Best opening lines to Best Man speech
Discussion
esselte said:
How about:
"Ladies and gentlemen, to put my nerves about speaking here today into perspective, this is the 5th time this afternoon that I have risen from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand..."
"Ladies and gentlemen, to put my nerves about speaking here today into perspective, this is the 5th time this afternoon that I have risen from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand..."
absolute quality! dayum...I am storing that one*
oh hang on, all my mates think i'm a total cnut, perhaps i'll pass it on then
mel said:
spielboy said:
carlem said:
Never, ever mention old girdfriends. It might well be funny and get the audience in stiches but it could well upset the bride on her big day. It's just not worth it.
I attended a wedding a few years ago where the Best Man distributed a large number of 'door keys' amongst the female guests ...
During the speach he then pointed out that as the Groom was now married it would be appreciated if his ex-girlfriends could return his 'door keys' ...
30 plus women handing back door keys was very funny - and it did the ex-girlfriend thing without going into specifics which therefore didn't upset the bride - who ended up laughing her head off with the rest of us!!
That is even funnier if once all the calamity has died down and all the women are seated the last person to get up and hand a key in is the brides mother.
Assuming she's got a sense of humour
mel said:
spielboy said:
carlem said:
Never, ever mention old girdfriends. It might well be funny and get the audience in stiches but it could well upset the bride on her big day. It's just not worth it.
I attended a wedding a few years ago where the Best Man distributed a large number of 'door keys' amongst the female guests ...
During the speach he then pointed out that as the Groom was now married it would be appreciated if his ex-girlfriends could return his 'door keys' ...
30 plus women handing back door keys was very funny - and it did the ex-girlfriend thing without going into specifics which therefore didn't upset the bride - who ended up laughing her head off with the rest of us!!
That is even funnier if once all the calamity has died down and all the women are seated the last person to get up and hand a key in is the brides mother.
Even better with the brides father
spielboy said:
carlem said:
Never, ever mention old girdfriends. It might well be funny and get the audience in stiches but it could well upset the bride on her big day. It's just not worth it.
I attended a wedding a few years ago where the Best Man distributed a large number of 'door keys' amongst the female guests ...
During the speach he then pointed out that as the Groom was now married it would be appreciated if his ex-girlfriends could return his 'door keys' ...
30 plus women handing back door keys was very funny - and it did the ex-girlfriend thing without going into specifics which therefore didn't upset the bride - who ended up laughing her head off with the rest of us!!
my best man did that, but with keys given to blokes using my wife in the joke.
very funny.
I had to give a best man speech at my friend's wedding a few years ago and was absolutely bricking it. I'm not good at speaking in public at the best of times and was sick with nerves beforehand. It didn't help that I'd buried my head in the sand and not written my speech until the morning of the wedding.
Anyway, it seemed to go off OK, but literally as I finished a huge cheer arose from the bar next door where England had just scored against Greece. I almost fell over in shock and everyone burst out laughing (not at me, fortunately), but I'm told my face was a picture.
Anyway, it seemed to go off OK, but literally as I finished a huge cheer arose from the bar next door where England had just scored against Greece. I almost fell over in shock and everyone burst out laughing (not at me, fortunately), but I'm told my face was a picture.
I went to a friend's wedding in Norway a little while back and his dad did a father of the groom type speech. He started it by saying....."37 years in the SAS has taught me how to write a speech on the back of a napkin". He's one of the hardest looking men in the world and suffice to say we all kept very quiet and listened to every word he said. Turns out his nickname at 'work' was Hector the Corrector!
spielboy said:
I attended a wedding a few years ago where the Best Man distributed a large number of 'door keys' amongst the female guests ...
During the speach he then pointed out that as the Groom was now married it would be appreciated if his ex-girlfriends could return his 'door keys' ...
30 plus women handing back door keys was very funny - and it did the ex-girlfriend thing without going into specifics which therefore didn't upset the bride - who ended up laughing her head off with the rest of us!!
During the speach he then pointed out that as the Groom was now married it would be appreciated if his ex-girlfriends could return his 'door keys' ...
30 plus women handing back door keys was very funny - and it did the ex-girlfriend thing without going into specifics which therefore didn't upset the bride - who ended up laughing her head off with the rest of us!!
A very similar thing has appeared in a movie or tv show I seem to remember. It was still funny though.
"What is a wedding? Well, the Oxford English Dictionary defines it as the removal of unwanted plants from a garden..."
"Before I start, I'd like to assure you that this speech won't be full of carry on style jokes. Although last night I got hold of a one and wanted to slip it in but my missus told me to put it away."
"When faced with writing this speech I decided to trawl the internet for inspiration so I spent many hours browsing. Unfortunately I was caught by my missus who called me a pervert and I'm still sleeping in the spare room."
"Before I start, I'd like to assure you that this speech won't be full of carry on style jokes. Although last night I got hold of a one and wanted to slip it in but my missus told me to put it away."
"When faced with writing this speech I decided to trawl the internet for inspiration so I spent many hours browsing. Unfortunately I was caught by my missus who called me a pervert and I'm still sleeping in the spare room."
I used this one recently at my brothers wedding, near the end of the speech...it went down really well.
"
I was talking to Sandy about what he wanted from his marriage, and he said
'Well, I want to be a model husband. I want to be a model citizen.' And he added, with a large grin, that he also wanted to be a model lover."
Being the naive chap that I am, I looked up ‘model’ in the dictionary, and found it to be ‘a small, miniature replica of the real thing’ – How appropriate……
"
"
I was talking to Sandy about what he wanted from his marriage, and he said
'Well, I want to be a model husband. I want to be a model citizen.' And he added, with a large grin, that he also wanted to be a model lover."
Being the naive chap that I am, I looked up ‘model’ in the dictionary, and found it to be ‘a small, miniature replica of the real thing’ – How appropriate……
"
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