Hotel buffet breakfasts. Your strategy...

[Badvok]

this morning I woke up to Two Burford Brown eggs - poached, rare breed Lincolnshire pork sausage, green back bacon, grilled tomatoes, grilled field mushrooms, black puddinbg & lambs’ kidneys

I think I would have prefered the lambs kidney a little rarer but they were perfectly pink.

http://www.thegoring.com/food-drink/the-dining-roo...

p.s. am I led to believe this 'buffet' type arrangement is one where you serve yourself?!

[battered]

Type R Tom said:

I suppose for some being in a hotel and having a breakfast isn't a treat!

5 hotel breakfasts for me so far this week. 5 next week, 5 last week. I think last year I got to about 160, but I was only doing 4 nights away pw for most of it.

So tea, fruit, yogurt. On Fridays I steal sausages from the buffet and have them while I am driving North. Oh yeah.

[hornetrider]

TartanPaint said:

I'm assuming the nice lady has gone to fetch a large pot of something approximating coffee. If the coffee is self-serve, stick the biggest mug under the machine and press the espresso button 8 times. Top off with a splash of real milk from the jug in the cereal area. Leave the cereal area quickly in case you feel pressured into eating cereal.

Orange juice next. Down 4-6 glasses (carefully calculated based on glass size and hangover intensity) before carrying another back to your table. Grab a yogurt on the way. Do not eat the yogurt.

Grab a plate. Do not warm the plate on the toast conveyor. It will get stuck at the back, cause a toast pile-up and eventually set off the fire alarm.

Black pudding and fried bread next. Maybe a few beans. Then more black pudding. Try a sausage, see if they taste like butcher or supermarket. Then decide whether to have more
sausage or more black pudding or both. Avoid the bacon. It's probably unsmoked, and we're not savages.

Rinse and repeat.

Return to your room when the chest pain becomes unmanageable. Watch BBC News until the morning poo is ready, or checkout time, whichever comes first.

Edited by TartanPaint on Friday 24th March 08:29

Bravo sir. Many a stag do has ended just like this.

[Hoofy]

KungFuPanda said:

So what's your strategy?

As with any buffet, I go for the animal protein as that is the expensive and tasty stuff.

[talksthetorque]

Badvok said:

this morning I woke up to Two Burford Brown eggs - poached, rare breed Lincolnshire pork sausage, green back bacon, grilled tomatoes, grilled field mushrooms, black puddinbg & lambs’ kidneys

I think I would have prefered the lambs kidney a little rarer but they were perfectly pink.

http://www.thegoring.com/food-drink/the-dining-roo...

p.s. am I led to believe this 'buffet' type arrangement is one where you serve yourself?!

I do hope this is on expenses.
£32 just cos they named the chicken!

[TR4man]

Badvok said:

this morning I woke up to Two Burford Brown eggs - poached, rare breed Lincolnshire pork sausage, green back bacon, grilled tomatoes, grilled field mushrooms, black puddinbg & lambs’ kidneys

I think I would have prefered the lambs kidney a little rarer but they were perfectly pink.

http://www.thegoring.com/food-drink/the-dining-roo...

p.s. am I led to believe this 'buffet' type arrangement is one where you serve yourself?!

What is white pudding?

[p1stonhead]

TR4man said:

Badvok said:

this morning I woke up to Two Burford Brown eggs - poached, rare breed Lincolnshire pork sausage, green back bacon, grilled tomatoes, grilled field mushrooms, black puddinbg & lambs’ kidneys

I think I would have prefered the lambs kidney a little rarer but they were perfectly pink.

http://www.thegoring.com/food-drink/the-dining-roo...

p.s. am I led to believe this 'buffet' type arrangement is one where you serve yourself?!

What is white pudding?

The best thing in the universe.

Its black pudding without the blood.

[Ascayman]

talksthetorque said:

Get sat down and ask for a pot of tea, so they don't give you the stewed stuff from the flask that got made an hour ago.
When the pot arrives ask for four poached eggs - there's a chance if you ask for four poached eggs that you'll get two that will be cooked correctly.
Pop your ipad on one of the other chairs, download a Pr0n video and leave it on repeat with the volume just audible to the nice early sixties couple on the next table. Mute it each time you return, and pop the sound back on every time you go to the buffet. Make sure to scrape your chair to disguise your actions when turning it on and off.

Off to the buffet for porridge and maple syrup. Ask where the maple syrup is.
They have honey - is that OK?
Take ALL of the type of pastry you like most back to your table too.

Just before you leave the buffet area put your bread in the machine that the rest of the world seems not to be able to work out - the toast conveyor.
Eat the porridge. go back and put the toast back through again as it seems to have only made it vaguely stale first time round.
Tel the attendant staff that your favourite pastries are gone and can they get some fresh ones made?

Catch the waitress taking the poached eggs to your table and get the plate off her.
Three slices of bacon - like someone else said - if it's smoked.
Sausages, mushrooms, black pudding, tomato- leave the beans and the hash browns.
Beans are for children and hash browns area gateway drug.
The start of the slippery slope that ends in chips for breakfast.
You'd be such a disappointment to your mother if you ended up there.

Return to the conveyor of confusion to find your toast looks like two black roof tiles , so steal someone elses that has only been through once. Turn the conveyor to really slow and the heat to full on the toaster out of spite.
Go back and eat your plateful. Take the pastries you gathered earlier back to the counter and replace them with the piping hot freshly made ones that they rushed out for you in the quantity you desire. Enjoy them.

Leave the breakfast area once you have finished and then get in the lift with the elderly couple who are now holding hands and smiling at each other, and go up to the club room buffet breakfast and repeat.

Edited by talksthetorque on Friday 24th March 09:52

[55palfers]

On holiday.

What about the Russians dining strategy?!!

[jas xjr]

The kind of hotels I stop in with work ,generally have vending machines. Expensive ones at that.so it is usually a case of finding a McDonald's/ Gregg's or subway.or go hungry

[Truckosaurus]

TartanPaint said:

...Do not warm the plate on the toast conveyor...

Wise Words.

[FredAstaire]

had breakfast in a toby carvery up north recently. I was much surprised to find yorkshire pudding laced with bacon as one of the items on the fry-up buffet.

[Davey S2]

hornetrider said:

Down 4-6 glasses (carefully calculated based on glass size and hangover intensity) before carrying another back to your table.

The miniscule glass thimbles used for fruit juice in 99% of hotel buffets is one of the most annoying things in life.

[tankplanker]

If it is somewhere paid for by work and they don't have the option for fried eggs I'll avoid the scrambled eggs as it is usually that bottled egg mix rubbish. Ideally I want 3 sausage, 3 bacon, 3 eggs. That way I can avoid needing lunch, which I have to pay for, and get work to pay for my breakfast and tea. If I can sneak out a couple of pieces of fruit for a snack them even better.

[anonymous-user]

truck71 said:

Buffet breakfasts? Needs to be in the council thread.

You've never stayed in a Kempinski then?

[PoleDriver]

Glass of water, Omelette and a black coffee. Job done!

[Countdown]

Usually lots of smoked salmon, scrambled eggs, hash browns/parmentier potatoes.

Edited by Countdown on Friday 24th March 11:19

[768]

Unless I've been hitting the hotel breakfasts too often it's all about scrambled eggs and bacon. I'll add mushrooms, sausage, hash browns, beans, etc if I want some variety. Forget toast and fruit. A croissant might get a look in.

Had a fry up recently with my four year old in tow. He didn't want to try any of it but his eyes lit up when I offered some black "pudding"... ha.

[blueg33]

I don't use hotels with buffet breakfasts they are always pretty poor.

Best strategy is order from waiter/waitress, in my case either:

smoked haddock and poached egg
smoked salmon and scrambled egg
waffles/pancakes with crispy bacon and maple syrup.

I do about 50 hotel nights a year for work and another 20-30 for holidays

Hotel breakfasts have lost their appeal, I often just pop to a Costa ore similar and have an almond croissant and coffee

[AndStilliRise]

Fruit, cereal and orange juice. That is why i am 61kg.