Not too sure I'm taken with my new cat, and feeling guilty..
Discussion
Her behaviour is exactly the same as one of my females. Very playful and loyal but hates being picked up, hisses at me if I try, and always runs away from a stroke. When she's up for it though she'll sit on my lap, and she sleeps next to me.
Don't worry about it. That's just the way she is. She obviously trusts you but wasn't socialised particularly well as a kitten and so doesn't like being handled. That's just the way things are sometimes. But if she follows you everywhere it means she loves you, so bear that in mind at least!
Don't worry about it. That's just the way she is. She obviously trusts you but wasn't socialised particularly well as a kitten and so doesn't like being handled. That's just the way things are sometimes. But if she follows you everywhere it means she loves you, so bear that in mind at least!
No bona fida breeder will sell kittens without paperwork. Kittens not to be used for breeding still have paperwork, they are just not registered as active. You have most likely bought a kitten raised in the cat equivalent of a puppy farm. The kitten has not been handled and socialised enough and so is reticent around people.
In time your kitten may come around but this will require a lot of work from you. As you are out all day the kitten will probably do most of it's sleeping then and wants to be active at night when you are home. Shutting it out of the bedroom will not help it bond with you. While it may be a pain to have it disturbing your sleep, if you want the kitten to become closer to you then it's a sacrifice you will have to make.
If you are not up to it then the best thing is to re-home the kitten to someone who can spend a lot of time building a relationship with it.
In time your kitten may come around but this will require a lot of work from you. As you are out all day the kitten will probably do most of it's sleeping then and wants to be active at night when you are home. Shutting it out of the bedroom will not help it bond with you. While it may be a pain to have it disturbing your sleep, if you want the kitten to become closer to you then it's a sacrifice you will have to make.
If you are not up to it then the best thing is to re-home the kitten to someone who can spend a lot of time building a relationship with it.
Joey Ramone said:
Her behaviour is exactly the same as one of my females. Very playful and loyal but hates being picked up, hisses at me if I try, and always runs away from a stroke. When she's up for it though she'll sit on my lap, and she sleeps next to me.
Don't worry about it. That's just the way she is. She obviously trusts you but wasn't socialised particularly well as a kitten and so doesn't like being handled. That's just the way things are sometimes. But if she follows you everywhere it means she loves you, so bear that in mind at least!
Much the same as our Lily - her predecessor Sophie was just the same.Don't worry about it. That's just the way she is. She obviously trusts you but wasn't socialised particularly well as a kitten and so doesn't like being handled. That's just the way things are sometimes. But if she follows you everywhere it means she loves you, so bear that in mind at least!
Lily's brother Louis is the opposite despite both being treated just the same from when we got them at 8 weeks - around 7 years ago.
ETA. Have just re-read your OP & unless you've already done so I'm going to suggest you have her checked for a microchip just to be sure that she isn't shown as stolen or missing from elsewhere.
Edited by paintman on Sunday 15th January 16:25
As others have said, you seem to be describing behaviour from a cat that has not been socialised properly from a kitten and/or has suffered possible abuse. What she does sounds like what our Fester (rescue mog) does. Hates you approaching him, hates being stroked if he is not ready and cowers if you approach in the 'wrong way'. The weird thing of course is that they bizarrely want to spend time with you, maybe if you are lucky, actually on your lap.
It is a very long road ahead and she will likely never be a cuddly teddy bear but she does know that you are caring for her or you would not get the interaction you do. Keep an eye on the times she is playful and play with her A LOT! Use something like the Thrive freeze dried chicken or fish to reward her for coming near you (as it is pure meat it is much less harmful than the awful crack-like Dreamies etc!) You will see progress albeit slowly. Festers brother (Gomez) was the same until one day after about 6 months he decided we were ok and will happily head over when you call him for fusses.
Please don't give up on her and pass her on, she deserves better than that. Keep faith with her and you will find it immensely rewarding when she does do something unexpectedly affectionate.
It is a very long road ahead and she will likely never be a cuddly teddy bear but she does know that you are caring for her or you would not get the interaction you do. Keep an eye on the times she is playful and play with her A LOT! Use something like the Thrive freeze dried chicken or fish to reward her for coming near you (as it is pure meat it is much less harmful than the awful crack-like Dreamies etc!) You will see progress albeit slowly. Festers brother (Gomez) was the same until one day after about 6 months he decided we were ok and will happily head over when you call him for fusses.
Please don't give up on her and pass her on, she deserves better than that. Keep faith with her and you will find it immensely rewarding when she does do something unexpectedly affectionate.
I think some cats prefer contact to being stroked. Ours loves being stroked around the head and ears and jaw, but otherwise is indifferent to stroking. But when's he is snoozing on your lap he loves having a nice still warm hand resting on his shoulder or hip.
Some people can stand fidgets. No surprise that some cats are the same.
She may also be a bit off with you in the morning because she knows you're leaving for the day. Cats aren't as solitary as many people think, IMO.
Some people can stand fidgets. No surprise that some cats are the same.
She may also be a bit off with you in the morning because she knows you're leaving for the day. Cats aren't as solitary as many people think, IMO.
You won't know the full extent of her character until you've had her 6 months really. By then you will have some idea of how she is going to be but honestly from experience it can take upto a year to truly bond/ connect with an animal sometimes
There needs give and take as well, she is her own character and that has to be respected and accepted as well, she is obviously trying to build a relationship with you but finding it hard.
Did her previous owners get her spayed? If not this should be done and can help them feel a bit calmer.
Oh and for some reassurance none of her behaviour strikes me as completely weird/odd in that there are many cats who act in the same way as a you describe,
There needs give and take as well, she is her own character and that has to be respected and accepted as well, she is obviously trying to build a relationship with you but finding it hard.
Did her previous owners get her spayed? If not this should be done and can help them feel a bit calmer.
Oh and for some reassurance none of her behaviour strikes me as completely weird/odd in that there are many cats who act in the same way as a you describe,
Edited by bexVN on Sunday 15th January 19:05
Edited by bexVN on Sunday 15th January 19:09
Also, give it time. I really didn't like our kitten when we first got her at all: Sure, she was cute, but she had zero personality and was irritating. Took a good six months before I realised I did love the furry pants off her, and now I wouldn't swap her for anything in the world. Proper little character!
This picture clearly shows a contented cat, on her terms, please take this as a positive and do not worry so much over her darting behaviour.
My cat Fitz was the most loving adorable cat you could ever meet yet he was so flighty with people he didn't know and took months to finally be totally at ease with them. I loved that cat too bits, he was just the best, his quirky traits just added to his character they certainly didn't detract.
My cat Fitz was the most loving adorable cat you could ever meet yet he was so flighty with people he didn't know and took months to finally be totally at ease with them. I loved that cat too bits, he was just the best, his quirky traits just added to his character they certainly didn't detract.
Our first rescue cat was a young mum (8-9mths old) didnt want pick up or cuddles much got wound up quickly with a lot of contact but loved us and eventually did end up cuddled up on laps etc but took a while.
Our current cat didnt seen to have much of a personality when a kitten but developed one and is a real sweetie now.
Give it plenty of time, take things slow and play/interact with it as much as it needs. It does sound like they have accepted you and bonded.
Our current cat didnt seen to have much of a personality when a kitten but developed one and is a real sweetie now.
Give it plenty of time, take things slow and play/interact with it as much as it needs. It does sound like they have accepted you and bonded.
Our female rescue cat took months to not run away from us and hide.
Even now, some days it's like I do not exist and on others, she will walk in, flip over and expect to be brushed.
She often doesn't even look round when called, leaving you feeling like she is sat in the garden thinking "Just get my food ready, I will be home around 10" etc
Funny old breed.
Even now, some days it's like I do not exist and on others, she will walk in, flip over and expect to be brushed.
She often doesn't even look round when called, leaving you feeling like she is sat in the garden thinking "Just get my food ready, I will be home around 10" etc
Funny old breed.
As the others have said, she seems very happy with you, just unsocialised as a young kitten.
You could try plugging some Pet Remedy diffusers in the rooms she hangs out in most.
Let her sleep with you, shell settle into the routine quickly and it should stop the evils in the mornings.
The bites could be that she gets over stimulated when you're fussing her.
Bouncing all over the bed in the morning - she's playing 'hunt' with you
Pepi was/is very standoffish. He wants live on his terms and only when he wants it.
E.g. he'll happily spend all night asleep either under the duvet or between my legs, then sit on the shower mat 'on guard' whilst I'm in the shower but run down a flight of stairs away from me to avoid a fuss when I get out
You could try plugging some Pet Remedy diffusers in the rooms she hangs out in most.
Let her sleep with you, shell settle into the routine quickly and it should stop the evils in the mornings.
The bites could be that she gets over stimulated when you're fussing her.
Bouncing all over the bed in the morning - she's playing 'hunt' with you
Pepi was/is very standoffish. He wants live on his terms and only when he wants it.
E.g. he'll happily spend all night asleep either under the duvet or between my legs, then sit on the shower mat 'on guard' whilst I'm in the shower but run down a flight of stairs away from me to avoid a fuss when I get out
We've had our two rescue cats for about 9 months now. I still can't touch either of them at all really apart from on very rare (very hungry) occassions. My girlfriend can stroke the male when he's feeling relaxed and the female when she feeds them. They spend most of their time in different rooms to us and will dart away as soon as they feel trapped or threatened.
So to me your cat sounds pretty bonded to you, fairly normal and quite enjoyable to be around.
But, ours were adults (2 and 5ish) from a multi-cat, unloved (probably even abused) household and had been in the centre for a year (a f
king YEAR) whilst everyone else ignored them. They need work, and time, and a lot of patience. It's frustrating, but equally very rewarding as slow progess is made. And despite their dreadful nerves and hiding and whatever else they do both have obvious characters and are very entertaining to watch and have the closest/cutest bond of any cats I've ever known.
i guess my point is that it could be worse! Enjoy your cat's character traits, learn her habits and what she does enjoy and make the most of the friendly/sociable moments.
So to me your cat sounds pretty bonded to you, fairly normal and quite enjoyable to be around.
But, ours were adults (2 and 5ish) from a multi-cat, unloved (probably even abused) household and had been in the centre for a year (a f
king YEAR) whilst everyone else ignored them. They need work, and time, and a lot of patience. It's frustrating, but equally very rewarding as slow progess is made. And despite their dreadful nerves and hiding and whatever else they do both have obvious characters and are very entertaining to watch and have the closest/cutest bond of any cats I've ever known.i guess my point is that it could be worse! Enjoy your cat's character traits, learn her habits and what she does enjoy and make the most of the friendly/sociable moments.
I have two cats, brother and sister. The girl is lovely and affectionate, plays, sleeps on you, follows you about etc. The boy behaves similar to your cat, sometimes he'll love a stroke and play, other times he likes to try and kill you and runs off like he's stting himself, it's on his terms. I think thats how cats are?
tting himself, it's on his terms. I think thats how cats are? We've had our idiotic rescue cat for 4 years now, and there are some traits we'll never get rid of - he will run and hide if you even think about picking him up, but he's the most cuddly, adorable limpet-cat when he wants a cuddle. He is also a world-record-holding seat thief. The minute my bum rises off the sofa, he's in my spot. Never pinches my OH's seat though, only mine. I think he's actually a bit "Sheldon" and that what's actually happening is I'M sitting in HIS seat.
Yours looks like a pretty contented creature to me. Give it time. Before you know it you'll be talking to her about everything and she'll be ignoring you entirely while figuring out how to get you to stand up so she can pinch your warm spot.
Yours looks like a pretty contented creature to me. Give it time. Before you know it you'll be talking to her about everything and she'll be ignoring you entirely while figuring out how to get you to stand up so she can pinch your warm spot.
This is very similar behaviour to a Russian Blue we got for my terminally ill Mother a couple of years ago. My Dad now is the crazy cat guy.
Not remotely keen on being fussed etc. All very very similar.
We then got her a Ragdoll kitten as a friend, and I'd say it wasn't until about a year on that she really settled and became a bit more involved in the house.
However, she is still very similar, doesn't like being approached too forcefully, is very demanding about sitting on your lap etc. I have grown to love her personality whenever I go over and visit, she's a right little madam and has a nice loving (but demanding) side to her. She gets on really with the Ragdoll though, which is nice to see. It's always on her terms though, which is no bad thing.
I would say it's not abnormal behaviour at all, based on our experience, and I'd urge you not to give on her. Perhaps get her a Ragdoll friend, and you'll get the best of both worlds. A Ragdoll is a bit like having a cat which behaves like a dog....
Good luck!
Not remotely keen on being fussed etc. All very very similar.
We then got her a Ragdoll kitten as a friend, and I'd say it wasn't until about a year on that she really settled and became a bit more involved in the house.
However, she is still very similar, doesn't like being approached too forcefully, is very demanding about sitting on your lap etc. I have grown to love her personality whenever I go over and visit, she's a right little madam and has a nice loving (but demanding) side to her. She gets on really with the Ragdoll though, which is nice to see. It's always on her terms though, which is no bad thing.
I would say it's not abnormal behaviour at all, based on our experience, and I'd urge you not to give on her. Perhaps get her a Ragdoll friend, and you'll get the best of both worlds. A Ragdoll is a bit like having a cat which behaves like a dog....
Good luck!
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