Sean Connery Joke (Volume II)
Discussion
a little boy runs up to his mother, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Leaf?"
His Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head".
The next day, his little sister runs up, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Petal?"
Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a petal fell on your head".
The next day, their little brother runs up, saying: "sgfkljds gflkfjd g 0fd0fdig-0gid gfdgfgfgfgfgf,,,,,.m mmmmagagggggggggggggg" *dribbles*.
Mother says: "shut up, Fridge".
His Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head".
The next day, his little sister runs up, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Petal?"
Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a petal fell on your head".
The next day, their little brother runs up, saying: "sgfkljds gflkfjd g 0fd0fdig-0gid gfdgfgfgfgfgf,,,,,.m mmmmagagggggggggggggg" *dribbles*.
Mother says: "shut up, Fridge".
A chap is sitting in his living room surfing the channels on the television. All of a sudden, the door of the flat whips open and his girlfriend storms through.
She screams, "You
ing tosser!" and she heads into the bedroom.
Stunned, the man flips off the television and walks toward the bedroom, wondering, "Now what have I done?"
Inside the bedroom he finds the girl furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist says that I should leave you and that you're a paedophile!"
“Paedophile, eh? That’s a pretty big word for an 11 year old.”
She screams, "You
ing tosser!" and she heads into the bedroom. Stunned, the man flips off the television and walks toward the bedroom, wondering, "Now what have I done?"
Inside the bedroom he finds the girl furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist says that I should leave you and that you're a paedophile!"
“Paedophile, eh? That’s a pretty big word for an 11 year old.”
A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following items:
1 Tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 orange
1 plum
1 grapefruit
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 baking potato
1 samosa
1 vegetable pakora
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 single frozen dinner
The bloke behind her in the queue taps her on the shoulder. He is carrying a basket with a six pack of Stella, a pizza and some Wagon Wheels.
As she turns he smiles at her and says, "Single, eh?"
The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How did you guess?"
He looks at her - straight in the eyes and gently says, "Because you're ugly"
1 Tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 orange
1 plum
1 grapefruit
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 baking potato
1 samosa
1 vegetable pakora
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 single frozen dinner
The bloke behind her in the queue taps her on the shoulder. He is carrying a basket with a six pack of Stella, a pizza and some Wagon Wheels.
As she turns he smiles at her and says, "Single, eh?"
The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How did you guess?"
He looks at her - straight in the eyes and gently says, "Because you're ugly"
DennisTheMenace said:
Ted why 
its just not the same , the hammond thread is beating it and you shoot the joke thread down ......
its just not the same , the hammond thread is beating it and you shoot the joke thread down ......PH database engine grinds badly accessing very long threads, and with all the hamsters off visiting their famously injured relative things were boding ill for the CPUs...
moleamol said:
A chap is sitting in his living room surfing the channels on the television. All of a sudden, the door of the flat whips open and his girlfriend storms through.
She screams, "Youing tosser!" and she heads into the bedroom.
Stunned, the man flips off the television and walks toward the bedroom, wondering, "Now what have I done?"
Inside the bedroom he finds the girl furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist says that I should leave you and that you're a paedophile!"
“Paedophile, eh? That’s a pretty big word for an 11 year old.”
She screams, "You
ing tosser!" and she heads into the bedroom. Stunned, the man flips off the television and walks toward the bedroom, wondering, "Now what have I done?"
Inside the bedroom he finds the girl furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her what's up. She responds with a hiss, "My therapist says that I should leave you and that you're a paedophile!"
“Paedophile, eh? That’s a pretty big word for an 11 year old.”
I thought it was only paper, cans and plastic bottles you could recycle?
Sean Connery gets a call from his agent one day. The agent goes, "Sean, I've got you a job - starts tomorrow, early. You'll have to be there for 10-ish".
Sean furrows his brow and says
"Tennish? but I don't even have a racquet."
edited for punctuation, well, it was about time, also replacing 'racket' with 'racquet' as I feel this is how Sean would spell it, even if he only said it and didn't write it down.
Sean furrows his brow and says
"Tennish? but I don't even have a racquet."
edited for punctuation, well, it was about time, also replacing 'racket' with 'racquet' as I feel this is how Sean would spell it, even if he only said it and didn't write it down.
Edited by gasblaster on Thursday 5th October 08:21
Plotloss said:
a little boy runs up to his mother, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Leaf?"
His Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head".
The next day, his little sister runs up, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Petal?"
Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a petal fell on your head".
The next day, their little brother runs up, saying: "sgfkljds gflkfjd g 0fd0fdig-0gid gfdgfgfgfgfgf,,,,,.m mmmmagagggggggggggggg" *dribbles*.
Mother says: "shut up, Fridge".
His Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head".
The next day, his little sister runs up, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Petal?"
Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a petal fell on your head".
The next day, their little brother runs up, saying: "sgfkljds gflkfjd g 0fd0fdig-0gid gfdgfgfgfgfgf,,,,,.m mmmmagagggggggggggggg" *dribbles*.
Mother says: "shut up, Fridge".
So, so wrong
Plotloss said:
a little boy runs up to his mother, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Leaf?"
His Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head".
The next day, his little sister runs up, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Petal?"
Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a petal fell on your head".
The next day, their little brother runs up, saying: "sgfkljds gflkfjd g 0fd0fdig-0gid gfdgfgfgfgfgf,,,,,.m mmmmagagggggggggggggg" *dribbles*.
Mother says: "shut up, Fridge".
His Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head".
The next day, his little sister runs up, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Petal?"
Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a petal fell on your head".
The next day, their little brother runs up, saying: "sgfkljds gflkfjd g 0fd0fdig-0gid gfdgfgfgfgfgf,,,,,.m mmmmagagggggggggggggg" *dribbles*.
Mother says: "shut up, Fridge".
Reminds me of the story of the little girl playing in the park. A passerby was so touched by this vision of sweetness, the little girl in a pink dress running barefoot in the grass playing with her little dog, the pink ribbon in her hair streaming out behind her, that he said hello and asked her name.
"My name's Petal," she replied.
"Gosh, that's a lovely name - why did your parents call you Petal?"
"Well," she said, with a cute little hint of a lisp,"When I was a baby sleeping in my pram in the garden a rose dropped pink petals on me, so they decided to call me Petal."
"What a lovely story, and what's your dog called?"
"Oh, I call him Porky!"
"That's a funny name for a dog - why do you call him Porky?"
"Coz he
s pigs!" Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff