Non-molestation order
Discussion
I have just had another phone call from her solicitor, I reiterated that whilst the non-mol order had not been issued yet (as I said I'm away with work) I am still willing to adhere to the terms within the order and there is no access order in place and I have a written (email) agreement I can have my daughter this weekend...
I have suggested that I either meet the ex in a public place to get my daughter, or have my mum collect her and drop her off.
If she refuses these I've been told this will show her in very poor light as she is being absolutely unreasonable, and I have mentioned to her solicitor that my legal representation will be taking into account her conduct... this is all based on advice from a criminal lawyer friend.
And so the fun begins
I have suggested that I either meet the ex in a public place to get my daughter, or have my mum collect her and drop her off.
If she refuses these I've been told this will show her in very poor light as she is being absolutely unreasonable, and I have mentioned to her solicitor that my legal representation will be taking into account her conduct... this is all based on advice from a criminal lawyer friend.
And so the fun begins
I have just had another phone call from her solicitor, I reiterated that whilst the non-mol order had not been issued yet (as I said I'm away with work) I am still willing to adhere to the terms within the order and there is no access order in place and I have a written (email) agreement I can have my daughter this weekend...
I have suggested that I either meet the ex in a public place to get my daughter, or have my mum collect her and drop her off.
If she refuses these I've been told this will show her in very poor light as she is being absolutely unreasonable, and I have mentioned to her solicitor that my legal representation will be taking into account her conduct... this is all based on advice from a criminal lawyer friend.
And so the fun begins
I have suggested that I either meet the ex in a public place to get my daughter, or have my mum collect her and drop her off.
If she refuses these I've been told this will show her in very poor light as she is being absolutely unreasonable, and I have mentioned to her solicitor that my legal representation will be taking into account her conduct... this is all based on advice from a criminal lawyer friend.
And so the fun begins
Edited by SickFish on Wednesday 22 March 19:21
Amused2death said:
SickFish said:
New day... new attitude....
I have a free telephone consultation booked tomorrow at 16:30 with a solicitor who specialises in family law
Feeling motivated
Some things to bear in mind, none of which are aimed at you personally, as I've already been there and gone through it.I have a free telephone consultation booked tomorrow at 16:30 with a solicitor who specialises in family law
Feeling motivated
You have no rights to see your child, but you do have responsibilities towards your child. The child has a right to a decent relationship with both parents.
Unless you have a very amenable ex don't expect it to be sorted quickly, in my case it took nearly two years.
Courts are only interested in the welfare of the child. If the ex makes allegations then you may find in the early stages seeing your child in a contact centre will be the only option open to you. It's not ideal, but it will allow the courts to make a decision regarding further contact once you've "proved" yourself in said contact centre.(You may be the best Dad in the world, but the courts don't know that)
You don't need to use a solicitor, you can do it all yourself, but you'll need to do a lot of research and reading to enable you to put your case forward in the best possible manner.
The level of contact you want may be vastly different from the level of contact you eventually end up with.
Finally, I know it's bloody difficult, make sure you look after yourself both mentally and physically. The whole process will drain you and at times you'll doubt whether or not it's all worth it, but it is, if only for your child's future wellbeing.
Make sure you've got some good friends/family to help you handle it. Thee are plenty of us on here who'll listen and not judge you.
Whilst a contact centre would be demeaning and is not ideal, considering I used to have her stay at mine...!!! at least I'll be able to see my daughter!
But believe me, I've had my moment of despair yesterday and woke up positive and ready to fight tooth and nail.
PurpleMoonlight said:
Contact centers are great.
Mother will fail to turn up, child ill, got time wrong, booked a last minute holiday, mother ill etc.
All after driving 100 miles each time.
To be blunt, on the whole the system is f
ked for fathers without the mothers cooperation.
I genuinely didn't believe it was as biased as people made out.... until now!!!Mother will fail to turn up, child ill, got time wrong, booked a last minute holiday, mother ill etc.
All after driving 100 miles each time.
To be blunt, on the whole the system is f
ked for fathers without the mothers cooperation.Amused2death said:
SickFish said:
Great post... thank you.
Whilst a contact centre would be demeaning and is not ideal, considering I used to have her stay at mine...!!! at least I'll be able to see my daughter!
I feel your pain, my ex willingly bought my daughter to mine three days a week. Then I met someone new. All contact stopped instantly, allegations were made and I had to go through the courts. When I eventually saw my girl again, in a contact centre, she didn't know who I was.Whilst a contact centre would be demeaning and is not ideal, considering I used to have her stay at mine...!!! at least I'll be able to see my daughter!
I'm now several years down the line, the woman I met has been my wife for nearly four years and my daughter has a wonderful relationship with both of us. So much so that she want's to do something special for my wife on Mother's day.
Escapegoat said:
This sounds very familiar (my neighbour, not me).
A link that may help with advice and support - https://fnf.org.uk/ - because solicitors only help with certain matters.
Wise up on "parental alienation". There are noises that CAFCASS is finally beginning to see it as child abuse: http://www.marilynstowe.co.uk/2017/02/13/parental-...
Good luck
Thank you A link that may help with advice and support - https://fnf.org.uk/ - because solicitors only help with certain matters.
Wise up on "parental alienation". There are noises that CAFCASS is finally beginning to see it as child abuse: http://www.marilynstowe.co.uk/2017/02/13/parental-...
Good luck
Christmassss said:
bmw535i said:
Fair one - it was some years ago I went through it. You can go straight to court for the reason of not wanting the other party to know, but there are reasons you have to give for that - can't remember what they are. There are several other exemptions to requiring a MIAM assessment - I can't remember them though (domestic violence perhaps? bankruptcy?) - not sure, but this particular case appears not to have any of those ingredients.
Yeah, domestic violence is one. I think the OP's ex has tried accusing him of that, but to get the MIAM exemption for that you have to provide evidence. There are about other 14 reasons i think.Either way, i hope that the OP gets it sorted ASAP as it isn't a nice situation.
Thanks for all the well wishes, the court hearing date is in 4 weeks... hopefully we can get this silliness overturned and then I can start down the road of getting something more concrete in place with seeing my daughter...
It's been two weeks and 2 days now since I saw/ heard from her. Not ashamed to say I went into her room last night and cried
It's been two weeks and 2 days now since I saw/ heard from her. Not ashamed to say I went into her room last night and cried
surveyor_101 said:
You need proper legal advice I am afraid, as if you breach the order you could face serious legal consequences.
Has there been some police involvement with you or your ex.
The person serving the order should be able to shed some light.
I would assume seeing your daughter is tricky unless you have someone who can collect her? I would expect your Ex has taken this out and so doesn't want you around.
Good luck
I'm happy with the term of the order - I don't WANT to contact the ex... but I'm going to request the court vary the order to an undertaking.Has there been some police involvement with you or your ex.
The person serving the order should be able to shed some light.
I would assume seeing your daughter is tricky unless you have someone who can collect her? I would expect your Ex has taken this out and so doesn't want you around.
Good luck
My mum can collect her and drop her off, or alternatively we can meet in a public place where I can pick up my daughter. No, no police involvement whatsoever...
Funnily enough, the application is dated 4 days after I dropped my daughter off with my new partner.... hmmm.... like that isn't transparent?!?
Amused2death said:
Make sure you remove yourself as guarantor, if not if ex stops paying rent or damages property etc. you're on the hook for the cost. Given the deterioration in the relationship between you and the ex it's something you need to think seriously about.
If only it were that easy unfortunately I can't until a new tenancy agreement comes into play my solicitor is looking into it though Amused2death said:
SickFish said:
If only it were that easy unfortunately I can't until a new tenancy agreement comes into play my solicitor is looking into it though
Anything in the link below that might help? my solicitor is looking into it though http://www.propertyinvestmentproject.co.uk/blog/ho...
surveyor_101 said:
SickFish said:
If only it were that easy unfortunately I can't until a new tenancy agreement comes into play my solicitor is looking into it though
Just stop and think about that, its not just her home its your DAUGHTERS home. my solicitor is looking into it though Also it seems like a knee jerk reaction to the order. I would suggest you step back and consider things.
At court the fact that your guarantor for her home doesn't suggest your some mad man. She let you be part of her tenancy!
She can't have her cake and eat it
I know it's my daughters home, that's why I paid 2x months rent when I left (even though I wasn't living there) and agreed to be her guarantor.
I've just Had a positive conversation with my solicitor...
He struggled to conceil his laugh when I told him that the non-mol order statement was written 4 days after the day I dropped my daughter off (with my girlfriend) and muttered "how typical"
He has said that the terms within the order are acceptable to me (and I agree) so we won't fight the order but rather issue an undertaking (forgive me if this isn't the correct phrasing etc.).
He has also said that he is happy to mediate and get an agreement set in stone (well... at least try!) about having my little girl and these will happen concurrently.
On the whole I am a little more positive about things, but also nervous at the same time...
He struggled to conceil his laugh when I told him that the non-mol order statement was written 4 days after the day I dropped my daughter off (with my girlfriend) and muttered "how typical"
He has said that the terms within the order are acceptable to me (and I agree) so we won't fight the order but rather issue an undertaking (forgive me if this isn't the correct phrasing etc.).
He has also said that he is happy to mediate and get an agreement set in stone (well... at least try!) about having my little girl and these will happen concurrently.
On the whole I am a little more positive about things, but also nervous at the same time...
Well I suppose I had better update this, a lot has happened since the OP.
So far I have been to court three times, twice to fight the non-mol order, and the other time was for an initial hearing with regards to access to my daughter.
It has been an emotional strain, not to mention financially; I have had to accept the non-mol order but with terms stated on the order that all allegations have not been found true, as I could not afford to defend the allegations as well as fight for access to my daughter.
I have pooled all of my energy (and resources) into trying to see my daughter...
Some of the allegations are particularly ludicrous, like claiming I and smashed a plate around her face as well as being a heroin addict. I have had a drug test and full doctors report sent to the court, the ex has claimed that this was falsified (all because it obviously didn't say what she wanted it to say). There has been an initial Cafcass report, which is not particularly favourable but they have to er on the side of caution given the allegations...
So far I am over £4000 in the hole, with another court hearing end of this month which I have to another £900+ for that... Fun fun fun...
All whilst the ex is sitting pretty, watching her bank balance increase each month as I pay her an extortionate amount of money, and having all of her legal fees funded by you and I
It has been 142 days since I've seen/ heard from my daughter... I won't lie I have considered not carrying on, but then I sit and think... how could I let my daughter down like that.
And to top it off, my mother has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and starts chemo next week. After pleading with the exes solicitor and explaining the situation, access to her granddaughter has been denied, my mum is terrified she will not see her granddaughter again... I've even said I will not interfere/ be present!
So far I have been to court three times, twice to fight the non-mol order, and the other time was for an initial hearing with regards to access to my daughter.
It has been an emotional strain, not to mention financially; I have had to accept the non-mol order but with terms stated on the order that all allegations have not been found true, as I could not afford to defend the allegations as well as fight for access to my daughter.
I have pooled all of my energy (and resources) into trying to see my daughter...
Some of the allegations are particularly ludicrous, like claiming I and smashed a plate around her face as well as being a heroin addict. I have had a drug test and full doctors report sent to the court, the ex has claimed that this was falsified (all because it obviously didn't say what she wanted it to say). There has been an initial Cafcass report, which is not particularly favourable but they have to er on the side of caution given the allegations...
So far I am over £4000 in the hole, with another court hearing end of this month which I have to another £900+ for that... Fun fun fun...
All whilst the ex is sitting pretty, watching her bank balance increase each month as I pay her an extortionate amount of money, and having all of her legal fees funded by you and I
It has been 142 days since I've seen/ heard from my daughter... I won't lie I have considered not carrying on, but then I sit and think... how could I let my daughter down like that.
And to top it off, my mother has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and starts chemo next week. After pleading with the exes solicitor and explaining the situation, access to her granddaughter has been denied, my mum is terrified she will not see her granddaughter again... I've even said I will not interfere/ be present!
Rovinghawk said:
SickFish said:
MrJingles705 said:
Seems logical that you can't act as a gaurentor on something when you can't interact with the party you are standing behind, obligation wise.... lets hope the law is that straight forward.
You'd like to think so wouldn't you... I'm a landlord. Picture my situation where I have rented a house to somebody on the strength of a guarantor. I can't just turn someone out of the house on the basis of the guarantor changing his mind. Neither do I wish to be exposed to greater risk because of it. In effect, the tenant/guarantor relationship is none of the LL's business & should not adversely affect him.
Consequently I would insist that the position as guarantor be honoured until the termination of the tenancy. I would presume that the LL in question would feel exactly the same & the court would support his position.
Best of luck for the future.
Regardless, her tenancy is due for renewal this month, prior to this debacle I had no issue acting as guarantor, however she has a restraining order against me that prevents me with conversing with her and going anywhere near the property that I am guarantor for....
Edited by SickFish on Monday 31st July 18:43
MrJingles705 said:
SickFish said:
And to top it off, my mother has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and starts chemo next week. After pleading with the exes solicitor and explaining the situation, access to her granddaughter has been denied, my mum is terrified she will not see her granddaughter again... I've even said I will not interfere/ be present!
Cruelty knows no bounds You have my deepest sympathies - I'm sure you have already looked into it, but I've been told that grandparents can apply for leave to make a contact order and then a further application for the order itself. As this is seperate from yours, they make expedite based on the circumstances and possibly even legal aid.
(again, based on my friends case - different circumstances entirely, but possibly some overlap).
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