Bullying at work
Discussion
The Moose said:
curlie467 said:
The Moose said:
Out of interest, OP, how have you been bullied in this situation? I just can't see it?
I agree. Form the OP:
"Then he accused me of not being a team player loudly in front of the whole office (approx 15 people)"
That would, in my book, count as bullying. If you have an issue with a team member, deal with it 1:1.
Have I missed something here, has the OP addressed this with the person he is upset with?
Have a conversation where you say you wont be spoken to like that, that it undermines any respect you have for him and that it humiliated you in-front of colleges!
If you haven't spoken to the person you are upset with then he probably has no idea you feel like this. He may in future tip toe around you so as not to offend you!
Have a conversation where you say you wont be spoken to like that, that it undermines any respect you have for him and that it humiliated you in-front of colleges!
If you haven't spoken to the person you are upset with then he probably has no idea you feel like this. He may in future tip toe around you so as not to offend you!
Vaud said:
The Moose said:
curlie467 said:
The Moose said:
Out of interest, OP, how have you been bullied in this situation? I just can't see it?
I agree. Form the OP:
"Then he accused me of not being a team player loudly in front of the whole office (approx 15 people)"
That would, in my book, count as bullying. If you have an issue with a team member, deal with it 1:1.
The Moose said:
TBH, as an isolated incident that's a bit 'delicate little flower'.
But that isn't how it works.No excuse for berating someone in front of their peers. That's a bit 1970s. It rarely drives the right outcomes and is piss-poor management.
It is bullying and I have seen successful grievances raised for (much) less.
Vaud said:
The Moose said:
TBH, as an isolated incident that's a bit 'delicate little flower'.
But that isn't how it works.No excuse for berating someone in front of their peers. That's a bit 1970s. It rarely drives the right outcomes and is piss-poor management.
It is bullying and I have seen successful grievances raised for (much) less.
gottans said:
The 'project manager' isn't my boss, his is just one project of several I am working on but I do this at the direction of my manager. We are very busy with current projects and writing 'speculative' documents that no one has ever asked for or needed before in over 15 years is diverting valuable time away from higher priority work.
I am not concerned about him voicing his displeasure at not getting what he 'believes' he needs but more the way he did it.
This should have been in a meeting room at the very least and not getting bawled out in the office in front of everyone which is at the least 'unprofessional'.
Yep, the guy sounds a tool. But I'm confused why you didn't just tell him to go and talk to your line manager when said Tool was asking for stuff you didn't think was required? Your manager should have told him what you were able to deliver and define your deliverables and priorities.I am not concerned about him voicing his displeasure at not getting what he 'believes' he needs but more the way he did it.
This should have been in a meeting room at the very least and not getting bawled out in the office in front of everyone which is at the least 'unprofessional'.
You weren't 'bullied', you just had a stand up shouty argument with a Tool, unprofessional of you both. You could have taken the wind right out of he sails at any point by telling him you're not goign to have a stand up argument in the middle of the office and for him to go and talk to your manager, and then ignored him from that point on.
Now it's your mission not to get mad, but get even, and undermine everything Tool does behind his back.
If your account is fair others will have seen it and no one is going to want to put themselves out for shouty. shouty Tool.Piersman2 said:
gottans said:
The 'project manager' isn't my boss, his is just one project of several I am working on but I do this at the direction of my manager. We are very busy with current projects and writing 'speculative' documents that no one has ever asked for or needed before in over 15 years is diverting valuable time away from higher priority work.
I am not concerned about him voicing his displeasure at not getting what he 'believes' he needs but more the way he did it.
This should have been in a meeting room at the very least and not getting bawled out in the office in front of everyone which is at the least 'unprofessional'.
Yep, the guy sounds a tool. But I'm confused why you didn't just tell him to go and talk to your line manager when said Tool was asking for stuff you didn't think was required? Your manager should have told him what you were able to deliver and define your deliverables and priorities.I am not concerned about him voicing his displeasure at not getting what he 'believes' he needs but more the way he did it.
This should have been in a meeting room at the very least and not getting bawled out in the office in front of everyone which is at the least 'unprofessional'.
You weren't 'bullied', you just had a stand up shouty argument with a Tool, unprofessional of you both. You could have taken the wind right out of he sails at any point by telling him you're not goign to have a stand up argument in the middle of the office and for him to go and talk to your manager, and then ignored him from that point on.
Now it's your mission not to get mad, but get even, and undermine everything Tool does behind his back.
If your account is fair others will have seen it and no one is going to want to put themselves out for shouty. shouty Tool.You could always go for the smug route , told him he's being unprofessional but you'll pop out for coffee give him time to calm down and then try again when you come back.
Obviously he needs to not be your boss.
Worked with quite a few like that, it's generally insecurity on their part.
If he does it again then you reply, "Can I have a word with you in the meeting room", go in and say "I'm sorry if you think I've missed something, but I'd appreciate if you could give feedback like that in private, as I don't think it's appropriate to talk like that at work"
That way you get to tell them they're a prick, they don't have to do an embarrassing climb down in front of staff, and you hold the moral high ground.
Then punch him in the throat and look for a new job
If he does it again then you reply, "Can I have a word with you in the meeting room", go in and say "I'm sorry if you think I've missed something, but I'd appreciate if you could give feedback like that in private, as I don't think it's appropriate to talk like that at work"
That way you get to tell them they're a prick, they don't have to do an embarrassing climb down in front of staff, and you hold the moral high ground.
Then punch him in the throat and look for a new job
Vaud said:
Actually he has, but then PH is full of powerfully built directors who know all about employment...
From the 1970s.
I'm certainly not one of those, but personally I wouldn't call it bulling if it went down as described.From the 1970s.
Insensitive? Badly judged? Better discussed in private?
Absolutely, but it comes across very much as a robust conversation vs. what I personally would consider bullying.
b
hstewie said:
hstewie said:Vaud said:
Actually he has, but then PH is full of powerfully built directors who know all about employment...
From the 1970s.
I'm certainly not one of those, but personally I wouldn't call it bulling if it went down as described.From the 1970s.
Insensitive? Badly judged? Better discussed in private?
Absolutely, but it comes across very much as a robust conversation vs. what I personally would consider bullying.
Some are justified and others speculative. When I questioned the value of the speculative documents he eventually came out with the 'because I want it' justification.
Did the OP do this in private or in the middle of the office, the guy may not be the OP's boss but he is the OPs superior. All I get off this is the OP being stuborn and say nope I wont do work you are asking me to do etc.
That can be seen as bullying under the degrading someones position?
Vaud said:
Try the ACAS definition, "Bullying and harassment means any unwanted behaviour that makes someone feel intimidated, degraded, humiliated or offended. It is not necessarily always obvious or apparent to others, and may happen in the workplace without an employer's awareness."
Form the OP:
"Then he accused me of not being a team player loudly in front of the whole office (approx 15 people)"
That would, in my book, count as bullying. If you have an issue with a team member, deal with it 1:1.
I would 100% agree with this. Form the OP:
"Then he accused me of not being a team player loudly in front of the whole office (approx 15 people)"
That would, in my book, count as bullying. If you have an issue with a team member, deal with it 1:1.
When I graduated I took a job on a chemical waste site, and we would speak to each other via radio. So the conversation would be heard by plenty of people. My line manager was speaking to me using that method, and I repeated the instructions back to him to check that I had heard it correctly. His response was 'that's obviously what I meant, so f
king get on with it'.A short while later we were in the office together, alone, and I said "the way you had spoken to me was condescending, would you prefer that I didn't repeat it back to you for checking and do it incorrectly?". He accepted he had been out of order and apologised, and we moved on and it didn't happen again.
My point here is that (the OP's experience) is either the result of a) poor management thinking he can 'shame' into line, b) not thinking it through (as my previous manager did) of c) genuine bully.
Only b is nearly excusable, but a sincere apology is needed to move on. I have been guilty of doing this myself when under pressure- it's part of learning, and I made up for it afterwards.
22s said:
Lots of Sensitive Susans on here.
You had a disagreement with your manager, who's being a bit of a knob, and now you're asking if you should whine to HR about it?
Get over it or move company if you dislike being "bullied" so much!
It wasn't OP's manager. Even if it was the public dressing-down is unnecessary.You had a disagreement with your manager, who's being a bit of a knob, and now you're asking if you should whine to HR about it?
Get over it or move company if you dislike being "bullied" so much!
bhstewie said:
hstewie said:gottans said:
This should have been in a meeting room at the very least and not getting bawled out in the office in front of everyone which is at the least 'unprofessional'.
Can't argue with that but I've been on the giving and receiving end of the same thing and not once did it cross my mind to involve HR.HR aren't there for your benefit they're there for the company.
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