Sean Connery Joke
Discussion
This woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different.Your baby is a
hermaphrodite."
The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"
The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the...er... features...of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my God! You mean it has a vagina... ...AND a brain?"
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different.Your baby is a
hermaphrodite."
The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"
The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the...er... features...of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my God! You mean it has a vagina... ...AND a brain?"
A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local
golf club. The man and woman meet the pro and head to the driving
range.
The man goes up first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The
golf pro says, ''Not bad. Now hold your club as firmly as you hold
your wife's breast.'' The man follows instructions and hits the ball
300 yards. The golf pro says,''Excellent!''
Now the woman takes her turn. She hits the ball 30 yards. The golf
pro says,''Not bad, but try holding the club like you hold your
husband's manhood.'' She swings and the ball goes 10 yards.
''Not bad," says the golf pro, "now try taking the club out of your
mouth.''
golf club. The man and woman meet the pro and head to the driving
range.
The man goes up first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The
golf pro says, ''Not bad. Now hold your club as firmly as you hold
your wife's breast.'' The man follows instructions and hits the ball
300 yards. The golf pro says,''Excellent!''
Now the woman takes her turn. She hits the ball 30 yards. The golf
pro says,''Not bad, but try holding the club like you hold your
husband's manhood.'' She swings and the ball goes 10 yards.
''Not bad," says the golf pro, "now try taking the club out of your
mouth.''
Two chefs make it to the final of a cooking competition, where the prize is a holiday. They are neck and neck on points, when at the last minute one of them adds honey and lime to their fish in the frying pan.
He wins.
The other one watches the plane leave and says:
"There but for the glaze of cod go I
ohsomebodystopmebeforeitstoolate:
He wins.
The other one watches the plane leave and says:
"There but for the glaze of cod go I
ohsomebodystopmebeforeitstoolate:A cardiac specialist passed away after a long and successful life. At his funeral, the coffin was placed in front of a huge mockup of a heart, made up
of roses.
When the pastor finished with the sermon, and a touching eulogy had been concluded, and after everyone had paid their respects, the heart-shaped flower sculpture opened, the coffin was rolled inside, and then the heart slowly closed - - totally enveloping the deceased physician. Just then, one of the mourners burst into laughter. The guy next to him asked, "Why are you laughing?" "I was thinking about my own funeral," the man replied. "What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist ."
of roses.
When the pastor finished with the sermon, and a touching eulogy had been concluded, and after everyone had paid their respects, the heart-shaped flower sculpture opened, the coffin was rolled inside, and then the heart slowly closed - - totally enveloping the deceased physician. Just then, one of the mourners burst into laughter. The guy next to him asked, "Why are you laughing?" "I was thinking about my own funeral," the man replied. "What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist ."
Alright - Can people please stop posting tommy cooper gags from the 1970's
I thank you !
Here is my best gag
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a
girlfriend.When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I
decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
In University I dated a passionate girl, but she was too
emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried
all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with
stability. When I was 21 I found a very stable girl but she was
boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 25 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't
keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on
anything. She did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met.
She made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very
energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.
When I turned 28, I found a smart ambitious girl with her
feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so
ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am now 30 and am looking for a girl with very big tits.
I thank you !
Here is my best gag
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a
girlfriend.When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I
decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
In University I dated a passionate girl, but she was too
emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried
all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with
stability. When I was 21 I found a very stable girl but she was
boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 25 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't
keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on
anything. She did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met.
She made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very
energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.
When I turned 28, I found a smart ambitious girl with her
feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so
ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am now 30 and am looking for a girl with very big tits.
Three men: one American, one Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in the sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.
"That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand."
Paddy felt decidedly low-tech. So as not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive.
He stepped out of the sauna and went to toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his bum.
The others raised their eyebrows.
"Will you look at that" says Paddy, I'm getting a fax."
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.
"That was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand."
Paddy felt decidedly low-tech. So as not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive.
He stepped out of the sauna and went to toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his bum.
The others raised their eyebrows.
"Will you look at that" says Paddy, I'm getting a fax."
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