Feeling down, not depressed, just empty.

Feeling down, not depressed, just empty.

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King Herald

Original Poster:

23,501 posts

215 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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I retired a year ago, at 55, from working offshore. Have a usable pension, house, money in bank etc. I also have/had a busy hobby building cars, furniture, other diy type stuff, so I assumed I'd be a busy bee and in the garage every day enjoying the retirement I'd worked towards and looked forwarded to for years.

I mean, don't we all welcome the day we don't have to go out and work all week to make ends meet? In the past I have scoffed at people who told me I'd be bored if I retired early, because I have so many ideas and projects I want to do....

But after six months I was fed up. I spent less time in the garage, and more time vegetating in front of the computer or tv.

Now we have moved back to the UK, my cars have been sold, all my tools are packed into a shipping container....and I still have no interest in anything at all.

We bought a car last week, family car, we needed one, but I could hardly be bothered to do that. I trolled round some dealers and let the daughter choose what 'we' wanted based simply on the budget we had.

Yesterday we have a Virgin media installed, I connected it up and gave the controls to my daughter, I can't even be bothered to choose a channel, or learn how to. I bought her an Xbox One, hooked it up, but I just don't feel like playing it.

In the back yard is a 5 x 6 workshop I built ten years ago, it needs a good clean and a coat of paint, but I just have no interest in it. I browse eBay trying to find a project car or bike to get into, to fill the garage with, but nothing appeals.

A lot of the time I just sit staring out the window, unless something actually needs doing. It is 9:30 now, I'm still in bed, I can see no reason to get up, there is nothing to do. If there was something urgent or important to do, I'm happy to be up and about at 6am, as I have done that most all my life.

The school we moved over here to put my daughter in has rejected her application, as it is all but too late to get her into the system. We need to do something about that, but I feel no motivation any more.

Three months ago I gave up drinking, because I am a lousy drunk, but I don't even feel like going out and getting hammered any more, apart from one night in an Indian restaurant that I went to, where I cam so close to buying beer, simply to occupy my day a bit. I resisted, thank Christ.

I don't feel depressed, I just don't really feel anything. I have my health, apart from three weeks of man flu, I have money, a house, I just need a slap in the face and an injection of motivation. Or something.


Eric Mc

121,779 posts

264 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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Have you any friends local to you?

hornetrider

63,161 posts

204 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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Dude. Have a danger wk.

Seriously though. Get out of bed and help your daughter, I did read the other admissions thread.

Muncher

12,219 posts

248 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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Do some charity work, I suspect that will soon motivate you and give you something to occupy your time.

anonymous-user

53 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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Do you do any exercise? Sounds like you need to break the cycle, how about get a dog that you can walk each day or take up running. I always feel better after doing either of those.

What you're doing at the moment, isn't working.

It must be hard after living abroad and coming back to the UK in winter, if it was summer I expect you'd be much happier.

Happiness often comes from doing an activity for at least half an hour where you're actively thinking about what you're doing. Drawing, painting, running, swimming, working on your car, jus force yourself to do stuff. Lying in bed and being miserable is just going to make it worse.

King Herald

Original Poster:

23,501 posts

215 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
quotequote all
hornetrider said:
Dude. Have a danger wk.

Seriously though. Get out of bed and help your daughter, I did read the other admissions thread.
I need to, I ought to, in fact I'm going to, right now, I just need a push.


hornetrider

63,161 posts

204 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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King Herald said:
I need to, I ought to, in fact I'm going to, right now, I just need a push.
What. Knock one out or get out of bed? laugh

Flip Martian

19,503 posts

189 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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Not being bothered about anything at all. That sounds like depression to me. Its not all about feeling miserable. I wouldn't bother with your GP though who will just prescribe pills. Get yourself something meaningful to do. When I retire, I'll go and work in a charity bookshop or something. I remember going to Haynes car museum in Somerset - lots of retired fellas working there, polishing and maintaining the old classics. What a great job that would be, spending all day with beautiful old cars... Anyway, lots of places need a pair of hands. Find one that you think might interest you that would benefit from your help.

MitchT

15,788 posts

208 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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I can be the same sometimes if I have a spell off work with nothing planned. Last August I left my job so I could spend the remainder of the year picking up some new skills before going freelance in the new year. I've been conscious of the risk of falling into exactly the same state and had to manage that threat. For me it's been about getting up at 7, getting my breakfast, etc. and, by 8, being in a position where I was in a fit state and presentable enough to be in an office, even if the only task I had for the day was to take the rubbish out.

The first step is to establish a plan. Second step is to be disciplined and follow it. I've avoided many a slippery slope by focusing on the obligations I had to others. I guess the problem you have is that if you can't motivate yourself to deal with your daughter's school situation you're at a whole different level to me when I get like that - having that obligation would force me to do something. You say you're not depressed but I suspect you are. Depression can manifest itself in a number of ways.

In your position I'd establish a pattern of healthy eating, regular exercise, making sure I get enough sleep and identify a goal and start working towards it.

Atomic12C

5,180 posts

216 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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It is well recognized that 'low mood' cases rise dramatically in the months of January, February and March (in the UK) due to the accumulation of low levels of sunlight.
And as a result a vitamin D deficiency which can be linked to 'mood' and a general feeling of "can't be ar$ed".


Get on to the vitamin D pills. wink
(Actually get the Calcium pills that have vitamin D in them also)


smn159

12,446 posts

216 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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El stovey said:
Do you do any exercise? Sounds like you need to break the cycle, how about get a dog that you can walk each day or take up running. I always feel better after doing either of those.
The correct answer is right here.

Getting a dog got me out of the house and starting to exercise. This led to me running with the dog for short distances, which in turn led me to start couch to 5k. This led to me starting to go to the local parkrun on a Saturday, which got me chatting to a couple of other guys who are now my training partners. This led to me completing some 10k, then 10 miles, then half marathon races. This led to a minor overtraining injury, which led to me buying a bike for when I couldn't run. This led to me going on a cycling holiday to Majorca with some mates last year, which led me to realise that I needed to be fitter for the bike. This led to more weekends out cycling and another excursion to Tenerife to successfully cycle up Mt Teide.

So go out and buy a dog today smile

Baz Tench

5,648 posts

189 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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Flip Martian said:
Not being bothered about anything at all. That sounds like depression to me. Its not all about feeling miserable. I wouldn't bother with your GP though who will just prescribe pills. Get yourself something meaningful to do. When I retire, I'll go and work in a charity bookshop or something. I remember going to Haynes car museum in Somerset - lots of retired fellas working there, polishing and maintaining the old classics. What a great job that would be, spending all day with beautiful old cars... Anyway, lots of places need a pair of hands. Find one that you think might interest you that would benefit from your help.
Good post, and as for that bit in bold, I couldn't agree more. I've been there before, after a terrible life event knocked me flat.

I struggled to find a reason to get out of bed, but I did. I forced myself to. Most of the time it was to wash the car, mow the lawn, anything to give the day an ounce of productivity. I couldn't believe how difficult it was to do any of that at the time, but it definitely helped.

Robbo 27

3,605 posts

98 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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Similar situation to yourself, busy working life, 6 or 7 days a week, 12 hours a day working for an offshore contractor and now retired. What you are going through is not unusual but showing no interest in anything that is going on in your life and not looking forward to events are two key signs of depression and medical help may be worthwhile to you.

I would also suggest that you look at Probus, there may be club near you and U3A

http://www.u3a.org.uk/

If you want to email me and talk things through I would be happy to do so.




BoRED S2upid

19,641 posts

239 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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Get a dog a big angry one that needs walking at 7am or will come looking for you. Should motivate you to get up get out and get some excericse.

FN2TypeR

7,091 posts

92 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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Exercise is a great way to kill time - it's good for you too, obviously, both physically and mentally. If you aren't fit walking is a great way to start, a walk can become a jog, which can become a run, you don't have to set the world alight with speeds, times or marathons but exercising would be a start me thinks.

Do you like dogs? Get one if you do, they're a companion if nobody else is around and they require a good bit of work to keep entertained, long walks in the cool winter air, or on a nice summers day, plus when it's wanting out for a ste in the morning you have a good reason to get out of bed and get the day started!

If you're worried about depression I would speak to your GP.

Edited by FN2TypeR on Wednesday 18th January 10:18

Baz Tench

5,648 posts

189 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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There's always a smile on my face when there's a dog around.

Ransoman

884 posts

89 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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It sounds like depression to me.

It is most likely you are having a hard time adjusting to a major drop in social interaction and loss of routine. Set yourself a routine, stick to it and make an effore to go out and see people no matter how much you don't feel like it. You will start to feel better and you will want to start doing projects again quite naturally.

King Herald

Original Poster:

23,501 posts

215 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
quotequote all
Eric Mc said:
Have you any friends local to you?
I've never really been a 'friends' type of person, misanthrope I think the term is.

Flip Martian said:
Not being bothered about anything at all. That sounds like depression to me. Its not all about feeling miserable. I wouldn't bother with your GP though who will just prescribe pills. Get yourself something meaningful to do. When I retire, I'll go and work in a charity bookshop or something. I remember going to Haynes car museum in Somerset - lots of retired fellas working there, polishing and maintaining the old classics. What a great job that would be, spending all day with beautiful old cars... Anyway, lots of places need a pair of hands. Find one that you think might interest you that would benefit from your help.
I always thought depression was feeling intensely miserable and unhappy, but this is not really like that at all. Shows how much I thought I knew...

I do support an animal charity online, but predictably, it is too far away for me/us to get physically involved with.

As for getting a dog, we just left 8 of them behind in the Philippines. Wife is still there trying to sell our house and also buy some land and set up a place where some friends can look after them, with a little house on that we can maybe visit. Not pleasant leaving them all behind though. Which makes it all the more disappointing when the school here totally refused to let the daughter in here. That was the main reason we came back.

MitchT said:
I can be the same sometimes if I have a spell off work with nothing planned.....
........ I guess the problem you have is that if you can't motivate yourself to deal with your daughter's school situation you're at a whole different level to me when I get like that - having that obligation would force me to do something. You say you're not depressed but I suspect you are. Depression can manifest itself in a number of ways.

In your position I'd establish a pattern of healthy eating, regular exercise, making sure I get enough sleep and identify a goal and start working towards it.
I am up and about now, got my finger out, she is all I am really worried, or motivated, about at the moment. We shall apply at another school today.

We've come from beautiful sunshine in the Philippines to this dreary miserable English weather. We had a great plan, get the daughter into school, while I stay home and sort out the house and garage, utility connections, cleaning, tidying.......but then the school that sounded so promising decided to play aholes, and the plan went down the toilet.

SystemParanoia

14,343 posts

197 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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Its not upto the school to accept-reject pupils.
Speak to the LEA they HAVE to find a place.

WestyCarl

3,217 posts

124 months

Wednesday 18th January 2017
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I don't wish to sound harsh, but all your energy / effort / thoughts should be sorting out your Daughters school.