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kiwifraser
Original Poster
4,262 posts
63 months
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We have been invited for a traditional Jewish Friday night dinner tonight at the parents of a family friends. Our friends take a relaxed view to the religion, however the father follows the faith strictly (no pork, no drinking, no using machinery/ cars after sunset on Fridays, doesn't believe in the theory of evolution, etc). 1 - Can anyone give me a top line on what to expect please so I can inform Mrs kiwi and the kids before we go? 2 - Normally I'd take flowers and wine to thank someone for the invite, but given the parents don't often drink, any better suggestions on something more appropriate to take as a gift? Help and advise much appreciated 
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Sheets Tabuer
12,144 posts
84 months
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Avoid the calamari rings.
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hora
16,574 posts
80 months
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These badges are prized by Observant Jews....   I'm of Jewish descent BTW incase anyone calls me racist.
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kiwifraser
Original Poster
4,262 posts
63 months
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Nice to see the usual helpful PH answers first 
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Snowboy
3,221 posts
20 months
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Flowers seem like a good idea.
Maybe a box of decent after dinner mints?
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VinceFox
14,205 posts
41 months
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christ this sounds like too much hassle.
i'd stay home and eat wotsits in me dressing gown.
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RDMcG
7,044 posts
76 months
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Flowers are fine. If they keep kosher you would be unwise to take food as there are varying degrees of observance. If they use a skullcap they may offer one to you and it is polite to wear it at the table but otherwise not needed. There is a Shabbas ritual before the meal that is very brief and you need to do nothing.Jews are not proselytisers and understand that there are varieties of beliefs. I expect that you will be warmly welcomed.
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Mobile Chicane
14,018 posts
81 months
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Snowboy said: Flowers seem like a good idea.
Maybe a box of decent after dinner mints? ^^^ This. Bendick's bittermints are kosher certified.
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hora
16,574 posts
80 months
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VinceFox said: christ this sounds like too much hassle.
i'd stay home and eat wotsits in me dressing gown. Not at all. Plus Jewish Orthodox women can be quite hot looking.
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VinceFox
14,205 posts
41 months
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hora said: VinceFox said: christ this sounds like too much hassle.
i'd stay home and eat wotsits in me dressing gown. Not at all. Plus Jewish Orthodox women can be quite hot looking. hmm... - does dressing gown up, puts shoes on.
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BlackVanDyke
8,039 posts
80 months
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Some very Orthodox people won't drink non-Kosher wine so it's worth checking before you pick out a nice bottle. Can't think of any reason for flowers not to be OK. I always used to take a box of chocolates round. My experiences have all been at not-so-Orthodox Friday night dinners, which generally went like this: Arrive comfortably before sunset (check the paper?) in smart-ish clothes. Mooch around chatting while whoever's cooking finishes getting ready. Offer to help if it seems appropriate - you'll pretty much always be politely refused just as with any dinner party etc. Go in to dining room. Head of family sits at one end of table. Candles lit and blessing/prayer said over the candles, the bread and the (kosher and often VERY sweet) wine. Blessing etc may be sung or said or somewhere inbetween. Heads down and listen, don't panic that you can't join in - kids especially may appreciate knowing this! Food! Normal deal but there will be no dairy produce in the same meal as anything meaty. Attempt to coach any particuarly small children not to loudly ask for ham.  My cousin did this one aged about 5 - we are Jewish but she'd grown up without any dietary restriction... After meal, or sometimes between meal and pud depending on the family, some more sung prayers/blessings etc. Note the no meat and milk in same meal thing - this means for instance that any icecream offered will be non-dairy Swedish Glace or similar. You have been warned.
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kiwifraser
Original Poster
4,262 posts
63 months
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RDMcG said: Flowers are fine. If they keep kosher you would be unwise to take food as there are varying degrees of observance. If they use a skullcap they may offer one to you and it is polite to wear it at the table but otherwise not needed. There is a Shabbas ritual before the meal that is very brief and you need to do nothing.Jews are not proselytisers and understand that there are vatieties of beliefs. I expect that you will be warmly welcomed. Flowers it is then. I have been invited before about 12 years ago, and I did wear a skull cap. I do remember there was a massive amount of very delicious food!!! It will be good to see them again. The family are lovely, and only the father doesn't drink and follows the faith strongly. I suspect there will be a few wines/ beers consumed tonight 
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kiwifraser
Original Poster
4,262 posts
63 months
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BlackVanDyke said: Some very Orthodox people won't drink non-Kosher wine so it's worth checking before you pick out a nice bottle. Can't think of any reason for flowers not to be OK. I always used to take a box of chocolates round. My experiences have all been at not-so-Orthodox Friday night dinners, which generally went like this: Arrive comfortably before sunset (check the paper?) in smart-ish clothes. Mooch around chatting while whoever's cooking finishes getting ready. Offer to help if it seems appropriate - you'll pretty much always be politely refused just as with any dinner party etc. Go in to dining room. Head of family sits at one end of table. Candles lit and blessing/prayer said over the candles, the bread and the (kosher and often VERY sweet) wine. Blessing etc may be sung or said or somewhere inbetween. Heads down and listen, don't panic that you can't join in - kids especially may appreciate knowing this! Food! Normal deal but there will be no dairy produce in the same meal as anything meaty. Attempt to coach any particuarly small children not to loudly ask for ham. My cousin did this one aged about 5 - we are Jewish but she'd grown up without any dietary restriction... After meal, or sometimes between meal and pud depending on the family, some more sung prayers/blessings etc. Note the no meat and milk in same meal thing - this means for instance that any icecream offered will be non-dairy Swedish Glace or similar. You have been warned. Great advice thanks. Will warn the kids not to ask for ham, which they could easily do if not warned Will drink beer instead of sweet wine, and watch the size of serving I take of Ice Cream 
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kiwifraser
Original Poster
4,262 posts
63 months
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Mobile Chicane said: Snowboy said: Flowers seem like a good idea.
Maybe a box of decent after dinner mints? ^^^ This. Bendick's bittermints are kosher certified. I'm going out this afternoon to get Flowers and Bendick's bittermints.
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Davel
6,871 posts
127 months
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Have you been circumcised - if not it has to be done before the starter is served! 
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hora
16,574 posts
80 months
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kiwifraser
Original Poster
4,262 posts
63 months
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Thanks, will concentrate on number 2
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sleep envy
59,324 posts
118 months
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if you muck in to clear up put the plates in the right dishwasher.
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Shaw Tarse
19,167 posts
72 months
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Take a prawn cocktail to help out with the food.
Are any of your children boys? If so it would be unkind to tell them that the hosts will circumcise them after the meal!
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V8mate
34,933 posts
58 months
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VinceFox said: christ Don't mention him! Or the other fella.
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