Best opening lines to Best Man speech

[lord summerisle]

Thank you, Thank you Ladies and Gentlemen

Thank you for the clap...

...I've been trying to avoid it all my life

[mutley]

When I was Best Man I opened with :
"Ladies and Gentlemen, right, that covers most of you..."

[soxboy]

mel said:

spielboy said:

carlem said:

Never, ever mention old girdfriends. It might well be funny and get the audience in stiches but it could well upset the bride on her big day. It's just not worth it.

I attended a wedding a few years ago where the Best Man distributed a large number of 'door keys' amongst the female guests ...

During the speach he then pointed out that as the Groom was now married it would be appreciated if his ex-girlfriends could return his 'door keys' ...

30 plus women handing back door keys was very funny - and it did the ex-girlfriend thing without going into specifics which therefore didn't upset the bride - who ended up laughing her head off with the rest of us!!

That is even funnier if once all the calamity has died down and all the women are seated the last person to get up and hand a key in is the brides mother.

I used this last year, try to include the following (in order):

Waitress
Bride's friend
Bridesmaid
Heavily pregnant woman
Groom's mum's best friend

[Rob P]

looking at the groom
"Stylish, good looking, witty, popular and successful"

pause

"enough about me, lets talk about the to$$er sat here"

[tribbles]

Don't do the middle part of www.youtube.com/watch?v=demBWbAhqFU

[budaholic]

soxboy said:

mel said:

spielboy said:

carlem said:

Never, ever mention old girdfriends. It might well be funny and get the audience in stiches but it could well upset the bride on her big day. It's just not worth it.

I attended a wedding a few years ago where the Best Man distributed a large number of 'door keys' amongst the female guests ...

During the speach he then pointed out that as the Groom was now married it would be appreciated if his ex-girlfriends could return his 'door keys' ...

30 plus women handing back door keys was very funny - and it did the ex-girlfriend thing without going into specifics which therefore didn't upset the bride - who ended up laughing her head off with the rest of us!!

That is even funnier if once all the calamity has died down and all the women are seated the last person to get up and hand a key in is the brides mother.

I used this last year, try to include the following (in order):

Waitress
Bride's friend
Bridesmaid
Heavily pregnant woman
Groom's mum's best friend

I can see this being hysterically funny if a couple of guys get up right at the end,

[srebbe64]

I've been best man on three occasions and I was dead nervous the first time. Because of my nerves I fluffed my opening line and said "when Mark asked me to his bridesmaid..." I couldn't understand why everyone was laughing ahead of the gag.

A couple of years ago I was best man again and I said this (in the middle of the speech):
"With regard to Tamara, Alasdair you have got a wife who is warm, caring, witty, intelligent and pleasing to the eye. And Tamara, you’ve got…..well, Alasdair."

"Well buddy, Tamara certainly deserves to marry a handsome, rich, intelligent, sensitive man -and I’m delighted she married you before she met such a person!"

[wedg1e]

Never having been selected as best man, I had to settle for the Father of the Bride speech.

I got up and said "I believe it's traditional for the bride's father to make a long and emotional speech. However I'm not a traditional father, so I'm not going to". And sat down

Cue glare from daughter, I stand up: "Oh, all right then..."

[gargamel]

So stand up, an invite every one to stand up with you

Ask 50% of the audience to raise their hands over ther heads with the hands apart. the other 50% to raise their hands over the heads with their hands together

Then quickly whip out a camera and take a few fast photos.

Then say .... doesn't matter what I say now because I have proof I got a standing ovation.