settlement, your children will admire and thank you for it later in life and your wife will speak well of you to your children and their friends . . . that's important too for their welfare and self worth. All you had to do to earn it was go to work, she's had to bring up two children - I know which is the harder. People who screw their wives out of a good financial settlement seem to end up more bitter themselves than their wives. I'm not suggesting you hand over everything but that it's generous and fair.

With all due respect you talk about people wistfully thinking about their ex-husbands/ex-wives as if we live in a fairytale world. I would argue that when it comes to splitting up quite often compassion and objectivity goes completely out of the window, regardless of the equity split.

I appreciate that. It can do but that's where all the problems come from. He's got 2 little children - if 2 adults can't keep it civil then it's them who will suffer most. I know it's not easy and probably in some cases impossible but this has to be the aim, the objective doesn't it ? I know 3 children who suffered terribly just because their Dad was an arse, he's half hardheartedly making up for it now but he's never, ever, going to regain the relationship a Dad should have with his children.

[brrapp]

I don't know anything about you OP and I don't want to make assumptions but if you've got a 4 year old kid, you must have had a reasonable relationship within the last 5 years. You say you've still got a good 'friendship' going with your other half and I say that's more than half the battle. If you enjoyed flirting and 'the chase' and you're thinking about that again, why don't you try it again with your other half.
I know it's probably one of the corniest songs ever, but there's a lot of sense in the old Jimmy Buffet song 'Escape'. I'm in my 50's now and I'd hate to hazard a guess at how many of my friends went through very similar in their 30's and 40's when the kids were young. Some split up and some didn't. Most of the ones who stuck it out are happier now than the ones who didn't
My advice to you is hang on in there with your Mrs, give it a real try before you make a final decision.

[Bomberharris]

Thank you,

Good points raised, My youngest is a boy - I have a dad but no relationship at all he was just a pub stalker / alcoholic who valued pub 'new' friends rather than family / family time.

I don't want that negative influence on me to affect my children etc, Hence the key is keeping the communication / friendship with the mum. admittedly easier said than done if 3rd parties get involved further down the line.

You met each other as friend then lovers then man / wife, Hard to go to friends i guess. Reminds me of that line or lyric - its amazing that someone who has just ripped your heart out want to still be a 'friend' I'm sure we all have experience of that nugget.

[QuickQuack]

Stay well away from any lawyer and any divorce paperwork.; go and sort your head out. Relatioships do go through these patches; the important thing is to recognise them for what they are and deal with them accordingly. My parents divorced for other reasons when I was around 5 or 6 and I'm still scarred almost 35 years down the line. Just because a lot of people get divorced these days doesn't mean that the kids are getting used to it and as a parent, you really must put them first. I have helped a friend sort to his head out during similar circumstances so it doesn't have to be a counsellor, but it does take time. 3-4 years in my friend's case, but it was worth it. He's happy, his wife is happy, their daughter is happy, they still live in the same house together and haven't wasted 10s of thousands of pounds on lawyers.