Drink Driving - a question!

[Smart Mart]

elvismiggell said:

Pardon my facetiousness, but isn't that what she appears to want anyway?!

Hmm, good point. Obviously if the worst happened and she did die, then I would almost certainly get residency.

I suppose what I'm saying is that if that happened, the decision would be taken by someone else rather than her having to admit to being a failed parent and simply giving them up.

[Mr E]

Sobering stuff (with pun intended)

I'd offer to buy the OP a drink, if it didn't seem completely inappropriate.

Chin up fella. I honestly think there's nothing more you can do.

[Smart Mart]

Mr E said:

Sobering stuff (with pun intended)

I'd offer to buy the OP a drink, if it didn't seem completely inappropriate.

Chin up fella. I honestly think there's nothing more you can do.

Kind of you, Mr E, but I don't drink. I'll have a pint of orange juice and lemonade though, thanks.

[Smart Mart]

Just had the official confirmation of the Child Protection Conference for December 12th which will decide on a strategy.

Not sure how many people I thought were going but it will need to be a big room!

Chairperson
Team Managers, Social Services (2)
Case Co-ordinator
Police
Community Paediatrician
Community Nurse Manager
General Practitioner
Head Teacher (2)
Area Education Welfare Officer (2)
School Nurse
Child Protection Notetaker
Childrens Parents (3)
The children (1)
Reconstruct Advocacy Service
Psychiatric Social Worker
Alcohol Worker

So the future of the children will be in the hands of that group of 21 people!!

[Shaw Tarse]

I hope they make the right decision :fingers crossed :

[randlemarcus]

Smart Mart said:

Just had the official confirmation of the Child Protection Conference for December 12th which will decide on a strategy.

Not sure how many people I thought were going but it will need to be a big room!

Chairperson
Team Managers, Social Services (2)
Case Co-ordinator
Police
Community Paediatrician
Community Nurse Manager
General Practitioner
Head Teacher (2)
Area Education Welfare Officer (2)
School Nurse
Child Protection Notetaker
Childrens Parents (3)
The children (1)
Reconstruct Advocacy Service
Psychiatric Social Worker
Alcohol Worker

So the future of the children will be in the hands of that group of 21 people!!

Are you allowed to talk to any of those people beforehand? If so, see if you can get them to suggest a temporary residency, as this will be received better by your Ex than anything that sounds like she won't get them back.

I suspect anything that comes out of your mouth will be rejected by her if it's not precisely what she would say herself.

[Smart Mart]

randlemarcus said:

Are you allowed to talk to any of those people beforehand? If so, see if you can get them to suggest a temporary residency, as this will be received better by your Ex than anything that sounds like she won't get them back.

I suspect anything that comes out of your mouth will be rejected by her if it's not precisely what she would say herself.

Hi RM,

There is a fair chance I will see the boys' headteacher before the conference as he is quite a hands-on head and he and I have always got on. I would feel quite uncomfortable asking him in advance to do that; it almost feels like you shouldn't get in touch even though the paperwork doesn't forbid you to.

As for the rest of them, aside from the daughter's father and the daughter herself, I've only ever spoken to the GP who was quite sympathetic to my case while remaining strictly neutral. I need to check whether I'm allowed to talk to them before I put my foot in it.

[randlemarcus]

Smart Mart said:

Hi RM,

There is a fair chance I will see the boys' headteacher before the conference as he is quite a hands-on head and he and I have always got on. I would feel quite uncomfortable asking him in advance to do that; it almost feels like you shouldn't get in touch even though the paperwork doesn't forbid you to.

As for the rest of them, aside from the daughter's father and the daughter herself, I've only ever spoken to the GP who was quite sympathetic to my case while remaining strictly neutral. I need to check whether I'm allowed to talk to them before I put my foot in it.

I'm not encouraging you to suborn, or bribe them

Do check, perhaps under the guise of talking to the social worker about whether it's appropriate to talk to the Headmaster about a completely unrelated schooling issue. If its OK, then a general conversation ought to allow enough freedom of conversational movement for them to come up with the idea all on their own

[Smart Mart]

randlemarcus said:

I'm not encouraging you to suborn, or bribe them

Do check, perhaps under the guise of talking to the social worker about whether it's appropriate to talk to the Headmaster about a completely unrelated schooling issue. If its OK, then a general conversation ought to allow enough freedom of conversational movement for them to come up with the idea all on their own

Oh I wasn't suggesting the bribery / suborn method....

It would be no issue at all to see the head. I collect the boys twice a week from school, coach the year 5 and year 6 pupils at football there, and also chat regularly to him about football as he is a referee and I work at a football club so there would be little difficulty in manufacturing a conversation with him.

I'm on good enough terms that if he brought it up, I'd say "Ooh, are we allowed to talk about this then?" in a jokey way before then getting down to business. He's bound to know the CP route better than me for sure.

[Bing o]

Smart Mart said:

Just had the official confirmation of the Child Protection Conference for December 12th which will decide on a strategy.

Not sure how many people I thought were going but it will need to be a big room!

Chairperson
Team Managers, Social Services (2)
Case Co-ordinator
Police
Community Paediatrician
Community Nurse Manager
General Practitioner
Head Teacher (2)
Area Education Welfare Officer (2)
School Nurse
Child Protection Notetaker
Childrens Parents (3)
The children (1)
Reconstruct Advocacy Service
Psychiatric Social Worker
Alcohol Worker

So the future of the children will be in the hands of that group of 21 people!!

And people wonder why the UK is skint!!

In all seriousness, I do hope that between the 21 people you can reach a concensus for your sake and that of the children.

[singlecoil]

Bing o said:

Smart Mart said:

Just had the official confirmation of the Child Protection Conference for December 12th which will decide on a strategy.

Not sure how many people I thought were going but it will need to be a big room!

Chairperson
Team Managers, Social Services (2)
Case Co-ordinator
Police
Community Paediatrician
Community Nurse Manager
General Practitioner
Head Teacher (2)
Area Education Welfare Officer (2)
School Nurse
Child Protection Notetaker
Childrens Parents (3)
The children (1)
Reconstruct Advocacy Service
Psychiatric Social Worker
Alcohol Worker

So the future of the children will be in the hands of that group of 21 people!!

And people wonder why the UK is skint!!

In all seriousness, I do hope that between the 21 people you can reach a concensus for your sake and that of the children.

I'm curious as to how there can be 3 parents.

[randlemarcus]

singlecoil said:

I'm curious as to how there can be 3 parents.

When a Mummy and a Daddy don't love each other any more...

[singlecoil]

randlemarcus said:

singlecoil said:

I'm curious as to how there can be 3 parents.

When a Mummy and a Daddy don't love each other any more...

Nope, still not getting it.

[Kevin VRs]

singlecoil said:

I'm curious as to how there can be 3 parents.

Simple, 2 children, 1 common parent, 2 other parents

[randlemarcus]

singlecoil said:

randlemarcus said:

singlecoil said:

I'm curious as to how there can be 3 parents.

When a Mummy and a Daddy don't love each other any more...

Nope, still not getting it.

Mummy loved the Daddy of Daughter very much, but then didn't, and got jiggy with the OP, producing the younger two.

The meeting isn't about the OP's kids, its about his Ex being a mentaller. Thus the other poor guy gets to attend too.

[singlecoil]

randlemarcus said:

singlecoil said:

randlemarcus said:

singlecoil said:

I'm curious as to how there can be 3 parents.

When a Mummy and a Daddy don't love each other any more...

Nope, still not getting it.

Mummy loved the Daddy of Daughter very much, but then didn't, and got jiggy with the OP, producing the younger two.

The meeting isn't about the OP's kids, its about his Ex being a mentaller. Thus the other poor guy gets to attend too.

Ah, so parents of more than one lot of kids. I see.

[Smart Mart]

Sorry, Singlecoil, should have been clearer.

The twins are mine with the ex but there is also an older daughter that lives with her, aged fifteen, and the third parent attending is her father who aplit from her mother years ago.

I guess because he has a vested interest in that his daughter by my ex is in the same house, he's been invited.

Edited to add: Randlemarcus is spot on.

[Smart Mart]

Nothing much else to report except that I met the social worker this afternoon who gave me a copy of the pre-conference report. It confirms that she will be recommending the children go under the control of a Child Protection Plan which basically means they'll be keeping an even closer eye on them. I'd imagine that a solicitor might see this as a positive move in any potential future residency hearing but that's just my guess.

I met the ex before picking the boys up from school this afternoon for a brief chat. She kept saying that this report was full of holes and that it was misrepresenting her situation. I suppose she would say that but I'm in no mood for a lot of mercy now; it's obvious, knowing her as I do, that she is playing a game for me to go easy on here on Monday at the conference. I wasn't planning to go over the top anyway; more a case of presenting my views in a quiet, methodical manner with a possible positive outcome for the two (or three) children involved.

The meeting is at 2.00pm on Monday' safe to say that at its conclusion, I will be a lot more aware of whether I will ever have the boys come to live with me.

[pincher]

Best of luck on Monday - as you say, hopefully you will have more of an idea as to what the future holds afterwards.

Keep us posted

[*Kosta*]

Mart,

I've just had the opportunity to read this thread for the first time. It highlights how much red tape we actually have in this country.

Sounds like you're a brilliant parent, and I wish you well for Monday. Good luck!