On £25k but 'poor'?! Misery thread...
Discussion
It is good to see the updates, especially as there are positives - debt is going down & salary has gone up.
I think it is important to budget for some treats, you've seem to be focused on your plan, but I can understand why your partner may not be.
Have you got a budget that you've both agreed on? Laying it out as no treats = 3 months until we move/£X set aside for treats = 4 months until we move etc as mentioned above seems like a good way of putting it and getting her on board.
I think it is important to budget for some treats, you've seem to be focused on your plan, but I can understand why your partner may not be.
Have you got a budget that you've both agreed on? Laying it out as no treats = 3 months until we move/£X set aside for treats = 4 months until we move etc as mentioned above seems like a good way of putting it and getting her on board.
Purity14 said:
markcoznottz said:
Years ago most family's only went out for meal on special occasions. To much entitlement nowadays?.
This, and very much this.Also "weekend away city breaks", that don't count as a holiday(you still need one of them), but cost the same as a holiday)
"Date night" is another one, but don't get me started on that.
Entitlement, its disgusting.
Purity14 said:
markcoznottz said:
Years ago most family's only went out for meal on special occasions. To much entitlement nowadays?.
This, and very much this.Also "weekend away city breaks", that don't count as a holiday(you still need one of them), but cost the same as a holiday)
"Date night" is another one, but don't get me started on that.
Entitlement, its disgusting.
people do what they are used to and know. spending money is what people are used to now, you can't judge people on the same basis as 50 years ago
C.A.R - Just to let you know, my efforts on your tracks but 18 months down the line, have just backfired massively.
We saved up our deposit, got an offer accepted on a house then got our AIP rejected because my silly bint of a wife had a four year old default she only paid off fully last month.
We've now spent 12 months in the horrid situation you're in for nothing. It's back into rented accommodation for us for the foreseeable future.
We saved up our deposit, got an offer accepted on a house then got our AIP rejected because my silly bint of a wife had a four year old default she only paid off fully last month.
We've now spent 12 months in the horrid situation you're in for nothing. It's back into rented accommodation for us for the foreseeable future.
Kozy said:
C.A.R - Just to let you know, my efforts on your tracks but 18 months down the line, have just backfired massively.
We saved up our deposit, got an offer accepted on a house then got our AIP rejected because my silly bint of a wife had a four year old default she only paid off fully last month.
We've now spent 12 months in the horrid situation you're in for nothing. It's back into rented accommodation for us for the foreseeable future.
Ouch.We saved up our deposit, got an offer accepted on a house then got our AIP rejected because my silly bint of a wife had a four year old default she only paid off fully last month.
We've now spent 12 months in the horrid situation you're in for nothing. It's back into rented accommodation for us for the foreseeable future.
Indeed. Second sprog on the way too, we ain't buying a house inside of the next 5 years. Possibly 10.
Annoying thing is, when we did the affordability check with me as the single applicant, the FA left all the outgoings the same as we had as a couple, which made it look like I couldn't afford anything bigger than a 1 bed flat. I've just done the same check with only my outgoings and it's come in at at enough.
So now, I'm feeling like I've been double f
ked.
Annoying thing is, when we did the affordability check with me as the single applicant, the FA left all the outgoings the same as we had as a couple, which made it look like I couldn't afford anything bigger than a 1 bed flat. I've just done the same check with only my outgoings and it's come in at at enough.
So now, I'm feeling like I've been double f
ked. miln0039 said:
Ouch.
Yes, we had this exact thing, saved up a fair amount for buying a place, went through all the checks, mine obviously fine as I learned my lesson regarding credit ratings. All came back on us when it turned out she had missed payments on a NEXT card in the last 4 months. Turns out she had no idea that missing a payment went on your record. Moronic. This from a woman that earns a considerable amount of money and didn't even need a fking NEXT card in the first place.Anyway, all was OK in the end but we had to save another £10k to increase our deposit size.
okgo said:
Anyway, all was OK in the end but we had to save another £10k to increase our deposit size.
That's just the problem though. It took us 9-12 months to save up £7500, whilst living with my parents with one child.With two, and back in rented accommodation, saving anything more is out of the question, more likely is that the £7500 would get whittled away back to zero.
Short of a windfall, we're just not cut from the right material for home ownership it would seem.
Kozy said:
That's just the problem though. It took us 9-12 months to save up £7500, whilst living with my parents with one child.
With two, and back in rented accommodation, saving anything more is out of the question, more likely is that the £7500 would get whittled away back to zero.
Short of a windfall, we're just not cut from the right material for home ownership it would seem.
Yes, we're in a lucky position that £10k was a few months saving, but still. With two, and back in rented accommodation, saving anything more is out of the question, more likely is that the £7500 would get whittled away back to zero.
Short of a windfall, we're just not cut from the right material for home ownership it would seem.
How do you mean? It sounds like you had kids without thinking about the implications they would have one home ownership?
okgo said:
How long do things stay on your credit file for?
Five years at least. Her actual default was 4.5 years ago so she thought it was OK even though she only paid it off the week before we applied.I'm trying my best not to get angry about it, starting arguments won't solve anything. I'm going to invest our savings in my own startup home business instead, I can't buy a house but at least I can build a business.
Kozy said:
Five years at least. Her actual default was 4.5 years ago so she thought it was OK even though she only paid it off the week before we applied.
I'm trying my best not to get angry about it, starting arguments won't solve anything. I'm going to invest our savings in my own startup home business instead, I can't buy a house but at least I can build a business.
AFAICS it wasn't for nothing, it just didn't pan out quite like you hoped. You have £7.5k that you didn't have before, which would take the average person years to save, and like you say has given you more options I'm trying my best not to get angry about it, starting arguments won't solve anything. I'm going to invest our savings in my own startup home business instead, I can't buy a house but at least I can build a business.
lewisf182 said:
Shnozz said:
I was thinking the same.
Easy commuter access to Leeds (preferably train) and a "nice" place to live (entirely subjective I accept), and I cannot think of places where property is cheap, and I am originally from Hampshire so base things on Hants prices. I pay £1250 pcm rent on a city centre flat, which is about the same at Southampton.
If I stay in the area then I keep looking at places in Ilkley and again, prices look comparable with what I am used to back home, eg
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/prope...
If you're paying £1250 in rent per month I'd assume you have pretty high standards as £800 a month will get you into a very nice flat in the city centre, my brother lives in west point, 4 minutes walk to the station and the centre of town + has underground parking space.Easy commuter access to Leeds (preferably train) and a "nice" place to live (entirely subjective I accept), and I cannot think of places where property is cheap, and I am originally from Hampshire so base things on Hants prices. I pay £1250 pcm rent on a city centre flat, which is about the same at Southampton.
If I stay in the area then I keep looking at places in Ilkley and again, prices look comparable with what I am used to back home, eg
http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/prope...
Finding a home around £100k in the north within commuting distance to the city centres and is decent is eeeasssilly achievable I really can't see how anybody can deny that?
You can buy a nice house in rotherham for pennies, that'd be a 30-40 minute commute to Sheffield city centre, likewise Barnsley & the surrounding villages is probably a 45 minute commute to Leeds.
I bought a very nice riverside apartment in Kelham Island (central sheffield) with parking and balcony for £85k, perfect for a young couple with a kid even, the mortgage is a few hundred a month....
Down south is obviously another story.
And good luck when it comes to trying to sell your shared ownership keith.......
Thanks for all the response. I will keep updating.
Kozy - terrible news fella, doesn't fill me with confidence. We are both fairly open with our spending but perhaps I don't show her enough. As mentioned by another post, I am the main breadwinner and I'm always criticised for referring to the income as 'my money' when in fact it is 'our money'. I need to find a way of making things more transparent so that she can appreciate where it's all going. Hopefully you guys don't chizzle away at that debt too much whilst in rented acommodation.
My Mrs does want to expand the family - as do I - but the difference is that I want a secure foundation for that to happen, whereas she is more of a 'do it and see' or 'we'll cope' kind of mindset. We 'coped' with our daughter but neither of us will admit it was easy and it certainly wasn't the rosy start to parenthood I wanted for our family. We did manage to 'piggyback' a holiday last year with my parents, but it was at the cost of delaying an electricity bill and a £500 hand-out from her dad. We spent the lot and we were budgeting! This year we have put any thoughts of a holiday firmly on hold (well, I have...).
Trashbat - I hear what you're saying and I know that you're right, but when I'm physically and emotionally exhausted I'd struggle to cook a meal. We have the upstairs bedroom and my daughters bedroom, everywhere else in the house (quite rightly) is shared with my folks. They (try to) go out at least twice a week to give us a free house, but this is where it becomes even more of a sob-story. My mother (I may have mentioned already) has MS and is completely unable to move. My dad (probably as a direct result) has bouts of depression and works hard all through the week, so they are often both too exhausted to go out at all. Often we don't get any time to ourselves so no opportunity has arisen to try and be romantic or spontaneous.
MauiJim - I completely agree. I'm being too discrete, too secretive and not sharing my ideas and aspirations for our family with my other half. I think I'm mostly to blame because I'm trying to protect her from the truth - that it's not pretty and the following months are going to be difficult. It's far from over, I know that - but I don't think she fully appreciates it. She absolutely flew off the handle yesterday when I announced that we are still 3 payslips from being 'debt free' - she thought it would all be over by July (as per our original plan).
The main problem is that we don't have a 'plan' in place. We might go back to privately renting, we might save for a deposit. There's no "we're doing this" and there's no target as a result, so all she sees is misery. At the moment she regrets moving out altogether because our quality of life has taken a nosedive (from her perspective) and we don't have our own space. We were (to her) 'better off' when we were privately renting, living hand-to-mouth. And she's right, but there's no way I would have shifted the £4k of debt without taking these measures.
The problem is with our friends / peers. Most of the people we grew up with have gone down the following paths-
-Work at Supermarkets / similar jobs, got their name on the social housing list at 16/18 and now live comfortably in subsidised acommodation.
-Work in offices and have successfully started buying or are saving for their own place. These people are either single or have no desire to start a family however.
A 6% mortgage is damned expensive - we're talking upwards of £850pcm in repayments for at least 5 years. However, local rent prices dictate that we would be paying similar but gaining nothing, with the only advantage being that we are not obliged / contracted to stay anywhere longer than 4 weeks. That's a disadvantage too, since we've been bitten in the past when the landlord evicted us because they needed their property back for a family emergency.
I need advice and I need to share the advice with my Mrs. If we're sticking it out for the long-term and trying for a house we need to make that decision now and not later.
Sorry if I've waffled-on a bit, there's a lot worth discussing. I have read all the replies and responded to as many as possible!
Thanks for the continued support (and honesty!)
Kozy - terrible news fella, doesn't fill me with confidence. We are both fairly open with our spending but perhaps I don't show her enough. As mentioned by another post, I am the main breadwinner and I'm always criticised for referring to the income as 'my money' when in fact it is 'our money'. I need to find a way of making things more transparent so that she can appreciate where it's all going. Hopefully you guys don't chizzle away at that debt too much whilst in rented acommodation.
My Mrs does want to expand the family - as do I - but the difference is that I want a secure foundation for that to happen, whereas she is more of a 'do it and see' or 'we'll cope' kind of mindset. We 'coped' with our daughter but neither of us will admit it was easy and it certainly wasn't the rosy start to parenthood I wanted for our family. We did manage to 'piggyback' a holiday last year with my parents, but it was at the cost of delaying an electricity bill and a £500 hand-out from her dad. We spent the lot and we were budgeting! This year we have put any thoughts of a holiday firmly on hold (well, I have...).
Trashbat - I hear what you're saying and I know that you're right, but when I'm physically and emotionally exhausted I'd struggle to cook a meal. We have the upstairs bedroom and my daughters bedroom, everywhere else in the house (quite rightly) is shared with my folks. They (try to) go out at least twice a week to give us a free house, but this is where it becomes even more of a sob-story. My mother (I may have mentioned already) has MS and is completely unable to move. My dad (probably as a direct result) has bouts of depression and works hard all through the week, so they are often both too exhausted to go out at all. Often we don't get any time to ourselves so no opportunity has arisen to try and be romantic or spontaneous.
MauiJim - I completely agree. I'm being too discrete, too secretive and not sharing my ideas and aspirations for our family with my other half. I think I'm mostly to blame because I'm trying to protect her from the truth - that it's not pretty and the following months are going to be difficult. It's far from over, I know that - but I don't think she fully appreciates it. She absolutely flew off the handle yesterday when I announced that we are still 3 payslips from being 'debt free' - she thought it would all be over by July (as per our original plan).
The main problem is that we don't have a 'plan' in place. We might go back to privately renting, we might save for a deposit. There's no "we're doing this" and there's no target as a result, so all she sees is misery. At the moment she regrets moving out altogether because our quality of life has taken a nosedive (from her perspective) and we don't have our own space. We were (to her) 'better off' when we were privately renting, living hand-to-mouth. And she's right, but there's no way I would have shifted the £4k of debt without taking these measures.
The problem is with our friends / peers. Most of the people we grew up with have gone down the following paths-
-Work at Supermarkets / similar jobs, got their name on the social housing list at 16/18 and now live comfortably in subsidised acommodation.
-Work in offices and have successfully started buying or are saving for their own place. These people are either single or have no desire to start a family however.
A 6% mortgage is damned expensive - we're talking upwards of £850pcm in repayments for at least 5 years. However, local rent prices dictate that we would be paying similar but gaining nothing, with the only advantage being that we are not obliged / contracted to stay anywhere longer than 4 weeks. That's a disadvantage too, since we've been bitten in the past when the landlord evicted us because they needed their property back for a family emergency.
I need advice and I need to share the advice with my Mrs. If we're sticking it out for the long-term and trying for a house we need to make that decision now and not later.
Sorry if I've waffled-on a bit, there's a lot worth discussing. I have read all the replies and responded to as many as possible!
Thanks for the continued support (and honesty!)
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