Spending a proportion of house sale money on private rent.

Spending a proportion of house sale money on private rent.

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Wolfer

Original Poster:

185 posts

126 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
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Hi,

I’m in a bit of a predicament, where I’m not sure if I’m being a tight-ass or just careful, would like some input as feel maybe I’m being selfish.

Split last year with ex-wife, house went up for sale, that all went through fine, money in the bank now.
In the meantime, approximately 6 months ago I met someone new, fell in love, and pretty much spend all my spare time with her (and her daughter). Things going very well, discussing the future and all that.

House that she rents is very small (and I come with a lot of crap!) so we have been talking about renting somewhere together bigger with more room, for both us and her daughter who’s studying at the moment.

We have found, and have first refusal on a property to rent, which seems perfect, more space, plenty of space for cars and storage for my crap. And we have been looking forward to moving in.

Problem – she has just started a course to help with her career, where most of her hours will now be voluntary, meaning less pay, quite a lot less. But in a year’s time, she will be able to get a better job and earn more money straight away.

So, the only thing we came up with is use 10k from my house sale to pay for the rent for 1 year. That way, we have spare cash per month including for her daughter.

This will be nearly 20% of the house money, and I have been a little less than enthusiastic shall I say. I wanted to invest that money for our future, or wait till we can afford the house we want in a few years and have a good deposit.

So, other than that option, I move out / we stay apart for a year, (she will be better off while training with me not there as she will get help) and we get a place together in a year’s time once she is fully qualified.

Is it mad to spend a chunk of house sale money on rent for a year, or am I being a tight git?!

Dejay1788

1,311 posts

128 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
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Where are you living now? Will the cost of where you live now not cover the new place?

Wolfer

Original Poster:

185 posts

126 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
quotequote all
Dejay1788 said:
Where are you living now? Will the cost of where you live now not cover the new place?
Hi,

Due to still paying a mortgage until it was sold, I stayed some nights with my partner, some with my sister, and even some with the spiders at the old house.

At the talking about the future stage originally, we would have had the money per month to live and be reasonably well off in the new place, or where she is now.

condor

8,837 posts

247 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
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You could consider the £10K rent as investing in your new partner and your future together.

Wolfer

Original Poster:

185 posts

126 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
quotequote all
condor said:
You could consider the £10K rent as investing in your new partner and your future together.
See, this is what i'm thinking (while also being worried about anything going wrong)

condor

8,837 posts

247 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
quotequote all
I think it would show commitment to your future together as a family, if that is what you want. The alternatives would suggest you're not ready to commit to your new partner and her daughter.

tight fart

2,866 posts

272 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
quotequote all
I would say the question raises doubts on your feelings towards the relationship, doesn't sound like you are ready to commit?

Wolfer

Original Poster:

185 posts

126 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
quotequote all
Ok, you see, these replies are helping.

I believe I am ready to commit, Call me over-cautious, but I did need to think what some strangers looking from the outside thought.

Mates are good, but when I mentioned doing this, it was pretty much "no mate, go 50/50 with everything, look what happened last time" etc.

Cheers

Ozzie Osmond

21,189 posts

245 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
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Wolfer said:
Mates are good, but when I mentioned doing this, it was pretty much "no mate, go 50/50 with everything, look what happened last time" etc.
Mates know you a lot better than a couple of blokes on an internet forum. Mates presumably know your new partner as well.

Be cautious.

mangos

2,952 posts

180 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
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I split last year with the husband and also 6 months later found someone and fell in love.

My ex had hidden a lot from me so I didn't come out with near close to what I should have done financially.

Its made me very cautious of people and despite living with my new man and feeling like he is far more trust worthy than my ex I would not share things financially with him right yet, and i am not too sure if I ever will again.

I was with my ex for 15 years so obviously my trust was misplaced for a long time.

I am looking at buying a house now with my new man but will protect myself and the money I am putting in first and foremost.

Wolfer

Original Poster:

185 posts

126 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
quotequote all
mangos said:
I split last year with the husband and also 6 months later found someone and fell in love.

My ex had hidden a lot from me so I didn't come out with near close to what I should have done financially.

Its made me very cautious of people and despite living with my new man and feeling like he is far more trust worthy than my ex I would not share things financially with him right yet, and i am not too sure if I ever will again.

I was with my ex for 15 years so obviously my trust was misplaced for a long time.

I am looking at buying a house now with my new man but will protect myself and the money I am putting in first and foremost.
Thanks,

Yes, I was with my ex-wife for 20 years. Although she never hid anything from me, or indeed did the dirty on me, I am too, that little cautious. Mainly as I thought I knew where my life was going, and if it gets pulled from me again, less some money to fall back on, guess it makes me a bit twitchy!

mikees

2,745 posts

171 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
quotequote all
Im confused - you have to have someone where to live - so will need to pay for it. Either £10k for a year (£800 a month) for a nice place with the new woman to less for someone smaller on your own, yes? Howe much would that be £400-500/month? Where do you live in the country?

Or were you planning on living with new lady in her house and paying no rent?

Ozzie Osmond

21,189 posts

245 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
quotequote all
mikees said:
Im confused -
I think OP was essentially proposing to pay most or all of the joint rent while new partner, whose earnings will reduce, gets qualified.

CaptainSlow

13,179 posts

211 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
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If she stays living on her own how will she pay her rent?

ghamer

602 posts

154 months

Thursday 22nd September 2016
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CaptainSlow said:
If she stays living on her own how will she pay her rent?
Benefits,one presumes.

anonymous-user

53 months

Friday 23rd September 2016
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Wolfer said:
Thanks,

Yes, I was with my ex-wife for 20 years. Although she never hid anything from me, or indeed did the dirty on me, I am too, that little cautious. Mainly as I thought I knew where my life was going, and if it gets pulled from me again, less some money to fall back on, guess it makes me a bit twitchy!
Same for me, one minute you think everything is OK, you have a nice house etc. and the next minute you are almost starting from scratch again. I have been seeing someone for two years now and I am fortunate to be in the position where we both earn similar amounts of money. she owns a property where I also live, but I am currently saving to buy a property for myself that I will rent out.

Having taken years to sort out the financial mess from my marriage I am very wary of getting myself into a situation where it might happen again. We pay 50/50 for everything but aside from that we keep our financial arrangements very separate.

Have to say if I had started seeing someone with very little money I would be very nervous about putting in 20% of my total cash after only 6 months.

Trabi601

4,865 posts

94 months

Friday 23rd September 2016
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Call me cynical, but you've really only just met and she's now proposing to cut her income.

I'd be very wary she was seeing you as a cash cow.

Matt_N

8,900 posts

201 months

Friday 23rd September 2016
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Trabi601 said:
Call me cynical, but you've really only just met and she's now proposing to cut her income.

I'd be very wary she was seeing you as a cash cow.
I'd take a similar view too tbh, but then I think the worst of most situations!

Met 6 months ago, she has a daughter to support and all of a sudden she wants support to fund her through her training?

NRS

22,078 posts

200 months

Friday 23rd September 2016
quotequote all
mikees said:
Im confused - you have to have someone where to live - so will need to pay for it. Either £10k for a year (£800 a month) for a nice place with the new woman to less for someone smaller on your own, yes? Howe much would that be £400-500/month? Where do you live in the country?

Or were you planning on living with new lady in her house and paying no rent?
I have to agree with this - the actual "cost" of moving in with her is the difference between the cost of what you would rent anyway, and the cost of a bigger place with her. You mention you have a lot of stuff, so it might not be that much difference, unless you sold lots of things (in which case could you move in with her anyway?).

However it is pretty quick to be moving in together, and there is a risk of her using you to support her financially. I'd also be careful about knowing the legal position on when she would be able to get access to the rest of your money if you moved in together. I certainly don't think all women are money grabbing SWTs, but some are (the same as guys) and if it turns out she is one then you don't want to lose £45 000 after moving in with her for a short time (in which you have also supported her financially).

tight fart

2,866 posts

272 months

Friday 23rd September 2016
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What a romantic lot we are.