Non-molestation order

[SickFish]

Hi guys I had a call yesterday from someone wanting to serve me notice of a "non-molestation order" from the ex... I am awaiting a copy of the specific paperwork however as far as I am aware it's a case of I can't contact the ex nor be within 100m of her property. There are a number of issues here...

• I have a 2 year old daughter with the ex who I collect from her property every 2nd weekend... how will this now happen if I can't contact the ex or be within 100m of her house?

• I am the ex's rent guarantor and up until now was happy for this to continue, but as I am no longer able to be in contact with her or near the property I am now uncomfortable with this legal obligation... is there a way I can get my name removed?

• I have googled the person I am talking to who wants to serve me notice and his email address is a yahoo address with a legal sounding business name and when searched comes up with.... "No longer registered as an Appointed Representative This is an appointed representative (AR) that is no longer an agent of an authorised firm. Do not start to do business with an AR that is listed as 'former'.... what does this mean?

I have no issue with the no contact bit... I don't WANT to speak to the ex, however, the important part to me is that I do not want it impacting my contact with my little girl...

Please help, I am way over my head on this and feel so desperate I already have had over 50 hours a month with my little girl (2 full over night stop on the weekends and 2 mid week play dates a month) reduced to every other Saturday 9-5 :-(

[Foliage]

Read this

https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/el...

[Greendubber]

Get a solicitor, one that specialises in family law.

They will be much better to advise than anyone on here.

[Alex_225]

I can't offer any advice OP on the legal front but you have my sympathies on the lack of time getting to see your daughter.

My little girl is 3 and lives 130 miles away with her mum as she moved back to Bristol when we separated. I have her every other weekend but it's hard not seeing her. Fortunately I get on fairly well with my ex and know the little one is the most important thing so any bullsh!t gets put aside.

All the best.

[SickFish]

Foliage said:

Read this

https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/el...

Thanks

[SickFish]

Greendubber said:

Get a solicitor, one that specialises in family law.

They will be much better to advise than anyone on here.

I am currently away with work until Friday, but that is the first thing I'll be doing Friday morning... until then I wanted to bat it around on here as there may be someone who has been through the same thing

[SickFish]

Alex_225 said:

I can't offer any advice OP on the legal front but you have my sympathies on the lack of time getting to see your daughter.

My little girl is 3 and lives 130 miles away with her mum as she moved back to Bristol when we separated. I have her every other weekend but it's hard not seeing her. Fortunately I get on fairly well with my ex and know the little one is the most important thing so any bullsh!t gets put aside.

All the best.

Thank you, it's killing me not seeing her :-(

[Alex_225]

SickFish said:

Thank you, it's killing me not seeing her :-(

I can appreciate that mate. Not being on good terms with your Ex must make it harder as I suspect you don't hear anything until your daughter?

[SickFish]

Alex_225 said:

SickFish said:

Thank you, it's killing me not seeing her :-(

I can appreciate that mate. Not being on good terms with your Ex must make it harder as I suspect you don't hear anything until your daughter?

Nope, not a sausage until the Saturday I am due to see her... so I go 2 weeks with nothing :-(

[Alex_225]

SickFish said:

Nope, not a sausage until the Saturday I am due to see her... so I go 2 weeks with nothing :-(

Gutting mate.

Sadly, sometimes separated parents put the needs of their kids behind their own wants/issues/anger etc.

I do consider myself lucky that my ex and I do things as 'right' as you can for not being together.

[SickFish]

Alex_225 said:

SickFish said:

Nope, not a sausage until the Saturday I am due to see her... so I go 2 weeks with nothing :-(

Gutting mate.

Sadly, sometimes separated parents put the needs of their kids behind their own wants/issues/anger etc.

I do consider myself lucky that my ex and I do things as 'right' as you can for not being together.

We did... until she found out i have moved on and I am with someone else... hence me agreeing to be her guarantor for her rent, as I didn't want my daughter to go to the scummy drug den flat she was offered by the local council

[Christmassss]

I am surprised that they called you. When my current partner has one served to her Ex, the court officials just turned up and handed it to him.

If it is not too intrusive, what grounds has the order been raised on? Has your ex also filed for anything else ie residency or contact order?

[Alex_225]

SickFish said:

We did... until she found out i have moved on and I am with someone else... hence me agreeing to be her guarantor for her rent, as I didn't want my daughter to go to the scummy drug den flat she was offered by the local council

That's often when things can go t!ts up although again, not yours or your daughters fault you've moved on.

It's not an easy thing for others to understand that trying to keep an ex happy for the sake of your kid is not about your ex's feelings but balancing all the s*ite that does with it.

Fair play to you for helping out with the flat side of things too, I'd have done the same in your situation.

[SickFish]

Christmassss said:

I am surprised that they called you. When my current partner has one served to her Ex, the court officials just turned up and handed it to him.

If it is not too intrusive, what grounds has the order been raised on? Has your ex also filed for anything else ie residency or contact order?

I have recently moved and the ex didn't know my new address - otherwise I suspect that would have been the case.

I don't know the specifics yet, not having the paperwork to hand isn't helpful as I am away with work so can't have it "delivered" yet... although I suspect she is (falsely) claiming domestic abuse as that's a drum she has been beating recently, mainly because I stopped bending to her will and started saying no, so called me a bully etc.

My daughter isn't mentioned in the order from what I gather, I am waiting on this court official to contact me with regards to me seeing my daughter, otherwise the ex would have been using the court order as a means of limiting access to my daughter...

[SickFish]

Alex_225 said:

SickFish said:

We did... until she found out i have moved on and I am with someone else... hence me agreeing to be her guarantor for her rent, as I didn't want my daughter to go to the scummy drug den flat she was offered by the local council

That's often when things can go t!ts up although again, not yours or your daughters fault you've moved on.

It's not an easy thing for others to understand that trying to keep an ex happy for the sake of your kid is not about your ex's feelings but balancing all the s*ite that does with it.

Fair play to you for helping out with the flat side of things too, I'd have done the same in your situation.

Massively regretting it now.....!

[MrJingles705]

Christmassss said:

I am surprised that they called you. When my current partner has one served to her Ex, the court officials just turned up and handed it to him.

If it is not too intrusive, what grounds has the order been raised on? Has your ex also filed for anything else ie residency or contact order?

This is the meat and potatoes of it.

You've mentioned that the relationship wit hthe ex has gone sour since she found out you've moved on, so my initial thought was she's just made up some accusations out of spite; but you also mentioned that visitation has already been trimmed back (I'm assuming through the family court) - this would have been in direct response to something.

You're under no obligation to tell any of us squat.... but that detail (why access got curtailed) will influence the quality of any advice given. Your call really.

(But in any case, generally if you don't know where to start with on this seek out a solicitor ... good investment of money to avoid a long term and potentially difficult to reverse sequence of actions that could fall out of this).

[Christmassss]

SickFish said:

I have recently moved and the ex didn't know my new address - otherwise I suspect that would have been the case.

I don't know the specifics yet, not having the paperwork to hand isn't helpful as I am away with work so can't have it "delivered" yet... although I suspect she is (falsely) claiming domestic abuse as that's a drum she has been beating recently, mainly because I stopped bending to her will and started saying no, so called me a bully etc.

My daughter isn't mentioned in the order from what I gather, I am waiting on this court official to contact me with regards to me seeing my daughter, otherwise the ex would have been using the court order as a means of limiting access to my daughter...

Not a nice situation, i do sympathise. As someone has stated i would def get some legal advice. I would also imagine as the non-molestation has been granted there will also be a preliminary court date set.

I also might be wrong, but my recollection was that the Non molestation order doesn't come into effect until it is physically in your hands.

ETA. You have had your visitation cut down to every other saturday 9-5. Was this court mandated, agreed in mediation or just her telling you thats the way it is?

Edited by Christmassss on Wednesday 22 March 12:46

[MrJingles705]

P.S. For what it's worth, friends went through a very similar experience.... huge legal bills involved because no one would compromise and both sides resorted to flinging mud, all in the middle of a divorce. Tried to broker a solution as third party (as even the kids were unhappy) but the wife thought I was shilling for her husband and the husband thought I was doing him over every time I tried to get him to agree to any compromise, so ultimately.... 140K burned up over 2 years to get pretty much what I suggested.

[SickFish]

MrJingles705 said:

Christmassss said:

I am surprised that they called you. When my current partner has one served to her Ex, the court officials just turned up and handed it to him.

If it is not too intrusive, what grounds has the order been raised on? Has your ex also filed for anything else ie residency or contact order?

This is the meat and potatoes of it.

You've mentioned that the relationship wit hthe ex has gone sour since she found out you've moved on, so my initial thought was she's just made up some accusations out of spite; but you also mentioned that visitation has already been trimmed back (I'm assuming through the family court) - this would have been in direct response to something.

You're under no obligation to tell any of us squat.... but that detail (why access got curtailed) will influence the quality of any advice given. Your call really.

(But in any case, generally if you don't know where to start with on this seek out a solicitor ... good investment of money to avoid a long term and potentially difficult to reverse sequence of actions that could fall out of this).

My access has been eroded since I have started saying no and stopped giving her money hand over fist. There is/ was an informal agreement that she emailed me when we split up and as of this year has started to reduce my time with her, it is since she has been going to these "domestic abuse groups" and I suspect they have been getting into her ear telling her what to do...

For the record, I have never struck/ harmed my ex nor threatened her, yes I have lost my temper and raised my voice, after being goaded by her which won't work in my favour I fear...

[SickFish]

Christmassss said:

SickFish said:

I have recently moved and the ex didn't know my new address - otherwise I suspect that would have been the case.

I don't know the specifics yet, not having the paperwork to hand isn't helpful as I am away with work so can't have it "delivered" yet... although I suspect she is (falsely) claiming domestic abuse as that's a drum she has been beating recently, mainly because I stopped bending to her will and started saying no, so called me a bully etc.

My daughter isn't mentioned in the order from what I gather, I am waiting on this court official to contact me with regards to me seeing my daughter, otherwise the ex would have been using the court order as a means of limiting access to my daughter...

Not a nice situation, i do sympathise. As someone has stated i would def get some legal advice. I would also imagine as the non-molestation has been granted there will also be a preliminary court date set.

I also might be wrong, but my recollection was that the Non molestation order doesn't come into effect until it is physically in your hands.

ETA. You have had your visitation cut down to every other saturday 9-5. Was this court mandated, agreed in mediation or just her telling you thats the way it is?

Edited by Christmassss on Wednesday 22 March 12:46

No access order or anything, just her telling me that it's her way or no way....