On £25k but 'poor'?! Misery thread...

[Defcon5]

Isn't 95 a month on electric an insanely high amount?

I take it you live in a flat with no gas but still it seems a lot.

[Friggerpants]

Markhoskins said:

Why do you sympathise? Having children is not a right. People should think more carefully before having them and complaining about how difficult life is.

Quote for truth.

Don't say "accidents happen" either, I've been cracking on my missus for 3 years, and never slipped up. Plus contraceptions free!

[Mr Will]

Defcon5 said:

Isn't 95 a month on electric an insanely high amount?

I take it you live in a flat with no gas but still it seems a lot.

Doesn't seem unfeasable to me. Bear in mind that there are people in the house all day and a young family will be hammering the washing machine, hot-water, etc much harder.

[Frio3535]

"Live by the pork sword, die by the pork sword" - Matthew, v26:52

[ProSc2008]

Mr Will said:

Defcon5 said:

Isn't 95 a month on electric an insanely high amount?

I take it you live in a flat with no gas but still it seems a lot.

Doesn't seem unfeasable to me. Bear in mind that there are people in the house all day and a young family will be hammering the washing machine, hot-water, etc much harder.

We're in a similar position to OP - 2 kids, wife at home for the majority of the time and I run a high-end PC nearly 24x7 and our electricity bill peaked at around £60p/m in the middle of winter. Now that it's summer and the tumble dryer isn't needed it's more like £40p/m.

It might be worth investigating why you're at £95?

[Mr Gearchange]

Markhoskins said:

Mr Gearchange said:

I sympathise because the guy is working hard, not asking for handouts and trying to support a family.
I sympathise because nobody can lose half of a joint income and it not make a big impact on their lives

Raising kids is difficult however well off you are - and in the midst of a huge recession where living costs are very high it's a struggle.

Chin up OP - mine are 6 & 4 with another on the way - I've changed jobs 4 times since my wife first fell pregnant, I've had to spend weeks working overseas & away from the family to earn enough money.

We're a lot more comfortable now - but it was tough for a few years.
My advice is to use the financial pressure you are under as an incentive to push yourself a bit - you might be surprised how far you can take yourself when you really have to.

Good luck.

Disagree. If you have plenty spare its much easier

The vast majority of people don't have 'plenty spare' to the extent where losing half of a joint income makes no difference to their standard of living.
Having kids is financially difficult for most people but they find a way to manage.

If everyone waited until they had enough money that losing a salary made no difference then absolutely no one would have kids.

We aren't talking about people having kids to claim benefit here - we are talking about things being more difficult when you have kids - which applies to almost everyone who ever had them.

I imagine you either live in a rarified atmosphere - or have no kids. Or both

[miln0039]

The £95 seems very high - I'm sure there must be £20-30 a month to be saved there. It's not much, but it's a whole bunch of nappies or a food shop every month?

[fido]

Find a cheaper supplier or put a curfew on entertainment appliances!

[bogie]

"poor" is relative ...im sure those in Africa who walk 3 hours for their daily supply of fresh water do not think anyone in the Western world is truly "poor"....

an older relative once said to me "dont think yourself poor" and it took me many years before I understood what he was on about. He meant dont focus all your spare time n energy on saving money, continually accepting what you are on ..otherwise thats where you will always be

Instead focus on ways to make more money, whether that by working more with the skills you have, or educating yourself, learning new skills for the future. Dont give up and accept your lot in life if you truly do want more you CAN do it if you believe so

[C.A.R.]

It's taken a while to read back through this thread!

Some very helpful answers and some...not so much.

We wanted a child, I don't resent our decision one bit, it's truly the most fulfilling thing you can do in life, I honestly believe that.

Also I appreciate that being 'poor' is relative, hence it being in quotation marks in my thread title. I'm not poor compared to an African, but I also don't have spare money at the end of every month.

Assumptions are correct about the 'leccy bills - the house has no gas supply, so electric everything. The £95/month is based on our last quarterly bill, which took us through January-early April, so it was cold. I want to base it on being this so I'm not caught short later in the year, but I'm hopeful our next bill will be considerably lower!

I've looked into part-time work myself, but there's very little out there. I've explained to my girlfriend that if she wants any form of 'spare' money; the only real option is to return to working.

Otherwise we will continue managing on what we have. We're just a bit gutted that since I seemed to have earned over the 25k threshold the tax credits have stopped completely, what incentive is that to work hard!? As unfortunately we are now worse-off monthly than we were before the latest evaluation for the last tax year.

I'm trying not to drone on!

What makes it harder is seeing leeches like one of my siblings who get everything paid for but seem to have a much higher quality of life despite what they theoretically 'deserve' back from the government.

I've explained to the girlfriend that looking at others' situations is only going to make you bitter and twisted, and to try and be proud that we are where we are and who we are because of hard work and commitment.

But it's tough when you have to make the call between baby milk and nappies...which will last until payday!?

[MiseryStreak]

My friend used to be a lefty (Che Guevara tattoo and everything) until he got a full time job and started renting his own place and paying bills etc. Now he rants on about doll scroungers and freeloaders all the time. Quite funny. The incentive of working hard is that you can feel superior to the (what are they known as now?) Precariat, and you are entitle to whinge about them. Like they whinge about rich people destroying the economy and taking 'their' jobs etc.

[AJS-]

I think it's just the time of life. I'm in much the same boat and seem to have more month than money every time. I've spent the last year and a bit thinking this month was different because I had to pay for xyz, but it seems when you have a kid and a wife to support then there's always some unforeseen expense!

Good on you for supporting your wife to stay at home with the kid though. I think it's a fantastic start in life and worth more than any nice holidays or expensive cars.

Stick with it. Chase the pay rises and promotions and things will ease up.

[SystemParanoia]

By living frugally..

VERY frugally..

little things like keeping the computer fast by installing ever lighter versions of linux ( currently running puppy linux ) instead of buying a new one

CRT tv ( nothing wrong with the one we have so why upgrade )

If you cant afford a luxury.. you cant afford it.. putting it on finance just makes it more expensive.. so you still cant afford it!

Currently applying for a transfer at work to allow me to work 2 miles away instead of 35, this will save me a fortune and be as good as having a substantial pay rise.

Frugal doesnt have to mean poverty.. you just have to spend where it matters and has the biggest effect.. everything else can be cut mercilessly

[crazy about cars]

SystemParanoia said:

By living frugally..

VERY frugally..

little things like keeping the computer fast by installing ever lighter versions of linux ( currently running puppy linux ) instead of buying a new one

CRT tv ( nothing wrong with the one we have so why upgrade )

If you cant afford a luxury.. you cant afford it.. putting it on finance just makes it more expensive.. so you still cant afford it!

Currently applying for a transfer at work to allow me to work 2 miles away instead of 35, this will save me a fortune and be as good as having a substantial pay rise.

Frugal doesnt have to mean poverty.. you just have to spend where it matters and has the biggest effect.. everything else can be cut mercilessly

Fair play matey well done! Truth to be told I could've been more frugal in so many areas but I lack the discipline. I've already quit smoking so my next aim is to cut down drinking to bare minimum to save even more.

[SystemParanoia]

crazy about cars said:

Fair play matey well done! Truth to be told I could've been more frugal in so many areas but I lack the discipline. I've already quit smoking so my next aim is to cut down drinking to bare minimum to save even more.

How about more meals cooked from scratch, but specially chosen meals that can transform into another once eaten.

Like a whole chicken, the carcass makes a very good soup

cost of take-a-ways adds up.. FAST!
also, take sandwiches to work.. £5+ a day on lunch is pretty damn expensive and money that can go towards something more useful. ( unless you're self employed and can just write it off against tax )

instead of jumping into the car every time you just want to pop to the shop.. walk there ( this doesn't count if the nearest shop is a million miles away of course lol )

Its not a good idea to cut your hobby(s) though.. you'll go insane!!!

[sunnygym]

What about if your wife became a child minder?

[crazy about cars]

SystemParanoia said:

How about more meals cooked from scratch, but specially chosen meals that can transform into another once eaten.

Like a whole chicken, the carcass makes a very good soup

cost of take-a-ways adds up.. FAST!
also, take sandwiches to work.. £5+ a day on lunch is pretty damn expensive and money that can go towards something more useful. ( unless you're self employed and can just write it off against tax )

instead of jumping into the car every time you just want to pop to the shop.. walk there ( this doesn't count if the nearest shop is a million miles away of course lol )

Its not a good idea to cut your hobby(s) though.. you'll go insane!!!

We rarely eat takeaways as the missus is a brilliant cook I bring my own sandwich/snack to work for lunch as we have crappy canteen and nearest food outlet is McD :P

I'll need to cut down on drinking though as it's taking toll on me body - my love of cars is expensive enough

Back on topic - it definitely requires a sometimes drastic change in lifestyle. It's hard but not impossible. To me it's certainly more satisfying providing for your family in the end of the day instead of relying on handouts.

[SystemParanoia]

Im lucky that 50% of my commute is down fantastic B roads.

unfortunately, the way i drive it costs me about £60 a month more in fuel than if i was an average bimbler.

but ffs.. cant cut everything can you

One night of boozing can put you wayy off target for getting that 6 pack you're chasing though

I gave up chasing that goal long ago haha

Edited by SystemParanoia on Monday 22 July 22:35

[ETOPS]

SystemParanoia said:

How about more meals cooked from scratch, but specially chosen meals that can transform into another once eaten.

Like a whole chicken, the carcass makes a very good soup

cost of take-a-ways adds up.. FAST!
also, take sandwiches to work.. £5+ a day on lunch is pretty damn expensive and money that can go towards something more useful. ( unless you're self employed and can just write it off against tax )

instead of jumping into the car every time you just want to pop to the shop.. walk there ( this doesn't count if the nearest shop is a million miles away of course lol )

Its not a good idea to cut your hobby(s) though.. you'll go insane!!!

Agree with everything here. Where there's a will, there's a way; and this applies with looking to save money.

I've been in the same position as many have mentioned on here, and although there's often no end in sight, I have to say, in a certain way, I look back quite fondly at those penny pinching days.

I was studying full time, any my wife was made redundant from a fairly high paying job. We had a small house deposit in the bank, which would now become our 'fixed costs fund'. We flogged our cars, my wife was brilliant about looking for supermarket coupons, we'd menu-plan based on her coupon hunt, ditching cable TV etc.

Naturally, it was stressful. I'd be lying if I said otherwise, but that's because we were unemployed. What ensued over the next few months, however, was a bit eye-opening. We realised that once (our newly minimised) bills are paid, we didn't have anything left over, but didn't want for anything. We took so much pleasure in being with each other, walking the dog, playing guitar, and giving each other the support needed when stress did arise, reading in the sun, spending time with family... All are free.

My parents, bless em, would occasionally send us a delivery, which would usually be something which we now wouldn't buy to eat, like a piece of beef, and a case of beer. I can say truthfully, that we would have more fun at home with a few cans of ste beer (my folks don't really know much about what beer I like!), and a nice home-cooked meal, than at any fancy restaurant. It was marvellous, and taught us a few valuable lessons.

I guess that my point is, to anyone who's situation is tight, is just hang in there. If your bills are covered, just enjoy what you have. I promise you that you can have just as much fun as a family doing the best (free) things in life, and be far more fulfilled, than if you spend your free time at the mall or pub. I understand the stress of unforeseen bills etc, and they suck, but otherwise, don't be fooled by material goods that others have - they don't alter your mood, they just alter your mindset.

Nowadays, on my birthday, what do I like to do? Get couple of friends over, buy some cases of ste beer, cook up a simple, delicious meal and get toasted. It's bliss.

[curlie467]

Have you listed everything down properly OP?

Couple of things missing off the list, TV license and contents insurance, mobiles?

I do that regularly to stay on track, I also do it realistically as it does you no favours to be conservative with the list.

Work out the mileage to work and what the car does mpg wise and use the car for nothing else, work out tax/insurance/mot over the year and figure it in monthly.
Be realistic on your shopping bill, I shop weekly, it works for me but not for others and work out almost exactly what you need for the week, draw out the cash and spend no more than that, once its gone its gone (not at babys detriment though, you can have beans).

How far is work? can you carshare or bike etc?

It is tough but you just get by, sod the finer things in life, just enjoy time with the family, baby doesnt care anyway!