Non-molestation order

[Hughesie]

Keep plugging away, it will come right in the end even if it does bankrupt you, it will be worth it !!

[SickFish]

Hughesie said:

Keep plugging away, it will come right in the end even if it does bankrupt you, it will be worth it !!

I'm already virtually bankrupt! Lol

Having to sell anything of value each month just to keep my head above water.

[Rovinghawk]

SickFish said:

MrJingles705 said:

Seems logical that you can't act as a gaurentor on something when you can't interact with the party you are standing behind, obligation wise.... lets hope the law is that straight forward.

You'd like to think so wouldn't you...

May I start by saying that I empathise with the OP and his position? My comments are not intended to be offensive in any way but I wish to play Devil's Advocate:

I'm a landlord. Picture my situation where I have rented a house to somebody on the strength of a guarantor. I can't just turn someone out of the house on the basis of the guarantor changing his mind. Neither do I wish to be exposed to greater risk because of it. In effect, the tenant/guarantor relationship is none of the LL's business & should not adversely affect him.

Consequently I would insist that the position as guarantor be honoured until the termination of the tenancy. I would presume that the LL in question would feel exactly the same & the court would support his position.

Best of luck for the future.

[Sick_fish]

Rovinghawk said:

SickFish said:

MrJingles705 said:

Seems logical that you can't act as a gaurentor on something when you can't interact with the party you are standing behind, obligation wise.... lets hope the law is that straight forward.

You'd like to think so wouldn't you...

May I start by saying that I empathise with the OP and his position? My comments are not intended to be offensive in any way but I wish to play Devil's Advocate:

I'm a landlord. Picture my situation where I have rented a house to somebody on the strength of a guarantor. I can't just turn someone out of the house on the basis of the guarantor changing his mind. Neither do I wish to be exposed to greater risk because of it. In effect, the tenant/guarantor relationship is none of the LL's business & should not adversely affect him.

Consequently I would insist that the position as guarantor be honoured until the termination of the tenancy. I would presume that the LL in question would feel exactly the same & the court would support his position.

Best of luck for the future.

I agree, however the landlord is not my concern. What IS my concern is the ex maliciously defaulting on her rent to financially cripple me and creating a situation where I cannot keep up with my solicitors fees...

Regardless, her tenancy is due for renewal this month, prior to this debacle I had no issue acting as guarantor, however she has a restraining order against me that prevents me with conversing with her and going anywhere near the property that I am guarantor for....

Edited by SickFish on Monday 31st July 18:43

[Fab32]

I am perhaps a little late but I would be happy to offer you some advice. I have written a few S7 reports and I am often in an around the family court

PM me if you want

[Sick_fish]

Fab32 said:

I am perhaps a little late but I would be happy to offer you some advice. I have written a few S7 reports and I am often in an around the family court

PM me if you want

Always happy to take advice, I have a legal rep but a S7 report is on the cards... sigh...

[MrJingles705]

SickFish said:

And to top it off, my mother has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and starts chemo next week. After pleading with the exes solicitor and explaining the situation, access to her granddaughter has been denied, my mum is terrified she will not see her granddaughter again... I've even said I will not interfere/ be present!

Cruelty knows no bounds

You have my deepest sympathies - I'm sure you have already looked into it, but I've been told that grandparents can apply for leave to make a contact order and then a further application for the order itself. As this is seperate from yours, they make expedite based on the circumstances and possibly even legal aid.

(again, based on my friends case - different circumstances entirely, but possibly some overlap).

[Sick_fish]

MrJingles705 said:

SickFish said:

And to top it off, my mother has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and starts chemo next week. After pleading with the exes solicitor and explaining the situation, access to her granddaughter has been denied, my mum is terrified she will not see her granddaughter again... I've even said I will not interfere/ be present!

Cruelty knows no bounds

You have my deepest sympathies - I'm sure you have already looked into it, but I've been told that grandparents can apply for leave to make a contact order and then a further application for the order itself. As this is seperate from yours, they make expedite based on the circumstances and possibly even legal aid.

(again, based on my friends case - different circumstances entirely, but possibly some overlap).

Truthfully, there's potentially not enough time for her to make her own application, the cancer has spread literally everywhere and her only hope to buying some time is a very aggressive bout of chemotherapy... she is heartbroken and I'm furious my little girl is being denied spending time with her Grandmother

[mjb1]

Sick_fish said:

MrJingles705 said:

SickFish said:

And to top it off, my mother has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and starts chemo next week. After pleading with the exes solicitor and explaining the situation, access to her granddaughter has been denied, my mum is terrified she will not see her granddaughter again... I've even said I will not interfere/ be present!

Cruelty knows no bounds

You have my deepest sympathies - I'm sure you have already looked into it, but I've been told that grandparents can apply for leave to make a contact order and then a further application for the order itself. As this is seperate from yours, they make expedite based on the circumstances and possibly even legal aid.

(again, based on my friends case - different circumstances entirely, but possibly some overlap).

Truthfully, there's potentially not enough time for her to make her own application, the cancer has spread literally everywhere and her only hope to buying some time is a very aggressive bout of chemotherapy... she is heartbroken and I'm furious my little girl is being denied spending time with her Grandmother

Isn't this a textbook example of what emergency hearings are for? http://www.familylawwiki.org.uk/index.php/Emergenc...

I'd really like to hope that a judge wouldn't refuse an application for a child to see their terminally ill grandmother. Reminds me of this thread: https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&... which still brings a tear to me eye whenever I start reading it again.

[Sick_fish]

mjb1 said:

Sick_fish said:

MrJingles705 said:

SickFish said:

And to top it off, my mother has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and starts chemo next week. After pleading with the exes solicitor and explaining the situation, access to her granddaughter has been denied, my mum is terrified she will not see her granddaughter again... I've even said I will not interfere/ be present!

Cruelty knows no bounds

You have my deepest sympathies - I'm sure you have already looked into it, but I've been told that grandparents can apply for leave to make a contact order and then a further application for the order itself. As this is seperate from yours, they make expedite based on the circumstances and possibly even legal aid.

(again, based on my friends case - different circumstances entirely, but possibly some overlap).

Truthfully, there's potentially not enough time for her to make her own application, the cancer has spread literally everywhere and her only hope to buying some time is a very aggressive bout of chemotherapy... she is heartbroken and I'm furious my little girl is being denied spending time with her Grandmother

Isn't this a textbook example of what emergency hearings are for? http://www.familylawwiki.org.uk/index.php/Emergenc...

I'd really like to hope that a judge wouldn't refuse an application for a child to see their terminally ill grandmother. Reminds me of this thread: https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&... which still brings a tear to me eye whenever I start reading it again.

Ah! there's something to certainly look at... I am on the case as we speak.

Thank you

[voyds9]

Sick_fish said:

I agree, however the landlord is not my concern. What IS my concern is the ex maliciously defaulting on her rent to financially cripple me and creating a situation where I cannot keep up with my solicitors fees...

Regardless, her tenancy is due for renewal this month, prior to this debacle I had no issue acting as guarantor, however she has a restraining order against me that prevents me with conversing with her and going anywhere near the property that I am guarantor for....

Edited by SickFish on Monday 31st July 18:43

Write to agent saying at the end of present tenancy you will not be renewing your responsibility as guarantor

[Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah]

I've just read all 6 pages of this thread, and SF, you have my complete sympathies. She sounds like evil personified.

I have been in a similar situation with a narcissistic and violent woman previously, who has stopped at nothing to try and cause me aggro. Luckily for me no children were involved, but like you DV allegations, without merit were made, and didn't stick.

It is amazing how such people can play the victim game, whilst themselves being the ones undertaking all sorts of control forms.

I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say all the best, and hang in there.

[spookly]

Sorry to hear all this OP. I know quite a few blokes who have been through this mill.
I'm on the other side of it, I'm divorced but now a single dad with full custody of my two boys. Still having to deal with their deadbeat mother who is yet to pay a single penny in maintenance, and still makes completely false accusations. Been dragged through court twice since getting divorced, both times she came away with more restrictions... I suspect we'll be back there again soon.
Been divorced for 3+ years now and I've still have 30+ crazy texts today. When I first moved out the only thing I was worried about was seeing my kids. I'd echo the advice of the people who've said record everything. Keep all texts, record all calls, keep all emails, keep a diary of everything. Good luck.

[mjb1]

spookly said:

Sorry to hear all this OP. I know quite a few blokes who have been through this mill.
I'm on the other side of it, I'm divorced but now a single dad with full custody of my two boys. Still having to deal with their deadbeat mother who is yet to pay a single penny in maintenance, and still makes completely false accusations. Been dragged through court twice since getting divorced, both times she came away with more restrictions... I suspect we'll be back there again soon.
Been divorced for 3+ years now and I've still have 30+ crazy texts today. When I first moved out the only thing I was worried about was seeing my kids. I'd echo the advice of the people who've said record everything. Keep all texts, record all calls, keep all emails, keep a diary of everything. Good luck.

I'd be interested to know just how deadbeat mother your ex was/is for you to win custody (appreciate you might not want to post details, but feel free to PM me if you want to). My ex is a waste of space, but somehow manages to get by without publicly appearing neglectful. She always manages to get by without catastrophe, and whenever she messes up, she blames it on me for being an absent parent (I'm not, I have them 3 days/nights per week, and have offered more), resulting in outpourings of sympathy on facebook etc.

So far I've been biting my tongue and picking my battles (leading to friends accusing me of being complicit for not running to social services). I'm st scared of starting a custody battle, because that feels like the nuclear option. I'm doubtful I've enough on her to win. If I lose, she's likely to run away/go into hiding taking the kids with her, and go to any lengths to make things difficult just to spite me.

[Sick_fish]

spookly said:

Sorry to hear all this OP. I know quite a few blokes who have been through this mill.
I'm on the other side of it, I'm divorced but now a single dad with full custody of my two boys. Still having to deal with their deadbeat mother who is yet to pay a single penny in maintenance, and still makes completely false accusations. Been dragged through court twice since getting divorced, both times she came away with more restrictions... I suspect we'll be back there again soon.
Been divorced for 3+ years now and I've still have 30+ crazy texts today. When I first moved out the only thing I was worried about was seeing my kids. I'd echo the advice of the people who've said record everything. Keep all texts, record all calls, keep all emails, keep a diary of everything. Good luck.

Thankfully I'm not getting any grief now since the restraining order... blessings in disguise and all that...

[Jimbo NW]

So sorry to hear this OP.

The system is heavily in the favour of mothers as is my experience.
A friend went through this with his ex blaming sexual abuse towards his son, domestic abuse etc. He fought the case for 2+ years and got heavily in debt, as the tides started to turn and the mother was caught out too many times, she simply didn't turn up to court one day and got on a plane!

I hope this works out for you.

[spookly]

mjb1 said:

spookly said:

Sorry to hear all this OP. I know quite a few blokes who have been through this mill.
I'm on the other side of it, I'm divorced but now a single dad with full custody of my two boys. Still having to deal with their deadbeat mother who is yet to pay a single penny in maintenance, and still makes completely false accusations. Been dragged through court twice since getting divorced, both times she came away with more restrictions... I suspect we'll be back there again soon.
Been divorced for 3+ years now and I've still have 30+ crazy texts today. When I first moved out the only thing I was worried about was seeing my kids. I'd echo the advice of the people who've said record everything. Keep all texts, record all calls, keep all emails, keep a diary of everything. Good luck.

I'd be interested to know just how deadbeat mother your ex was/is for you to win custody (appreciate you might not want to post details, but feel free to PM me if you want to). My ex is a waste of space, but somehow manages to get by without publicly appearing neglectful. She always manages to get by without catastrophe, and whenever she messes up, she blames it on me for being an absent parent (I'm not, I have them 3 days/nights per week, and have offered more), resulting in outpourings of sympathy on facebook etc.

So far I've been biting my tongue and picking my battles (leading to friends accusing me of being complicit for not running to social services). I'm st scared of starting a custody battle, because that feels like the nuclear option. I'm doubtful I've enough on her to win. If I lose, she's likely to run away/go into hiding taking the kids with her, and go to any lengths to make things difficult just to spite me.

Nah, I don't mind saying. Most of this is years in the past.

Quite a while after we married she started mentally going off the rails. After we separated the kids spent ever increasing amounts of time staying with me as she seemed to want to be out with friends rather than being a mother. After 12 months or so, she had such a mental breakdown that her friend, who was a copper, involved mental health services and got her sectioned. She then spent over 8 weeks as an involuntarily inpatient. So by the time she came out of hospital I had been sole carer of the children for 2 months, and social services came and told me that they didn't want the kids alone with her for a while, so the arrangement continued.
I've tried to make sure the kids see her, but her behaviour towards me means that I don't want to be anywhere near her, or even speak to her if I can avoid it. She took me to court, long after the divorce, to try and get more access to the kids, and came away with more restrictions. There are restrictions on when and how she can try to contact the children, the kids can decide if they do not want to go, and I can decide she isn't in fit state to have them (only done that once so far, and for good reason). I was very lucky to get made redundant just before the financial divorce hearing, so got a clean break order with no spousal maintenance, and only gave up a small pension and small % value of family home upon sale.
Despite her now working she doesn't think she should contribute anything as I earn far more than she does.

I think the big issue, and one that I've seen played out with lots of failed relationships, is that a lot of the women scorned seem to go nuclear and use the kids , and any other thing they can, as revenge. Of course, not all do that, but I've seen it happen to quite a few blokes that I know personally. I've been nothing but reasonable with the ex, and still try and encourage the kids to see her even though they don't want to. And all that despite the nastiness, false accusations and insults regularly tossed my way. I've given up on expecting her to behave like anything other than a moody toddler throwing a tantrum.

I read that the courts look for shared parenting where possible these days, but it isn't difficult for a partner to make unfounded allegations which permanently affect that decision. IANAL, but seems to me that the only way for a man to get full custody is for the mother to be a demonstrable train wreck (drugs, alcoholic, mental issues, violent etc). Whereas for a woman to get full custody all they have to do is throw some accusations, which may be false, and by the time the mess is untangled in court (if it ever is) the default is that they already have custody, and then some access/visitation is discussed. I have never heard of any woman having any legal repercussions from making false accusations, maybe it happens... but I've never heard of it.

Again, IANAL, but if things end up in the courts, then the courts put a lot of emphasis on the opinion of CAFCASS. So, as well as keeping well organised records of everything, make sure you come across well with CAFCASS. If you can show that you can support them financially and emotionally, and would be a stable parent then that's a good start. I represented myself throughout the divorce and subsequent court appearances. It's worth reading the relevant laws, if you understand that kind of legalese, as the child related laws are fairly simple and describe the different factors which the courts are meant to take into account in making parenting/custody decisions.

[Sick_fish]

Just had the latest bill from Solicitor, I need to find the best part of £1,800 to continue, how I'm going to do that I don't know...

I will find it though, somehow!!!

[Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah]

Sick_fish said:

Just had the latest bill from Solicitor, I need to find the best part of £1,800 to continue, how I'm going to do that I don't know...

I will find it though, somehow!!!

I know the current administration have clamped down on legal aid some what, but have you looked at eligibility as an option?

The yougov page states the following, bold which may apply to you?

1. Overview

Legal aid can help meet the costs of legal advice, family mediation and representation in a court or tribunal.

You’ll usually need to show that:

your case is eligible for legal aid
the problem is serious
you can’t afford to pay for legal costs
You could for example get legal aid if:

you or your family are at risk of abuse or serious harm, eg domestic violence or forced marriage
you’re at risk of homelessness or losing your home
you’ve been accused of a crime face prison or detention
you’re being discriminated against
you need family mediation
you’re adding legal arguments or bringing a case under the Human Rights Act
You’ll usually need to show that you can’t afford to pay for this help. You may have to pay some money towards the legal costs of your case or pay costs back later.

Edited by Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah on Wednesday 2nd August 19:25

Edited by Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah on Wednesday 2nd August 19:26

[Sick_fish]

Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah said:

Sick_fish said:

Just had the latest bill from Solicitor, I need to find the best part of £1,800 to continue, how I'm going to do that I don't know...

I will find it though, somehow!!!

I know the current administration have clamped down on legal aid some what, but have you looked at eligibility as an option?

The yougov page states the following, bold which may apply to you?

1. Overview

Legal aid can help meet the costs of legal advice, family mediation and representation in a court or tribunal.

You’ll usually need to show that:

your case is eligible for legal aid
the problem is serious
you can’t afford to pay for legal costs
You could for example get legal aid if:

you or your family are at risk of abuse or serious harm, eg domestic violence or forced marriage
you’re at risk of homelessness or losing your home
you’ve been accused of a crime, face prison or detention
you’re being discriminated against
you need family mediation
you’re adding legal arguments or bringing a case under the Human Rights Act
You’ll usually need to show that you can’t afford to pay for this help. You may have to pay some money towards the legal costs of your case or pay costs back later.

I will look into it, I fear I'm not but anything is worth a try. Thank you.

On a side note... if anyone wants to buy a nice watch... lol