S3 Exhaust centre box
Discussion
maffey said:
The exhaust was wrapped on cardboard with silver duck tape with your address on a A4 size label.
Perhaps they have weighed it in for the silver content of the duck tape? Or perhaps Phillpot arranged for the van to be hi-jacked due to the priceless amount of stainless steel it was carrying?
We need CSI on the case.......
TurboTony said:
I am confused ........
and lots of stuff about his diligent search of the vast TT estate
Thanks for looking Tony Sir, but I was seeking your confirmation that I do not make up fanciful tales. As you well know, I always speak the truth...... well, mostly and lots of stuff about his diligent search of the vast TT estate
If it's not too much of an imposition on your valuable time, do you think you could task one of your servants to go and frisk that Phillpot and check his hoard of stainless artifacts for the missing consignment?
I thank you Sir
Edited by glenrobbo on Tuesday 10th February 21:38
Glen. Another hypothesis. And after that, I had an inspiration regarding the missing exhaust.
We know that certain visitors to our planet have a fascination with our S Series cars. Is it possible that an alien craft has purloined the critical part? Would it be possible that they are trying to find out how to make a simple Ford engine sound like a Ferrari? Or perhaps a much needed component to allow their craft to obtain enough speed to return to planet Zog. It would be good to ask them, but do you know anyone who could be in contact with our alien friends?
We know that certain visitors to our planet have a fascination with our S Series cars. Is it possible that an alien craft has purloined the critical part? Would it be possible that they are trying to find out how to make a simple Ford engine sound like a Ferrari? Or perhaps a much needed component to allow their craft to obtain enough speed to return to planet Zog. It would be good to ask them, but do you know anyone who could be in contact with our alien friends?
TurboTony said:
Glen. Another hypothesis. And after that, I had an inspiration regarding the missing exhaust.
We know that certain visitors to our planet have a fascination with our S Series cars. Is it possible that an alien craft has purloined the critical part? Would it be possible that they are trying to find out how to make a simple Ford engine sound like a Ferrari? Or perhaps a much needed component to allow their craft to obtain enough speed to return to planet Zog. It would be good to ask them, but do you know anyone who could be in contact with our alien friends?
We know that certain visitors to our planet have a fascination with our S Series cars. Is it possible that an alien craft has purloined the critical part? Would it be possible that they are trying to find out how to make a simple Ford engine sound like a Ferrari? Or perhaps a much needed component to allow their craft to obtain enough speed to return to planet Zog. It would be good to ask them, but do you know anyone who could be in contact with our alien friends?
Hmmm Tony. Upon reflection I have heard tell of someone among us who has been working tirelessly on a project so revolutionary in its'groundbreaking technology and concept that it must have had input from beings of a greater intelligence than our own. It is the only possible explanation in my view.
Just imagine, an S with a roof that has no removable hard panels, that just simply folds away in the space behind the seats.
Difficult to believe I know, but I have very good reason to think it is nearing completion.
I have heard that the being involved with this project is known as "Dzjoh" or something similar.
If only we had some means of contacting that being.
We don't even know if he/ she/ it has a gender.
The Seventh Day Adventists couldn't help at all, so here is an Eighth Day Update:
The Exhaust Files:
It seems we are not alone.
Investigations have revealed that apparently on the 5th of February, 2015, a mysterious event caused the highly sophisticated communications, monitoring and data logging systems of "Weloseyourparcelsfasterthananyoneelseexpresscarriers.com" to collapse in their entirety, and many consignments were suddenly dragged into either a black hole or some kind of wormhole to another dimension in space//time.
It is thought by two of their crack paranormal/alien investigation agents, Cauli and Smoulder, that aliens did employ some kind of tractor beam to drag these consignments from the vans, depots, laybyes and ditches where they were, up until then, being carefully monitored.
I have personally been subjected to the enormous power of one of those tractors, and I know that they can overcome even the huge gravitational pull of a massive bog.
One can only speculate on the motives of the beings behind this operation,
but this is a warning to us all.
Be vigilant, the answer is out there..........somewhere.
The Exhaust Files:
It seems we are not alone.
Investigations have revealed that apparently on the 5th of February, 2015, a mysterious event caused the highly sophisticated communications, monitoring and data logging systems of "Weloseyourparcelsfasterthananyoneelseexpresscarriers.com" to collapse in their entirety, and many consignments were suddenly dragged into either a black hole or some kind of wormhole to another dimension in space//time.
It is thought by two of their crack paranormal/alien investigation agents, Cauli and Smoulder, that aliens did employ some kind of tractor beam to drag these consignments from the vans, depots, laybyes and ditches where they were, up until then, being carefully monitored.
I have personally been subjected to the enormous power of one of those tractors, and I know that they can overcome even the huge gravitational pull of a massive bog.
One can only speculate on the motives of the beings behind this operation,
but this is a warning to us all.
Be vigilant, the answer is out there..........somewhere.
Edited by glenrobbo on Thursday 12th February 10:08
Alan Whitaker said:
Hi Glen
Have you tried Area 51 yet?
Alan
No, Alan, I'm afraid I do not have the security clearance, but I have checked in Room 101, through the back of the wardrobe in Narnia, through the looking glass, down the rabbit hole in Wonderland and even down the back of the sofa. Have you tried Area 51 yet?
Alan
I have found some old chewing gum, some hair clips, lots of small change including some pre-decimal coinage, some half-dissolved fruit gums, one of Magpies teaspoons, a comb, a left shoe that went missing two years ago, a cheese sandwich, a close-up photo of a tadpole's eye, a 1/8"W combination spanner, lots of fluff and a hamster. Oh, and a clothes peg.
But surprisingly, no sign of a TVR S3 5ft long exhaust.
I really would like to enlist the help of the mysterious "Dzjoh" or "Dzjoh-alsh" ( i believe that is his/her/its' full title ) who probably has the capability of penetrating the heavy security cordon surrounding Area 51. It is probably my last resort. A bit like Skegness.
Can anyone help me?
I doubt it very much....Hello,
my name is Mr. Taffy O'Mara from Cwmoveryerboyo Crescent in Llantrisant and I have been forwarded to your forum as I am searching for my recent purchase of some flat pack furniture.
Unfortunately, instead of my fake plastic oakwood veneer PC table, I received a long thin square metal box with some even longer pipe bits sticking out of each end. I have tried resting my notebook on the aforementioned metal thing, but it is very heavy and wobbley and hurts my legs when I try to write emails while reposing in my bed - ouch ! - see - I told you so ! Ouch again !
Dear Mr. Glen Robbo can you help me ? Do you have my furniture ? Can we arrange a swap ?
P.S. - I bid on that item too and I was going to send my Dad to pick it up in Barry. Glad I didn't win now, as we would have missed out on this epic tale of woe. However, really, good luck - I Hope you get your exhaust soon !
my name is Mr. Taffy O'Mara from Cwmoveryerboyo Crescent in Llantrisant and I have been forwarded to your forum as I am searching for my recent purchase of some flat pack furniture.
Unfortunately, instead of my fake plastic oakwood veneer PC table, I received a long thin square metal box with some even longer pipe bits sticking out of each end. I have tried resting my notebook on the aforementioned metal thing, but it is very heavy and wobbley and hurts my legs when I try to write emails while reposing in my bed - ouch ! - see - I told you so ! Ouch again !
Dear Mr. Glen Robbo can you help me ? Do you have my furniture ? Can we arrange a swap ?
P.S. - I bid on that item too and I was going to send my Dad to pick it up in Barry. Glad I didn't win now, as we would have missed out on this epic tale of woe. However, really, good luck - I Hope you get your exhaust soon !
TVRees said:
Hello,
my name is Mr. Taffy O'Mara from Cwmoveryerboyo Crescent in Llantrisant and I have been forwarded to your forum as I am searching for my recent purchase of some flat pack furniture.
Unfortunately, instead of my fake plastic oakwood veneer PC table, I received a long thin square metal box with some even longer pipe bits sticking out of each end. I have tried resting my notebook on the aforementioned metal thing, but it is very heavy and wobbley and hurts my legs when I try to write emails while reposing in my bed - ouch ! - see - I told you so ! Ouch again !
Dear Mr. Glen Robbo can you help me ? Do you have my furniture ? Can we arrange a swap ?
P.S. - I bid on that item too and I was going to send my Dad to pick it up in Barry. Glad I didn't win now, as we would have missed out on this epic tale of woe. However, really, good luck - I Hope you get your exhaust soon !
Dear Taffy O'Mara,my name is Mr. Taffy O'Mara from Cwmoveryerboyo Crescent in Llantrisant and I have been forwarded to your forum as I am searching for my recent purchase of some flat pack furniture.
Unfortunately, instead of my fake plastic oakwood veneer PC table, I received a long thin square metal box with some even longer pipe bits sticking out of each end. I have tried resting my notebook on the aforementioned metal thing, but it is very heavy and wobbley and hurts my legs when I try to write emails while reposing in my bed - ouch ! - see - I told you so ! Ouch again !
Dear Mr. Glen Robbo can you help me ? Do you have my furniture ? Can we arrange a swap ?
P.S. - I bid on that item too and I was going to send my Dad to pick it up in Barry. Glad I didn't win now, as we would have missed out on this epic tale of woe. However, really, good luck - I Hope you get your exhaust soon !
I would have willingly swapped the large item of flat pack furniture that Incompetence International Express Consignment Disposals plc were quite prepared to deliver to me on the 5th of February, for the TVR S exhaust with which you currently are experiencing so much discomfiture.
However, in my naivety, I did not accept their attempted delivery of an item that was clearly addressed to a completely different recipient.
I realise now, that had I done so, I would be in a much better bargaining position than I find myself at this moment in time.
Notwithstanding this, I would suggest that had you actually received your parcel, you too would have suffered bitter disappointment, as the flat pack appeared to be a wardrobe or similar, far too large to be a fake plastic oakwood veneer PC table.
You may well have suffered severe crush injuries attempting to compose emails whilst reposing in your bed using such a monster of a thing as a PC desk.
I have been in repeated and exasperating contact with the unmentionable so-called couriers, and after conducting intensive and indeed extensive worldwide searches everywhere between here and oblivion, they have assured me that "it might be missing".
You don't say.
I asked them whether they have actually searched in oblivion, or had they even bothered to look down the back of their sofa.
In all honesty, I was resigned to waiting until Chuck is rescued from his disintegrating makeshift raft in about four or five years time.
But NO!
Today came a letter! ( 2nd Class Post of course, as befits the urgency of the situation. )
I feverishly opened it with trembling fingers...
"Dear Glenrobbo,
Re your consignment no: ---------
I would appreciate your help in confirming the receipt oof your consignment ( details below ):
Please complete:
We have/ have not received this consignment in full.
Number of parcels received......... Date received............
Was this a replacement of the original? Yes/ No
If this was a replacement, could you please confirm that the original has not been received."
Yours faithlessly,
Squigglesquiggle Harelipp,
pp A. Such a body ( Couldn't be bothered to sign it themself because this happens all the time )
Central Claims Department
Wedontgiveatossaboutyourparcelsothere Ltd.
Obviously I am astounded by their diligent search for my lost consignment,
they have even asked me if I have got it.
NO, YOU NUMPTIES, IF I HAD, I WOULDN'T BE ASKING YOU WHAT THE F
CK YOU'VE RUDDY WELL DONE WITH IT!!!.All this despite lengthy telephone conversations explaining sequences of events, giving repeated descriptions and so on blah blah blah....
I can only assume that another department is now on the case. Well hooray
It's an altogether masterful display of ineptitude and incompetence that is probably going to cost me £495 plus VAT for a replacement exhaust, as if I hadn't been punished enough already, now the government wants to get in on the act.
Do you think this is a lost cause?
I swear I am not making this up
Yours sincerely,
Glenrobbo
Edited by glenrobbo on Thursday 26th February 00:28
Sorry to hear about this saga Glen. I do not know which courier you used but an unfortunate effect of the governments ill prepared privatisation of the Royal Mail has been a free for all over domestic parcel deliveries and the same kind of unregulated mess that affected buses etc when they were privatised. (even down to the farcical situation that one morning there were 3 white vans and a PO van delivering domestic mail down a small cul de sac opposite me!). I have been involved in some commissioned research into the domestic courier position since privatisation and some of it beggars belief. Not only are the failure rates of some couriers dramatically higher than the old Royal Mail but the use of subcontracting, often down to what is little more than casual labour, has also put customer safety at risk.
It is of course now a 'free market', but did we really want a free market over OUR parcels?
Anyway, during that research we did pick up some useful info on how/who to get action from some firms. PM the name of the courier and, if it was one included in the research, I might just be able to help.
If it was Hermes then forget it, unless we can find where their lost parcel dump is, it must be a very big place by now.
It is of course now a 'free market', but did we really want a free market over OUR parcels?
Anyway, during that research we did pick up some useful info on how/who to get action from some firms. PM the name of the courier and, if it was one included in the research, I might just be able to help.
If it was Hermes then forget it, unless we can find where their lost parcel dump is, it must be a very big place by now.
Oh well, life goes on despite all this I guess. Just first world problems.
Towards the end of last week, my son told me he was expecting three small parcels to be delivered ( to my house, as he is at work and not home in the day ). Two of them came on Thursday, but I had to go out for most of the day on Friday. When I got back home, I found a 'Sorry we missed you' card on the doormat. It said the parcel had been returned to the local depot and could be collected on the next working day, Mon to Fri.
By coincidence, it was the same courier that had done a Paul Daniels with my exhaust. ( You'll like this..... Not a lot. )
But it was a completely different consignment number, so I was wondering over the weekend what sort of substitution they would accomplish with my son's order.
This morning I assembled the requisite forms of ID and drove the six miles to their depot. Entry was a bit like attempting to get into Fort Knox ( I imagine ), but I eventually penetrated the strict security cordon and found a hatchway manned by a woman.
I produced the magic card, and after a few minutes, she returned to say she couldn't find the package. Well Surprise surprise. No not really
She then addressed their wonderful supercomputer terminal and input the mysterious algorithms of enlightenment otherwise known as the consignment number.
The location was identified almost within minutes.
It had been despatched this morning for redelivery. Or put in a van never to be seen again.
So why why oh why did they request the customer to collect from the depot and instruct the driver to attempt once more to deliver to the address with nobody at home?
Please give me strength! It has now got beyond being a game, this must be some sick candid camera stunt. I started looking around searching for the hidden unreality TV .
The woman seemed sympathetic and said that four other people had also come to collect their parcels as instructed on those little cards while their goods were out in the vans again.
She then did an exceptional thing and used something called initiative, probably flouting numerous company rules.
She phoned the delivery driver to find out when he estimated he would arrive at my address: There was still time for me to get back for the delivery.
Two hours later, the parcel arrived. It was not the small package I was expecting.
It was a cardboard box over 5ft long, wrapped with duck tape, and with a large label with my name and address clearly displayed on it.
Yep, Wilson had finally completed his express 34 day epic journey.
No sign of Chuck though. Or my son's package.
I'm not holding my breath.
Towards the end of last week, my son told me he was expecting three small parcels to be delivered ( to my house, as he is at work and not home in the day ). Two of them came on Thursday, but I had to go out for most of the day on Friday. When I got back home, I found a 'Sorry we missed you' card on the doormat. It said the parcel had been returned to the local depot and could be collected on the next working day, Mon to Fri.
By coincidence, it was the same courier that had done a Paul Daniels with my exhaust. ( You'll like this..... Not a lot. )
But it was a completely different consignment number, so I was wondering over the weekend what sort of substitution they would accomplish with my son's order.
This morning I assembled the requisite forms of ID and drove the six miles to their depot. Entry was a bit like attempting to get into Fort Knox ( I imagine ), but I eventually penetrated the strict security cordon and found a hatchway manned by a woman.
I produced the magic card, and after a few minutes, she returned to say she couldn't find the package. Well Surprise surprise. No not really
She then addressed their wonderful supercomputer terminal and input the mysterious algorithms of enlightenment otherwise known as the consignment number.
The location was identified almost within minutes.
It had been despatched this morning for redelivery. Or put in a van never to be seen again.
So why why oh why did they request the customer to collect from the depot and instruct the driver to attempt once more to deliver to the address with nobody at home?
Please give me strength! It has now got beyond being a game, this must be some sick candid camera stunt. I started looking around searching for the hidden unreality TV .
The woman seemed sympathetic and said that four other people had also come to collect their parcels as instructed on those little cards while their goods were out in the vans again.
She then did an exceptional thing and used something called initiative, probably flouting numerous company rules.
She phoned the delivery driver to find out when he estimated he would arrive at my address: There was still time for me to get back for the delivery.
Two hours later, the parcel arrived. It was not the small package I was expecting.
It was a cardboard box over 5ft long, wrapped with duck tape, and with a large label with my name and address clearly displayed on it.
Yep, Wilson had finally completed his express 34 day epic journey.
No sign of Chuck though. Or my son's package.
I'm not holding my breath.
Edited by glenrobbo on Monday 9th March 23:56
Hi Mick,
I have no say in the matter, because the carriers contract was with the sender.
Even though he has not been refunded by the courier, he has refunded me, so now I shall now have to refund the refund.
I checked the new consignment number last night on the parcel tracking site.
Apparently Wilson was despatched from Hereford on 5th March.
I seem to recall that Hereford is home to our elite Special Air Service, so perhaps my Sgt. Wilson was seconded to the special forces ( from Dads' Army? ) on some covert mission or other. We may never know.
Some say he could be a hero.
All I know is, he was absent without leave for 34 days.
I have no say in the matter, because the carriers contract was with the sender.
Even though he has not been refunded by the courier, he has refunded me, so now I shall now have to refund the refund.
I checked the new consignment number last night on the parcel tracking site.
Apparently Wilson was despatched from Hereford on 5th March.
I seem to recall that Hereford is home to our elite Special Air Service, so perhaps my Sgt. Wilson was seconded to the special forces ( from Dads' Army? ) on some covert mission or other. We may never know.
Some say he could be a hero.
All I know is, he was absent without leave for 34 days.
Well, after a long delay due to being well down the pecking order due to all the frantic preparations for the racing season on top of the 34 day deliver time, I finally picked up the refurbished & rejuvenated Wilson exhaust in the Thursday afternoon before SCH.
Johnny has done a lovely job, it will be nice to have a nice shiny pair of rear pipes instead of the half-flattened, split, twisted & battered old ones.
I am just hoping that the new exhaust is no louder than the old one.
( Hopefully not very much quieter either )
I might just convert the old exhaust into an Alan461 style potato processor device thingy.
It is now a race against time and recalcitrant domestic appliances to get all the jobs completed in time for Spa - in a week & a bit!!!!
Johnny has done a lovely job, it will be nice to have a nice shiny pair of rear pipes instead of the half-flattened, split, twisted & battered old ones.
I am just hoping that the new exhaust is no louder than the old one.
( Hopefully not very much quieter either
)I might just convert the old exhaust into an Alan461 style potato processor device thingy.
It is now a race against time and recalcitrant domestic appliances to get all the jobs completed in time for Spa - in a week & a bit!!!!
Glad to hear that Glen, if only Wilson could talk, he must have had many adventures in the last month....or maybe Wilson was just lying on cold concrete in a drafty warehouse feeling homeless waiting for a new owner to value and respect him again!! So sad!
Enough of this madness 
By the way, do I detect a T.N.T. sticker on that parcel? Normally one of the reliable ones but not usually used for 'domestic' parcels. I had heard they are in talks to sell off their UK parcel operations.
Enough of this madness By the way, do I detect a T.N.T. sticker on that parcel? Normally one of the reliable ones but not usually used for 'domestic' parcels. I had heard they are in talks to sell off their UK parcel operations.
Update on this epic saga:
Those of you who came on the Spa trip or the Barn Farm weekend or within 50 miles of anywhere I have driven Austin will know that my Wilson exhaust was not exactly quiet.
At anything above 1800 rpm, it started to make an awful resonating racket.
At higher revs it sounded like a giant kazoo
and if I really floored it, the resulting cacaphony was akin to a thousand vuvuzelas in a giant dustbin
I don't know if this was the result of modifications by Q department of the Special Forces during Wilson's month - long detachment with them, but I can imagine something of this magnitude of extremely awful noise could easily obliterate any old walls that the city of Jericho might have erected.
What a horrendous racket!!!! ( Well, it is Wimbledon week )
For the past seven weeks, I have had to live with disapproving neighbours*, twitching curtains, innocent bystanders falling down into crumpled heaps clutching their heads as I drive past, small children bursting into tears, police patrol cars following my every move ( from a safe distance I might add ), bleeding ears and hyper-tinnitus. But that's just the good points.
The main adverse effect was that the resonating baffles causing the reed effect were also generating a lot of back pressure and strangling the engine breathing, causing a significant loss of performance. Clearly this last factor was completely unacceptable and had to be addressed. But not posted off using an express courier
.
I therefore took my old battered exhaust along to Johnny's emporium and asked if he could cut off the battered and split D-section rear pipes and graft on shiny new replacements, just as he had done with Wilson. A lead time of at least 3 weeks was not the best news, but he is extremely busy.
Anyway, to make a long story even longer, I was eventually able to pick up the refurbished Auspuffsrohre late on Monday. Johnny had done another excellent job
Yesterday ( Tuesday ) I was able, in between thunderstorms and torrential downpours, to remove the wailing Wilson and fit the reworked original.
Oh Joy!
What a transformation! That sweet sound again! I can't tell you how wonderful was that feeling on my little proving run out. 
After nearly two months and two thousand miles of bleeding ears and disparaging looks, it felt and sounded just great.
I am hoping that in time, I may even be able to stop saying "pardon?" to people and go to bed at night without that awful ringing in my ears.
The next objective is to perform an exploratory operation on Wilson to find out how so much devastating noise could be generated by such a small sonic weapon. Thank heaven the Dark Side haven't got their hands on it!!!!
Sleep well folks and don't have nightmares like mine.
Those of you who came on the Spa trip or the Barn Farm weekend or within 50 miles of anywhere I have driven Austin will know that my Wilson exhaust was not exactly quiet.
At anything above 1800 rpm, it started to make an awful resonating racket
.At higher revs it sounded like a giant kazoo
and if I really floored it, the resulting cacaphony was akin to a thousand vuvuzelas in a giant dustbin I don't know if this was the result of modifications by Q department of the Special Forces during Wilson's month - long detachment with them, but I can imagine something of this magnitude of extremely awful noise could easily obliterate any old walls that the city of Jericho might have erected.
What a horrendous racket!!!! ( Well, it is Wimbledon week
)For the past seven weeks, I have had to live with disapproving neighbours*, twitching curtains, innocent bystanders falling down into crumpled heaps clutching their heads as I drive past, small children bursting into tears, police patrol cars following my every move ( from a safe distance I might add ), bleeding ears and hyper-tinnitus. But that's just the good points.
The main adverse effect was that the resonating baffles causing the reed effect were also generating a lot of back pressure and strangling the engine breathing, causing a significant loss of performance. Clearly this last factor was completely unacceptable and had to be addressed. But not posted off using an express courier
.I therefore took my old battered exhaust along to Johnny's emporium and asked if he could cut off the battered and split D-section rear pipes and graft on shiny new replacements, just as he had done with Wilson. A lead time of at least 3 weeks was not the best news, but he is extremely busy.
Anyway, to make a long story even longer, I was eventually able to pick up the refurbished Auspuffsrohre late on Monday. Johnny had done another excellent job
Yesterday ( Tuesday ) I was able, in between thunderstorms and torrential downpours, to remove the wailing Wilson and fit the reworked original.
Oh Joy!
What a transformation! That sweet sound again! I can't tell you how wonderful was that feeling on my little proving run out. After nearly two months and two thousand miles of bleeding ears and disparaging looks, it felt and sounded just great.
I am hoping that in time, I may even be able to stop saying "pardon?" to people and go to bed at night without that awful ringing in my ears.
The next objective is to perform an exploratory operation on Wilson to find out how so much devastating noise could be generated by such a small sonic weapon. Thank heaven the Dark Side haven't got their hands on it!!!!
Sleep well folks and don't have nightmares like mine.
- Not actually live "with", more "adjacent to". You know what I mean.
Edited by glenrobbo on Wednesday 8th July 15:00
HvdWeerden said:
Glen, I have a complete Stainless exhaust from my second S3C lying around. Any use ?
Thanks for the update Glen - good to hear that you (and all around you !) have found "peace" at last. Hope the Wilson autopsy helps find a cure.Did I mention that I bought the one from Han a few months ago. Will be installing it next year.
Tim
Gassing Station | S Series | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff