What to do with daughter who has lost confidence to drive?

[RobM77]

I agree with Waremark; you or your wife should have a chat and find out if there's an underlying reason. I know several people in the same situation and it's caused by other people on the road being aggressive and pushy. I'm not sure what the answer to that is though.

Some jobs require a driving license and it would be a shame if she missed out, plus in the future if she has kids it may be a help being able to drive to take them to school, to clubs etc(my Mum started up driving again after having children because it became a necessity and like most people, found it hard to re-start after ten years away from it).

[AH33]

Just let her get on with it. If people don't have an interest in driving, its a good thing they aren't on the road, taking up space and waiting at green traffic lights for 10 seconds before moving off. Some people just dont like it.

[RobM77]

AH33 said:

Just let her get on with it. If people don't have an interest in driving, its a good thing they aren't on the road, taking up space and waiting at green traffic lights for 10 seconds before moving off. Some people just dont like it.

Fair enough, but do consider the ramifications for her if she needs to drive later in life. My former manager at work (now retired), my Mum and two former girlfriends of mine have all been in the situation where they passed at 17/18, drove till 21 and then didn't drive again until they were forced to by changing situations: kids, work, moving to the countryside etc (or all three in the case of my Mum!). They didn't stop driving due to nerves, just because they worked in London and lived in a town with public transport and it wasn't necessary. However, despite not even having an issue with nerves in the first place, after 10+ years away from driving they all found it extremely difficult to return to driving due to nerves. Two of those people I listed never managed to drive again and it's impacted their lifes massively. Once that's considered though, yes, of course it's completely her decision.

[TurboHatchback]

RobM77 said:

I know several people in the same situation and it's caused by other people on the road being aggressive and pushy. I'm not sure what the answer to that is though.

In my experience the answer is buying a massive car, the more enormous the better. I don't really get the psychology but there is a really noticeable difference in how other road users treat me depending on what I'm driving, little sports cars and hatchbacks seem to encounter all sorts of pushiness and aggression yet big saloons and enormous 4x4s hardly any at all.

(Please note this is not an actual suggestion for your daughter, unless of course she likes enormous land yachts).

[MongCG125]

Disown her and hand in your ph membership card. You have failed as a ph parent.

[heebeegeetee]

tight fart said:

No 3 offspring has lost all confidence to drive, she's 21, has a MGTF and now tells us she has no interest to drive again, she past her test first time, has never had a knock (apart from losing a mirror in the lanes 18 months ago)
Not sure what to do?

Is she saying it's a problem?

[Geekman]

Some people just aren't cut out for it. My mum had refresher lessons when she started driving again, and still managed to run down a kid from my school (no injuries thankfully!), write off my neighbours car whilst reversing into the drive, and, most memorably, pull out of a junction into the middle of a busy road, panic, turn off the car and sit on the verge in a strop with the car stranded in the middle of the road.

She then managed to mix up the accelerator and brake on our new car, at which point we all agreed driving wasn't for her.

Some people can't write very well, some people can't do maths, I don't think it's surprising that some people can't do driving.

[bomma220]

What about taking her to an 'off road' (as in private property, airfield etc) place to have a blast around in a rally car or similar? Might help if it's a matter of restoring lost confidence?

[bomma220]

Sorry meant to add something along these lines:

https://www.buyagift.co.uk/driving-experiences/ral...

[Blakewater]

I recall watching a driving documentary programme a few years ago where a woman who had always been a fairly confident driver just had a panic attack one day when driving along the motorway. She was suddenly overcome with the notion that she was hurtling down the motorway at high speed in a metal box surrounded by lots of other vehicles and she thought how dangerous it was. That caused her to slow right down in a panic which meant everyone descended on her with horns and aggression and that made everything worse. After that she had a phobia of driving. It's a bit like a sportsman suddenly choking in the middle of a game or an actor in the middle of a play. That sudden conscious thought of what's going on can cause someone to be overcome with fear and lose the general flow of what he or she is doing.

If it's a concern, talk to her about whether or not she's nervous about it. Maybe she finds people too aggressive, maybe something specific has happened. Maybe changing her car for something more comfortable or with a more assertive road presence would help, even if she hasn't thought of that herself. A young girl in an MGTF probably will be a magnet for bullies and idiots. Perhaps she will benefit from further tuition if she finds she wants or needs to go back to it.

Suggest selling the car, but make it clear she may regret it if she does. If she doesn't want to do that it means she still has some commitment to driving again, so it will be a gauge of her enthusiasm for driving.

[watchnut]

Could be any number of reasons, talk to her,

has she a boy friend who takes the piss out of her driving?

Do people at work take the piss out of her parking/driving at work?

Has she had/been victim of a road rage incident?

Is her car reliable? (it is an MGF)....and feels she can't drive it because of that?

Taking Taxi's everywhere can't help her confidence....some of them are shocking drivers! (hard hat on now)

I agree IAM and Rospa could help her confidence by building on her existing skills and make driving fun again

[Mrs Muttleysnoop]

Please do not make her drive if she does not want to. I have been a massive petrolhead since the age of 7 and learnt to drive at that age across fields. However about 25+ years ago I had a problem with driving and lost my confidence. A bit extreme I know but I did a race instruction day at Brands in a BMW and a single seat race car. Well that sorted me out!!

[xpc316e]

Lots of posters have given useful suggestions about what to do if she has lost her confidence, but I suspect that it is more a case of losing interest.

Bearing in mind the fact that females tend to produce offspring at some point in their lives, I'd just leave it until she is dragging a couple of kids around on the tube and buses. Lugging around all the associated paraphernalia will in all probability produce a renewed interest in driving a car.

[ColinM50]

miroku said:

We have exactly this problem with a young girl who works for us. She simply seems to have lost confidence even though there has not been an accident or anything.
So we have offered to pay for a session of lessons as we would ideally like her to drive in her job. Also would be good for her to understand why she has lost confidence for no apparent reason.
Anyway, she has lessons booked so we will see how it goes.

+1

[RobM77]

Mrs Muttleysnoop said:

Please do not make her drive if she does not want to. I have been a massive petrolhead since the age of 7 and learnt to drive at that age across fields. However about 25+ years ago I had a problem with driving and lost my confidence. A bit extreme I know but I did a race instruction day at Brands in a BMW and a single seat race car. Well that sorted me out!!

I would have expected it to terrify you! How did you find it before, during and after?

[tight fart]

Thanks for all your thoughts, problem has been temporarily solved.

"Is her car reliable? (it is an MGF)....and feels she can't drive it because of that?"

Yes it's packed up so she has no car.

I think (hope) that a couple of weeks without may sway her into wanting to drive again.
A change of car is on the cards as well.

I have offered some off roading in the Land Rover or track time in the Caterham and got a blank stair back.

[Mrs Muttleysnoop]

RobM77 said:

Mrs Muttleysnoop said:

Please do not make her drive if she does not want to. I have been a massive petrolhead since the age of 7 and learnt to drive at that age across fields. However about 25+ years ago I had a problem with driving and lost my confidence. A bit extreme I know but I did a race instruction day at Brands in a BMW and a single seat race car. Well that sorted me out!!

I would have expected it to terrify you! How did you find it before, during and after?
[/quote

Before I felt nervous, during I felt nervous which the instructor picked up on and helped me a great deal. Afterwards I realized I am a tin top girl and still love, love, driving.

Short while after that I did my first track day in my caged 1380 Swiftune Mini. I was in the novice group with a group of Ferrari F40s and F50S!

Following year I spent a day on Brands GP circuit with Nick Swift of Swiftune, best day of my life and I learnt so much from him.

Sorry for the thread drift.

[robinessex]

No problem. There will be self driving cars in the show rooms by Xmas, she can buy one of those !

[HustleRussell]

tight fart said:

Thanks for all your thoughts, problem has been temporarily solved.

"Is her car reliable? (it is an MGF)....and feels she can't drive it because of that?"

Yes it's packed up so she has no car.

I think (hope) that a couple of weeks without may sway her into wanting to drive again.
A change of car is on the cards as well.

I have offered some off roading in the Land Rover or track time in the Caterham and got a blank stair back.

Blimey. No wonder.

Of course there are exceptions but the fact is that pretty much all young women want an Audi or a Mini.

I haven't met your daughter but your MGF, Caterham and off-roading are probably so far removed from what she wants.

Is dad perhaps trying to live vicariously through his daughter?

[Munter]

She'll want to drive when she has kids. Get a local youth to knock her up and the problem will go away I'm sure.

(I'm not sure why my wife thinks I'd be a bad parent)