Going through seperation from wife, some advice?
Discussion
I'll try to keep this as simple as possible. I wont get into the personal details and bore you all.
My situation is this: Married to wife July 2015, there are two children, one from her previous marriage and one of mine. We own a house in joint names with £152k (house worth around £350k) / 25ish years left on the mortgage. For the last 5 years I have paid the mortgage and every bill, she hasn't contributed a penny towards it. There is no joint debt or other shared assets or savings.
I moved back to my mothers house 4 months ago after the situation with my wife became intolerable and we were in danger of something silly happening, especially when you have children in the house. I thought this was the right thing to do at the time. Soon after I went to the doctors and was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Luckily for me I have a wonderful mother who would do anything for me, even now at the age of 31, and was able to move into her spare room where I still remain.
This week, wife and I mutually decided enough was enough and the seperation will be made permenant which is where I am now.
So the past 4 months, I have basically existed to pay the bills for the house i'm not living in (approximately £8k), whilst being at my mums but now things are final this can not go on for even a month longer as it's crippled me. She has her own business and works full time. She will also recieve tax credits, child benefit and £300 a month from first childs dad so i'm 99% sure she can afford to take on the bills. As a newly self employed business owner, I very much doubt the bank will let her take on the mortgage alone so I will need to remain on it. There will be no consideration of selling the house, it's in joint names so that's that.
I will have my child on average once a week, first weekend I just have her during the day on the Saturday and the second week she will come to me on the Friday and spend two nights here and then dropped off on the Sunday. And then that will carry on in that pattern.
What do I do now? Financially what am I expected to pay to her taking into account the above? I earn around £35k a year gross (£2200ish net a month) and I know I am financially liable for my child but what about the mortgage (£761 a month) that will remain in my name even though I don't live there? Taking a chunk out of that net figure will leave very few if any options of independance in the area I live (London) so will need to stay with my mum for the time being. Is that what is expected? I don't really see myself having any sort of future at the moment (or at least another 14 years when my child is 18!) and I am so confused as to what I am supposed to pay given the above?
I have had advice from a couple of sources that claim that I am liable for half the mortgage plus child maintenance on top? So around £800 a month? Is that reasonable and what is expected to by me even though it restricts me for having any sort of life until im 45? If it is then fair enough, il pay it - there's noone to blame here bar myself.
Thanks in advance. Any advice appreciated as I really am out of my depth here and am about to sink.
My situation is this: Married to wife July 2015, there are two children, one from her previous marriage and one of mine. We own a house in joint names with £152k (house worth around £350k) / 25ish years left on the mortgage. For the last 5 years I have paid the mortgage and every bill, she hasn't contributed a penny towards it. There is no joint debt or other shared assets or savings.
I moved back to my mothers house 4 months ago after the situation with my wife became intolerable and we were in danger of something silly happening, especially when you have children in the house. I thought this was the right thing to do at the time. Soon after I went to the doctors and was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Luckily for me I have a wonderful mother who would do anything for me, even now at the age of 31, and was able to move into her spare room where I still remain.
This week, wife and I mutually decided enough was enough and the seperation will be made permenant which is where I am now.
So the past 4 months, I have basically existed to pay the bills for the house i'm not living in (approximately £8k), whilst being at my mums but now things are final this can not go on for even a month longer as it's crippled me. She has her own business and works full time. She will also recieve tax credits, child benefit and £300 a month from first childs dad so i'm 99% sure she can afford to take on the bills. As a newly self employed business owner, I very much doubt the bank will let her take on the mortgage alone so I will need to remain on it. There will be no consideration of selling the house, it's in joint names so that's that.
I will have my child on average once a week, first weekend I just have her during the day on the Saturday and the second week she will come to me on the Friday and spend two nights here and then dropped off on the Sunday. And then that will carry on in that pattern.
What do I do now? Financially what am I expected to pay to her taking into account the above? I earn around £35k a year gross (£2200ish net a month) and I know I am financially liable for my child but what about the mortgage (£761 a month) that will remain in my name even though I don't live there? Taking a chunk out of that net figure will leave very few if any options of independance in the area I live (London) so will need to stay with my mum for the time being. Is that what is expected? I don't really see myself having any sort of future at the moment (or at least another 14 years when my child is 18!) and I am so confused as to what I am supposed to pay given the above?
I have had advice from a couple of sources that claim that I am liable for half the mortgage plus child maintenance on top? So around £800 a month? Is that reasonable and what is expected to by me even though it restricts me for having any sort of life until im 45? If it is then fair enough, il pay it - there's noone to blame here bar myself.
Thanks in advance. Any advice appreciated as I really am out of my depth here and am about to sink.
I can't help, massively, but there's a lot of information on this similar thread -
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
Your child maintenance and mortgage obligations are separate issues and not linked.
CM will be approximately 15% of net pay. There are calculators available online.
The mortgage is a debt and must be repaid by the debtor(s). Is it in joint names or just yours? Even if joint you are both liable for 100% of the repayments, so you can't argue you are only responsible for 50%.
You need to try to work out finances with your ex that enables both of you to maintain a home and care for your child.
CM will be approximately 15% of net pay. There are calculators available online.
The mortgage is a debt and must be repaid by the debtor(s). Is it in joint names or just yours? Even if joint you are both liable for 100% of the repayments, so you can't argue you are only responsible for 50%.
You need to try to work out finances with your ex that enables both of you to maintain a home and care for your child.
Thank you for your replies.
Already been to Citizens Advice and another solicitor. Her income is a dark area because of the new business / self employed. She could give any figure. If it's based on last years earnings then she would of earnt £4k in the year for tax reasons of course. The only definites at the mo are the full wack benefits on child tax credits, child benefit and the £300 a month from husband 1 which alone amounts to £1300 a month. Throw in my contribution and thats £2k a month before she's even taken a penny from her full time job (which will be well into 4 figures). Because i'm paying the mortgage, her only outgoings will be the bills (£450ish a month) and food etc. Certainly not over £1000 a month anyway.
I think i'm going to have to bite the bullit on this one. I will see my solicitor on Monday and get a letter drawn up signed by both parties stating that my £761 a month mortgage payment includes my child maintenance and throw in a cavaet that if that figure of 761 changes due to interest rates or whatever then it can be reviewed (it's fixed for another 2 years). Will there be any value in me being the sole contributor of the entire mortgage in any post divorce sale?
I feel like I have been given a 14 year prison sentence! Cartainly no chance of any independance in London on £1450 net left to me a month! Again, noone to blame bar myself.
Already been to Citizens Advice and another solicitor. Her income is a dark area because of the new business / self employed. She could give any figure. If it's based on last years earnings then she would of earnt £4k in the year for tax reasons of course. The only definites at the mo are the full wack benefits on child tax credits, child benefit and the £300 a month from husband 1 which alone amounts to £1300 a month. Throw in my contribution and thats £2k a month before she's even taken a penny from her full time job (which will be well into 4 figures). Because i'm paying the mortgage, her only outgoings will be the bills (£450ish a month) and food etc. Certainly not over £1000 a month anyway.
I think i'm going to have to bite the bullit on this one. I will see my solicitor on Monday and get a letter drawn up signed by both parties stating that my £761 a month mortgage payment includes my child maintenance and throw in a cavaet that if that figure of 761 changes due to interest rates or whatever then it can be reviewed (it's fixed for another 2 years). Will there be any value in me being the sole contributor of the entire mortgage in any post divorce sale?
I feel like I have been given a 14 year prison sentence! Cartainly no chance of any independance in London on £1450 net left to me a month! Again, noone to blame bar myself.
Edited by frank butcher on Saturday 4th June 16:16
Edited by frank butcher on Saturday 4th June 16:18
I'm no expert, but it sounds like there is £200,000 equity in the house, half of which is yours surely?
Is the answer not to sell the house, clear mortgage, take your £100,000, use it to buy another house, and if she can't afford a house with her £100,000 plus all her income from job and business and maintenance from donor 1, then your child comes to live with you (and she pays you maintenance)?
I helped a mate through something vaguely similar, and this was pretty much the outcome. The old fashioned 'child stays with mother' thing is no longer an automatically assumed right.
To be blunt, it sounds like you're getting shafted every which way here. No life, no money, no where to live and little access to your child. This is major league stuff - decisions that are made now will affect your whole life (not just the next 14 years).
Go and see a proper family specialist solicitor. I persuaded my mate to pay a bit more for a very reputable one and the advice given was streets ahead of what he'd been told by a generic 'Jack of all trades' solicitor prior.
Is the answer not to sell the house, clear mortgage, take your £100,000, use it to buy another house, and if she can't afford a house with her £100,000 plus all her income from job and business and maintenance from donor 1, then your child comes to live with you (and she pays you maintenance)?
I helped a mate through something vaguely similar, and this was pretty much the outcome. The old fashioned 'child stays with mother' thing is no longer an automatically assumed right.
To be blunt, it sounds like you're getting shafted every which way here. No life, no money, no where to live and little access to your child. This is major league stuff - decisions that are made now will affect your whole life (not just the next 14 years).
Go and see a proper family specialist solicitor. I persuaded my mate to pay a bit more for a very reputable one and the advice given was streets ahead of what he'd been told by a generic 'Jack of all trades' solicitor prior.
Ari said:
I'm no expert, but it sounds like there is £200,000 equity in the house, half of which is yours surely?
Is the answer not to sell the house, clear mortgage, take your £100,000, use it to buy another house, and if she can't afford a house with her £100,000 plus all her income from job and business and maintenance from donor 1, then your child comes to live with you (and she pays you maintenance)?
I helped a mate through something vaguely similar, and this was pretty much the outcome. The old fashioned 'child stays with mother' thing is no longer an automatically assumed right.
To be blunt, it sounds like you're getting shafted every which way here. No life, no money, no where to live and little access to your child. This is major league stuff - decisions that are made now will affect your whole life (not just the next 14 years).
Go and see a proper family specialist solicitor. I persuaded my mate to pay a bit more for a very reputable one and the advice given was streets ahead of what he'd been told by a generic 'Jack of all trades' solicitor prior.
There is £200,000 equity in the house correct. Half of which will definitely be mine! But it is in joint names so can't do nothing at all for now. £100k in London will go nowhere at all plus she would never agree to sell it in a million years,Is the answer not to sell the house, clear mortgage, take your £100,000, use it to buy another house, and if she can't afford a house with her £100,000 plus all her income from job and business and maintenance from donor 1, then your child comes to live with you (and she pays you maintenance)?
I helped a mate through something vaguely similar, and this was pretty much the outcome. The old fashioned 'child stays with mother' thing is no longer an automatically assumed right.
To be blunt, it sounds like you're getting shafted every which way here. No life, no money, no where to live and little access to your child. This is major league stuff - decisions that are made now will affect your whole life (not just the next 14 years).
Go and see a proper family specialist solicitor. I persuaded my mate to pay a bit more for a very reputable one and the advice given was streets ahead of what he'd been told by a generic 'Jack of all trades' solicitor prior.
Edited by frank butcher on Saturday 4th June 17:58
Edited by frank butcher on Saturday 4th June 18:02
Du1point8 said:
From the way you typed it, it sounds like you both have a child from previous marriages/relationships, or is that correct you have one between you both and she is the only one with a previous child?
Sorry she has one child from a previous relationship and we had my daughter together.Du1point8 said:
From the way you typed it, it sounds like you both have a child from previous marriages/relationships, or is that correct you have one between you both and she is the only one with a previous child?
I read it as the youngest was theirs together... otherwise much more straightforward. Might seem a daft question, but is there ANY chance of getting back together...(not for the sake of the kids), but because you want to, and are willing to give it another go.
I have seen several marriages where people have hated each others guts and literally wanted to stab each other...(seriously)...but somehow they have pulled through it and it has developed into a very warm happy relationship.
Don't want you to go into the ins and outs but you keep saying you have no one to blame but yourself.....is that really true?
Good luck anyway, nobody ever said marriage was easy.
WR. (Married 36 years)
I have seen several marriages where people have hated each others guts and literally wanted to stab each other...(seriously)...but somehow they have pulled through it and it has developed into a very warm happy relationship.
Don't want you to go into the ins and outs but you keep saying you have no one to blame but yourself.....is that really true?
Good luck anyway, nobody ever said marriage was easy.
WR. (Married 36 years)
frank butcher said:
I will see my solicitor on Monday and get a letter drawn up signed by both parties stating that my £761 a month mortgage payment includes my child maintenance and throw in a cavaet that if that figure of 761 changes due to interest rates or whatever then it can be reviewed (it's fixed for another 2 years)
If the other party accepts that, I'll be surprised. Back of fag pack maths would say that's at least a couple of hundred short, no? (Unless you mean you and the missus share that £761 half each, in which case I'll get back in my box).Anyway, chin up.
frank butcher said:
Ari said:
I'm no expert, but it sounds like there is £200,000 equity in the house, half of which is yours surely?
Is the answer not to sell the house, clear mortgage, take your £100,000, use it to buy another house, and if she can't afford a house with her £100,000 plus all her income from job and business and maintenance from donor 1, then your child comes to live with you (and she pays you maintenance)?
I helped a mate through something vaguely similar, and this was pretty much the outcome. The old fashioned 'child stays with mother' thing is no longer an automatically assumed right.
To be blunt, it sounds like you're getting shafted every which way here. No life, no money, no where to live and little access to your child. This is major league stuff - decisions that are made now will affect your whole life (not just the next 14 years).
Go and see a proper family specialist solicitor. I persuaded my mate to pay a bit more for a very reputable one and the advice given was streets ahead of what he'd been told by a generic 'Jack of all trades' solicitor prior.
There is £200,000 equity in the house correct. Half of which will definitely be mine! But it is in joint names so can't do nothing at all for now. £100k in London will go nowhere at all plus she would never agree to sell it in a million years,Is the answer not to sell the house, clear mortgage, take your £100,000, use it to buy another house, and if she can't afford a house with her £100,000 plus all her income from job and business and maintenance from donor 1, then your child comes to live with you (and she pays you maintenance)?
I helped a mate through something vaguely similar, and this was pretty much the outcome. The old fashioned 'child stays with mother' thing is no longer an automatically assumed right.
To be blunt, it sounds like you're getting shafted every which way here. No life, no money, no where to live and little access to your child. This is major league stuff - decisions that are made now will affect your whole life (not just the next 14 years).
Go and see a proper family specialist solicitor. I persuaded my mate to pay a bit more for a very reputable one and the advice given was streets ahead of what he'd been told by a generic 'Jack of all trades' solicitor prior.
'Sorry luv, we're getting divorced and I need my half. You pay it and keep the house or we sell the house and take half each. Your choice'.
Not complicated is it?
bigandclever said:
frank butcher said:
I will see my solicitor on Monday and get a letter drawn up signed by both parties stating that my £761 a month mortgage payment includes my child maintenance and throw in a cavaet that if that figure of 761 changes due to interest rates or whatever then it can be reviewed (it's fixed for another 2 years)
If the other party accepts that, I'll be surprised. Back of fag pack maths would say that's at least a couple of hundred short, no? (Unless you mean you and the missus share that £761 half each, in which case I'll get back in my box).Anyway, chin up.
frank butcher said:
Is when it's the children's family home - not even an option.
It's absolutely an option - indeed it's THE option. You've got your (and their) priorities all wrong. What's more important, that the kids have two parents with homes that they can visit and be comfortable in? Or that they live in a posher house while dad lives with granny. Is this really about the kids, or is this about being afraid to tell the wife that the house has to be sold? Because you wouldn't be the first.
You have to be practical in situations like this - because decisions that you are making emotively will affect you practically for the rest of your life.
Do you really want to be in mum's spare room in ten years time, funding your ex wife's nice house? I'm sure her new bloke will appreciate it, not sure you will though.
frank butcher said:
I think i'm going to have to bite the bullit on this one. I will see my solicitor on Monday and get a letter drawn up signed by both parties stating that my £761 a month mortgage payment includes my child maintenance and throw in a cavaet that if that figure of 761 changes due to interest rates or whatever then it can be reviewed (it's fixed for another 2 years). Will there be any value in me being the sole contributor of the entire mortgage in any post divorce sale?
I feel like I have been given a 14 year prison sentence! Cartainly no chance of any independance in London on £1450 net left to me a month! Again, noone to blame bar myself.
I don't know all your circumstances, but based on what you've said, two minutes with this https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenanc... suggests that your monthly payment (assuming the child lives with her and visits you for one or two nights a week) is about £300. House - as above - you need to sell and split.I feel like I have been given a 14 year prison sentence! Cartainly no chance of any independance in London on £1450 net left to me a month! Again, noone to blame bar myself.
You REALLY need to take some proper EXPERT legal advice before committing yourself to funding her house to the tune of more than double what's due whilst living in your mum's spare room for the foreseeable future.
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