Another marriage guidance question to the masses

[becksW]

What do you have with the 2nd woman that you don't have with your wife. Are you not able to talk to her like you do with this woman.

Would it be worth you and your female friend to stay apart for a few months so you can concentrate on trying to resolve what is missing from your marriage.

If your marriage is the way to go surely this will help, if not it is not a long time for your female friend to wait if it means a lifetime of happiness in the future. It'll give you time to be open with your wife aswell.

I have no experience of what you are going through and the above suggestions may be absolute twaddle but I just feel that you should consider you and your wife first before your lady friend and you.

[rob05]

ZZZZZZZZhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I sometimes despair reading through these relationship threads and it always seems to be the men on here to (Been married 10 years love my wife but met this porn star and i think i want to fu-k her,love her blah blah.............)

Do you really need to come on here asking dear Deidre style questions?
We all I'm sure at some point we would all love to just be someone else with someone else in our relationships that's normal.I think you already know what is important as you have already stated that.Some really good common sense answers on this thread so give yourself a slap and read them.
IMO you demean your self and your wife by posting this type of drivel

PS sorry if my opinion seems hardcore but i would be lying to you if i answered any other way

[Cotty]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Why do you think single men will end up sad and lonely.

Being single does not mean you are sad. Im alone im not lonely.

[timmy33]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Why do you think single men will end up sad and lonely.

Being single does not mean you are sad. Im alone im not lonely.

But you are not old. Given the choice between living out my days with my some dear fussing over me and making me cakes or being on my own in my advancing years, I know what I would choose.

I can see your point and his point to be honest.

I had an uncle die recently at 93 years old, he was the happiest, most cheery, and in the village where he lived well liked old batchelor you could ever meet, he had lots of hobbies and friends and a devoted little dog, I really don't think he was either unhappy or lonely.

On the other hand, I can see that there is a real risk of becoming set in your ways, and lonely as others start families etc, especially in a large city.

Maybe it depends on the community / area you live in?

[Nick P]

grumpy one said:

Apologies, but assuming a different identity for obvious reasons....

I'm after some ideas from those that may have been through this.

Married, 2 children, good wife.

Married a fair while, and life is ok, my wife is a good person, I love and respect her but for some years I guess it has been a sisterly type love, she is the mother of my children. She is happy with our life. We have enough, and up until a while ago I guess we were happy as is so to speak. I have always been loyal, and am not one to look outside of marriage for anything, and never have.

However, along came a woman that literally I dropped head over heels with, she the same about me, as if a switch went on. I have known her a few years, we haven't had any sort of an illicit affair, no physical contact apart from a couple of pecks on the cheek, although we have had hours of talking. She is also married, neither of us have anything to gain from each other from this, other than seemingly a very natural and relaxed partnership.

My loyalty lies with my wife obviously, and not being one for sneaking around I find myself wondering what on earth to do. I have always said I would never leave the household, and would always be there for the kids. My wifes father was never around, and for this reason I believe I would be staying for the wrong reason.

Talk about at my wits end....relate or that sort of thing I don't think would work (but will try it) At this moment in time my wife obviously knows there are a few snags, and asks what is wrong with her. There obviously isn't, but I don't want to ruin her life, I guess I wasn't happy prior, so telling her there is potentially a third party wouldn't help at all.

The 'right' thing is to tell xxxxx it can't happen. But I don't want to do that, but I also don't want to hurt my wife. Nothing has happened outside of my marriage that could be called any sort of playing away, just a meeting of two very well matched people - that I must add weren't looking for this - and xxxxxx has told me that it is the last thing she wants to get in the way of family life, but can't help what she thinks.

Pointers gratefully received folks, from both sides of the sexes, this is a real life changing thing I'm constantly thinking about. Do I stay and do the 'right' thing, or make other plans, or keep xxxxxxx as a friend as we both are trying to do the decent thing.



Yes, I know this isn't marriage guidance councilling on line, but from experience ph has the best balance of views anywhere.

shit. dunno what to say. My guess is stay with your wife as you can't risk hurting your kids? dunno....its a toughy.

[grumpy one]

Thank you folks, some good answers, I'll take them all on board. Thanks.

[timmy33]

grumpy one said:

Thank you folks, some good answers, I'll take them all on board. Thanks.

Good luck

[Nick P]

p.s. Ignore anything Flashman says.

[timmy33]

Nick P said:

p.s. Ignore anything Flashman says.

Or suggestions about bumming her. That's just internet banter.

[Nick P]

timmy33 said:

Nick P said:

p.s. Ignore anything Flashman says.

Or suggestions about bumming her. That's just internet banter.

bummings classed as legitimate advice. truffling her best mate isn't

[john_r]

MID LIFE CRISIS!

Get over it, and yourself.

Buy a new sports car, shag yer wife more often (visit Ann Summers together?) - or someone else will, and also get out with the wife for dinner at least once a week without the kids.

[GavDav]

Fcuk it mate id go for it. I know that it probably sounds reckless, but you know in your heart of hearts what you want to do. It sounds obvious to me that the relationship has probably run its course and your staying there for all the wrong reasons, financial, guilt etc.

You've only got one crack at this life and if you really have strong feelings for this women then go ahead and take the plunge. Just imagine if this women wasnt in your life tommorow and how this would make you feel. If you feel that you would miss her more than your wife, then just leave. All I would say though is make sure that she feels the same way about you before making a decision...

[Nick P]

GavDav said:

Fcuk it mate id go for it. I know that it probably sounds reckless, but you know in your heart of hearts what you want to do. It sounds obvious to me that the relationship has probably run its course and your staying there for all the wrong reasons, financial, guilt etc.

You've only got one crack at this life and if you really have strong feelings for this women then go ahead and take the plunge. Just imagine if this women wasnt in your life tommorow and how this would make you feel. If you feel that you would miss her more than your wife, then just leave. All I would say though is make sure that she feels the same way about you before making a decision...

yeah, how your kids will feel.

[Mrs Trackside]

Grumpy One, how old are your kids? and how long have you been with your wife?

[timmy33]

Nick P said:

timmy33 said:

Nick P said:

p.s. Ignore anything Flashman says.

Or suggestions about bumming her. That's just internet banter.

bummings classed as legitimate advice. truffling her best mate isn't

Fair point Nick, I stand corrected.

[oh_dear]

Jay Ayegees said:

Grow up and act like a man not a spoilt child.

C0CK

He asking for some advise as to what he should do and you state he should grow up ? very useful. He hasn't done anything and is venting his akward feelings here, nothing wrong with that, he is not doing whatever he wants and is considering his actions before he takes them, sound fairly mature to me, where as your comment, well, sound pious and arrogant for no bloody reason.

As I said, C0CK

p.s. I don't claim to be as mature as OP, but do respect him for it, if it was me i would have probably buggered the fitty and now be in a whole world of hurt.

Good luck fella

[Nick P]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Harry Flashman hasn't appeared yet. But this is presently winning.

[GavDav]

Nick P said:

GavDav said:

Fcuk it mate id go for it. I know that it probably sounds reckless, but you know in your heart of hearts what you want to do. It sounds obvious to me that the relationship has probably run its course and your staying there for all the wrong reasons, financial, guilt etc.

You've only got one crack at this life and if you really have strong feelings for this women then go ahead and take the plunge. Just imagine if this women wasnt in your life tommorow and how this would make you feel. If you feel that you would miss her more than your wife, then just leave. All I would say though is make sure that she feels the same way about you before making a decision...

yeah, how your kids will feel.

Of course you have to consider the kids, but as I said, he shouldnt stay there for the wrong reasons.
Im speaking from experience here as my parents are divorced. Id much rather live in a happy environment rather than a household where theres no love and constant rowing between the parents..

[Nick P]

GavDav said:

Nick P said:

GavDav said:

Fcuk it mate id go for it. I know that it probably sounds reckless, but you know in your heart of hearts what you want to do. It sounds obvious to me that the relationship has probably run its course and your staying there for all the wrong reasons, financial, guilt etc.

You've only got one crack at this life and if you really have strong feelings for this women then go ahead and take the plunge. Just imagine if this women wasnt in your life tommorow and how this would make you feel. If you feel that you would miss her more than your wife, then just leave. All I would say though is make sure that she feels the same way about you before making a decision...

yeah, how your kids will feel.

Of course you have to consider the kids, but as I said, he shouldnt stay there for the wrong reasons.
Im speaking from experience here as my parents are divorced. Id much rather live in a happy environment rather than a household where theres no love and constant rowing between the parents..

read the OP...no mention of rowing.

[timmy33]

GavDav said:

Im speaking from experience here as my parents are divorced. Id much rather live in a happy environment rather than a household where theres no love and constant rowing between the parents..

Perhaps, although that's not actually the picture the OP paints at all in his post.

bloody hell beaten to it.

Edited by timmy33 on Thursday 24th May 16:24