Alan Partridge

[pits]

"So uh, would you like ah cuppa beans Alan"
"what a cup of beans"
"oh you no' ad cuppa beans before?"

[dpbird90]

I love when he is trying to deal with the SA guy from Dante Fires:

"This is Michael, he's in charge of the company computer"

"aye, there's nee porn on it"

[Sciroccology]

"Chris Rea, he lives in the area. I could have invited him over."

Alright Chris?
Hello Alan, didn't know you'd moved in?
I'm having a barbeque would you like to come over ?
I'd love to! Do you mind if I bring my guitar?
I'd rather you didn't it's not that kind of affair. Do you like mini kievs?
I love 'em, but my wife's vegetarian.
It doesn't matter she can have fish.
No she won't eat that either.
OH FORGET IT THEN .

[smiller]

"Do you mind if I talk while you do that, Jill? You know. Keep the wolf from the door so to speak"

"SMELL MY CHEESE, YOU KNOBBER"

preceded by

"oooooooo. ooooooooo. ooooooooo do you think you are?"

Genius!

[dmitsi]

Peter: I don’t care what you call your sordid little grief-hole. It makes no difference to me. The fact is that an awful lot of my colleagues are –<br>

Alan: [Interrupting] Are farmyard animals, yes.

Peter: You’re talking about my friends, here.

Alan: I’ve probably got more friends than you’ve got cows.

Peter: This is ridiculous.

Alan: How many cows have you got?

Peter: I’ve got a hundred cattle.

Alan: Yeah, I’ve got a hundred and four friends.

[MikeyT]

The Excession said:

What's that? (Pointing at the sink)
It's a rinser...
Yeah... get rid of it.

Sciroccology said:

"In that case, you've got yourself a deal - I'll take the house!"

Ok would you like to make an offer?

Sure, what's it on at
325,000
Ok, 324,000?

EFA - sorry -

[FourWheelDrift]

smiller said:

"SMELL MY CHEESE, YOU KNOBBER"

"SMELL MY CHEESE, YOU MOTHER!"

[pits]

Title for show "scum on the run"

[Rawwr]

Cook a cat.

[Sciroccology]

"MDF's illegal in America."

"So's that!"

[hman]

tantamount to vandalism (chocolate in the bed)

[Sciroccology]

hman said:

tantamount to vandalism (chocolate in the bed)

It looks like a dirty protest!

[smiller]

FourWheelDrift said:

smiller said:

"SMELL MY CHEESE, YOU KNOBBER"

"SMELL MY CHEESE, YOU MOTHER!"

Quoted from memory, and I stand corrected.

[NiceCupOfTea]

"I don't want to be part of your sex festival"

[dpbird90]

smiller said:

FourWheelDrift said:

smiller said:

"SMELL MY CHEESE, YOU KNOBBER"

"SMELL MY CHEESE, YOU MOTHER!"

Quoted from memory, and I stand corrected.

Said the man in the orthopedic shoes.


And who can forget:

Jill, what do you think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre? Because I'm dead against it, you see traders always need aacess to diiiiixonssssss!"

[BigBen]

"never throw water on a chip pan fire, it'll take your face off"

[dpbird90]

After he finds out about Dan & his wife being "sex people":

"Alan's Deep Bath.

Right this is the last one, we're stopping this after tonight. There's the bath, get in, wash yourself all over, do be clean. Get out and use the shower hose to blast off the SCUM"

[The Excession]

MikeyT said:

The Excession said:

What's that? (Pointing at the sink)
It's a rinser...
Yeah... get rid of it.

Sciroccology said:

"In that case, you've got yourself a deal - I'll take the house!"

Ok would you like to make an offer?

Sure, what's it on at
325,000
Ok, 324,000?

EFA - sorry -

I don't mind.. it's the thought that counts.

[BIG BAVARIAN]

"Show him your tool belt"

"Right, lets go to sprowston"

"I am looking for a sort of condensed pink floyd concert,a sort of puff flash,puff flash BANG !!"


" Lets go-nuclear, (in mock S.A accent) FULL BEAM !!"

[NiceCupOfTea]

BIG BAVARIAN said:

" Lets go-nuclear, (in mock S.A accent) FULL BEAM !!"

Whenever I see a post from "fullbeem" on here I think of Alan!