Regular Garden Maintenance Cost
Discussion
944fan said:
Mowing he lawn takes about 10 mins. Finding the extension lead 10 more minutes, tidy the kids s
t of the lawn 10 minutes, finding the mower in the shed 5 minutes, going back to find the grass bin 5 minutes. Its a ste fking job and I hate it.
I get plenty of fresh air running and cycling. Plus the grass makes me itch. Pissing me off just thinking about.
This is by far the best rant I have heard all week. Thanks. t of the lawn 10 minutes, finding the mower in the shed 5 minutes, going back to find the grass bin 5 minutes. Its a ste fking job and I hate it.I get plenty of fresh air running and cycling. Plus the grass makes me itch. Pissing me off just thinking about.
Oh, and for only 20m2 of grass I would get a manual cylinder mower and get the kids to pick up the cuttings when your done.
Actually, scrap that - get artificial grass, it was made for folk like you.
You
ds.
Got home, wife and kids were out. Looked out the window at despair of the fking garden. I thought, right I'll show those two random blokes on the Internet I don't actually know and mow that fker.
First off, where the juddering fk is the extension lead? Oh here it is in the girl's playhouse, silly me. 10 minutes gone.
Right, 10 minutes clearing the kids crap from the lawn. Go get the mower. Can't open the fking shed because the grass is too long. Consider giving up. Not 944fan you have come this far. Force the shed door open. It all comes back to me. Last time I mowed the lawn shortly after the kids wanted the bouncy castle put up. That was put away, be me, by chucking in the shed on top of everything, including you guessed it the fking lawm mower. 10 minutes untangling that, made all the more hard as the shed door still wont open the full fking way. Had to go over the lawn with the strimmer first as it was so long. Get that done. Right time to mow, fk sake where's the fking grass bin? Back to the shed, 10 minutes later appear with the bin.
Right ready to start mowing, bin on mower plugged in. Oh no the dog is having a st. Right go and get a poo bag and clean that up. Of we go. Had to set the mow height to "jungle", first pass. Tough going, plugging on. Oh cock, the mower is jammed with the sheer weight of grass, have to go unplug the lawn mower (sidebar: the switch on the mower broke about 3 years ago, I fixed it by bypassing the switch, so you plug it in and off it goes). Unblock the mower and off again. First pass done, fkING PISSED OFF! Lower the height and away for the second pass. God this is fking boring. Mental preparing the rant to go on PH! Ah the fking grass is making me itch now. Why the fk am I doing this.
Done. Round the edges with the strimmer. fk this st. I've had a titfull by this point and refuse to do the front. Chuck the mower in the shed and fk off in side.
Getting a gardner, don't care what you lot think.
Bandit said:
20sqm? You lazy bd 
That must take all of 5 mins every couple of weeks?
Get outside and enjoy the fresh air (I have to keep telling myself that as I have a 3 acre lawn
)
and youd That must take all of 5 mins every couple of weeks? Get outside and enjoy the fresh air (I have to keep telling myself that as I have a 3 acre lawn
)sandman77 said:
This is by far the best rant I have heard all week. Thanks.
Oh, and for only 20m2 of grass I would get a manual cylinder mower and get the kids to pick up the cuttings when your done.
Actually, scrap that - get artificial grass, it was made for folk like you.
complete set of bOh, and for only 20m2 of grass I would get a manual cylinder mower and get the kids to pick up the cuttings when your done.
Actually, scrap that - get artificial grass, it was made for folk like you.
ds.Got home, wife and kids were out. Looked out the window at despair of the f
king garden. I thought, right I'll show those two random blokes on the Internet I don't actually know and mow that fker.First off, where the juddering f
k is the extension lead? Oh here it is in the girl's playhouse, silly me. 10 minutes gone.Right, 10 minutes clearing the kids crap from the lawn. Go get the mower. Can't open the f
king shed because the grass is too long. Consider giving up. Not 944fan you have come this far. Force the shed door open. It all comes back to me. Last time I mowed the lawn shortly after the kids wanted the bouncy castle put up. That was put away, be me, by chucking in the shed on top of everything, including you guessed it the fking lawm mower. 10 minutes untangling that, made all the more hard as the shed door still wont open the full fking way. Had to go over the lawn with the strimmer first as it was so long. Get that done. Right time to mow, fk sake where's the fking grass bin? Back to the shed, 10 minutes later appear with the bin.Right ready to start mowing, bin on mower plugged in. Oh no the dog is having a s
t. Right go and get a poo bag and clean that up. Of we go. Had to set the mow height to "jungle", first pass. Tough going, plugging on. Oh cock, the mower is jammed with the sheer weight of grass, have to go unplug the lawn mower (sidebar: the switch on the mower broke about 3 years ago, I fixed it by bypassing the switch, so you plug it in and off it goes). Unblock the mower and off again. First pass done, fkING PISSED OFF! Lower the height and away for the second pass. God this is fking boring. Mental preparing the rant to go on PH! Ah the fking grass is making me itch now. Why the fk am I doing this.Done. Round the edges with the strimmer. f
k this st. I've had a titfull by this point and refuse to do the front. Chuck the mower in the shed and fk off in side.Getting a gardner, don't care what you lot think.
I can understand going the artificial grass route if you've got a small yard or something but are people really covering their whole gardens in it? Horrible stuff. Why have a garden if you don't like natural surroundings?!
I buy the whole not doing stty jobs though. I think getting a cleaner, a gardener and having someone wash your cars is a brilliant way to not spend your spare time doing st things. If only I could get someone to do my job for me too I'd be sorted!
I buy the whole not doing s
tty jobs though. I think getting a cleaner, a gardener and having someone wash your cars is a brilliant way to not spend your spare time doing st things. If only I could get someone to do my job for me too I'd be sorted!944fan said:
You
ds.
Got home, wife and kids were out. Looked out the window at despair of the fking garden. I thought, right I'll show those two random blokes on the Internet I don't actually know and mow that fker.
First off, where the juddering fk is the extension lead? Oh here it is in the girl's playhouse, silly me. 10 minutes gone.
Right, 10 minutes clearing the kids crap from the lawn. Go get the mower. Can't open the fking shed because the grass is too long. Consider giving up. Not 944fan you have come this far. Force the shed door open. It all comes back to me. Last time I mowed the lawn shortly after the kids wanted the bouncy castle put up. That was put away, be me, by chucking in the shed on top of everything, including you guessed it the fking lawm mower. 10 minutes untangling that, made all the more hard as the shed door still wont open the full fking way. Had to go over the lawn with the strimmer first as it was so long. Get that done. Right time to mow, fk sake where's the fking grass bin? Back to the shed, 10 minutes later appear with the bin.
Right ready to start mowing, bin on mower plugged in. Oh no the dog is having a st. Right go and get a poo bag and clean that up. Of we go. Had to set the mow height to "jungle", first pass. Tough going, plugging on. Oh cock, the mower is jammed with the sheer weight of grass, have to go unplug the lawn mower (sidebar: the switch on the mower broke about 3 years ago, I fixed it by bypassing the switch, so you plug it in and off it goes). Unblock the mower and off again. First pass done, fkING PISSED OFF! Lower the height and away for the second pass. God this is fking boring. Mental preparing the rant to go on PH! Ah the fking grass is making me itch now. Why the fk am I doing this.
Done. Round the edges with the strimmer. fk this st. I've had a titfull by this point and refuse to do the front. Chuck the mower in the shed and fk off in side.
Getting a gardner, don't care what you lot think.
Bandit said:
20sqm? You lazy bd That must take all of 5 mins every couple of weeks?
Get outside and enjoy the fresh air (I have to keep telling myself that as I have a 3 acre lawn )
and youd That must take all of 5 mins every couple of weeks? Get outside and enjoy the fresh air (I have to keep telling myself that as I have a 3 acre lawn
)sandman77 said:
This is by far the best rant I have heard all week. Thanks.
Oh, and for only 20m2 of grass I would get a manual cylinder mower and get the kids to pick up the cuttings when your done.
Actually, scrap that - get artificial grass, it was made for folk like you.
complete set of bOh, and for only 20m2 of grass I would get a manual cylinder mower and get the kids to pick up the cuttings when your done.
Actually, scrap that - get artificial grass, it was made for folk like you.
ds.Got home, wife and kids were out. Looked out the window at despair of the f
king garden. I thought, right I'll show those two random blokes on the Internet I don't actually know and mow that fker.First off, where the juddering f
k is the extension lead? Oh here it is in the girl's playhouse, silly me. 10 minutes gone.Right, 10 minutes clearing the kids crap from the lawn. Go get the mower. Can't open the f
king shed because the grass is too long. Consider giving up. Not 944fan you have come this far. Force the shed door open. It all comes back to me. Last time I mowed the lawn shortly after the kids wanted the bouncy castle put up. That was put away, be me, by chucking in the shed on top of everything, including you guessed it the fking lawm mower. 10 minutes untangling that, made all the more hard as the shed door still wont open the full fking way. Had to go over the lawn with the strimmer first as it was so long. Get that done. Right time to mow, fk sake where's the fking grass bin? Back to the shed, 10 minutes later appear with the bin.Right ready to start mowing, bin on mower plugged in. Oh no the dog is having a s
t. Right go and get a poo bag and clean that up. Of we go. Had to set the mow height to "jungle", first pass. Tough going, plugging on. Oh cock, the mower is jammed with the sheer weight of grass, have to go unplug the lawn mower (sidebar: the switch on the mower broke about 3 years ago, I fixed it by bypassing the switch, so you plug it in and off it goes). Unblock the mower and off again. First pass done, fkING PISSED OFF! Lower the height and away for the second pass. God this is fking boring. Mental preparing the rant to go on PH! Ah the fking grass is making me itch now. Why the fk am I doing this.Done. Round the edges with the strimmer. f
k this st. I've had a titfull by this point and refuse to do the front. Chuck the mower in the shed and fk off in side.Getting a gardner, don't care what you lot think.
Hitch said:
I can understand going the artificial grass route if you've got a small yard or something but are people really covering their whole gardens in it? Horrible stuff. Why have a garden if you don't like natural surroundings?!
I buy the whole not doing stty jobs though. I think getting a cleaner, a gardener and having someone wash your cars is a brilliant way to not spend your spare time doing st things. If only I could get someone to do my job for me too I'd be sorted!
My house came with a garden unfortunately. In any case what is so natural about a mowed grass lawn? If you want natural surroundings you let the weeds run wild.I buy the whole not doing s
tty jobs though. I think getting a cleaner, a gardener and having someone wash your cars is a brilliant way to not spend your spare time doing st things. If only I could get someone to do my job for me too I'd be sorted!Mind you my garden is so bad I'd feel embarrassed at letting a gardener see it until I've tidied it up myself.
944fan said:
complete set of bds.
Got home, wife and kids were out. Looked out the window at despair of the fking garden. I thought, right I'll show those two random blokes on the Internet I don't actually know and mow that fker.
First off, where the juddering fk is the extension lead? Oh here it is in the girl's playhouse, silly me. 10 minutes gone.
Right, 10 minutes clearing the kids crap from the lawn. Go get the mower. Can't open the fking shed because the grass is too long. Consider giving up. Not 944fan you have come this far. Force the shed door open. It all comes back to me. Last time I mowed the lawn shortly after the kids wanted the bouncy castle put up. That was put away, be me, by chucking in the shed on top of everything, including you guessed it the fking lawm mower. 10 minutes untangling that, made all the more hard as the shed door still wont open the full fking way. Had to go over the lawn with the strimmer first as it was so long. Get that done. Right time to mow, fk sake where's the fking grass bin? Back to the shed, 10 minutes later appear with the bin.
Right ready to start mowing, bin on mower plugged in. Oh no the dog is having a st. Right go and get a poo bag and clean that up. Of we go. Had to set the mow height to "jungle", first pass. Tough going, plugging on. Oh cock, the mower is jammed with the sheer weight of grass, have to go unplug the lawn mower (sidebar: the switch on the mower broke about 3 years ago, I fixed it by bypassing the switch, so you plug it in and off it goes). Unblock the mower and off again. First pass done, fkING PISSED OFF! Lower the height and away for the second pass. God this is fking boring. Mental preparing the rant to go on PH! Ah the fking grass is making me itch now. Why the fk am I doing this.
Done. Round the edges with the strimmer. fk this st. I've had a titfull by this point and refuse to do the front. Chuck the mower in the shed and fk off in side.
Getting a gardner, don't care what you lot think.
My neighbour is a bit OCD about the hedge between us, and the dead, blackened patch that is my lawn.ds.Got home, wife and kids were out. Looked out the window at despair of the f
king garden. I thought, right I'll show those two random blokes on the Internet I don't actually know and mow that fker.First off, where the juddering f
k is the extension lead? Oh here it is in the girl's playhouse, silly me. 10 minutes gone.Right, 10 minutes clearing the kids crap from the lawn. Go get the mower. Can't open the f
king shed because the grass is too long. Consider giving up. Not 944fan you have come this far. Force the shed door open. It all comes back to me. Last time I mowed the lawn shortly after the kids wanted the bouncy castle put up. That was put away, be me, by chucking in the shed on top of everything, including you guessed it the fking lawm mower. 10 minutes untangling that, made all the more hard as the shed door still wont open the full fking way. Had to go over the lawn with the strimmer first as it was so long. Get that done. Right time to mow, fk sake where's the fking grass bin? Back to the shed, 10 minutes later appear with the bin.Right ready to start mowing, bin on mower plugged in. Oh no the dog is having a s
t. Right go and get a poo bag and clean that up. Of we go. Had to set the mow height to "jungle", first pass. Tough going, plugging on. Oh cock, the mower is jammed with the sheer weight of grass, have to go unplug the lawn mower (sidebar: the switch on the mower broke about 3 years ago, I fixed it by bypassing the switch, so you plug it in and off it goes). Unblock the mower and off again. First pass done, fkING PISSED OFF! Lower the height and away for the second pass. God this is fking boring. Mental preparing the rant to go on PH! Ah the fking grass is making me itch now. Why the fk am I doing this.Done. Round the edges with the strimmer. f
k this st. I've had a titfull by this point and refuse to do the front. Chuck the mower in the shed and fk off in side.Getting a gardner, don't care what you lot think.
So every now and again he very politely asks if I would mind if he can get round the back of my house to cut the hedge "and maybe a bit of strimming?" - I let him get on with it, and get him a case of decent beer.
He's happy, I'm happy, I do nothing except pick up one more 24 pack the next time I am at the offy.
944fan said:
You
ds.
Got home, wife and kids were out. Looked out the window at despair of the fking garden. I thought, right I'll show those two random blokes on the Internet I don't actually know and mow that fker.
First off, where the juddering fk is the extension lead? Oh here it is in the girl's playhouse, silly me. 10 minutes gone.
Right, 10 minutes clearing the kids crap from the lawn. Go get the mower. Can't open the fking shed because the grass is too long. Consider giving up. Not 944fan you have come this far. Force the shed door open. It all comes back to me. Last time I mowed the lawn shortly after the kids wanted the bouncy castle put up. That was put away, be me, by chucking in the shed on top of everything, including you guessed it the fking lawm mower. 10 minutes untangling that, made all the more hard as the shed door still wont open the full fking way. Had to go over the lawn with the strimmer first as it was so long. Get that done. Right time to mow, fk sake where's the fking grass bin? Back to the shed, 10 minutes later appear with the bin.
Right ready to start mowing, bin on mower plugged in. Oh no the dog is having a st. Right go and get a poo bag and clean that up. Of we go. Had to set the mow height to "jungle", first pass. Tough going, plugging on. Oh cock, the mower is jammed with the sheer weight of grass, have to go unplug the lawn mower (sidebar: the switch on the mower broke about 3 years ago, I fixed it by bypassing the switch, so you plug it in and off it goes). Unblock the mower and off again. First pass done, fkING PISSED OFF! Lower the height and away for the second pass. God this is fking boring. Mental preparing the rant to go on PH! Ah the fking grass is making me itch now. Why the fk am I doing this.
Done. Round the edges with the strimmer. fk this st. I've had a titfull by this point and refuse to do the front. Chuck the mower in the shed and fk off in side.
Getting a gardner, don't care what you lot think.
That really is a star rant.....Bandit said:
20sqm? You lazy bd That must take all of 5 mins every couple of weeks?
Get outside and enjoy the fresh air (I have to keep telling myself that as I have a 3 acre lawn )
and youd That must take all of 5 mins every couple of weeks? Get outside and enjoy the fresh air (I have to keep telling myself that as I have a 3 acre lawn
)sandman77 said:
This is by far the best rant I have heard all week. Thanks.
Oh, and for only 20m2 of grass I would get a manual cylinder mower and get the kids to pick up the cuttings when your done.
Actually, scrap that - get artificial grass, it was made for folk like you.
complete set of bOh, and for only 20m2 of grass I would get a manual cylinder mower and get the kids to pick up the cuttings when your done.
Actually, scrap that - get artificial grass, it was made for folk like you.
ds.Got home, wife and kids were out. Looked out the window at despair of the f
king garden. I thought, right I'll show those two random blokes on the Internet I don't actually know and mow that fker.First off, where the juddering f
k is the extension lead? Oh here it is in the girl's playhouse, silly me. 10 minutes gone.Right, 10 minutes clearing the kids crap from the lawn. Go get the mower. Can't open the f
king shed because the grass is too long. Consider giving up. Not 944fan you have come this far. Force the shed door open. It all comes back to me. Last time I mowed the lawn shortly after the kids wanted the bouncy castle put up. That was put away, be me, by chucking in the shed on top of everything, including you guessed it the fking lawm mower. 10 minutes untangling that, made all the more hard as the shed door still wont open the full fking way. Had to go over the lawn with the strimmer first as it was so long. Get that done. Right time to mow, fk sake where's the fking grass bin? Back to the shed, 10 minutes later appear with the bin.Right ready to start mowing, bin on mower plugged in. Oh no the dog is having a s
t. Right go and get a poo bag and clean that up. Of we go. Had to set the mow height to "jungle", first pass. Tough going, plugging on. Oh cock, the mower is jammed with the sheer weight of grass, have to go unplug the lawn mower (sidebar: the switch on the mower broke about 3 years ago, I fixed it by bypassing the switch, so you plug it in and off it goes). Unblock the mower and off again. First pass done, fkING PISSED OFF! Lower the height and away for the second pass. God this is fking boring. Mental preparing the rant to go on PH! Ah the fking grass is making me itch now. Why the fk am I doing this.Done. Round the edges with the strimmer. f
k this st. I've had a titfull by this point and refuse to do the front. Chuck the mower in the shed and fk off in side.Getting a gardner, don't care what you lot think.
Some Gump said:
All of you advocating or owning plastic grass - get yourselves in the council thread, pronto.
fking heathens.
It's actually far more expensive an outlay than maintaining a real lawn. In fact, I'd say that the scrubland-out-the-back that most private households call a garden is far more 'council'.f
king heathens.Got your own mower already?
If there's a way of doing so that doesn't get you investigated by Operation Yewtree, try and find a local teenager that wants a Saturday job. Then you can pay them (let's say) £7-8 an hour tops.
I made a killing doing minor gardening in my village when I was a teenager, and lawns were a big part of that. Even if they are inexperienced, it's hardly rocket science.
A lot of what proper gardeners with their own kit charge you is machinery costs.
Failing that a proper old-fashioned gardener who uses their client's equipment will be £10.00 an hour if you live outside the smoke.
If there's a way of doing so that doesn't get you investigated by Operation Yewtree, try and find a local teenager that wants a Saturday job. Then you can pay them (let's say) £7-8 an hour tops.
I made a killing doing minor gardening in my village when I was a teenager, and lawns were a big part of that. Even if they are inexperienced, it's hardly rocket science.
A lot of what proper gardeners with their own kit charge you is machinery costs.
Failing that a proper old-fashioned gardener who uses their client's equipment will be £10.00 an hour if you live outside the smoke.
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