Theres a dead cat on my drive

[Gylen]

I've just realised it's 'Cat-urday' so you might want to 'post some pictures' in the appropriate thread.

hth

[dr.sickman]

MoleVision said:

or.. Stick its head on a spike jsut outside your drive as a warning to other cats that might try and die on your property.

Tremendous.
Continuing the theme, leave the bare head (neatly peeled) on the pole, and take the rest of Mr Snuggles inside.

Cut it up into small but clearly recogniseable pieces- limbs, paw, ahole, ear etc.

Then blacken the windows of your house and let the garden grow wild for a few days.

In the fifth week (yes it's a lot of effort but the pub recitals you will get from this will be epic) draw all the curtains, and play loud music in your house. Fleetwood Mac no, Jimi Henmdrix yes.

Hang vauxhall wheel centre caps from your front door, and walk about with a sneer, and follow everything you say with 'Or so it seems.', and a sideways hacky spit.

Your personal getup should consist of a 'British witch doctor' vibe.
Magic trees adorning your ears, nipples clipped by radio shack crocodile clips, face blacked up with Kiwi, and nettle Y fronts. Maybe a SKOL T-shirt. Kill a neighbour- you will be sent to a madhouse for a few weeks but it's worth the time.

Every day, toss a little bit of the cat out onto the drive, and sit in front of this rotting piece, howling and raising your fist at the gods. Repeat uintil you have run out of cat, and when done, mow lawn, wear innocuous clothes from George, and carry on as per normal.

Then watch as you will be cat free, for life. Oh mama!

Edited by dr.sickman on Saturday 31st May 13:02

[Spam]

dr.sickman said:

MoleVision said:

or.. Stick its head on a spike jsut outside your drive as a warning to other cats that might try and die on your property.

Tremendous.
Continuing the theme, leave the bare head (neatly peeled) on the pole, and take the rest of Mr Snuggles inside.

Cut it up into small but clearly recogniseable pieces- limbs, paw, ahole, ear etc.

Then blacken the windows of your house and let the garden grow wild for a few days.

In the fifth week (yes it's a lot of effort but the pub recitals you will get from this will be epic) draw all the curtains, and play loud music in your house. Fleetwood Mac no, Jimi Henmdrix yes.

Hang vauxhall wheel centre caps from your front door, and walk about with a sneer, and follow everything you say with 'Or so it seems.', and a sideways hacky spit.

Your personal getup should consist of a 'British witch doctor' vibe.
Magic trees adorning your ears, nipples clipped by radio shack crocodile clips, face blacked up with Kiwi, and nettle Y fronts. Maybe a SKOL T-shirt. Kill a neighbour- you will be sent to a madhouse for a few weeks but it's worth the time.

Then watch as you will be cat free, for life. Oh mama!

Edited by dr.sickman on Saturday 31st May 12:59

What have you been smoking

[Landlord]

Either:



or



depending on your own personal deviances.

[becksW]

Jack Pearson said:

becksW said:

Phone a local vet or RSPCA and take it there, they will scan it (and ck if it has a microchip or not) and take a description of it, they will also keep it for several days in the hope an owner will come forward. This is your best option.

I have to ask, why on earth did you think it was ok to throw a few small stones at a cat? Why didn't you just walk upto it and see if it moved!

Edited by becksW on Saturday 31st May 11:35

No i did i was standing litterally about 1 ft away, the flies had already started swarming so i wasnt going to touch it, from a few ft back 1 or 2 little stones with an uunderarm shot , its not like i was trowing full pelt a handrull of rocks was it?

Edit: im going round a few houses now

Edited by Jack Pearson on Saturday 31st May 12:23

That makes more sense, your first post did not say that it looked dead already. Good luck on the asking around. I know you are not obliged to do anything, it's not your fault the cat ended up on your property, but it's the decent thing to do and as upset as an owner will (or should) be they will be grateful for the fact someone has taken time out of their day to track them down

[rhinochopig]

You need this book

http://www.cartoonstock.com/101_dead_cats/index.ht...

Use number 23 a Toast Rack

[polus]

308mate said:

[Jasandjules]

turbobloke said:

Solemn, profound, and true, but this thread is about a dead cat on somebody's drive.

True enough, but a cat is as precious as a dog to it's owner.

I hope you find the owner.

[turbobloke]

Jasandjules said:

turbobloke said:

Solemn, profound, and true, but this thread is about a dead cat on somebody's drive.

True enough, but a cat is as precious as a dog to it's owner.

I hope you find the owner.

A sense of humour can be precious to humans and useful too when coping with life's vicissitudes

ETA with no collar on the corpse, why is it automatically assumed that there's a tearful owner pining for pussy, already over-emotively portrayed as a child just for added glandular impact, when in fact the thing is equally likely to be a feral flea bitten mog? Until the OP's breathless audience is told, can we hold on the hormones. In fact make that permanent.

Edited by turbobloke on Saturday 31st May 13:35

[bigburd]

eBay suggesting it is in its pre-taxidermi state

[RossMac]

Spam said:

Pat H said:

digimeistter said:

the rest of you comedians can suck my balls..

Come on then, Buster Gonad, drop your trousers and we'll form a queue.

I have two cats and still find the comments and pics funny.

BTW there was a flat dog at the end of our road yesterday. Luckily there was another dog trying to pump her up.

[nanafagis]

Fear not, if the cat has no collar it was probably already dead and the owner disposed of it on your drive because their council bin was full

[turbobloke]

nanafagis said:

Fear not, if the cat has no collar it was probably already dead and the owner disposed of it on your drive because their council bin was full

Fair point.

Silver lining - the finder can check if there's room on their drive to swing a cat, without the RSPCC or PH jumping up and down. Well maybe just the RSPCA. Probably worth overalls, glove, goggles & mask though and not really ideal for the under 10s.

[gazza_3]

RossMac said:

Spam said:

Pat H said:

digimeistter said:

the rest of you comedians can suck my balls..

Come on then, Buster Gonad, drop your trousers and we'll form a queue.

I have two cats and still find the comments and pics funny.

BTW there was a flat dog at the end of our road yesterday. Luckily there was another dog trying to pump her up.

Hahah

[SystemParanoia]

Should be stiff enuff in a few days to re-enact this

[Jack Pearson]

I've left it on the bank oppisite our house for the time being, already had people walking past stoppingfor about 5min to gawp at the thing.

Parents idea anyway they know best!

[turbobloke]

SystemParanoia said:

Should be stiff enuff in a few days to re-enact this

That's disgraceful.

It should say PWN3D.

[Jack Pearson]

Well monday morning pat the postman wont be pleased

[blowy84]

El stovey said:

Place it behind the wheel of a neighbour you don't like.

They will think they ran it over. You could even say it was yours and ask them for compensation.

Edited by El stovey on Saturday 31st May 11:36

eaxactly why i love PH

[Onz]

12:06 stigmundfreud said:

to all those placing the witty comments, someone somewhere has lost a loved one.

12:07 stigmundfreud said:

Pat H said:

witty comment

LOL