Drink Driving - a question!
Discussion
I've just read this entire thread and I've got to say, you've handled it all amazingly well. Certainly alot better than I could!
Yes todays ruling is dissapointing but you have to look at the positives. Your kids live with you and are settled. It would be very difficult for your ex to have them back. Yes it would be nice to have that worry removed legally but all the odds are against it plus it seems she doesn't even want them back living with her anyway.
And please don't be dissapointed in yourself, you've done the right think all the way through and you are a great dad. Your kids are lucky to have you!
Yes todays ruling is dissapointing but you have to look at the positives. Your kids live with you and are settled. It would be very difficult for your ex to have them back. Yes it would be nice to have that worry removed legally but all the odds are against it plus it seems she doesn't even want them back living with her anyway.
And please don't be dissapointed in yourself, you've done the right think all the way through and you are a great dad. Your kids are lucky to have you!
Smart Mart said:
Realistically she can't have them back now anyway as she's moved to a 2 bed flat where she has one room and her daughter has another. She was planning on sleeping on the sofa if and when the boys wanted to start staying overnight now and again but they are showing no signs of wanting to go back even temporarily.
And despite even this fact they won't award you the RO?Utterly bonkers. What planet do these Judges live on?!
tba said:
been following this from the start has there been any update?
Hi tba,Nothing to update really. Social Services were meant to come round for one final time to basically sign the children off the plan but I haven't seen them for a couple of months now. I texted our social worker after the court case but no reply.
The boys have settled into big school well and love the fact we live a hundred yards from the school entrance. Their mates from their old village go by on the bus each night and my two wave at them as they disappear into our house while the "bus kids" still have ages to go before they get home (bus does a detour around other villages so kids get home about 4pm).
I've turned the third bedroom here into a little study for them so they have somewhere quiet to do their homework; they have a CD player there and can look out the window on to a nice view so it's all about making their environment here as happy and peaceful as possible for them. They've had enough noise, upset and hassle to last a decade so time for a settled existence.
Still love their football and double delight this season as the team I manage, and they play for, are top of the league after two games. I know its early but a promotion this season would mean a hell of a lot to them as football has always been an escape route... they've played for this team since March 2006 and it's been a good constant in their life.
As for mum? She had a good month in August as things seemed to be settled down a bit but twice in the last three Sundays, she hasn't had them because she has been drunk. There was also a Wednesday where her daughter finished school early and, with no buses about, rang up for a lift but her mum was drunk. Apparently, her mum is taking Librium now which makes her ill if she drinks so I suppose that's a good thing but I'm having to trust a little when the boys go over there that she won't be under the influence.
Edited by Smart Mart on Saturday 29th September 08:55
Sad to report another lapse this afternoon on the worst day of all to have one.
My little babies were twelve today. Can't believe they're twelve but apparently, it's true. I've organised a great weekend for them starting yesterday with them being mascots at our football team. It's the third time they've done it and they absolutely love meeting the managers, the players and seeing behind the scenes etc.
This morning they played football then I paid for eight of them to go go-karting. Fantastic afternoon's entertainment and last week, their mum suggested she would do some food and all the kids could go round to continue the party there for another couple of hours. All was well, right up to 10am this morning when she rang to wish them happy birthday.
You can guess where this is going, can't you?
At 3.15pm, got a text from her daughter saying she had been drinking and that she wouldn't wake up (still breathing fine, just hung over). Another text at 4pm saying she'd tried again but no luck. So as a last resort and with eight kids to feed, ended up taking the easy option and going to McDonalds, coughing up £30 for tea.
All evening, been getting abusive texts and phone calls blaming me for not waking her up!! How I was meant to do that when I was twenty miles away on the other side of Bristol, I have no idea.
Seriously considering blocking her number from my phone to stop the harrassment. Might cause more issued than it solves but right now, I feel I have to just to get some peace.
My little babies were twelve today. Can't believe they're twelve but apparently, it's true. I've organised a great weekend for them starting yesterday with them being mascots at our football team. It's the third time they've done it and they absolutely love meeting the managers, the players and seeing behind the scenes etc.
This morning they played football then I paid for eight of them to go go-karting. Fantastic afternoon's entertainment and last week, their mum suggested she would do some food and all the kids could go round to continue the party there for another couple of hours. All was well, right up to 10am this morning when she rang to wish them happy birthday.
You can guess where this is going, can't you?
At 3.15pm, got a text from her daughter saying she had been drinking and that she wouldn't wake up (still breathing fine, just hung over). Another text at 4pm saying she'd tried again but no luck. So as a last resort and with eight kids to feed, ended up taking the easy option and going to McDonalds, coughing up £30 for tea.
All evening, been getting abusive texts and phone calls blaming me for not waking her up!! How I was meant to do that when I was twenty miles away on the other side of Bristol, I have no idea.
Seriously considering blocking her number from my phone to stop the harrassment. Might cause more issued than it solves but right now, I feel I have to just to get some peace.
So glad to hear that the boys seem settled and happy with you now!
I guess the mothers illness will continue to be an influence but at least they are now in a mostly stable enviroment. The court thing while a disappointment and beyond belief seems to be just that, a disappointment, and not life effecting:-)
I guess the mothers illness will continue to be an influence but at least they are now in a mostly stable enviroment. The court thing while a disappointment and beyond belief seems to be just that, a disappointment, and not life effecting:-)
My ex can be a right arse sometimes but this is a different league.
Sorry to hear it is not resolving but please try and continue as you are doing. Look at your sons overall and see your influence in their lives and the fact that her daughter trusts you like this has got to be a vindication that you are doing the right thing.
Sorry to hear it is not resolving but please try and continue as you are doing. Look at your sons overall and see your influence in their lives and the fact that her daughter trusts you like this has got to be a vindication that you are doing the right thing.
BliarOut said:
£30 for 8 kids,? You gave twelve year olds Happy Meals, didn't you you old skinflint 
Well done, sounds like you've got it all in hand
Well done, sounds like you've got it all in hand
Rumbled.... they could have whatever they wanted out of my extensive budget of, er, £31, but yes there was five Happy Meals in there, one McChicken Sandwich meal and two Chicken Select meals....
Back on topic though and had a reaction this morning from the older twin who in the past has been more upset than his brother when things go wrong. He's not gone to school this morning as he was really upset, didn't get a lot of sleep last night and is generally in a bad way. I'm not going to force him off to school and the Head of Student Relations, who will see his absence, was in the Child Protection meetings last year so may realise what has happened.
Just read this through from beginning to end and as others have said, the way you've handled all of this has been a credit to you - it's given your kids stability and will have made all the difference. It would have been very easy to have got sucked into a bitter and aggressive battle with the ex, but "playing it" the way you have means your kids will get through it and will be closer to you than ever.
Do keep us updated as you have done and best of luck with it all!
Dom
Do keep us updated as you have done and best of luck with it all!
Dom
Same as a few others, read this beginning to end today.
Absolutely amazed by your ability to do this over as long a period as this has dragged on for. You should be so proud of yourself for holding this together, not just for your boys but for yourself as this must be draining you beyond belief.
Glad so many people have gotten behind you and offered support and I'd just like to express mine, too.
Good luck for the future mate.
Absolutely amazed by your ability to do this over as long a period as this has dragged on for. You should be so proud of yourself for holding this together, not just for your boys but for yourself as this must be draining you beyond belief.
Glad so many people have gotten behind you and offered support and I'd just like to express mine, too.
Good luck for the future mate.
Smart Mart a year ago said:
Just when you thought it was safe to leave the thread... 
Had the boys overnight and went out geocaching this morning. Just about to get started when a phone call from ex's daughter informed me that mum hadn't returned her calls and was meant to be picking her up in 45 minutes. Well Devizes is about 40 minutes from her house so raced back to pick her up and take her to her house.
Mum, upstairs and having drunk three quarters of a bottle of vodka this morning, threatening to self harm. Calmed her down, shut the boys in the front room out of the way and after chatting (as much as you can if you're that drunk!) with her daughter, the ex came downstairs. Then took a knife and went to go for her wrists with it.
Got the knife off her, daughter rung the mental health crisis team who wouldn't come out as she wasn't sober!
Ended up with daughter calling police who rang ambulance to check her out. Just left there now after getting to her house about noon.
Have both the boys and her daughter now at my house. I cannot keep the daughter here without her permission obviously but she seems happy enough to stay for the time being. The boys are a different story and as they're mine and I have parental responsibility for them, I have decided (regretfully) to not let them back into the house. Both kids have said they want to come and live with me which will be as a result of being constantly let down by her. Maybe this will be the wake-up call she needs; I almost don't care any more but those kids deserve better than hearing their mum surrounded by policemen and ambulance men, while arguing the toss and screaming at them.
The saying goes, you have to be cruel to be kind. Not quite relevant here because my only concern is for two 11-year-old boys welfare but at the end of the day, although this may appear harsh, the end of my tether has been well and truly reached.
Just wanted to thank everyone who read and lurked or read and posted on the thread last year.Had the boys overnight and went out geocaching this morning. Just about to get started when a phone call from ex's daughter informed me that mum hadn't returned her calls and was meant to be picking her up in 45 minutes. Well Devizes is about 40 minutes from her house so raced back to pick her up and take her to her house.
Mum, upstairs and having drunk three quarters of a bottle of vodka this morning, threatening to self harm. Calmed her down, shut the boys in the front room out of the way and after chatting (as much as you can if you're that drunk!) with her daughter, the ex came downstairs. Then took a knife and went to go for her wrists with it.
Got the knife off her, daughter rung the mental health crisis team who wouldn't come out as she wasn't sober!
Ended up with daughter calling police who rang ambulance to check her out. Just left there now after getting to her house about noon.Have both the boys and her daughter now at my house. I cannot keep the daughter here without her permission obviously but she seems happy enough to stay for the time being. The boys are a different story and as they're mine and I have parental responsibility for them, I have decided (regretfully) to not let them back into the house. Both kids have said they want to come and live with me which will be as a result of being constantly let down by her. Maybe this will be the wake-up call she needs; I almost don't care any more but those kids deserve better than hearing their mum surrounded by policemen and ambulance men, while arguing the toss and screaming at them.
The saying goes, you have to be cruel to be kind. Not quite relevant here because my only concern is for two 11-year-old boys welfare but at the end of the day, although this may appear harsh, the end of my tether has been well and truly reached.
Without going all ghey on you, the amount of support, goodwill and help I received since the original post went up has been fantastic. I've been a member here for several years now and know how supportive PH can be at times but this thread, very personal to me, has highlighted once again the good side of human nature. Thank you very much indeed from the three of us.
It will be a year ago tonight (Tuesday) since the boys moved in with me. I remember taking them back at lunchtime (see post above) and just about managing to keep them away from their drunk, self-harming mother that day. An awful lot has happened in the intervening twelve months but thankfully I've managed to shield them from most of it. I can't protect them from everything but they have a greater understanding of the situation now.
Things still go wrong now and again. Their mum is about as reliable as an Aston Villa defender right now and in truth is further away than what she was last year, rejecting the support put in place for her. I can't afford to worry and get upset with her any more; cruel, I know, but my energy must go into supporting the three of us. The old saying about leading horses to water comes to mind, I'm afraid. Her daughter and I still get on well; she has just joined the same gym as me so I give her a lift when we're going there at the same time.
It's not all been bad though. The twins have settled in well to living with me full time and moved to secondary school three months ago just 100 yards from where I live. School is going well and their marks in tests haven't suffered. Their football team which I manage is top of the league halfway through the season and we've managed to take in a shedload of football matches, two T20 cricket games, a Premier League darts night, an Olympic football match and a short break to the coast at October half term.
Financially we've coped too and hopefully things will improve in 2013 as I will be having a book published in November by the football club. We have tough months, we have easier months but on the whole, we're coping okay.
So thanks once again to everyone who has contributed to the thread. I really mean it when I say the advice, the support and the general sense of wellbeing has truly helped me get through the toughest time in my life. I hope the storms have gone now and the sun will come out!
Happy New Year everyone.
Martin & the boys
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