Alan Partridge

Poll: Alan Partridge

Total Members Polled: 353

Knowing Me, Knowing You: 18%
I'm Alan Partridge: 82%
Author
Discussion

Neil_H

15,323 posts

250 months

Friday 30th January 2009
quotequote all
"You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth, and the plums have mutated and they have got beaks. You make pigs smoke."

BigBen

11,610 posts

229 months

Friday 30th January 2009
quotequote all
Nobody You Know said:
"You feed beef burgers to geese"
EFA

Neil_H

15,323 posts

250 months

Friday 30th January 2009
quotequote all
BigBen said:
Nobody You Know said:
"You feed beef burgers to swans"
EFA
EFA

DeadMeat_UK

3,058 posts

281 months

Friday 30th January 2009
quotequote all
Highway Star said:
Distant said:
AP (whilst being felated by Jill in a darkened hotel room) "What do you think of the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre?"
"It'll make it easier for people in whHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLchairs"
"As well as improving access to Diiiiixxxxxxons"
yes

And leading up to it....

"Let Battle Commence !"

I've yet to have the balls to try with the missus to see what reaction I get.


BigBen

11,610 posts

229 months

Friday 30th January 2009
quotequote all
Neil_H said:
BigBen said:
Nobody You Know said:
"You feed beef burgers to swans"
EFA
EFA
bugger

shirt

22,506 posts

200 months

Friday 30th January 2009
quotequote all
Neil_H said:
"You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth, and the plums have mutated and they have got beaks. You make pigs smoke."
You have big sheds, but nobody's allowed in. And in these sheds you have 20ft high chickens, and these chickens are scared because the don't know why they're so big, and they're going, "Oh why am I so massive?" and they're looking down at all the little chickens and they think they're in an aeroplane because all the other chickens are so small. Do you deny that? No, I think his silence speaks volumes.

marvelharvey

1,869 posts

249 months

Friday 30th January 2009
quotequote all
DeadMeat_UK said:
Highway Star said:
Distant said:
AP (whilst being felated by Jill in a darkened hotel room) "What do you think of the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre?"
"It'll make it easier for people in whHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLchairs"
"As well as improving access to Diiiiixxxxxxons"
yes

And leading up to it....

"Let Battle Commence !"
And leading up to that....

"I wouldn't go in there for a bit"

sebo

2,166 posts

225 months

Friday 30th January 2009
quotequote all
Lynn: I picked up these brochures for the new Metro. It’s a lovely car. And if you do –

Alan: Lynn, I’m not driving a mini-Metro.

Lynn: But you do have to make substantial savings.

Alan: Lynn, I am not driving a mini-Metro.

Lynn: But if you do, you can keep Pear Tree Productions going with a skeleton staff of two, and –

Alan: There’s no point finishing the sentence, Lynn, because I am not driving a mini-Metro.

Lynn: But if you d –

Alan: Lynn! I’ll just speak over you.

Lynn: But –

Alan: No! Go on, try and finish the sentence and see what I do. Go on.

Lynn: With a skeleton staff of two –

Alan: I’m not driving a mini-Metro, I’m not driving a mini-Metro, I’m not driving a mini-Metro.

Lynn: No, no it’s different. It’s called a Rover Metro now.

Alan: They’ve rebadged it, you fool!

northandy

3,495 posts

220 months

Friday 30th January 2009
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Distant said:
AP- "Tell me about the ladyboys"
Michael (tells story about a mate in the armys experience with a ladyboy)
"So he thinks I've come this far right, so he flips him over, grabs hold of the hold meat and two veg and ffff......(Noticing Lynne has just walked in) ....ffffunily enough it lands on its wheels, starts first time and they just drive off"
A classic... Partridge is absolute genius...

cw42

976 posts

230 months

Friday 30th January 2009
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Most poignant moment for me:

Alan: Erm, can I have a couple of eggs for breakfast tomorrow?



Michael:Aye, certainly.



Alan:Yeah. [Angrily] And I'd like you to lay them, you chicken.



[Alan storms off into the lift. He is joined by Susan.]



Susan:Oh, hello Alan.



Alan:Hello, Susan. Third floor?



Susan:Third, yes, thank you.



[Alan and Susan stand side by side in silence. Alan keeps making furtive glances at Susan, who stares ahead. After a few seconds, the lift arrives at Alans floor. He starts to walk out.]



Alan:Right, well.



Susan:[Smiling] Are you getting out here, or are you going all the way with me?



Alan:[Anxiously] Im getting out here.



Susan:Right. Goodnight, Alan.



[The lift doors close.]



Alan:This country.


Distant

2,339 posts

192 months

Friday 30th January 2009
quotequote all
DeadMeat_UK said:
Highway Star said:
Distant said:
AP (whilst being felated by Jill in a darkened hotel room) "What do you think of the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre?"
"It'll make it easier for people in whHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLchairs"
"As well as improving access to Diiiiixxxxxxons"
yes

And leading up to it....

"Let Battle Commence !"

I've yet to have the balls to try with the missus to see what reaction I get.
"Do you like that? should I do it more quickly or maintain the same speed?
Should i move on to the other one now?"

I actually said that to a girl once, although I found it difficult to enjoy myself after that, was concentrating too hard on not bursting out laughing....

TomE

1,252 posts

189 months

Friday 30th January 2009
quotequote all
Distant said:
DeadMeat_UK said:
Highway Star said:
Distant said:
AP (whilst being felated by Jill in a darkened hotel room) "What do you think of the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre?"
"It'll make it easier for people in whHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLchairs"
"As well as improving access to Diiiiixxxxxxons"
yes

And leading up to it....

"Let Battle Commence !"

I've yet to have the balls to try with the missus to see what reaction I get.
"Do you like that? should I do it more quickly or maintain the same speed?
Should i move on to the other one now?"

I actually said that to a girl once, although I found it difficult to enjoy myself after that, was concentrating too hard on not bursting out laughing....
AP: It looks like some kind of dirty protest!

If you can ever find the out takes from that, see how many takes it took Michael and coogan to do the scene when he knocked on the door and AP had mousse all round his mouth, was very funny!

chrisxr2

1,127 posts

193 months

Friday 30th January 2009
quotequote all
I'M Alan partridge. Pure comedy genius. I can watch it over and over and still laugh my arse off.

Neil_H

15,323 posts

250 months

Friday 30th January 2009
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"You once caned me for having a chalk penis on the back of my blazer"

"Well, that was a long time ago Alan"

"That's what Nazi war crminals say"

NiceCupOfTea

25,280 posts

250 months

Friday 30th January 2009
quotequote all
Vlad. said:
I can read you like a book. But not a very good book. Certainly not Bravo 2-0 by Andy McNab which actually gets better with every read.




Edited by Vlad. on Friday 30th January 12:44
Randy McKnob!

BlueCello

6,225 posts

206 months

Saturday 31st January 2009
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roflrofl

I read the quotes for the 100th time and I'm still in fits of laughter!! Brilliant, BRILLIANT show.

Distant

2,339 posts

192 months

Saturday 31st January 2009
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BlueCello said:
roflrofl

I read the quotes for the 100th time and I'm still in fits of laughter!! Brilliant, BRILLIANT show.
yes Strange how some people don't get it though. My missus can't stand AP, god knows why, I'm slowly turning into him!

FourWheelDrift

88,375 posts

283 months

Saturday 31st January 2009
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"Ever shaved your crackling?"

Richie200

2,011 posts

208 months

Saturday 31st January 2009
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Sitting in his Lexus playing the 'air drums' at full volume, whilst waiting for Lynne at her mother's grave.

mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

254 months

Saturday 31st January 2009
quotequote all