Best opening lines to Best Man speech

[rich25]

I'm the best man for a wedding on saturday and have done the speech but just stuck for an opening line. Anyone heard any good ones recently?

[esselte]

How about:
"Ladies and gentlemen, to put my nerves about speaking here today into perspective, this is the 5th time this afternoon that I have risen from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand..."

[Major Bloodnok]

"I suppose you're all wondering why I asked you here today?"

[pwd95]

"Unaccustomed as I am to speaking sensibly in public"

[zoidberg]

"As Henry the 8th once said to one of his wives, I won't keep you long"

[jacobyte]

"I was initially worried about giving a speech, so it took me a while to prepare my first couple of lines. But I feel much better now that I have snorted them."

[L100NYY]

zoidberg said:

"As Henry the 8th once said to one of his wives, I won't keep you long"

I like that one!

[rustybin]

'With this much alcohol around I am lucky that, unlike the groom, I only have to rise once today.'

'(Insert grooms name) Is not just my best friend but also a caring and sensitive lover...'

'Care in the community is a much over used term these days but I know that (insert brides name) will come to fully understand it over the next few years'

'Richard Hammond is a fookin' hero' raise glass then fall unconsciuous to floor.

[carlem]

How about

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's now that part of the proceedings when one of us gets very, very nervous about this speech. Now, don't worry about me, I'm fine and have been relishing this for months. It's "insert name of groom here" that should be worried and with very good reaon but we'll come back to that in a few minutes. In the meantime let me introduce myself......

etc

[GingerNinja]

Mate of mine stood up to deliver his best man's speech, strolled to the front of the room to an accompanying round of applause and uttered;

"Thankyou very much ladies & gentlemen....it's always nice to receive a warm hand on my opening"

[MikeyT]

All of the below are class!

[rich25]

MikeyT said:

All of the below are class!

Do you mean above??

[Zod]

The two worst things that you can say to a man are "Would you be my best man" and "Darling, I'm pregnant". I got the former......

[Civpilot]

I've got the best man task in the new year, I'm saving all of these (So keep em coming)

[Balmoral Green]

"I should have put this in the Pie & Piston, and this appears to be the wrong wedding".

[cab]

Friend was asked to give a BM speech in Cairns just after the ashes

His first line was " i would like you all to stand and raise your glass [after a room of 100 aussies stood up] to toast the english cricket team........". Not many people joined him...

Will prob be a while before that line can be used again...

[dazren]

Good evening Ladies and gentleman. According to custom, one of the roles as a Best Man is to tell some stories about the Groom and generally insult and ridicule him, while his new in-laws, fork out for everyone’s dinner!

I was also given the task of making sure XXXXXXXXX’s ex-girlfriends stayed clear of the wedding. This was actually made easier for us as there weren’t that many in the first place and they have been kept at bay thanks to Mad Cow Disease and the recent Bird Flu epidemic!

[mechsympathy]

Open with "As Charlemaine once said, one should only speak for as long as one can sustain the act of love." Then sit down.

[Alex]

I had to give a speech on sex once. It went like this:

"It gives me great pleasure..."

[dern]

Oldy...

"FORNICATION *pause* such as this..."