Discussion
Cara Van Man said:
Well, the thing is i know lots of the people on here face to face but I'm not ashamed of the stigma. It doesn't mean I'm some kind of mentalist cos I have had a lot to cope with through life. My rather unhappy childhood is the cause of most of it. Other things since have added to my problems. It was beginning to affect my marriage, and I didn't want it to. So I felt I needed help and luckily am getting it. It's helping things make sense and helping me to let go of things that have happened in the past.
just dont f
k with me though.
I'm one of those that couldn't be arsed with the stigma either way, though I've flat refused doc's suggestion of medication as I have no wish to be a zombie. It's just because you come across as both very positive and self assured that makes it come as a surprise. just dont f
k with me though.Thing is there are so many stories on PH of people who have lost it all, and managed to get over it, start a new life, and seem so happy. That's the real trajedy, you can get past it.
I think it's the feeling there is no way to get through a problem, even if it's seems so obvious to outsiders that there is. And it doesn't matter who the bloke is, how popular he seems, or good his job seems, lovely his missus is, because it's all inside.
But if you don't tell anyone then the only person you have to help you is yourself....and that's not enough because you just end up in a loop, blow the problems out of all proportion in your own mind, and evetually get exhausted and fold.
I think it's the feeling there is no way to get through a problem, even if it's seems so obvious to outsiders that there is. And it doesn't matter who the bloke is, how popular he seems, or good his job seems, lovely his missus is, because it's all inside.
But if you don't tell anyone then the only person you have to help you is yourself....and that's not enough because you just end up in a loop, blow the problems out of all proportion in your own mind, and evetually get exhausted and fold.
Edited by Timmy35 on Thursday 24th July 11:55
I saw a counselor in the past - not for feelings of suicide, but to get over the effects of my divorce. They can be incredibly helpful and supportive when you need them!!
Interestingly when I told my mum she was disappointed to start with - "you don't need anything like that" - but later realised I did as I had hidden the hurt from her. We blokes are great at bottling stuff up but, like all bottles, if the pressure gets too much they all eventually shatter!!
Interestingly when I told my mum she was disappointed to start with - "you don't need anything like that" - but later realised I did as I had hidden the hurt from her. We blokes are great at bottling stuff up but, like all bottles, if the pressure gets too much they all eventually shatter!!
I must admit, probably like many, that when things are tough, the thought has crossed my mind.
However, and I stress this is my feeling, and not what I enforce on anyone else:
I feel suicide is the easy way out. Its a way of not taking responsibilty for whatever is on top of you. I also couldn't bring myself to emotionally damage others in such a way.
That said, I completely agree with Cara Van Man's sentiment that we only have a certainl limit to what we can handle, and I guess, you probably reach a point where it is too much to bear.
My other halfs cousin had the horrible 1st anniversary of her boyfriend commiting suicide yesterday - something that weighs heavily on everyone involved. What makes it worse is that she gave birth to her daughter by him only a month later
Henceforth, this is where I get standpoint on the selfishness of suicide - BUT - in his defence - there was a history of suicide in the family - his father commited suicide also.
Tragic for everyone, and a horrible horrible issue in which I wished the government spent as much time and money concentrating on as they do speeding.
However, and I stress this is my feeling, and not what I enforce on anyone else:
I feel suicide is the easy way out. Its a way of not taking responsibilty for whatever is on top of you. I also couldn't bring myself to emotionally damage others in such a way.
That said, I completely agree with Cara Van Man's sentiment that we only have a certainl limit to what we can handle, and I guess, you probably reach a point where it is too much to bear.
My other halfs cousin had the horrible 1st anniversary of her boyfriend commiting suicide yesterday - something that weighs heavily on everyone involved. What makes it worse is that she gave birth to her daughter by him only a month later
Henceforth, this is where I get standpoint on the selfishness of suicide - BUT - in his defence - there was a history of suicide in the family - his father commited suicide also.
Tragic for everyone, and a horrible horrible issue in which I wished the government spent as much time and money concentrating on as they do speeding.
a lad I know who was a couple of years younger (think bout 23) was found by his g/f hanging in the bathroom...
Apparenlty they had been out with some friends on the lash the night before and everything seemed fine she woke up in the morning and went to the toilet and saw him there.
Im not sure if there was a note, but if there was it didnt explain much as everyone is stumped to this day as to why he did it(he did it 2 days before xmas)
He did like his cocaine, so this may have had something to do with it!
Apparenlty they had been out with some friends on the lash the night before and everything seemed fine she woke up in the morning and went to the toilet and saw him there.
Im not sure if there was a note, but if there was it didnt explain much as everyone is stumped to this day as to why he did it(he did it 2 days before xmas)
He did like his cocaine, so this may have had something to do with it!
I'm pretty certain its all confidential, nothing gets recorded etc. I just spoke to my GP and said I could do with someone to talk to, he gave me some leaflets, I made the phonecall and thats it.
Seriously though, if you've so much as thought about it as a way out speak to someone. Doesn't matter if it's professional help, I've found since I've been visiting my "special friend" I voice my annoyance of things, and standing up for myself then and there, dealing with the issues head on as before I tended to walk away, then when I was in a bad mood sit and dwell on it, spiralling me downwards. Also I did away with a vice which was a damned good move, and after only a few weeks everything looked better.
It does take effort, and time though. I found it hard to open up at first, and sometimes still do, but it's nice to know that you aren't (always) blowing things out of proportion. It's all about analysing the situation, being ok with your feelings (be it good or bad), understanding why those feelings came about, and laying them to rest in that situation... For me at leas
Seriously though, if you've so much as thought about it as a way out speak to someone. Doesn't matter if it's professional help, I've found since I've been visiting my "special friend" I voice my annoyance of things, and standing up for myself then and there, dealing with the issues head on as before I tended to walk away, then when I was in a bad mood sit and dwell on it, spiralling me downwards. Also I did away with a vice which was a damned good move, and after only a few weeks everything looked better.
It does take effort, and time though. I found it hard to open up at first, and sometimes still do, but it's nice to know that you aren't (always) blowing things out of proportion. It's all about analysing the situation, being ok with your feelings (be it good or bad), understanding why those feelings came about, and laying them to rest in that situation... For me at leas
Edited by AlecG on Thursday 24th July 12:01
Timmy35 said:
Anyone up for a PH 'Judean Peoples Front Crack Suicide' Anti Gatso squad?
I remember now. Does more to stop suicide than any therapist. Life of Brian said:
Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad!
Suicide squad, attack! [they all stab themselves] That showed 'em, huh?
Suicide squad, attack! [they all stab themselves] That showed 'em, huh?
The statistics are frightening eh? I've never really considered it, only occasionally wondered what it would be like.
I think it's the apparently cold and calm way he went about that has freaked me out the most. He'd obviously made up his mind it was the right thing to do. It's so sad.
I just looked at his bebo page and there are very recent pictures of him with his lovely kids, it's just awful.
I think it's the apparently cold and calm way he went about that has freaked me out the most. He'd obviously made up his mind it was the right thing to do. It's so sad.
I just looked at his bebo page and there are very recent pictures of him with his lovely kids, it's just awful.
Edited by jollygreen on Thursday 24th July 12:12
Davi said:
It's just because you come across as both very positive and self assured that makes it come as a surprise.
Well I am. Most of the time. however, I can easily be 'knocked down' if things aren't going my way. the odd thing is, I cope with work stress reasonably well and am able to keep my cool in certain situations.....it's the family and personal stuff that i have trouble dealing with. This goes back to my childhood.jollygreen said:
He'd also ordered a big grocery shop from the asda website which was delivered the day after he killed himself.
Nobody apparently had any clue he was going to do it but he obviously had planned it all in some detail and well in advance. Unbelievable. What could drive somebody to that? No apparent personal difficulties according his close family - they're all stumped.
I've always found that state of mind very frightening, It must be pushing the boudaries of Absolute denial. Speaking to a rail worker the other day in my cab who has been involved with the rail company and emergency services in trying to investigae why so many people choose rail suicides. He mentioned there were Women of a certain age more common in one area and men of around 25 in another area, and so on. Quite a few of them were caught on CCTV Shopping and going about their normal lives, the next they were jumping in front of a train.Nobody apparently had any clue he was going to do it but he obviously had planned it all in some detail and well in advance. Unbelievable. What could drive somebody to that? No apparent personal difficulties according his close family - they're all stumped.
Timmy35 said:
Funny isn't it.....given all the campaigning, speedtraps, courses to stop us speeding. No one seems either aware or overly concerned about epidemic suicide amongst young men.
Actually, people are very concerned, and it's a big area of research (I know someone who works here - http://cebmh.warne.ox.ac.uk/csr/ ).From what I've heard, the evidence sugggests that the last thing you'd want to do is call something a "suicide prevention campaign".
Edited by Mekon on Thursday 24th July 12:17
Mekon said:
Timmy35 said:
Funny isn't it.....given all the campaigning, speedtraps, courses to stop us speeding. No one seems either aware or overly concerned about epidemic suicide amongst young men.
Actually, people are very concerned, and it's a big area of research (I know someone who works here - http://cebmh.warne.ox.ac.uk/csr/ ).From what I've heard, the evidence sugggests that the last thing you'd want to do is call something a "suicide prevention campaign".
Cara Van Man said:
Davi said:
It's just because you come across as both very positive and self assured that makes it come as a surprise.
Well I am. Most of the time. however, I can easily be 'knocked down' if things aren't going my way. the odd thing is, I cope with work stress reasonably well and am able to keep my cool in certain situations.....it's the family and personal stuff that i have trouble dealing with. This goes back to my childhood.Cara Van Man said:
Davi said:
It's just because you come across as both very positive and self assured that makes it come as a surprise.
Well I am. Most of the time. however, I can easily be 'knocked down' if things aren't going my way. the odd thing is, I cope with work stress reasonably well and am able to keep my cool in certain situations.....it's the family and personal stuff that i have trouble dealing with. This goes back to my childhood.Edited to add.
........by the way chaps....there's a gal in my office just walked past my desk.... ( buxom, slim of mixed-Indian extraction ) she's wearing what is more or less a light green cotton/lycra 'boob tube dress' today, legs are out well above the knee, high heels are on.
.....there's always something to live for. Even if it's just good old office letchury!!!
Dam she's fine!
Edited by Timmy35 on Thursday 24th July 12:21
Cara Van Man said:
Davi said:
And there's the other thing... knowing Cara Van Mans (admittedly online only) persona - would you ever have thought he was the sort of person that might need to seek a bit of help? Certainly surprised me seeing that comment from him.
I know for some time now I've felt so backed into a corner I can't see any way out, period. Fortunately I'm too much of a wimp to consider ending it all but I'm certainly very much past the resources available to me!
Well, the thing is i know lots of the people on here face to face but I'm not ashamed of the stigma. It doesn't mean I'm some kind of mentalist cos I have had a lot to cope with through life. My rather unhappy childhood is the cause of most of it. Other things since have added to my problems. It was beginning to affect my marriage, and I didn't want it to. So I felt I needed help and luckily am getting it. It's helping things make sense and helping me to let go of things that have happened in the past.I know for some time now I've felt so backed into a corner I can't see any way out, period. Fortunately I'm too much of a wimp to consider ending it all but I'm certainly very much past the resources available to me!
just dont f
k with me though.
In his job I would fully expect him to have had help, or at least been offered it.There is no stigma in having a 'special friend' Nick
The fact that we all know you are a mentalist, just not that way
ali_kat said:
Cara Van Man said:
Davi said:
And there's the other thing... knowing Cara Van Mans (admittedly online only) persona - would you ever have thought he was the sort of person that might need to seek a bit of help? Certainly surprised me seeing that comment from him.
I know for some time now I've felt so backed into a corner I can't see any way out, period. Fortunately I'm too much of a wimp to consider ending it all but I'm certainly very much past the resources available to me!
Well, the thing is i know lots of the people on here face to face but I'm not ashamed of the stigma. It doesn't mean I'm some kind of mentalist cos I have had a lot to cope with through life. My rather unhappy childhood is the cause of most of it. Other things since have added to my problems. It was beginning to affect my marriage, and I didn't want it to. So I felt I needed help and luckily am getting it. It's helping things make sense and helping me to let go of things that have happened in the past.I know for some time now I've felt so backed into a corner I can't see any way out, period. Fortunately I'm too much of a wimp to consider ending it all but I'm certainly very much past the resources available to me!
just dont f
k with me though. In his job I would fully expect him to have had help, or at least been offered it.There is no stigma in having a 'special friend' Nick
The fact that we all know you are a mentalist, just not that way
The forces offer some excellent help in this field. They need to nowadays.
You wouldn't believe the amount of people in the forces that have problems like this. At my base apparently nearly 30% of people have reported some sort of stress or mental health issue and have had time off.
Serious head on now
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend
Last Monday/Tuesday was the 12 month anniversary of my spur of the moment (serious) attempt. And I'm very happy to still be here and much improved However, there was a period afterwards where (as some people on here know) I did consider it again. Like Tony, I had it all planned out, the letter written, bequests made, tree chosen...... However, I was 'lucky' enough to have a very good friend from here have the same mindset - and we used to chat to each other on text/MSN about the 'newest' idea to take hold, discuss it in depth and poke holes in each others ideas...... Sick humour a little, but it worked 'cause we are both still here
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend
Last Monday/Tuesday was the 12 month anniversary of my spur of the moment (serious) attempt. And I'm very happy to still be here and much improved
However, there was a period afterwards where (as some people on here know) I did consider it again. Like Tony, I had it all planned out, the letter written, bequests made, tree chosen...... However, I was 'lucky' enough to have a very good friend from here have the same mindset - and we used to chat to each other on text/MSN about the 'newest' idea to take hold, discuss it in depth and poke holes in each others ideas...... Sick humour a little, but it worked 'cause we are both still here Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff