Non-molestation order
Discussion
SickFish said:
Jut waiting on a response from her solicitors with regards to instructions about where/ when to collect my little girl... not holding my hopes up... this is heart breaking 
I was so excited for seeing her on Saturday....
Fingers crossed you get a positive response.I was so excited for seeing her on Saturday....
You said she doesn't have family in the area, but are there any mutual friends (people she would trust) that she could drop to nearby?
SickFish said:
Just heard back from her solicitor, she doesn't want me to have contact with my daughter as she is applying for me to only have contact at a contact centre!!!
This is f
king ridiculous!!!!
She's going to let you have contact with your daughter. The Ct will set a collection time and a return time. Put it another way, you won't have to face your ex again so it could work out alright in the end. If my ex was like yours I wouldn't want to see her again.This is f
king ridiculous!!!!You still have the option of attending ct to deal with the injunction/undertaking etc.
Boosted LS1 said:
SickFish said:
Just heard back from her solicitor, she doesn't want me to have contact with my daughter as she is applying for me to only have contact at a contact centre!!!
This is fking ridiculous!!!!
She's going to let you have contact with your daughter. The Ct will set a collection time and a return time. Put it another way, you won't have to face your ex again so it could work out alright in the end. If my ex was like yours I wouldn't want to see her again.This is f
king ridiculous!!!!You still have the option of attending ct to deal with the injunction/undertaking etc.
It's just horrible.... as I have it in writing she agreed to let me have her on Saturday and now to deny me access like this is so unreasonable!
It's been nearly 2 weeks (this Saturday) since I've seen her
I've been on the other side of this. I have sole custody of my two boys. My ex is a menace, and constantly calls/texts/turns up. Despite all of this I have not yet even considered a non-molestation order. It takes a special kind of manipulative nutter to do that without basis.
I was also accused by my ex of abuse - never happened. She did, however, hit me a few times and even waved a knife at me. She went to an abuse group, but they kicked her out after they figured she was not being truthful.
My ex then went to court to try to get more access to the kids. She was already allowed t see them whenever they agreed to. I encouraged them to, they just didn't often want to. Saw Cafcass, they also spoke to the kids. Went to court and Cafcass said they were happy with the current arrangements, and that the kids were old enough (8 and 9 at the time) to decide themselves, and that it was inappropriate to disregard the kids feelings as the ex had rejected supervised contact. So for all the money she spent on court costs, she came away with more restrictions. The court also ordered rules about when she was allowed to contact me and the kids (frequency, times, phone only etc)... but she completely ignores that. I'd have to go back to court for a non-molestation order to get it enforced. I'm a big boy, and I don't need to do that unless it starts affecting the kids, so won't unless I have to.
Having been through the process, I would suggest you save all messages, emails, letters you have received. Also, make notes now of your best recollection of all important events and dates/times (get times/dates from your phone etc, where you can). I would not take an allegation of domestic abuse lying down if it is untrue. FWIW, if it was me, I would be going to court to seek a complete revocation of any order and state that all allegations are untrue. Also, speak to a solicitor asap.
I was also accused by my ex of abuse - never happened. She did, however, hit me a few times and even waved a knife at me. She went to an abuse group, but they kicked her out after they figured she was not being truthful.
My ex then went to court to try to get more access to the kids. She was already allowed t see them whenever they agreed to. I encouraged them to, they just didn't often want to. Saw Cafcass, they also spoke to the kids. Went to court and Cafcass said they were happy with the current arrangements, and that the kids were old enough (8 and 9 at the time) to decide themselves, and that it was inappropriate to disregard the kids feelings as the ex had rejected supervised contact. So for all the money she spent on court costs, she came away with more restrictions. The court also ordered rules about when she was allowed to contact me and the kids (frequency, times, phone only etc)... but she completely ignores that. I'd have to go back to court for a non-molestation order to get it enforced. I'm a big boy, and I don't need to do that unless it starts affecting the kids, so won't unless I have to.
Having been through the process, I would suggest you save all messages, emails, letters you have received. Also, make notes now of your best recollection of all important events and dates/times (get times/dates from your phone etc, where you can). I would not take an allegation of domestic abuse lying down if it is untrue. FWIW, if it was me, I would be going to court to seek a complete revocation of any order and state that all allegations are untrue. Also, speak to a solicitor asap.
Some advice - please do NOT take this the wrong way, it is from bitter experience. ( I am now a single parent with full residency).
1. Calm down - however hard that is.
2. Carry out any negotiations as if it is a business transaction - it helps remove emotion.
3. Be mindful that a final court order can be flouted by her with little or no consequence.
4. Get a solicitor - not strictly necessary (I didn't), but you appear in need of one.
5. Don't sling mud back - as someone has already said, judges don't really care, it just irritates them and wastes time and money (yours).
6. Be prepared for it to cost £5k plus - fewer mud slinging letters keeps it down.
7. Research, research and more research - not forums though.
Best of luck with it. It's a long game, keep your eye on the final result and don't get sucked into nonsense.
1. Calm down - however hard that is.
2. Carry out any negotiations as if it is a business transaction - it helps remove emotion.
3. Be mindful that a final court order can be flouted by her with little or no consequence.
4. Get a solicitor - not strictly necessary (I didn't), but you appear in need of one.
5. Don't sling mud back - as someone has already said, judges don't really care, it just irritates them and wastes time and money (yours).
6. Be prepared for it to cost £5k plus - fewer mud slinging letters keeps it down.
7. Research, research and more research - not forums though.
Best of luck with it. It's a long game, keep your eye on the final result and don't get sucked into nonsense.
Edited by anonymous-user on Wednesday 22 March 18:24
I have just had another phone call from her solicitor, I reiterated that whilst the non-mol order had not been issued yet (as I said I'm away with work) I am still willing to adhere to the terms within the order and there is no access order in place and I have a written (email) agreement I can have my daughter this weekend...
I have suggested that I either meet the ex in a public place to get my daughter, or have my mum collect her and drop her off.
If she refuses these I've been told this will show her in very poor light as she is being absolutely unreasonable, and I have mentioned to her solicitor that my legal representation will be taking into account her conduct... this is all based on advice from a criminal lawyer friend.
And so the fun begins
I have suggested that I either meet the ex in a public place to get my daughter, or have my mum collect her and drop her off.
If she refuses these I've been told this will show her in very poor light as she is being absolutely unreasonable, and I have mentioned to her solicitor that my legal representation will be taking into account her conduct... this is all based on advice from a criminal lawyer friend.
And so the fun begins
I have just had another phone call from her solicitor, I reiterated that whilst the non-mol order had not been issued yet (as I said I'm away with work) I am still willing to adhere to the terms within the order and there is no access order in place and I have a written (email) agreement I can have my daughter this weekend...
I have suggested that I either meet the ex in a public place to get my daughter, or have my mum collect her and drop her off.
If she refuses these I've been told this will show her in very poor light as she is being absolutely unreasonable, and I have mentioned to her solicitor that my legal representation will be taking into account her conduct... this is all based on advice from a criminal lawyer friend.
And so the fun begins
I have suggested that I either meet the ex in a public place to get my daughter, or have my mum collect her and drop her off.
If she refuses these I've been told this will show her in very poor light as she is being absolutely unreasonable, and I have mentioned to her solicitor that my legal representation will be taking into account her conduct... this is all based on advice from a criminal lawyer friend.
And so the fun begins
Edited by SickFish on Wednesday 22 March 19:21
Really sad to see this happening to you.
Unfortunately, I have been through this as well. I fought this all the way, lucky for me I had an audio recording of what happened. The long and short of it was that her and her mother lied to the police, when it came to court I got her mother to admit that she had lied to the police, case was dismissed.
It was bloody hard not seeing my son for 4 months, but it had to be done for my sanity. The worse was the ex wife solicitor trying to blackmail me , she said if I took an undertaking I could see my son, how very hounarable considering I had done nothing wrong.
My suggestion is do not take an undertaking, it will be used against you, it will give her ammunition to go to the police in the future.I would suggest you go on "dad info forum" and ask for advice.
If you have done nothing then do not accept anything like a undertaking.
Unfortunately, I have been through this as well. I fought this all the way, lucky for me I had an audio recording of what happened. The long and short of it was that her and her mother lied to the police, when it came to court I got her mother to admit that she had lied to the police, case was dismissed.
It was bloody hard not seeing my son for 4 months, but it had to be done for my sanity. The worse was the ex wife solicitor trying to blackmail me , she said if I took an undertaking I could see my son, how very hounarable considering I had done nothing wrong.
My suggestion is do not take an undertaking, it will be used against you, it will give her ammunition to go to the police in the future.I would suggest you go on "dad info forum" and ask for advice.
If you have done nothing then do not accept anything like a undertaking.
Edited by gtr786 on Wednesday 22 March 18:29
^ The good thing about an undertaking is that it's an undertaking not to misbehave in the future. There is no need to make admissions about the past iirc so you're blameless whilst appearing to be reasonable at the same time.
Everybody wants a peaceful solution. result.
OP, suggesting your Mum collect your daughter is a good move.
Everybody wants a peaceful solution. result.
OP, suggesting your Mum collect your daughter is a good move.
Tread very carefully OP. I advise you nail a contact order ASAP before taking any action your ex feels is aggressive or confrontational. She can in reality break a contact order almost with impunity, but it gives you a priceless foothold in the legal system and should make CAFCASS your friend if things get very silly. Very happy to share my unbelievable experience off line if useful ... it started in a very similar manner.
It scares me how women can make repeated false allegations with impunity. Gender discrimination at its bluntest.....and it's the little ones that always lose out. Best of luck.
It scares me how women can make repeated false allegations with impunity. Gender discrimination at its bluntest.....and it's the little ones that always lose out. Best of luck.
SickFish said:
New day... new attitude....
I have a free telephone consultation booked tomorrow at 16:30 with a solicitor who specialises in family law
Feeling motivated
Some things to bear in mind, none of which are aimed at you personally, as I've already been there and gone through it.I have a free telephone consultation booked tomorrow at 16:30 with a solicitor who specialises in family law
Feeling motivated
You have no rights to see your child, but you do have responsibilities towards your child. The child has a right to a decent relationship with both parents.
Unless you have a very amenable ex don't expect it to be sorted quickly, in my case it took nearly two years.
Courts are only interested in the welfare of the child. If the ex makes allegations then you may find in the early stages seeing your child in a contact centre will be the only option open to you. It's not ideal, but it will allow the courts to make a decision regarding further contact once you've "proved" yourself in said contact centre.(You may be the best Dad in the world, but the courts don't know that)
You don't need to use a solicitor, you can do it all yourself, but you'll need to do a lot of research and reading to enable you to put your case forward in the best possible manner.
The level of contact you want may be vastly different from the level of contact you eventually end up with.
Finally, I know it's bloody difficult, make sure you look after yourself both mentally and physically. The whole process will drain you and at times you'll doubt whether or not it's all worth it, but it is, if only for your child's future wellbeing.
Make sure you've got some good friends/family to help you handle it. There are plenty of us on here who'll listen and not judge you.
Amused2death said:
SickFish said:
New day... new attitude....
I have a free telephone consultation booked tomorrow at 16:30 with a solicitor who specialises in family law
Feeling motivated
Some things to bear in mind, none of which are aimed at you personally, as I've already been there and gone through it.I have a free telephone consultation booked tomorrow at 16:30 with a solicitor who specialises in family law
Feeling motivated
You have no rights to see your child, but you do have responsibilities towards your child. The child has a right to a decent relationship with both parents.
Unless you have a very amenable ex don't expect it to be sorted quickly, in my case it took nearly two years.
Courts are only interested in the welfare of the child. If the ex makes allegations then you may find in the early stages seeing your child in a contact centre will be the only option open to you. It's not ideal, but it will allow the courts to make a decision regarding further contact once you've "proved" yourself in said contact centre.(You may be the best Dad in the world, but the courts don't know that)
You don't need to use a solicitor, you can do it all yourself, but you'll need to do a lot of research and reading to enable you to put your case forward in the best possible manner.
The level of contact you want may be vastly different from the level of contact you eventually end up with.
Finally, I know it's bloody difficult, make sure you look after yourself both mentally and physically. The whole process will drain you and at times you'll doubt whether or not it's all worth it, but it is, if only for your child's future wellbeing.
Make sure you've got some good friends/family to help you handle it. Thee are plenty of us on here who'll listen and not judge you.
Whilst a contact centre would be demeaning and is not ideal, considering I used to have her stay at mine...!!! at least I'll be able to see my daughter!
But believe me, I've had my moment of despair yesterday and woke up positive and ready to fight tooth and nail.
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