Paternity Leave

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39,686 posts

195 months

Wednesday 22nd June 2016
quotequote all
andy-xr said:
Sure, I understand that. There is Statutory Paternity Leave entitlement, its aboit £130/week. Paternity leave on full pay though is mostly a given for any employer who values their employees

let me explain;

Many people want to work for employers where they're included, as in the company takes you in, looks after you, in return you spend your time helping the company move forward. Its a joint understanding.. Employees share a lot of their life at work, and a birth is a fairly big deal. Something to be happy for someone about. So paternity leave is often a time where an employer might want to show some willing.

In many cases I'd imagine a new father is probably useless at work as their mind is going to be somewhere else and not really on the job, they may as well be at home

If I had an employer who declined my leave request we'd probably part ways fairly soon after I called in sick for 2 weeks.

But that deviates a little as what you're implying is that fathers should, if they want, either use holiday rather than statutory or topped up paternity leave


Edited by andy-xr on Tuesday 21st June 22:25
If Maternity/Paternity Leave benefits organisations so much why not let them decide how much or how little they want to give (as opposed to making it a legal requirement)?


paulrockliffe

15,639 posts

226 months

Wednesday 22nd June 2016
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GT03ROB said:
How did the country survive before the days of paternity leave?

Ah that's right we all used out annual leave! I got thrown out of the house after 2 days anyhow. So played golf for the rest of the time I had off.
And you accrue leave while you're on your parental leave too, so I've ended up with 12 months leave to spread over 8 months. And because the policy came in a month or so beforehand and we didn't know what it would mean, I'd banked a load of leave from last year. I've barely been in this year and I've got 2 weeks off coming up in a couple of weeks! Awesome.

Kermit power

28,634 posts

212 months

Thursday 23rd June 2016
quotequote all
GT03ROB said:
How did the country survive before the days of paternity leave?

Ah that's right we all used out annual leave! I got thrown out of the house after 2 days anyhow. So played golf for the rest of the time I had off.
I think we just accepted that there was a biological difference between men and women, so blokes stayed at work, didn't we?

R E S T E C P

Original Poster:

660 posts

104 months

Thursday 23rd June 2016
quotequote all
Kermit power said:
GT03ROB said:
How did the country survive before the days of paternity leave?

Ah that's right we all used out annual leave! I got thrown out of the house after 2 days anyhow. So played golf for the rest of the time I had off.
I think we just accepted that there was a biological difference between men and women, so blokes stayed at work, didn't we?
Is this like a policy where you try to live your life as a 19th century man? Or does it only apply to your children?

I don't work in a coal mine and my wife is more educated than me. Sometimes I even make our dinner!

Shocking I know.



Also GT03ROB - getting thrown out of the house for being unhelpful and playing golf instead of spending time with your child who has only existed for 2 days?
Thats.... not something to be proud of.

We're talking about a few days of spending time with your newborn baby, not a lifetime of being bummed by strap-on wielding feminists.

PurpleMoonlight

22,362 posts

156 months

Thursday 23rd June 2016
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R E S T E C P said:
We're talking about a few days of spending time with your newborn baby, not a lifetime of being bummed by strap-on wielding feminists.
To be fair, all they do the first few weeks is eat, sleep and st. You won't even be able to feed it if the mother doing so bodily.

I can see how work seems somewhat more appealing.

Kermit power

28,634 posts

212 months

Thursday 23rd June 2016
quotequote all
R E S T E C P said:
Kermit power said:
GT03ROB said:
How did the country survive before the days of paternity leave?

Ah that's right we all used out annual leave! I got thrown out of the house after 2 days anyhow. So played golf for the rest of the time I had off.
I think we just accepted that there was a biological difference between men and women, so blokes stayed at work, didn't we?
Is this like a policy where you try to live your life as a 19th century man? Or does it only apply to your children?

I don't work in a coal mine and my wife is more educated than me. Sometimes I even make our dinner!

Shocking I know.



Also GT03ROB - getting thrown out of the house for being unhelpful and playing golf instead of spending time with your child who has only existed for 2 days?
Thats.... not something to be proud of.

We're talking about a few days of spending time with your newborn baby, not a lifetime of being bummed by strap-on wielding feminists.
OK, be honest. Come back and report after your first couple of days of parenthood and tell us you've really, truly not, at any point thought "oh. Is that all it does?" hehe

You can be as new-age Renaissance Man as you like about it, but it doesn't change the fact that small babies are as dull as ditch water!

It's going to sleep a lot (an awful lot if you're lucky), it's going to eat, and it's going to pee and crap. That's about it for the first few weeks.

It's not going to sit on your knee, laughing and gurgling along to all those cute little songs you sing it. It's not going to play video games with you or go to the park.

It's not going to do anything interesting whatsoever for quite a while, and unless you're magically lactating, you're going to be pretty surplus to requirements for much of the initial stages thanks to your biological makeup, whether you like it or not.

I've got three basically happy, well balanced, affectionate kids whom I spend a lot of time with. Strangely, I didn't need to spend the first few weeks of their lives indulging in skin on skin contact whilst singing them whale song to achieve this.

If you want to take a few weeks of paternity leave, good for you. I'd just recommend you get a good book and practice saying "no darling, honestly, there's nowhere else I'd rather be"! hehe

R E S T E C P

Original Poster:

660 posts

104 months

Thursday 23rd June 2016
quotequote all
They don't crawl at 2 days old??? biggrin

I'm sure my wife would appreciate as much help as possible in the days following birth. If you have other family nearby who can get time off work and help out then great, but not everyone does.

I think a couple of weeks to help my wife get back on her feet, spend time with the newborn and clean up spillages sounds like a minimum... With annual leave spread throughout the year when the baby is more entertaining.

I'm guessing anyone who only spends a day or two at home has other family taking their place...

Kermit power

28,634 posts

212 months

Thursday 23rd June 2016
quotequote all
R E S T E C P said:
They don't crawl at 2 days old??? biggrin

I'm sure my wife would appreciate as much help as possible in the days following birth. If you have other family nearby who can get time off work and help out then great, but not everyone does.

I think a couple of weeks to help my wife get back on her feet, spend time with the newborn and clean up spillages sounds like a minimum... With annual leave spread throughout the year when the baby is more entertaining.

I'm guessing anyone who only spends a day or two at home has other family taking their place...
I did take a couple of weeks off for the first one. My wife has frequently said since that it would've been far more useful if I'd waited a few months and taken the time off then.

Obviously it was a bit different with the other two, as we already had kids who needed looking after, so I looked after them, but very much left the baby stuff to my wife.

andy-xr

13,204 posts

203 months

Thursday 23rd June 2016
quotequote all
Kermit power said:
OK, be honest. Come back and report after your first couple of days of parenthood and tell us you've really, truly not, at any point thought "oh. Is that all it does?" hehe

You can be as new-age Renaissance Man as you like about it, but it doesn't change the fact that small babies are as dull as ditch water!

It's going to sleep a lot (an awful lot if you're lucky), it's going to eat, and it's going to pee and crap. That's about it for the first few weeks.

It's not going to sit on your knee, laughing and gurgling along to all those cute little songs you sing it. It's not going to play video games with you or go to the park.

It's not going to do anything interesting whatsoever for quite a while, and unless you're magically lactating, you're going to be pretty surplus to requirements for much of the initial stages thanks to your biological makeup, whether you like it or not.

I've got three basically happy, well balanced, affectionate kids whom I spend a lot of time with. Strangely, I didn't need to spend the first few weeks of their lives indulging in skin on skin contact whilst singing them whale song to achieve this.

If you want to take a few weeks of paternity leave, good for you. I'd just recommend you get a good book and practice saying "no darling, honestly, there's nowhere else I'd rather be"! hehe
It's not necessarily that the baies are dull, but let's be honest, my wife's going to have enough going on with a newborn that other stuff, that still needs to be done is going to need to be taken care of. For us that'd be meals, dealing with our 3 cats, keeping the family around the country updated, even down to taking photos of her and the baby. I dont think for me anyway that I'm going to be a spare part in making sure stuff still keeps moving. I might be, I dont know - I've only got a rough plan, but it's basically one where we team up to do stuff rather than me trying to emulate some 80s poster of falling asleep with a baby on my chest.

Countdown

39,686 posts

195 months

Thursday 23rd June 2016
quotequote all
R E S T E C P said:
Also GT03ROB - getting thrown out of the house for being unhelpful and playing golf instead of spending time with your child who has only existed for 2 days?
Thats.... not something to be proud of.

We're talking about a few days of spending time with your newborn baby, not a lifetime of being bummed by strap-on wielding feminists.
Horses for courses. I'm rubbish with babies. My wife has 2 sisters and a mum who were both nearby and very supportive. I would have been more of a hindrance than a help.

There seems to be a school of thought that dads MUST be intimately involved in the birthing/newborn baby process, otherwise they're either missing out on some important life-fulfilling experience. It's possibly the same school of thought that childcare MUST be shared 50:50, dads MUST spend a certain amount of time with the kids etc etc.

I disagree completely. It's whatever works for you as a couple. That might well be dad spending all his time at the pub whilst mum gives birth OR it may be that dad spends 100% of his time with his wife answering her every beck and call. neither is right and neither is wrong. It's whatever works for you as a couple.


Matt_N

8,900 posts

201 months

Thursday 23rd June 2016
quotequote all
I had 3 months and 2 weeks off after the birth of our son, unfortunately 3 months of that was with me laid up with a broken femur leaving my wife with 2 helpless males to look after boxedin

GT03ROB

13,207 posts

220 months

Thursday 23rd June 2016
quotequote all
R E S T E C P said:
Also GT03ROB - getting thrown out of the house for being unhelpful and playing golf instead of spending time with your child who has only existed for 2 days?
Thats.... not something to be proud of.

We're talking about a few days of spending time with your newborn baby, not a lifetime of being bummed by strap-on wielding feminists.
I think others have stated my case far better than I can, but you appear to have jumped to the conclusion I was unhelpful.

Baby sleeps most of the time, mother rests a lot too. Neither needed or wanted me every 10mins checking up on them. There is only so much they want or need.

Devil2575

13,400 posts

187 months

Wednesday 29th June 2016
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megaphone said:
Rick101 said:
megaphone said:
No, no joke. Some people need to man up a bit.
I feel genuinely sorry for you.
As an 'absent' father I treasure the time I can spend with my kids.
The macho attitude may be big and clever but maybe one day you'll look back and think I wish I spent more time with my family.

Have a listen to Harry Chapin's Cats in the Cradle. It's a great song.

Edited by Rick101 on Tuesday 21st June 15:45
Thanks for feeling sorry for me, no one usually cares much about me.
It's not hard to see why biggrin

Devil2575

13,400 posts

187 months

Wednesday 29th June 2016
quotequote all
GT03ROB said:
R E S T E C P said:
Also GT03ROB - getting thrown out of the house for being unhelpful and playing golf instead of spending time with your child who has only existed for 2 days?
Thats.... not something to be proud of.

We're talking about a few days of spending time with your newborn baby, not a lifetime of being bummed by strap-on wielding feminists.
I think others have stated my case far better than I can, but you appear to have jumped to the conclusion I was unhelpful.

Baby sleeps most of the time, mother rests a lot too. Neither needed or wanted me every 10mins checking up on them. There is only so much they want or need.
This is true, but what my wife did want when we had our first was a bit of moral support especially as with your first you don't really know wat you're doing. Also someone to help out round the house doing the stuff she can't do because after being up half the night she is exhausted.
For our second and third it was having someone there to keep the other child/children happy when mother was with the baby, someone to take them to swimming lessons and do school pick up and drop off and someone to get up and sit with the baby when they didn't need feeding but just needed a cuddle.

Yes there comes a point when you being at home doesn't add much, but in the first couple of weeks when things are a bit crazy you can be a lot of help. Of course if you're the kind of bloke who likes to do an impression of 19th century man and so be useless I can understand why there is no point in taking any leave biggrin

PostHeads123

1,042 posts

134 months

Thursday 30th June 2016
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We had baby 10 weeks ago, very difficult birth, partner couldn't breast feed as a result and still unwell though at home. Currently I'm working full time with 1.5hr commute both ways and I do ALL the night feeds, he has one at 1am, 3am-ish, 5am-ish, I am f*cked and soo tired, wish the little bugger would sleep better. I've gone right off babies ......

Devil2575

13,400 posts

187 months

Thursday 30th June 2016
quotequote all
PostHeads123 said:
We had baby 10 weeks ago, very difficult birth, partner couldn't breast feed as a result and still unwell though at home. Currently I'm working full time with 1.5hr commute both ways and I do ALL the night feeds, he has one at 1am, 3am-ish, 5am-ish, I am f*cked and soo tired, wish the little bugger would sleep better. I've gone right off babies ......
Bloody hell! I don't know how you're managing.