Sean Connery Joke
Discussion
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his
old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
"Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the
fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually
decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to
good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The
next day someone stole it. Caution.
They Walk Among Us
====================
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent
which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the
sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the
north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for
sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that
stuff."
They Walk Among Us!
====================
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One
day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call
center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7
days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to
end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" . .
They Walk Among Us!
====================
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when
we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the
sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a
convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was
moving". .
They Walk Among Us!
====================
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut
through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk...
They Walk Among Us!
====================
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases
were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The
cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....
They Walk Among Us!
=================
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose
ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the
chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's
nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is
turned...
They Walk Among Us!
====================
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I
went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags
never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your
plane arrived yet?"...
They Walk Among Us!
====================
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a
small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if
he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some
time before responding "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
enough to eat 6 pieces.
Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.
====================
old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
"Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the
fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually
decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to
good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The
next day someone stole it. Caution.
They Walk Among Us
====================
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent
which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the
sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the
north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for
sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that
stuff."
They Walk Among Us!
====================
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One
day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call
center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7
days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to
end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" . .
They Walk Among Us!
====================
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when
we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the
sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a
convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was
moving". .
They Walk Among Us!
====================
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut
through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk...
They Walk Among Us!
====================
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases
were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The
cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....
They Walk Among Us!
=================
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose
ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the
chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's
nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is
turned...
They Walk Among Us!
====================
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I
went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags
never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your
plane arrived yet?"...
They Walk Among Us!
====================
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a
small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if
he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some
time before responding "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
enough to eat 6 pieces.
Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.
====================
mondeohdear said:
victormeldrew said:
After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply:
"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply:
"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
Run Victor, the repost police will be here any moment!
If the god-awful joke Police don't get there first!
Siamese twins from the U.S. vacation at the same resort in England every year. The manager recognizes the conjoined brothers on one visit and asks if they keep coming back for the sights. "Oh, no," one of the twins says. "We've seen everything the city has to offer." "Perhaps you enjoy our many pubs?" the manager asks. "We don't drink," one twin replies. "You must fancy our fish and chips, then?" the manager asks. "No, we prefer burgers," one twin says. "Then what makes you come back year after year?" the manager asks. The left twin points to his brother and says, "It's the only chance he gets to drive."
mondeohdear said:
victormeldrew said:
After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply:
"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply:
"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
Run Victor, the repost police will be here any moment!
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and
asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Tony Blair, John Prescott, Gordon
Brown and Jack Straw.
They're asking for a £310 million ransom. Otherwise they're going to douse
them with petrol and set them on fire.
We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"Most people are giving about a gallon."
Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and
asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Tony Blair, John Prescott, Gordon
Brown and Jack Straw.
They're asking for a £310 million ransom. Otherwise they're going to douse
them with petrol and set them on fire.
We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"Most people are giving about a gallon."
A cucumber, courgette and a penis were talking
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
TreVoR Cheddar said:
A cucumber, courgette and a penis were talking
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
That is truly childish.
Edited to add further abuse: Do you find sex funny? Are you 12? I can't believe a 'joke' has got me so incensed. GRRRRRRR
Edited by Carrera2 on Tuesday 3rd October 14:37
Carrera2 said:
TreVoR Cheddar said:
A cucumber, courgette and a penis were talking
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
That is truly childish.
From a man who had an entire mini-series based upon the phantom premis that his "cleaner" was doing the yellow pages whilst he wasn't looking, I'll take that as a compliment!!!!
TreVoR Cheddar said:
Carrera2 said:
TreVoR Cheddar said:
A cucumber, courgette and a penis were talking
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
That is truly childish.
From a man who had an entire mini-series based upon the phantom premis that his "cleaner" was doing the yellow pages whilst he wasn't looking, I'll take that as a compliment!!!!
Comeback of the year. Original AND funny
TreVoR Cheddar said:
Carrera2 said:
TreVoR Cheddar said:
A cucumber, courgette and a penis were talking
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
That is truly childish.
From a man who had an entire mini-series based upon the phantom premis that his "cleaner" was doing the yellow pages whilst he wasn't looking, I'll take that as a compliment!!!!
Made me laugh more than the original joke! Hey, C2...take a chill pill, FFS.
Carrera2 said:
TreVoR Cheddar said:
A cucumber, courgette and a penis were talking
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
That is truly childish.
Edited to add further abuse: Do you find sex funny? Are you 12? I can't believe a 'joke' has got me so incensed. GRRRRRRR
Edited by Carrera2 on Tuesday 3rd October 14:37
so tempted to post "prick", but thought better of it.
towman said:
Carrera2 said:
TreVoR Cheddar said:
A cucumber, courgette and a penis were talking
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
That is truly childish.
Edited to add further abuse: Do you find sex funny? Are you 12? I can't believe a 'joke' has got me so incensed. GRRRRRRR
Edited by Carrera2 on Tuesday 3rd October 14:37
so tempted to post "prick", but thought better of it.
I'll say it then. Prick.
Carrera2 said:
towman said:
Carrera2 said:
TreVoR Cheddar said:
A cucumber, courgette and a penis were talking
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
That is truly childish.
Edited to add further abuse: Do you find sex funny? Are you 12? I can't believe a 'joke' has got me so incensed. GRRRRRRR
Edited by Carrera2 on Tuesday 3rd October 14:37
so tempted to post "prick", but thought better of it.
I'll say it then. Prick.
Thanks. saved me the effort.
towman said:
Carrera2 said:
towman said:
Carrera2 said:
TreVoR Cheddar said:
A cucumber, courgette and a penis were talking
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
The cucumber said "When I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown onto a salad."
The courgette said "Well, when I get big and hard and juicy I get chopped up and thrown in a frying pan."
"You guys think you've got it bad." said the penis, "When I get like that, I get a rubber tent thrown over my head, shoved in a dark room and have my head banged against a wall until I throw up and faint!"
That is truly childish.
Edited to add further abuse: Do you find sex funny? Are you 12? I can't believe a 'joke' has got me so incensed. GRRRRRRR
Edited by Carrera2 on Tuesday 3rd October 14:37
so tempted to post "prick", but thought better of it.
I'll say it then. Prick.
Thanks. saved me the effort.
Jeez guys lighten up, considering some of the shit jokes that have been posted on here, this one hardly rates all this does it now. Lets all go and play nicely shall we?
I can't believe you edited it to rant more!! It's a joke forum - you may not have like the joke, but come on, someone else will post an equally futile, purile and downright silly one shortly.
BTW, I thought he was calling you a prick for your stupid reply. Ho-Hum been called worse.
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