Drink Driving - a question!
Discussion
It had all been very quiet over the past four weeks. On suggestion from my solicitor, I contacted the school to see how they thought the SS report looked and they had only received it the day before, almost four weeks after it was written!!
SS didn't tell the school what the report was about (client confidentiality I suppose) but the headmaster who spoke to me intimated that their answers re their welfare may well have been different had they known about the previous troubles, incidents 1 and 2. I'm awaiting an answer now as to whether they have contacted SS about incident 3 or not but I doubt it.
Tonight the older twin rang me in tears saying his mum was drunk, that she had shouted "I hate you" at him and all because he was having an argument with his brother. She told them both that she couldn't cope with them and that they would go into care if they didn't behave so I've gone over there and picked them up, calmed them down and they're stopping over here tonight. Bless them, they had to pack their own bag for tomorrows uniform etc but have forgotten their school bags so I'll have to go round there tomorrow before school.
And no need to shout "breaking news" at the fact that she has split up with the boyfriend again.
SS didn't tell the school what the report was about (client confidentiality I suppose) but the headmaster who spoke to me intimated that their answers re their welfare may well have been different had they known about the previous troubles, incidents 1 and 2. I'm awaiting an answer now as to whether they have contacted SS about incident 3 or not but I doubt it.
Tonight the older twin rang me in tears saying his mum was drunk, that she had shouted "I hate you" at him and all because he was having an argument with his brother. She told them both that she couldn't cope with them and that they would go into care if they didn't behave so I've gone over there and picked them up, calmed them down and they're stopping over here tonight. Bless them, they had to pack their own bag for tomorrows uniform etc but have forgotten their school bags so I'll have to go round there tomorrow before school.
And no need to shout "breaking news" at the fact that she has split up with the boyfriend again.
Smart Mart said:
It had all been very quiet over the past four weeks. On suggestion from my solicitor, I contacted the school to see how they thought the SS report looked and they had only received it the day before, almost four weeks after it was written!!
SS didn't tell the school what the report was about (client confidentiality I suppose) but the headmaster who spoke to me intimated that their answers re their welfare may well have been different had they known about the previous troubles, incidents 1 and 2. I'm awaiting an answer now as to whether they have contacted SS about incident 3 or not but I doubt it.
Tonight the older twin rang me in tears saying his mum was drunk, that she had shouted "I hate you" at him and all because he was having an argument with his brother. She told them both that she couldn't cope with them and that they would go into care if they didn't behave so I've gone over there and picked them up, calmed them down and they're stopping over here tonight. Bless them, they had to pack their own bag for tomorrows uniform etc but have forgotten their school bags so I'll have to go round there tomorrow before school.
And no need to shout "breaking news" at the fact that she has split up with the boyfriend again.
Silly though it may sound, you need to make a big effort to get them home ASAP. Social Services will still be on her side at the moment, and if she wanted to kick up a big stink she could right now. SS didn't tell the school what the report was about (client confidentiality I suppose) but the headmaster who spoke to me intimated that their answers re their welfare may well have been different had they known about the previous troubles, incidents 1 and 2. I'm awaiting an answer now as to whether they have contacted SS about incident 3 or not but I doubt it.
Tonight the older twin rang me in tears saying his mum was drunk, that she had shouted "I hate you" at him and all because he was having an argument with his brother. She told them both that she couldn't cope with them and that they would go into care if they didn't behave so I've gone over there and picked them up, calmed them down and they're stopping over here tonight. Bless them, they had to pack their own bag for tomorrows uniform etc but have forgotten their school bags so I'll have to go round there tomorrow before school.
And no need to shout "breaking news" at the fact that she has split up with the boyfriend again.
davepoth said:
Silly though it may sound, you need to make a big effort to get them home ASAP. Social Services will still be on her side at the moment, and if she wanted to kick up a big stink she could right now.
Dave, she's blind drunk at the moment, I can't take them back while she's like that. How do I know that she won't go after the boyfriend like she did before, sorry I appreciate the thought but I'm not taking the chance. She knows I have them, has agreed that they come over tonight and she'll see them before school in the morning as I have to collect their school bags.Here, life is quiet, safe and alcohol free and I can no longer guarantee that if they go home.
Another update today.
Took the boys to school today and about an hour after I got back home, received a phone call from the ex's doctor saying that she had rung him in a state threatening to harm herself; no-one cared and that the boys didn't love her anymore etc etc. The doctor rushed round there and calmed her down a little then asked me for any numbers of friends and family that could go round there.... apparently she's in line to have a psychiatric assessment soon.
Keeping an eye, a close eye, on things from now on. Solicitor recommends getting paperwork sorted soon in case anything goes wrong.
Took the boys to school today and about an hour after I got back home, received a phone call from the ex's doctor saying that she had rung him in a state threatening to harm herself; no-one cared and that the boys didn't love her anymore etc etc. The doctor rushed round there and calmed her down a little then asked me for any numbers of friends and family that could go round there.... apparently she's in line to have a psychiatric assessment soon.
Keeping an eye, a close eye, on things from now on. Solicitor recommends getting paperwork sorted soon in case anything goes wrong.
Thanks Tom and others.
Solicitors have all paperwork now, Social Services are visiting after her latest outburst two weeks ago. One twin's behaviour has suffered recently as he now believes that both of us prefer the other one which comes as a result of her screaming at her last week.
I'd love to think this was soon coming to an end but I fear the opposite.
Edited to add: Bizarrely, she was due to report to a police station tonight as part of her bail conditions but the test results on her blood still haven't come back. The incident was on 25th February!!
Solicitors have all paperwork now, Social Services are visiting after her latest outburst two weeks ago. One twin's behaviour has suffered recently as he now believes that both of us prefer the other one which comes as a result of her screaming at her last week.
I'd love to think this was soon coming to an end but I fear the opposite.
Edited to add: Bizarrely, she was due to report to a police station tonight as part of her bail conditions but the test results on her blood still haven't come back. The incident was on 25th February!!
Edited by Smart Mart on Sunday 22 May 23:30
Smart Mart said:
Bizarrely, she was due to report to a police station tonight as part of her bail conditions but the test results on her blood still haven't come back. The incident was on 25th February!!
What a terrible situation, I hope you can get the kids into your care soon, and hopefully also help your previous step-daughter too. With regards to the above quote I don't think she's being fully honest with you about things regarding the case.funster said:
What a terrible situation, I hope you can get the kids into your care soon, and hopefully also help your previous step-daughter too. With regards to the above quote I don't think she's being fully honest with you about things regarding the case.
It does seem strange - from what I've read on here and other forums, the results should have been sorted out a lot quicker than that. She wrote off her car that night in the accident, has received the settlement, bought another car and is driving it around now. It had crossed my mind that she might be banned but I can't believe she'd pull a stunt like that.Not much of an update to this thread really.
I've been refused legal aid to go for residence because we weren't referred to mediation. Both of us visited the same mediator independently who advised it was a waste of time going for a joint mediation as we were poles apart in our views. However I have agreed (and so has she) so we are going on Wednesday to a joint meeting!!
One thing still puzzles me though. I received a report that Social Services did on her and that I got as a parent of the children. It advises that they are happy with how the kids are treated although it accepts she needs to find a different emotional coping mechanism than drink when things go wrong.
In the report, it says that she still hasn't received word from the police re the drink driving "allegation". How much longer can it be and do you think she's spinning a yarn? She has informed SS that she is concerned she might struggle if she loses her licence.
I've been refused legal aid to go for residence because we weren't referred to mediation. Both of us visited the same mediator independently who advised it was a waste of time going for a joint mediation as we were poles apart in our views. However I have agreed (and so has she) so we are going on Wednesday to a joint meeting!!
One thing still puzzles me though. I received a report that Social Services did on her and that I got as a parent of the children. It advises that they are happy with how the kids are treated although it accepts she needs to find a different emotional coping mechanism than drink when things go wrong.
In the report, it says that she still hasn't received word from the police re the drink driving "allegation". How much longer can it be and do you think she's spinning a yarn? She has informed SS that she is concerned she might struggle if she loses her licence.
Been doing a lot of thinking recently, hence the burning smell coming out of my house recently...
To update in a brief way. The twins mum had her test results back last week and was found to have no alcohol in her system at all and that she is clear. Obviously this has little influence in the potential court case except that maybe there might be an extra 1% chance of me getting the boys if she had no licence...
The SS report came back also last week and suggests that the children are all doing very well, twins are gifted, socially very good, intelligent and generally doing great. This, though very good to hear, basically means I have little chance of getting residence for them. Although I am disappointed in the outcome, of course first and foremost I'm very pleased that an authority has decided they aren't in any danger.
Therefore there seems to be little point in continuing in the court case. I have good contact, never have a problem seeing the boys and can have them extra nights whenever (like tomorrow night for example). Although I have several issues regarding her parenting, it is clear that the people who count (the SS, the health visitors and the boys) seem happy with the status quo.
I love the boys with every fibre of my being. They are the most gorgeous little chaps that ever walked the earth but, reading between the lines and going on snippets of what they have said to me in private moments, I can't be 100% sure they would be happy in coming to live with me as they would see it as abandoning mummy.
Therefore, hard as it is, I have to let go and swallow hard. After all, it's their happiness that counts more than mine.
To update in a brief way. The twins mum had her test results back last week and was found to have no alcohol in her system at all and that she is clear. Obviously this has little influence in the potential court case except that maybe there might be an extra 1% chance of me getting the boys if she had no licence...
The SS report came back also last week and suggests that the children are all doing very well, twins are gifted, socially very good, intelligent and generally doing great. This, though very good to hear, basically means I have little chance of getting residence for them. Although I am disappointed in the outcome, of course first and foremost I'm very pleased that an authority has decided they aren't in any danger.
Therefore there seems to be little point in continuing in the court case. I have good contact, never have a problem seeing the boys and can have them extra nights whenever (like tomorrow night for example). Although I have several issues regarding her parenting, it is clear that the people who count (the SS, the health visitors and the boys) seem happy with the status quo.
I love the boys with every fibre of my being. They are the most gorgeous little chaps that ever walked the earth but, reading between the lines and going on snippets of what they have said to me in private moments, I can't be 100% sure they would be happy in coming to live with me as they would see it as abandoning mummy.
Therefore, hard as it is, I have to let go and swallow hard. After all, it's their happiness that counts more than mine.
gruffalo said:
You are a bigger man than I am!
I am.... I'm 6'4" and 22 stone... 
Hard as it is, if I go on now it would be ignoring the fact that they love their mum and dad equally and that it might rip them apart having to leave their mum, who they've been with for a decade, to join me.
They go to a secondary school 100 yards up the road from me next September so in all reality, I'll see more of them now. I just have to hope and pray that their mum doesn't get into another relationship soon otherwise...
Mart, are you going for sole residence with contact for mum or joint residence, in equal or majority you proportions?
If it's the latter, lack of legal aid may not be all that much of an issue (though mediation wise irrespective) and self repping isn't as daunting as it sounds in the family court. Plenty of people out there to help and Mckenzies via FNF are plentiful and significantly lower cost than a brief.
The boys views will be given a LOT of weight at the age they are.
Best of luck with it, sounds a bit s
t sandwiches, no bread all round really.
If it's the latter, lack of legal aid may not be all that much of an issue (though mediation wise irrespective) and self repping isn't as daunting as it sounds in the family court. Plenty of people out there to help and Mckenzies via FNF are plentiful and significantly lower cost than a brief.
The boys views will be given a LOT of weight at the age they are.
Best of luck with it, sounds a bit s
t sandwiches, no bread all round really.Commenting in detail would be unwise, but really feel for you. Go with the flow, give the boys (and their sibling, if she wants it) a welcome haven, with rules and boundaries, and let them make their own minds up. Might not be the way you want right now, but love them, and they will eventually love you for it.
Plotloss said:
Mart, are you going for sole residence with contact for mum or joint residence, in equal or majority you proportions?
If it's the latter, lack of legal aid may not be all that much of an issue (though mediation wise irrespective) and self repping isn't as daunting as it sounds in the family court. Plenty of people out there to help and Mckenzies via FNF are plentiful and significantly lower cost than a brief.
The boys views will be given a LOT of weight at the age they are.
Best of luck with it, sounds a bit st sandwiches, no bread all round really.
Hi Plotloss,If it's the latter, lack of legal aid may not be all that much of an issue (though mediation wise irrespective) and self repping isn't as daunting as it sounds in the family court. Plenty of people out there to help and Mckenzies via FNF are plentiful and significantly lower cost than a brief.
The boys views will be given a LOT of weight at the age they are.
Best of luck with it, sounds a bit s
t sandwiches, no bread all round really.I went for sole residence five years ago but only got a Parental Responsibility Order plus stated contact (which she has always kept her word on).
I was going for sole again but with little chance of winning sole, I thought about going for joint residence instead. However I might leave it as it is though as the SS reports aren't as damning as I had thought they might be. This is obviously good in the fact that they assess the kids as safe but weakens my case should it get to court.
She is more compos mentis now than for months... no bloke, no drinking either at present. However one tends to follow the other so might get the solicitor to put things on the back burner for a few months just in case.
Smart Mart said:
Been doing a lot of thinking recently, hence the burning smell coming out of my house recently...
With the attiitude you are showing I think the kids will be alright.If I can put a suggestion: keep on keeping records. It always helps. If you are asked why you kept them, you can always say lots of people told you to.
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