embarassing traveling moments

[LotusACBC]

miniman said:

Waiting for a flight home from the US in Atlanta airport international terminal, I could either go to the smoking zone to fill up on nicotine, or sit in the bar (this was several years ago when smoking was less evil than it seems to be now). So obviously I chose the bar and got chatting to a Dutch chap and we sank a few and smoked a few. I headed off to get on the flight, took my seat and off we went. A few minutes after take-off I started to regret the fluid intake, but no problem, in a few minutes the seatbelt light would go out and I would high tail it to the can.

Except for the turbulence. About 55 minutes of turbulence as it turned out. After 30 minutes, I was in serious danger of pissing myself, so I sheepishly asked the flight attendant if I could slip into the khazi. No, was the reply, sorry but you can't. After another 10 minutes, I called the guy back over and said "look, I'm really sorry, but I am going to have to go to the can". No, you can't do that sir, was the response. "What do you expect me to do?" I feebly countered; "You'll have to hold it" he replied, clearly pissed off with me by now. "Sorry, but that really isn't going to happen."

So grudgingly he agred that, at my own risk, I could leg it to the head and relieve myself. A while later, I walked red-faced down the aisle back to my seat, whilst the flight attendant made a polite announcement that the seat belt signs were for our own safety and that we should remain seated at all times. He then offered me a drink. I declined.

I would have pissed in the aisle. That'll teach um!

[anonymous-user]

911motorsport][... said:

I got filthy looks off the other passengers for the rest of the journey. Except for one fella who on leaving the train said he had watched the whole sequence of events unfold and had been laughing so much he had to use his asthma pump.

Do you happen to look like either of these two men?

[Scraggles]

was in the states a few years back, was getting hassled by some religious nut who wanted a donation, had been drinking at some bar at lunchtime and was rather full and needing a piss, pulled out the willy and held it tightly to stop the pee coming out, let the bladder muscles go, turned around and gave the guy his donation

he looked rather shocked as the pee had caught him mid spiel right in the face, then decided it would be a good time to depart

[Utterly Clueless]

Scraggles said:

was in the states a few years back, was getting hassled by some religious nut who wanted a donation, had been drinking at some bar at lunchtime and was rather full and needing a piss, pulled out the willy and held it tightly to stop the pee coming out, let the bladder muscles go, turned around and gave the guy his donation

he looked rather shocked as the pee had caught him mid spiel right in the face, then decided it would be a good time to depart

that didnt happen did it

[Dupont666]

After a light session at DD in Liverpool St I stagger home to get to Bank and the dreaded northern line, I promptly fall asleep and wake just in time to pull into Oval going the other way, I live in Clapham and made the mad dash off the tube and across to jump on the south bound northern line (it was the last of the evening), no idea how i really made it home and got to work the next day.

Damn you Tony for the dirty drinks....

[MitchT]

I was walking down the centre of a train heading for the exit as it rolled to a halt. When it stopped it jolted and I lost my balance a bit and elbowed the bald head of a bloke who was sat in his seat. If looks could kill I did apologise but I don't think he heard me as he had earphones in.

Edited by MitchT on Saturday 7th March 21:51

[CCM]

911motorsport said:

On a train form Manchester to London. Very high winds were shaking the train all over the place and I dropped a can of lager I'd just bought from the buffet carriage. I saw peole looking at me staggering around with a can of lager in my hand and I realised they thought I was a pissed alchy. I then explained to those near me that it was the wind blowing the train around that was making me lose my balance. They ignored me and just looked out the window, which was very embarassing. There were no seats left so I propped myself up near the toilet. I opened my lager and because I had dropped it it went off like a foam fire extinguisher, all over the back and head of the person sat in front of me, who seemed to freeze in terror. At this precise moment there was a huge gust of wind that shook the train so hard it caused the toilet door to swing open. The woman sat on the toilet screamed very loudly as I was stood there staring in through the wide open door. I got filthy looks off the other passengers for the rest of the journey. Except for one fella who on leaving the train said he had watched the whole sequence of events unfold and had been laughing so much he had to use his asthma pump.

excellent and that actually made me laugh out loud

[King Herald]

LeeThePeople said:

.....It came out like a tap and went on for ever, i really had a bad belly and my crap was like evian. As i came out I could see the shock on peoples faces as they gagged for clean air, I was so embarassed and felt real bad for everyone and then....

Have people never heard of the 'courtesy flush', whereby you pull the flush immediately after you dump the initial load, so it doesn't sit there spreading its foul odour for the next five minutes before you exit the toilet??? You can get away with some real foul blinders if you time the courtesy flush just right.

I've been on the old Indian bus trip, where there was no flush, just a hole, and a large tank underneath, and what you left there, stayed there, slopped around, mixed with other peoples junk and emitted its foul odour for the rest of the trip, much like B&Bs story further up. Gross man, gross.

I was on another bus ride in the desert, when a cute young Israeli lass had the runs, and the bus had to stop every ten minutes for her to climb out and go for a dump under the back of the bus. Every time we stopped half the male Indians onboard would cram up to the windows to try and get a peek at the cute girl with her ass hanging out. Fvck1n turd world scum bags!!!

[Beyond Rational]

King Herald said:

LeeThePeople said:

.....It came out like a tap and went on for ever, i really had a bad belly and my crap was like evian. As i came out I could see the shock on peoples faces as they gagged for clean air, I was so embarassed and felt real bad for everyone and then....

Have people never heard of the 'courtesy flush', whereby you pull the flush immediately after you dump the initial load, so it doesn't sit there spreading its foul odour for the next five minutes before you exit the toilet??? You can get away with some real foul blinders if you time the courtesy flush just right.

I've been on the old Indian bus trip, where there was no flush, just a hole, and a large tank underneath, and what you left there, stayed there, slopped around, mixed with other peoples junk and emitted its foul odour for the rest of the trip, much like B&Bs story further up. Gross man, gross.

I was on another bus ride in the desert, when a cute young Israeli lass had the runs, and the bus had to stop every ten minutes for her to climb out and go for a dump under the back of the bus. Every time we stopped half the male Indians onboard would cram up to the windows to try and get a peek at the cute girl with her ass hanging out. Fvck1n turd world scum bags!!!

You haven't had the misfortune of using a train toilet recently? The flush is behind the seat (on certain trains at least, I don't claim to be an expert )

[jaybkay]

I always find long distance travel (by whatever means) leads to constipation - and at some point it just has to come out.

But sometimes things aren't quite that simple -and in this ocassion I was stuck in one of those interminable immigration queues at LA, you know the ones that snake round for ever. As my excess flatulence tends to be noisy rather than smelly, I managed to let one out without noise hoping for the best. Oh boy, people started looking for the culprit and I had do the same thing not to look out of place whilst keeping a straight face (as Billy Connolly says - farting is always funny). Anyway - these aromas kept on coming out, and I had to maintain a stiff upper lip, while getting filthy looks and comments from SWMBO who knew full well what was going on.

The constipation was finally relieved a day or two later, believe it or not at Ripleys Believe It or Not - in a huge disabled toilet complete with straining bar - fortunately most of the smell had been dissipated at the airport. As the toilet receptacle had been designed to US dimensions a few flushes and it disappeared so didn't make it as an exhibit. Overall an experience I hope not to repeat.

[jesta1865]

Jasandjules said:

gopher said:

nothing quite as good as those but one night after a few beers in Swansea I got he Paddington train home to Bridgend (about 3 stops).

I promptly fell asleep only to be woken up by the ticket inspector who looked at my ticket and said "my my we are tired aren't we sir, we are just approaching Reading...."

It was the last train and had to wait about 5 hours for the return on Reading station.

A colleague of mine, after an "enthusiastic" night out, got the last train home to Southend Victoria. Except he didn't wake up, well, he did, but when the train had returned in the morning to Fenchurch Street. He came into work, and just went out and bought new undies and shirt and tie.....

a mate of mine used to be on the Southend vic line, he was very tired and fell asleep about 6:30ish mid summer, when he came to they were pulling into Southend vic where he gets off, but it was pitch black, when he checked the time he found it was round midnight, so he assumes he made several trips to and from London that night whilst asleep

[BlueCello]

jaybkay said:

I always find long distance travel (by whatever means) leads to constipation - and at some point it just has to come out.

But sometimes things aren't quite that simple -and in this ocassion I was stuck in one of those interminable immigration queues at LA, you know the ones that snake round for ever. As my excess flatulence tends to be noisy rather than smelly, I managed to let one out without noise hoping for the best. Oh boy, people started looking for the culprit and I had do the same thing not to look out of place whilst keeping a straight face (as Billy Connolly says - farting is always funny). Anyway - these aromas kept on coming out, and I had to maintain a stiff upper lip, while getting filthy looks and comments from SWMBO who knew full well what was going on.

The constipation was finally relieved a day or two later, believe it or not at Ripleys Believe It or Not - in a huge disabled toilet complete with straining bar - fortunately most of the smell had been dissipated at the airport. As the toilet receptacle had been designed to US dimensions a few flushes and it disappeared so didn't make it as an exhibit. Overall an experience I hope not to repeat.

I don't generally find toilet humour funny, but that was rather amusing!

[MitchT]

jaybkay said:

straining bar

[dave328]

MitchT said:

jaybkay said:

straining bar

Thought it was just me!

[sniff diesel]

911motorsport said:

On a train form Manchester to London. Very high winds were shaking the train all over the place...

I've never known a train be affected by wind. Admittedly I don't drive over 100mph so things may be different on the WCML.

[mybrainhurts]

I walked into the Ladies at Manchester airport.

It was the absence of urinals that had me puzzled, not the presence of ladies...

Sometimes, I worry myself...

[getitupya]

not exactly travelling, but when working on P&O cruise ships in the early nineties as a engineer officer, spent a pleasent afternoon downing cocktails and sunbathing with some of the dancer girls onboard, finally falling into a deep booze induced coma, dreaming of all the wrong things,.... Woke up an hour of so later with a impressive hard on (well for me anyway!) and yes, all the girls were still there making jokes about stiff drinks, camping trips etc!!

[mike325112]

mybrainhurts said:

I walked into the Ladies at Manchester airport.

It was the absence of urinals that had me puzzled, not the presence of ladies...

Sometimes, I worry myself...

I did this a few years ago at the NEC arena. I went for a leak anyway, just after I passed the point of no return the support act finished, cue 200 women trying to use the loo.
I have never been called a pervert by so any women at anyone time! The other half of the time thought it was hilarious!

[snowen250]

When me and my friends flew to Majorca last summer my housemate Faye on the flght out was desperate to use the "facilities." the dinner we had eaten the night before was obviously demanding an end to the floor show and wished to use the exit. It was one of the funniest things i have ever seen her going through customs, waiting for the flight then boarding the plane, all the time with horrendous poo pangs.
Once the seatbelt sign went off she duely went and nature took its course. However while she was in there a man waited paitently outside the loo. Once Faye had finished and exited the loo he went in. The door closed. To immeadiately be opened as he fled, down the cabin, to join the que at the other end of the plane. With a bemused, if not horrified look upon his face.
Timeless
Simon
Oh and is it me or is this now just "have you got a funny poo story that involves moving at some point?" thread. Not complaining mind

[SellerOfSin]

So I was driving along when I got pulled over. Not fun. The closest place I could pull into was the open lot next to a busy mechanic shop. The officer was nice enough to inform me that my license was suspended due to lack of insurance. So the officer walked to the bustling business and asked around for a wrench to remove my plate/tag/whatever you prefer to call it. Every one of the customers and mechanics was just staring at me. All I could do was cry. I was so ashamed.

Back story: It was a few months after a massive hurricane. I was very broke and had to choose between rent and car insurance. The MOMENT you don't have insurance in the state of Florida a notice goes to the state and you get a letter stating that if you don't have insurance within 3 months your license will be suspended. I did not read this letter. I honest to god didn't know my license was suspended. I was just lucky he didn't arrest me. You can go to jail for that here.