The pain of loss - how long?

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anonymous-user

Original Poster:

53 months

Monday 10th November 2014
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As most of you know I lost Jaz, my 17 year old Westie, almost two weeks ago

I cried pretty much continually for the first five days, with day five being angry and sad all at the same time.

Since then I've started to begin to be able to smile whilst rembering the great times we had together. BUT - there is this constant feeling of loss and feeling like all the joy has been sucked out of me.

I'm sure what I'm feeling is totally normal but for those that have been through this before let me ask, how long does this awfully raw and profound feeling of loss last for? Right now I feel like I'll never be happy again, even though I know that's not the case.

moorx

3,480 posts

113 months

Monday 10th November 2014
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frown I am so sorry.

Unfortunately I've been through this more times than I would like, and it's really an individual thing. Time will lessen the 'rawness' of the grief, but I can't tell you how much time.

It's good that you can remember Jaz with a smile; try to cherish the good memories of all your times together, and focus less on the end - easier said than done, I know frown

Sorry, I haven't been able to give you a definitive answer to your question, but I'm not sure there is one....

Lotus Notes

1,197 posts

190 months

Monday 10th November 2014
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I'm sorry for your loss, 17 years is a long time, there must be plenty of great memories of the little fellow.
It'll be raw for quite a time yet and there will be reminders for ever, but only the good times..


anonymous-user

Original Poster:

53 months

Monday 10th November 2014
quotequote all
Cheers both!

I figured that would be the case - sometimes it's just good to know it's all a normal part of the grieving process and that I'm not going mad smile

bexVN

14,682 posts

210 months

Monday 10th November 2014
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It's different for everyone and their is no right/ wrong way to respond.

I cried everyday for over 2 weeks after we lost Jimmy. I won't deny I was a mess even though I had known what was coming for quite a while and prepared for it.

It's been almost 18 months we have a lovely new four legged friend and the old time being a healer is true but I still miss Jimmy more than I ever anticipated I would. I will still get tearful occasionally (and angry he was only 9yrs old) but mostly it's reminiscing fondly. My young son still misses him which is hard (my boy was 3 when Jimmy went)

There are bereavement helplines, use them, don't be ashamed to (Google blue cross bereavement) if you are struggling.

Give yourself time, I know what you are going through I am truly sorry for your loss.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

53 months

Monday 10th November 2014
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Thanks Bex.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

53 months

Tuesday 11th November 2014
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Well I've just picked up her ashes and that's started me off again. Don't think I'll be able to stop crying today!

Going to release her in the Thames in Pangbourne next week - that's where she was the healthiest and used to get up to her best fox poo rolling exercises smile

God this hurts so much!

CAPP0

19,530 posts

202 months

Tuesday 11th November 2014
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Few too many of us in the same boat at the moment Gary. It's really hard. MrsC has been worse than me (and before it happened I did actually expect it would be the other way around) but all sorts can set you off. I think that if you're an animal person, there's not much difference between losing a pet or a human. Some may sneer at that but I think it's true, and I doubt that anyone gets over a human bereavement in these timescales (been a long time since I lost anyone, grandparents were the most recent to go and the last one was 15 years or more back).

We too have Duff's ashes here, and collecting them was just awful, but at the moment I can't actually get my head around letting those go. Going to have to at some point, I don't feel it's right to keep them indefinitely, but I'm sure not ready yet and even just writing this I know that's going to be a(nother) very sad day.

I'm sure it will get better for us all, but we'll all have our own timescales. Will you have another dog? It will never replace Jaz but the pup we have, who was here before Duff died, has undoubtedly made things a little easier, if only because normal routines around walking, feeding, etc carry on, and there's still someone lying at your feet when you're watching telly smile

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

53 months

Tuesday 11th November 2014
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Cheers CAPPO - I agree with what you say. For me, releasing the ashes is letting her go so she can enjoy the next chapter. I guess we are all different with this.

For me, this is the first loss of any kind as an adult, last was my Nan over 30 years ago, and I was totally unprepared for these raw feelings.

I will get another at some stage as the thought of not having a dog does not bear thinking about but there is so much going on right now - got an offer on my house on the same day I lost Jaz which was bizarre - that I need to get a little settled again.

Also, as Jaz was on so many drugs for the last 3 years I could not really expect anyone to look after her and have not had a proper holiday since 2005!! Me and Mrs Garyhun need to have some 'us' time and then we'll think about another little friend.

It's very therapeutic being able to post on here and share this stuff so thanks to you, and everyone else, for reading and replying. I'm feeling a little better already smile

Go hug your pets for me biggrin

Petrol Only

1,592 posts

174 months

Tuesday 11th November 2014
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I have not lost a pet yet. But they can be "replaced" unlike your mum or dad frown

I know it will hurt when it happens. But it will be nothing like losing your dad to cancer in 6 months!

otolith

55,899 posts

203 months

Tuesday 11th November 2014
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Petrol Only said:
I have not lost a pet yet. But they can be "replaced" unlike your mum or dad frown
That's true, but only in the same sense that a child or spouse can be replaced, unlike your mum or dad.

Petrol Only said:
I know it will hurt when it happens. But it will be nothing like losing your dad to cancer in 6 months!
Quantitative rather than qualitative difference, though - exactly the same thing, but of course much worse.

Craphouserat

1,494 posts

200 months

Tuesday 11th November 2014
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Really sorry Gary - not been on here for a while so was unaware.

I felt the same for a long time after Ozz went about 9 weeks ago. I guess everyone is different but If I look at certain photos or think of him I sometimes get a bit teary. The feeling of loss is truly horrible - with me I had a lot of guilt. Still have because I've brought in a rescue dog....beginning to wonder if I've done that too soon.

You will get over these horrible feelings but it does take time - I couldn't talk about him too much to anyone for the first 3/4 weeks. Then it got slightly easier...but that was just me. Even today some regular dogwalkers see me with Archie and ask how he gets on with Ozz and I have to explain and fight back tears.

It will get easier - I am sorry for you - Its a crap time.

Monkey boy 1

2,063 posts

230 months

Tuesday 11th November 2014
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We lost out 3 year old hungarian Vizsla about a month ago. Complications from surgury after removing some chewed up bedding which got lodged in his stomach & intestines. He had been in the vets for, what we were told, was a common straight forward operation. After 4 days he was referred to Dick Whites,a specialist in Newmarket for intensive care as he contracted Septic peretonitis while at the vets. (ongoing saga with them at the moment which will probably get nasty).

Anyway poor Pip didn't survive and we had to make the aweful decision to end his suffering.

Took us a week or two before any of us in the family could talk about him without breaking down into floods of tears. I still have moments of sadness and guilt trips of "What if". Probably because he was so young.

I have never felt like this with any of our other pets. I even had a lump in my throat when I popped round my friends house who own Pip's mother & brother.

They say time heals, but it certainly will be some time before normality will be resumed. Even our 7 year old Greyhound was acting very oddly for a good couple of weeks as her playmate was no longer about.

bexVN

14,682 posts

210 months

Tuesday 11th November 2014
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Monkey Boy 1. I'm sorry for what you have been through. Honestly I think the main error in what you have described is the fact it was going to be routine. That should never ever have been regarded as such. Septic peritonitis is a very real risk of any foreign body removal esp with some materials over others and what damage they do to the guts. It is unpredictable nasty and rarely recoverable (though not impossible). I hope you get your answers about what happened he was so young.

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

53 months

Tuesday 11th November 2014
quotequote all
Craphouserat said:
Really sorry Gary - not been on here for a while so was unaware.

I felt the same for a long time after Ozz went about 9 weeks ago. I guess everyone is different but If I look at certain photos or think of him I sometimes get a bit teary. The feeling of loss is truly horrible - with me I had a lot of guilt. Still have because I've brought in a rescue dog....beginning to wonder if I've done that too soon.

You will get over these horrible feelings but it does take time - I couldn't talk about him too much to anyone for the first 3/4 weeks. Then it got slightly easier...but that was just me. Even today some regular dogwalkers see me with Archie and ask how he gets on with Ozz and I have to explain and fight back tears.

It will get easier - I am sorry for you - Its a crap time.
Cheers!

anonymous-user

Original Poster:

53 months

Tuesday 11th November 2014
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So sorry to hear of your loss too Monkey boy1.

SPR2

3,182 posts

195 months

Tuesday 11th November 2014
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I agree with Cappo it does ease things a little when you have another dog still with you.
I lost the mother of my Holly in 2008 and I still recall the happy and sad times of her. She was 13 and a half and Holly is now 14 and a half. I dread to think of ever losing her.
I still have the ashes and they will be together when the time comes.

Jasandjules

69,825 posts

228 months

Tuesday 11th November 2014
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You never really get over it but it does get easier.

Oh another animal never replaces the one you have lost, but they do help you.

Rich1973

1,191 posts

176 months

Tuesday 11th November 2014
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I held my cat when she was put to sleep at the vets. She was only 7 and a half and very loving and affectionate.
It hurt me a lot and I was a mess for a few weeks afterwards. Managed not to break down in work and the like, but many moments on my own where I cried.
The loss was raw and painful easily for 6 months, and even now 4 years on, I still find it bitter sweet to see a tuxedo cat or look at the tuxedo cat calendar!
She got under my skin and I still miss her.
The rawness will pass in time, but there is no simple answer I am afraid.

ali_kat

31,988 posts

220 months

Wednesday 12th November 2014
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I still miss Bast every day & it's been over 2 years

It's nothing like losing a parent, it's worse IMHO and although you can get another pet, they can never be replaced; like humans they have their own personality

Big hugs G xx