On £25k but 'poor'?! Misery thread...
Discussion
okgo said:
And council housing sounds like a waste of time if the list is long, and also, depending on what kind of person you are, I couldn't do it, I wouldn't want to.
council housing doesn't work on a list any more. it works on a point scheme.the more needy you are the more points. the person with the most points gets first dibs on the house.
just make sure you have lots of points...
http://www.nihe.gov.uk/index/advice/apply_for_a_ho...
nothing wrong with council houses either. the aim of most councils it to integrate the council houses into an area, rather than have an exclusive estate.
4 month update time!
Financial bit -
I have got the debt down to 2,700 from the 4,600 it was at the end of March, basically I'm 3 big 'payments' in. That's an average of just over 600, not quite the 1000/month I originally wanted
There are lots of reasons for it - car needed some work doing (and still does) and I had to bite the bullet and get it done (myself, so paid for parts only). Been a bit irresponsible with money and had to spend out more at the weekends to get the Mrs out of the parents house - she's fed up with living there and consequently we're out most weekends visiting family / going places, which costs money.
On the plus side I've just been given a raise - not sure if this is mentioned in the thread yet - but now on 28,500 pa. Mrs has taken on more hours at work where plausible but we don't have a grandparent physically able to look after our daughter so this is proving very difficult.
So my target now is to be debt-free after the next 3 pay-days which will put me right at the end of September.
I think we're going to end up back in private renting again by the end of the year, lining someone elses' pockets / paying their mortgage for them.
It's depressing, but it's life and there's no alternative. No savings, no opportunity to increase my personal income further.
Looking at current rent prices these have gone up locally too - a place very similar to that which we were renting when I started my thread is listed at 850pcm, some 135 more than it was 12 months ago. But we will pay it, because we have no choice.
We went to the council offices to get our names 'on the list' but they basically told us not to bother, since we are both fincancially well-off compared to most applicants (?!)
I did have a spontaneous head in the clouds moment last month after getting my payrise, I approached the bank for a fictional mortgage application. Even 'if' I could have raised the 10,000 deposit I suggested was possibe then the loan amount from Natwest would be 140k (93% LTV). House prices locally are now exceeding 180k for a basic 2-bed, so it's looking like a very unrealistic prospect at the moment.
The personal side of it-
Me and the Mrs are getting very fed up, down in the dumps. We've tried going out in the evenings for meals or to the cinema, but both are expensive things to do (30 a pop!) when you're trying to save money.
I now need to look at getting the family out of my parents house as soon as the debt is paid off. We will be ~ 280 better-off every month purely based on the lack of credit card interest and my recent payrise (which accounts for 190 of it!). But what with the increased rent prices I think we'll probably only notice 100 of it which we will burn through easily!
Trying not to sound like a completely miserable b*stard writing this but I've got a family which is unhappy and I'm working as hard as possible to get us into a happier situation and it doesn't feel like it's working.
Financial bit -
I have got the debt down to 2,700 from the 4,600 it was at the end of March, basically I'm 3 big 'payments' in. That's an average of just over 600, not quite the 1000/month I originally wanted
There are lots of reasons for it - car needed some work doing (and still does) and I had to bite the bullet and get it done (myself, so paid for parts only). Been a bit irresponsible with money and had to spend out more at the weekends to get the Mrs out of the parents house - she's fed up with living there and consequently we're out most weekends visiting family / going places, which costs money.
On the plus side I've just been given a raise - not sure if this is mentioned in the thread yet - but now on 28,500 pa. Mrs has taken on more hours at work where plausible but we don't have a grandparent physically able to look after our daughter so this is proving very difficult.
So my target now is to be debt-free after the next 3 pay-days which will put me right at the end of September.
I think we're going to end up back in private renting again by the end of the year, lining someone elses' pockets / paying their mortgage for them.
It's depressing, but it's life and there's no alternative. No savings, no opportunity to increase my personal income further.
Looking at current rent prices these have gone up locally too - a place very similar to that which we were renting when I started my thread is listed at 850pcm, some 135 more than it was 12 months ago. But we will pay it, because we have no choice.
We went to the council offices to get our names 'on the list' but they basically told us not to bother, since we are both fincancially well-off compared to most applicants (?!)
I did have a spontaneous head in the clouds moment last month after getting my payrise, I approached the bank for a fictional mortgage application. Even 'if' I could have raised the 10,000 deposit I suggested was possibe then the loan amount from Natwest would be 140k (93% LTV). House prices locally are now exceeding 180k for a basic 2-bed, so it's looking like a very unrealistic prospect at the moment.
The personal side of it-
Me and the Mrs are getting very fed up, down in the dumps. We've tried going out in the evenings for meals or to the cinema, but both are expensive things to do (30 a pop!) when you're trying to save money.
I now need to look at getting the family out of my parents house as soon as the debt is paid off. We will be ~ 280 better-off every month purely based on the lack of credit card interest and my recent payrise (which accounts for 190 of it!). But what with the increased rent prices I think we'll probably only notice 100 of it which we will burn through easily!
Trying not to sound like a completely miserable b*stard writing this but I've got a family which is unhappy and I'm working as hard as possible to get us into a happier situation and it doesn't feel like it's working.
I'll tell you why you're fed up - because your mrs is not towing the same line as you.
You get pissed off she's still wasting money or forcing you to spend
She gets pissed off because your trying to save and not spend on frivolous things like the cinema etc
Give her a falcon punch to the foo foo or what ever is deemed socially acceptable these days, in all honesty though if she carried on like that I'd bin her.
You get pissed off she's still wasting money or forcing you to spend
She gets pissed off because your trying to save and not spend on frivolous things like the cinema etc
Give her a falcon punch to the foo foo or what ever is deemed socially acceptable these days, in all honesty though if she carried on like that I'd bin her.
MajorProblem said:
I'll tell you why you're fed up - because your mrs is not towing the same line as you.
You get pissed off she's still wasting money or forcing you to spend
She gets pissed off because your trying to save and not spend on frivolous things like the cinema etc
Give her a falcon punch to the foo foo or what ever is deemed socially acceptable these days, in all honesty though if she carried on like that I'd bin her.
You get pissed off she's still wasting money or forcing you to spend
She gets pissed off because your trying to save and not spend on frivolous things like the cinema etc
Give her a falcon punch to the foo foo or what ever is deemed socially acceptable these days, in all honesty though if she carried on like that I'd bin her.
OP Your Mrs should surely realise that by getting herself down (and you) hence requiring a weekend cheer up-which to her seems to mean spending she's prolonging the pain? Your original plan was short term pain for long term gain however it seems to me it's being unnecessarily dragged out?
I can sympathise with you as I found myself in a bit of a reverse situation a few years back now where my dad needed to live with us. Initially it was just for 3 months but ended up being over a year-it was a f
king nightmare and really tested mine and the mrs relationship. I'm not that old myself but your situation sounds a bit like a conversation I had recently with my sister and Mrs recently-just a sign of the times, want it now buy now pay later culture which to be fair you're trying not to follow. My sister earns about 28K a year and has bugger all to show for it, spends all her money on clothes and socialising and has recently started looking at buying a house. She has quite a bit on credit cards etc and came to me asking to lend her money for a deposit, seeing as though she can't repay a tenner my answer began and ended with an 'F'.
Keep at it OP but you need to re-programme the Mrs way of thinking-easier said than done but it's your best interests.
Edited by a311 on Tuesday 27th May 15:26
Well done on keeping going with this. From a financial point of view it is worth the pain.
I think one of the key things to help with motivation is to set yourself a monthly target which is achievable - otherwise your motivation will drop and it will feel like you're failing even though you're paying off large chunks. Maybe aim for £750 a month then anything over that is a bonus.
With regards to the Mrs i think i'd be sitting down and discussing options. (made up numbers but you get the idea)
1) 1k a month off the debt and we have £150 to spend on going out. 3 months of pain.
2) £800 a month off the debt and we have £350 a month to spend on going out. 4 months of pain.
3) Etc etc
Which one does she want to do?
This has probably already been mentioned but is there anything you can sell to top up the going out budget? Or find something to do which is free/cheap. Go for a walk, shag in the bushes, etc.
I think one of the key things to help with motivation is to set yourself a monthly target which is achievable - otherwise your motivation will drop and it will feel like you're failing even though you're paying off large chunks. Maybe aim for £750 a month then anything over that is a bonus.
With regards to the Mrs i think i'd be sitting down and discussing options. (made up numbers but you get the idea)
1) 1k a month off the debt and we have £150 to spend on going out. 3 months of pain.
2) £800 a month off the debt and we have £350 a month to spend on going out. 4 months of pain.
3) Etc etc
Which one does she want to do?
This has probably already been mentioned but is there anything you can sell to top up the going out budget? Or find something to do which is free/cheap. Go for a walk, shag in the bushes, etc.
Cheers for all the encouraging comments so far. I know it will be worth it in the long run! It's the light at the end of the tunnel we can't see right now.
I have things I can sell, but they don't amount to much. I have a stack of things I'll be putting on eBay but don't expect to make much more than £200 from it. I drive a car worth ~£800 so down-sizing that isn't an option either.
I reckon being strict I could be clear of the debt by August, if I clear £1050 in June and the same in July.
I've drafted up a spreadsheet of my debt which I'll print off and show the Mrs because I think the one thing that annoys her is that she can't see where the money is going, I'm hoping that by showing her she will understand it better.
MajorProblem said:
How about "split up" mrs will get on priority housing list and receive a ton of benefits. Job jobbed.
The worst part is that this is what one of the council officers said to us. It's a sad state of affairs when even the council realises this is the only 'hack'.I have things I can sell, but they don't amount to much. I have a stack of things I'll be putting on eBay but don't expect to make much more than £200 from it. I drive a car worth ~£800 so down-sizing that isn't an option either.
I reckon being strict I could be clear of the debt by August, if I clear £1050 in June and the same in July.
I've drafted up a spreadsheet of my debt which I'll print off and show the Mrs because I think the one thing that annoys her is that she can't see where the money is going, I'm hoping that by showing her she will understand it better.
C.A.R. said:
I've drafted up a spreadsheet of my debt which I'll print off and show the Mrs because I think the one thing that annoys her is that she can't see where the money is going, I'm hoping that by showing her she will understand it better.
It might help a bit, but it's ultimately numbers (and partly other people's numbers at that), rather than the feel of what it means in her life, and probably what she feels she can control. I haven't phrased that well but think how you'd feel if someone tried to impose a budget of numbers on you. Don't expect buy-in on the specifics; it's your detailed plan, not hers.However, the comments about your aims being too far apart are a load of last resort s
t. She wants to go out and do stuff, who doesn't. Show her that you can do things for less. Buy some candles, Google a recipe and cook a romantic meal from scratch instead of spending £30 on one out. Go for a walk in the countryside, still free AFAIK. You can take away the expense of stuff like the cinema if you replace it with other time fillers and experiences. Lead the way, and don't lead with penny pinching, lead with doing something new together that happens to cost less.Also, you appear to be winning. You didn't hit your specific target but the direction of travel is positive, and you're still at it. That's good, is it not?
Edited by trashbat on Tuesday 27th May 17:05
I might be wrong, often am, but I think for most half balanced people it's not about spending a set amount of money or showing off status etc, it's about doing stuff with their lives, and if you only know of doing comparatively expensive things, then what activities are you going to retreat to when you want some comfort?
Filling the void with 'doing stuff' doesn't involve pouring in cash (although it often helps), it involves fun and novelty and shared experience. Works for a while, anyway!
I'm serious about the potential for depression, too; enforced austerity and having to even temporarily regress in life really sucks, and it takes a better than average mindset to just batten down the hatches and soldier on with it unfazed, never mind being fairly optimistic, driven and proactive as the OP seems to be. I know of depression rather than having experienced anything significant myself, but such a state is not exactly the fount of great logic and initiative. That's something that has to be seriously taken into account.
Now I might be wrong and maybe his missus is a bored gold digger who wilfully doesn't care about his troubles, but skimming back a few posts, it doesn't read that way, and it seems extraordinarily off for casual observers to try and pin blame onto her or encourage him to. The situation's crap for both of them. Maybe OP will learn something about the strengths and weaknesses of his relationship (and indeed himself), but it sounds like there are plenty more options than abandoning it, and that he is quite well placed to handle it.
Filling the void with 'doing stuff' doesn't involve pouring in cash (although it often helps), it involves fun and novelty and shared experience. Works for a while, anyway!
I'm serious about the potential for depression, too; enforced austerity and having to even temporarily regress in life really sucks, and it takes a better than average mindset to just batten down the hatches and soldier on with it unfazed, never mind being fairly optimistic, driven and proactive as the OP seems to be. I know of depression rather than having experienced anything significant myself, but such a state is not exactly the fount of great logic and initiative. That's something that has to be seriously taken into account.
Now I might be wrong and maybe his missus is a bored gold digger who wilfully doesn't care about his troubles, but skimming back a few posts, it doesn't read that way, and it seems extraordinarily off for casual observers to try and pin blame onto her or encourage him to. The situation's crap for both of them. Maybe OP will learn something about the strengths and weaknesses of his relationship (and indeed himself), but it sounds like there are plenty more options than abandoning it, and that he is quite well placed to handle it.
trashbat said:
I might be wrong, often am, but I think for most half balanced people it's not about spending a set amount of money or showing off status etc, it's about doing stuff with their lives, and if you only know of doing comparatively expensive things, then what activities are you going to retreat to when you want some comfort?
Filling the void with 'doing stuff' doesn't involve pouring in cash (although it often helps), it involves fun and novelty and shared experience. Works for a while, anyway!
I'm serious about the potential for depression, too; enforced austerity and having to even temporarily regress in life really sucks, and it takes a better than average mindset to just batten down the hatches and soldier on with it unfazed, never mind being fairly optimistic, driven and proactive as the OP seems to be. I know of depression rather than having experienced anything significant myself, but such a state is not exactly the fount of great logic and initiative. That's something that has to be seriously taken into account.
Now I might be wrong and maybe his missus is a bored gold digger who wilfully doesn't care about his troubles, but skimming back a few posts, it doesn't read that way, and it seems extraordinarily off for casual observers to try and pin blame onto her or encourage him to. The situation's crap for both of them. Maybe OP will learn something about the strengths and weaknesses of his relationship (and indeed himself), but it sounds like there are plenty more options than abandoning it, and that he is quite well placed to handle it.
Beautifully put - hear, hear.Filling the void with 'doing stuff' doesn't involve pouring in cash (although it often helps), it involves fun and novelty and shared experience. Works for a while, anyway!
I'm serious about the potential for depression, too; enforced austerity and having to even temporarily regress in life really sucks, and it takes a better than average mindset to just batten down the hatches and soldier on with it unfazed, never mind being fairly optimistic, driven and proactive as the OP seems to be. I know of depression rather than having experienced anything significant myself, but such a state is not exactly the fount of great logic and initiative. That's something that has to be seriously taken into account.
Now I might be wrong and maybe his missus is a bored gold digger who wilfully doesn't care about his troubles, but skimming back a few posts, it doesn't read that way, and it seems extraordinarily off for casual observers to try and pin blame onto her or encourage him to. The situation's crap for both of them. Maybe OP will learn something about the strengths and weaknesses of his relationship (and indeed himself), but it sounds like there are plenty more options than abandoning it, and that he is quite well placed to handle it.
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