Hotel buffet breakfasts. Your strategy...
Discussion
There are of course, the good, the bad and the ugly with all buffets.
I usually start with coffee, then some pastries. Croissant, danish a sweet muffin. Then maybe a yoghurt and a bit of granola.
Then onto the main event. Eye up the toasting machine to see if there's a queue. If not, get that first and then grab my plate for the fry up. It's usually THE LOT. Usually best to get fresh eggs made so it's a request for poached as the fried and scrambled eggs are usually a bit rubbery. Bacon, sausage, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, a slice of fried bread.
So what's your strategy? Also, where have you had the best and worse breakfasts?
I usually start with coffee, then some pastries. Croissant, danish a sweet muffin. Then maybe a yoghurt and a bit of granola.
Then onto the main event. Eye up the toasting machine to see if there's a queue. If not, get that first and then grab my plate for the fry up. It's usually THE LOT. Usually best to get fresh eggs made so it's a request for poached as the fried and scrambled eggs are usually a bit rubbery. Bacon, sausage, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, a slice of fried bread.
So what's your strategy? Also, where have you had the best and worse breakfasts?
KungFuPanda said:
Surely cereal is just a useless filler.
My ex girlfriend had one mate who used to make ham and cheese sandwiches for the families lunch at the breakfast buffet and sneak them out.
I know someone that's done this, I don't think they eat breakfast, so ask first.My ex girlfriend had one mate who used to make ham and cheese sandwiches for the families lunch at the breakfast buffet and sneak them out.
You do sound like a gutbucket though.
I'm assuming the nice lady has gone to fetch a large pot of something approximating coffee. If the coffee is self-serve, stick the biggest mug under the machine and press the espresso button 8 times. Top off with a splash of real milk from the jug in the cereal area. Leave the cereal area quickly in case you feel pressured into eating cereal.
Orange juice next. Down 4-6 glasses (carefully calculated based on glass size and hangover intensity) before carrying another back to your table. Grab a yogurt on the way. Do not eat the yogurt.
Grab a plate. Do not warm the plate on the toast conveyor. It will get stuck at the back, cause a toast pile-up and eventually set off the fire alarm.
Black pudding and fried bread next. Maybe a few beans. Then more black pudding. Try a sausage, see if they taste like butcher or supermarket. Then decide whether to have more
sausage or more black pudding or both. Avoid the bacon. It's probably unsmoked, and we're not savages.
Rinse and repeat.
Return to your room when the chest pain becomes unmanageable. Watch BBC News until the morning poo is ready, or checkout time, whichever comes first.
Orange juice next. Down 4-6 glasses (carefully calculated based on glass size and hangover intensity) before carrying another back to your table. Grab a yogurt on the way. Do not eat the yogurt.
Grab a plate. Do not warm the plate on the toast conveyor. It will get stuck at the back, cause a toast pile-up and eventually set off the fire alarm.
Black pudding and fried bread next. Maybe a few beans. Then more black pudding. Try a sausage, see if they taste like butcher or supermarket. Then decide whether to have more
sausage or more black pudding or both. Avoid the bacon. It's probably unsmoked, and we're not savages.
Rinse and repeat.
Return to your room when the chest pain becomes unmanageable. Watch BBC News until the morning poo is ready, or checkout time, whichever comes first.
Edited by TartanPaint on Friday 24th March 08:29
KungFuPanda said:
There are of course, the good, the bad and the ugly with all buffets.
I usually start with coffee, then some pastries. Croissant, danish a sweet muffin. Then maybe a yoghurt and a bit of granola.
Then onto the main event. Eye up the toasting machine to see if there's a queue. If not, get that first and then grab my plate for the fry up. It's usually THE LOT. Usually best to get fresh eggs made so it's a request for poached as the fried and scrambled eggs are usually a bit rubbery. Bacon, sausage, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, a slice of fried bread.
So what's your strategy? Also, where have you had the best and worse breakfasts?
Not sure where you are in life but from 25 I was on the road and 3 hotels a week, I piled on the weight that I didnt manage to lose (poor discipline) so I actively went to hotels that DIDNT offer a breakfast of was conti (used to be Hol inn express) - 19 stone sits typing this now, I think the buffet breakfast was the start of the gain.I usually start with coffee, then some pastries. Croissant, danish a sweet muffin. Then maybe a yoghurt and a bit of granola.
Then onto the main event. Eye up the toasting machine to see if there's a queue. If not, get that first and then grab my plate for the fry up. It's usually THE LOT. Usually best to get fresh eggs made so it's a request for poached as the fried and scrambled eggs are usually a bit rubbery. Bacon, sausage, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, a slice of fried bread.
So what's your strategy? Also, where have you had the best and worse breakfasts?
I travel a lot for work and like the guy above me I've struggled with my weight as a result. I've shifted 21 pounds since Jan just dropping carbs and have actually found hotel breakfasts are pretty ideal. I can have whatever I want, as long as I don't have the carbs - and I'm still losing weight.
) then feel fat and guilty so have a plate of fruit and a yoghurt. 
Get sat down and ask for a pot of tea, so they don't give you the stewed stuff from the flask that got made an hour ago.
When the pot arrives ask for four poached eggs - there's a chance if you ask for four poached eggs that you'll get two that will be cooked correctly.
Pop your ipad on one of the other chairs, download a Pr0n video and leave it on repeat with the volume just audible to the nice early sixties couple on the next table. Mute it each time you return, and pop the sound back on every time you go to the buffet. Make sure to scrape your chair to disguise your actions when turning it on and off.
Off to the buffet for porridge and maple syrup. Ask where the maple syrup is.
They have honey - is that OK?
Take ALL of the type of pastry you like most back to your table too.
Just before you leave the buffet area put your bread in the machine that the rest of the world seems not to be able to work out - the toast conveyor.
Eat the porridge. go back and put the toast back through again as it seems to have only made it vaguely stale first time round.
Tel the attendant staff that your favourite pastries are gone and can they get some fresh ones made?
Catch the waitress taking the poached eggs to your table and get the plate off her.
Three slices of bacon - like someone else said - if it's smoked.
Sausages, mushrooms, black pudding, tomato- leave the beans and the hash browns.
Beans are for children and hash browns area gateway drug.
The start of the slippery slope that ends in chips for breakfast.
You'd be such a disappointment to your mother if you ended up there.
Return to the conveyor of confusion to find your toast looks like two black roof tiles , so steal someone elses that has only been through once. Turn the conveyor to really slow and the heat to full on the toaster out of spite.
Go back and eat your plateful. Take the pastries you gathered earlier back to the counter and replace them with the piping hot freshly made ones that they rushed out for you in the quantity you desire. Enjoy them.
Leave the breakfast area once you have finished and then get in the lift with the elderly couple who are now holding hands and smiling at each other, and go up to the club room buffet breakfast and repeat.
When the pot arrives ask for four poached eggs - there's a chance if you ask for four poached eggs that you'll get two that will be cooked correctly.
Pop your ipad on one of the other chairs, download a Pr0n video and leave it on repeat with the volume just audible to the nice early sixties couple on the next table. Mute it each time you return, and pop the sound back on every time you go to the buffet. Make sure to scrape your chair to disguise your actions when turning it on and off.
Off to the buffet for porridge and maple syrup. Ask where the maple syrup is.
They have honey - is that OK?
Take ALL of the type of pastry you like most back to your table too.
Just before you leave the buffet area put your bread in the machine that the rest of the world seems not to be able to work out - the toast conveyor.
Eat the porridge. go back and put the toast back through again as it seems to have only made it vaguely stale first time round.
Tel the attendant staff that your favourite pastries are gone and can they get some fresh ones made?
Catch the waitress taking the poached eggs to your table and get the plate off her.
Three slices of bacon - like someone else said - if it's smoked.
Sausages, mushrooms, black pudding, tomato- leave the beans and the hash browns.
Beans are for children and hash browns area gateway drug.
The start of the slippery slope that ends in chips for breakfast.
You'd be such a disappointment to your mother if you ended up there.
Return to the conveyor of confusion to find your toast looks like two black roof tiles , so steal someone elses that has only been through once. Turn the conveyor to really slow and the heat to full on the toaster out of spite.
Go back and eat your plateful. Take the pastries you gathered earlier back to the counter and replace them with the piping hot freshly made ones that they rushed out for you in the quantity you desire. Enjoy them.
Leave the breakfast area once you have finished and then get in the lift with the elderly couple who are now holding hands and smiling at each other, and go up to the club room buffet breakfast and repeat.
Edited by talksthetorque on Friday 24th March 09:52
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