Theres a dead cat on my drive

[mybrainhurts]

Stick it on ebay Korea....

[moleamol]

eccles said:

Jack Pearson said:

turbobloke said:

Crash Test Dummy said:

Jack Pearson said:

After a night out my mates thought id would be funny to put the cat ontop of my car and is lookings quite stale

You drive a fiesta, stop trying to make it look like a Jag

It's now officially a pussy magnet.

Well someones just stopped to pick it up so i wont be seeing it again!

mmmm, well hung cat for breakfast!

Is cat penis a delicacy?

[DOOG]

Balmoral Green said:

Being serious, i'd probably pick the poor thing up and put it in a decent carrier bag, then go door knocking locally, to see if it's anyones.

Glad i don't live near you...

Saturday morning.. Sitting at the breakfast table... Bacon and eggs sizzling away.. Fresh coffee on the table..

'Get the door will you darling.. Its only that bloke with the dead cat in a plastic bag again....'

[Fishtigua]

Dead cat.... GOOD

These murdering little frckers are a menace to the natural world, whilst being fed and propped up by humans. I have no problems with them but my Landrover loves playing with the darlings.

[Carpie]

I think cats are great, but this thread has been one of the funniest things I have read on here!

And to the sourpusses, yes it's probably someone's pet, but the key thing is that they won't read this. Unless they do. Then they might cry.

Edited by Carpie on Sunday 1st June 23:50

[sleep envy]

[PeteG]

at the whole thread, some genius comments.

[Eddh]

quality thread

[thinfourth2]

Anyone suggested throwing it over the wall and playing a game of dead cat tennis with your neighbour

[HRG]

Landlord said:

That's a trebuchet, not a catapult...

[sadako]

Pigeon said:

Landlord said:

depending on your own personal deviances.

You mean he should stand himself in that leather jockstrap, pull himself until hard, and fling himself at the cat from 60 yards hoping to achieve penetration on landing? Well I guess it beats jumping off the top of the wardrobe.

And you wonder why you get emailed by strange men with fleshlights...

[Jambon]

Enough about dead cats. Look afer the ones still alive.

How to clean your cat

Thoroughly clean the toilet.

Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and lift both toilet seat and cover.

Take hold of the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and put down the seat and lid.

Note: You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape. If you are busy put a mini safe or a small fridge on the lid instead

CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body
too close to the edge, as his paws will be
reaching out for any surface they can find.

Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

Have someone open the back door for you and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the back garden.

If you placed a heavy object on the lid during the 'wash and rinse' remove it taking care to keep one foot on the lid. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the seat and the lid simultaneously.

The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

[BIG COL]

Yee-Haaa, managed a life long ambition last night, I took out a mornic farm collie dog last night, this thing has been driving me nuts for years, it chases after any thing (well did, not any more!) cars, cyclists,kids walking,etc. Have spoken to the interbred owner on a couple of occasions "are its a farm dog what do you want me to do, chain it up", well that would be a start.


Thank you rent a van

[XMES RUS]

Are you sure its dead, why dont you have a CAT Scan to see why

[merc_man]

Try inserting a catheter.

[Polarbert]

hora said:

BIG COL said:

Yee-Haaa, managed a life long ambition last night, I took out a mornic farm collie dog last night, this thing has been driving me nuts for years, it chases after any thing (well did, not any more!) cars, cyclists,kids walking,etc. Have spoken to the interbred owner on a couple of occasions "are its a farm dog what do you want me to do, chain it up", well that would be a start.


Thank you rent a van

Internet Troll?

LOL Probably! Don't know what hes trying to get at!

[deevlash]

pick up the dead cat and walk into your local chinese restraunt/ carry out and slap it on the counter and then shout loudly;
"Thats the last goddamn one till you pay for thv last six!!!"

then leggit.

[Pigeon]

Polarbert said:

hora said:

BIG COL said:

Yee-Haaa, managed a life long ambition last night, I took out a mornic farm collie dog last night, this thing has been driving me nuts for years, it chases after any thing (well did, not any more!) cars, cyclists,kids walking,etc. Have spoken to the interbred owner on a couple of occasions "are its a farm dog what do you want me to do, chain it up", well that would be a start.


Thank you rent a van

Internet Troll?

LOL Probably! Don't know what hes trying to get at!

He's just admitted to a criminal offence on an internet forum, viz., deliberately running over a farmer's dog.

I thought he was a newbie too but he seems to have been here longer than me.

[sleep envy]

and posted his name too

Nickname: BIG COL
Name: Gordon Collins
Member Since: 5th April 2003
Total Posts: 100
Region:
Country: United Kingdom

[Jambon]

Maybe the dog is not dead and it is just CATatonic?