Hotel buffet breakfasts. Your strategy...
Discussion
TartanPaint said:
I'm assuming the nice lady has gone to fetch a large pot of something approximating coffee. If the coffee is self-serve, stick the biggest mug under the machine and press the espresso button 8 times. Top off with a splash of real milk from the jug in the cereal area. Leave the cereal area quickly in case you feel pressured into eating cereal.
Orange juice next. Down 4-6 glasses (carefully calculated based on glass size and hangover intensity) before carrying another back to your table. Grab a yogurt on the way. Do not eat the yogurt.
Grab a plate. Do not warm the plate on the toast conveyor. It will get stuck at the back, cause a toast pile-up and eventually set off the fire alarm.
Black pudding and fried bread next. Maybe a few beans. Then more black pudding. Try a sausage, see if they taste like butcher or supermarket. Then decide whether to have more
sausage or more black pudding or both. Avoid the bacon. It's probably unsmoked, and we're not savages.
Rinse and repeat.
Return to your room when the chest pain becomes unmanageable. Watch BBC News until the morning poo is ready, or checkout time, whichever comes first.
Orange juice next. Down 4-6 glasses (carefully calculated based on glass size and hangover intensity) before carrying another back to your table. Grab a yogurt on the way. Do not eat the yogurt.
Grab a plate. Do not warm the plate on the toast conveyor. It will get stuck at the back, cause a toast pile-up and eventually set off the fire alarm.
Black pudding and fried bread next. Maybe a few beans. Then more black pudding. Try a sausage, see if they taste like butcher or supermarket. Then decide whether to have more
sausage or more black pudding or both. Avoid the bacon. It's probably unsmoked, and we're not savages.
Rinse and repeat.
Return to your room when the chest pain becomes unmanageable. Watch BBC News until the morning poo is ready, or checkout time, whichever comes first.
Edited by TartanPaint on Friday 24th March 08:29
If i wasn't there to see him buried, I'd swear blind my dad typed this up...must be a Scottish thing
d.I was in Switzerland this week so had a continental twist on this.. I was generally too busy for lunch and took the opportunity to fill myself up for the day at breakfast in the hotel..
Coffee, lots of coffee
4 glasses of juice (local apple juice, very nice)
Coco Pops as we never seem to buy them at home
Bircher Muesli (huge bowl thereof)
Scrambled eggs & small mountain of smoked salmon
Crusty bread and local cheese/cured meats
Various pastries & big mug of hot chocolate
Walk out with Apple for later and to feel vaguely healthy
Burp, fart etc.. love the earlier post about going back up to watch BBC News in room until morning poo comes on.. that's me too that is!
Coffee, lots of coffee
4 glasses of juice (local apple juice, very nice)
Coco Pops as we never seem to buy them at home
Bircher Muesli (huge bowl thereof)
Scrambled eggs & small mountain of smoked salmon
Crusty bread and local cheese/cured meats
Various pastries & big mug of hot chocolate
Walk out with Apple for later and to feel vaguely healthy
Burp, fart etc.. love the earlier post about going back up to watch BBC News in room until morning poo comes on.. that's me too that is!
55palfers said:
On holiday.
What about the Russians dining strategy?!!
Oh Bejaysus, I used to stop quite often in a Scandic hotel near Helsingborg that was an overnight stop for a Russian tour. There the only strategy which works is to be in the starting blocks, outside the door to the dining room, before they open the doors. Then quickly grab desirable stuff and take it to your table, including supplies for colleagues who are still on their way down.What about the Russians dining strategy?!!
Never any chance of seconds once the Russians arrived. The despair on the faces of the staff as they wheeled out another trolley load of stuff was palpable.
best buffets ever were:
Rome Cavalieri
Peninsula Shanghai.
Both equisiite with everything imaginable for breakfast.
I travel a lot and my normal strategy is to skip the buffet and order a couple of poached eggs, some berries and wholewheat toast; LOTS of coffee.
Most buffets have an omelette station so if I go that way I grab a veggie omelette and throw some smoked salmon on the side if they have it. LOTS of coffee
...
Rome Cavalieri
Peninsula Shanghai.
Both equisiite with everything imaginable for breakfast.
I travel a lot and my normal strategy is to skip the buffet and order a couple of poached eggs, some berries and wholewheat toast; LOTS of coffee.
Most buffets have an omelette station so if I go that way I grab a veggie omelette and throw some smoked salmon on the side if they have it. LOTS of coffee
...I'm amazed at how much some people can apparently put away in one sitting, especially at breakfast...even when it's an "all you can eat" freebie 
Like I said my preferred option is smoked salmon/scrambled eggs with either hash browns/potatoes. But I struggle to finish more than one plate.
Like I said my preferred option is smoked salmon/scrambled eggs with either hash browns/potatoes. But I struggle to finish more than one plate.
KungFuPanda said:
There are of course, the good, the bad and the ugly with all buffets.
I usually start with coffee, then some pastries. Croissant, danish a sweet muffin. Then maybe a yoghurt and a bit of granola.
Then onto the main event. Eye up the toasting machine to see if there's a queue. If not, get that first and then grab my plate for the fry up. It's usually THE LOT. Usually best to get fresh eggs made so it's a request for poached as the fried and scrambled eggs are usually a bit rubbery. Bacon, sausage, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, a slice of fried bread.
So what's your strategy? Also, where have you had the best and worse breakfasts?
My strategy has been polished for years. It may not be for everyone but works for me. What I do is I usually start with coffee, then some pastries. Croissant, danish a sweet muffin. Then maybe a yoghurt and a bit of granola.
Then onto the main event. Eye up the toasting machine to see if there's a queue. If not, get that first and then grab my plate for the fry up. It's usually THE LOT. Usually best to get fresh eggs made so it's a request for poached as the fried and scrambled eggs are usually a bit rubbery. Bacon, sausage, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, a slice of fried bread.
So what's your strategy? Also, where have you had the best and worse breakfasts?
1. Grab something and other
2. Eat it
To be honest anyone who thinks that a buffet breakfast is a bit council then they clearly have never had one at the Baltschug Kempinski. Even some seasoned travellers were impressed.
My MO is to do a scout of the offerings and work out what is being cooked fresh (get best place in queue), what is about to be replaced and what looks like a North Korean peasant would turn their nose up at.
Would agree that bacon is really hard for them to cock up - just different, whilst there can be some pure evil in some sausages that have you still tasting them at tea, let alone lunch, time. Best option is, if they look like they might be safe, to have one and eat a little first before going back for seconds if you think your bowels should be safe.
Would highly recommend breakfast in 4/5 star Eastern European hotels like the Buddha Bar Prague and Sheraton Poznan where they tend to serve Vodka and Champagne/Prosecco with the breakfasts as, so long as you are not driving or working, it really does make the day start with a zing if you are 5 glasses of fizz down before 10am :hic:
My MO is to do a scout of the offerings and work out what is being cooked fresh (get best place in queue), what is about to be replaced and what looks like a North Korean peasant would turn their nose up at.
Would agree that bacon is really hard for them to cock up - just different, whilst there can be some pure evil in some sausages that have you still tasting them at tea, let alone lunch, time. Best option is, if they look like they might be safe, to have one and eat a little first before going back for seconds if you think your bowels should be safe.
Would highly recommend breakfast in 4/5 star Eastern European hotels like the Buddha Bar Prague and Sheraton Poznan where they tend to serve Vodka and Champagne/Prosecco with the breakfasts as, so long as you are not driving or working, it really does make the day start with a zing if you are 5 glasses of fizz down before 10am :hic:
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