Just how much did your life change when you had children?
Discussion
My wife is due in 9 weeks with our first (found out Boy) I'm really excited. We are both 33 years old with good jobs and kind of just put having children off until now basically because we were really enjoying ourselves.
We both like going out for drinks, meals, a few holidays a year & a fair bit of disposable income etc.... Many of our friends have children and for some of them (not all) they have literally let their own lives disappear, I mean they literally do nothing themselves.
When I was growing up my parents were in a similar situation to how we are now but still lead a very healthy social life.
I know things will change and I'm excited at the prospect of the change. I'm just curious as to how much it has changed other people? Good or bad.
We both like going out for drinks, meals, a few holidays a year & a fair bit of disposable income etc.... Many of our friends have children and for some of them (not all) they have literally let their own lives disappear, I mean they literally do nothing themselves.
When I was growing up my parents were in a similar situation to how we are now but still lead a very healthy social life.
I know things will change and I'm excited at the prospect of the change. I'm just curious as to how much it has changed other people? Good or bad.
We have boy 5, boy 2 and girl 7 months.
We take as many holidays as before. We used to do long Europena road trips, but hadn't done one for a couple of years until we drove to Tuscany and back last month.
We don't go out as much as we did pre-kids(I do with work and with mates, but we don't), but we're starting to go out more again now.
I am tired, becasue I almost never get an unbroken night's sleep.
I now have an X5, having vowed never to buy an SUV.
We take as many holidays as before. We used to do long Europena road trips, but hadn't done one for a couple of years until we drove to Tuscany and back last month.
We don't go out as much as we did pre-kids(I do with work and with mates, but we don't), but we're starting to go out more again now.
I am tired, becasue I almost never get an unbroken night's sleep.
I now have an X5, having vowed never to buy an SUV.
School and nursery fees mean holidays are not as lavish as before.
Likewise cars - I trade down to a 1 series so that money can be used elsewhere.
As for going out, etc, we're very lucky in that grandparents are very close by so if we need babysitters there is never a problem. If they weren't we'd have massively cut down how much we go out compared to pre kids.
Finally, one of the kids appears in our bed at some point during the night.
Likewise cars - I trade down to a 1 series so that money can be used elsewhere.
As for going out, etc, we're very lucky in that grandparents are very close by so if we need babysitters there is never a problem. If they weren't we'd have massively cut down how much we go out compared to pre kids.
Finally, one of the kids appears in our bed at some point during the night.
I had a '78 Trans Am, the wife had an Astra SRI, we were out every night socialising, we had 3 holidays, 1 skiing, 2 beach.
Within 2 1/2 years we had 3 kids, the wife quit her job, the transam went.
My mate's garage had a Jap import Toyota Townace, after a test drive I took the plunge. It was great, I loved it, we had tons of room for prams, buggies, nappy bags and all the other junk. Then we had to get a 4 bed house, more money. That was 1995, we're getting back to nice cars (still estates though) and a half decent holiday.
So my friend, enjoy it when it comes. It'll change you for the better, yes you might be skint, yes you''ll be jealous when all your mates are going out, you'll crave for a good night's sleep.
But you'll meet new friends, you won't ever be selfish, your life will not revolve round you for the next 18 yrs, but you'll love every minute.
Within 2 1/2 years we had 3 kids, the wife quit her job, the transam went.
My mate's garage had a Jap import Toyota Townace, after a test drive I took the plunge. It was great, I loved it, we had tons of room for prams, buggies, nappy bags and all the other junk. Then we had to get a 4 bed house, more money. That was 1995, we're getting back to nice cars (still estates though) and a half decent holiday.
So my friend, enjoy it when it comes. It'll change you for the better, yes you might be skint, yes you''ll be jealous when all your mates are going out, you'll crave for a good night's sleep.
But you'll meet new friends, you won't ever be selfish, your life will not revolve round you for the next 18 yrs, but you'll love every minute.
sa v8 mate said:
So my friend, enjoy it when it comes. It'll change you for the better, yes you might be skint, yes you''ll be jealous when all your mates are going out, you'll crave for a good night's sleep.
But you'll meet new friends, you won't ever be selfish, your life will not revolve round you for the next 18 yrs, but you'll love every minute.
ThanksBut you'll meet new friends, you won't ever be selfish, your life will not revolve round you for the next 18 yrs, but you'll love every minute.
Most of my mates have kids and don't go out anyway, I already have the big house.
The rest sounds great apart from the sleep, but then again I suffer from insomnia anyway.
I haven't slept properly since our daughter was born over six months ago. It's proper hard work at times, at x o clock in the morning when they're crying to remind yourself it's not at you.
You lose your independence, your identity changes and you'll learn to cope on two maybe three hour stints at a time.
BUT that said, I can't wait to see her smile when I get in this evening when she sees me and play with her before bathing her. It is THE most challenging, difficult, scary thing I've ever done but unquestionably the most rewarding, I can't imagine life not as a Dad now, enjoy every second of it, even the bad bits.
You lose your independence, your identity changes and you'll learn to cope on two maybe three hour stints at a time.
BUT that said, I can't wait to see her smile when I get in this evening when she sees me and play with her before bathing her. It is THE most challenging, difficult, scary thing I've ever done but unquestionably the most rewarding, I can't imagine life not as a Dad now, enjoy every second of it, even the bad bits.
Congratulations!
From memory (mine are 16 and 12 now), you'll find yourself becoming more organised and scheduled due to the stuff you have to cart everywhere and feed times.
If they're all still around, you'll each get to know your parents all over again and in a different way and with a different type of respect as you'll finally understand what they did for you.
You will find you become much more family-centric. Even if you get on with the family now, you'll find they all become a more important part of your lives.
For other stuff, half the fun is finding out!
Enjoy!
From memory (mine are 16 and 12 now), you'll find yourself becoming more organised and scheduled due to the stuff you have to cart everywhere and feed times.
If they're all still around, you'll each get to know your parents all over again and in a different way and with a different type of respect as you'll finally understand what they did for you.
You will find you become much more family-centric. Even if you get on with the family now, you'll find they all become a more important part of your lives.
For other stuff, half the fun is finding out!
Enjoy!
We pretty much did as we did before, but there are three of us doing it now, not two!
Go out as much as you can just after he's born, they do pretty much f
k all apart from eat sleep and st, so use that to your advantage. Stick em in a car seat, on the end of the table in the pub and get on with it!Once they start moving about under their own steam and talking etc, it is far more difficult, but perfectly possible to go out for a meal etc.
As for how it changes, fundamentally, it's obvious. Suddenly both of you can NEVER just think about yourselves anymore, but you soon get into the idea there's another little person that relies on your for everything, and if you keep the humour going, it's a piece of piss and very enjoyable.
Just relax, dont take anything too seriously, laugh when you get vomm'd or shat on, keep lot's of banter and laughs going between you and your missus, (spirits up) and you'll all be fine.
Go out as much as you can just after he's born, they do pretty much f
k all apart from eat sleep and st, so use that to your advantage. Stick em in a car seat, on the end of the table in the pub and get on with it!Once they start moving about under their own steam and talking etc, it is far more difficult, but perfectly possible to go out for a meal etc. As for how it changes, fundamentally, it's obvious. Suddenly both of you can NEVER just think about yourselves anymore, but you soon get into the idea there's another little person that relies on your for everything, and if you keep the humour going, it's a piece of piss and very enjoyable.
Just relax, dont take anything too seriously, laugh when you get vomm'd or shat on, keep lot's of banter and laughs going between you and your missus, (spirits up) and you'll all be fine.
My life change in the following ways:
Made to feel like a 5th wheel in the in the family
Felt like a visitor in my own home.
OH always worked weekends so that was the end of Friday nights out and Saturdays doing sports.
Got in to fights on the living room floor which I always won.
Became an expert tickler.
Got to know the most charming and funny mate ever.
Made to feel like a 5th wheel in the in the family
Felt like a visitor in my own home.
OH always worked weekends so that was the end of Friday nights out and Saturdays doing sports.
Got in to fights on the living room floor which I always won.
Became an expert tickler.
Got to know the most charming and funny mate ever.
Sheets Tabuer said:
My life change in the following ways:
Made to feel like a 5th wheel in the in the family
Felt like a visitor in my own home.
OH always worked weekends so that was the end of Friday nights out and Saturdays doing sports.
Got in to fights on the living room floor which I always won.
Became an expert tickler.
Got to know the most charming and funny mate ever.
Made to feel like a 5th wheel in the in the family
Felt like a visitor in my own home.
OH always worked weekends so that was the end of Friday nights out and Saturdays doing sports.
Got in to fights on the living room floor which I always won.
Became an expert tickler.
Got to know the most charming and funny mate ever.
My little boy is almost 10 months old now.
His arrival was like a bomb going off - my wife had an absolutely terrible time during the birth, and to be frank I think we both hated him for what she went through. I felt as if I had watched her being tortured for three days, and was then expected to dote on her torturer. She has had severe post-natal depression (now being controlled), and I think I have had bouts of something similar myself. Despite being an intelligent, financially secure, solid couple, and having a baby which friends describe as "easy", we have been on the brink of divorce, adoption and even suicide.
Maybe we're not as tough or as smart or as selfless as those who found it a walk in the park, but the last ten months have been absolute hell for both of us. My wife has often been incapable of watching the kid on her own, so I have gone weeks without any break in caring for him. I've been worried sick about her, worried sick about him and his future, and resenting the pair of them for putting me in this stty situation when I would have been quite happy filling my simple life with maths, physics and fooling around with old cars. We have gone from having fulfilling and stimulating professional and academic lives to endless hours of mindless drudgery, waiting hand and foot on this little pointless blob.
Things have finally started improving recently (eg in the last couple of weeks), and we are both a lot happier. However, the long-term implications of having a kid still terrify me, and with hindsight I wouldn't have had him. That sounds terrible and I feel bad for writing it, especially when he's been so charming and giggly this afternoon, but I think I mean it - for me, the bad outweighs the good a lot of the time. Ask me again in a year, and hopefully I will have changed my mind about that - regardless, I have a son now and I will always be around for him whether I like it or not.
We both wish people had been more honest with us about their genuine experiences of being a parent - because of our troubles a lot of people who present a brave face in public, and appear to be perfect families, have confided that they also had a st time of it. I don't want to put you off, or try and scare you; but on paper we should have been great parents and it was very nearly the end of us. Just be aware that it is not a garden of roses, and be prepared for a lot of potentially awful stuff that NO ONE EVER WARNS YOU ABOUT!
His arrival was like a bomb going off - my wife had an absolutely terrible time during the birth, and to be frank I think we both hated him for what she went through. I felt as if I had watched her being tortured for three days, and was then expected to dote on her torturer. She has had severe post-natal depression (now being controlled), and I think I have had bouts of something similar myself. Despite being an intelligent, financially secure, solid couple, and having a baby which friends describe as "easy", we have been on the brink of divorce, adoption and even suicide.
Maybe we're not as tough or as smart or as selfless as those who found it a walk in the park, but the last ten months have been absolute hell for both of us. My wife has often been incapable of watching the kid on her own, so I have gone weeks without any break in caring for him. I've been worried sick about her, worried sick about him and his future, and resenting the pair of them for putting me in this s
tty situation when I would have been quite happy filling my simple life with maths, physics and fooling around with old cars. We have gone from having fulfilling and stimulating professional and academic lives to endless hours of mindless drudgery, waiting hand and foot on this little pointless blob.Things have finally started improving recently (eg in the last couple of weeks), and we are both a lot happier. However, the long-term implications of having a kid still terrify me, and with hindsight I wouldn't have had him. That sounds terrible and I feel bad for writing it, especially when he's been so charming and giggly this afternoon, but I think I mean it - for me, the bad outweighs the good a lot of the time. Ask me again in a year, and hopefully I will have changed my mind about that - regardless, I have a son now and I will always be around for him whether I like it or not.
We both wish people had been more honest with us about their genuine experiences of being a parent - because of our troubles a lot of people who present a brave face in public, and appear to be perfect families, have confided that they also had a s
t time of it. I don't want to put you off, or try and scare you; but on paper we should have been great parents and it was very nearly the end of us. Just be aware that it is not a garden of roses, and be prepared for a lot of potentially awful stuff that NO ONE EVER WARNS YOU ABOUT!Its like having a bomb go off - one minute all is peaceful, the next all hell breaks loose and life is never the same again. The 'thing' demands round the clock attention, at least initally, and requires its own baggage train to cater for every emergency (and every emergency probably will happen at sometime).
About 18 years hard labour (and an awful lot of cash) later it, or they, float off to uni or whatever and the house is suddenly empty. You look at each other and say 'What the heck was that? Where did the time go?'
Note though that the Bank of Mum and Dad will still be open to help with minor items like deposits on larger ticket items (houses/flats/cars?)and, with luck, you will still be called upon for advice. Hopefully the advice won't be on how to deal with an impending prosecution as we have seen this week.
Parents only acquire grey hairs for one reason - and it isn't age.
About 18 years hard labour (and an awful lot of cash) later it, or they, float off to uni or whatever and the house is suddenly empty. You look at each other and say 'What the heck was that? Where did the time go?'
Note though that the Bank of Mum and Dad will still be open to help with minor items like deposits on larger ticket items (houses/flats/cars?)and, with luck, you will still be called upon for advice. Hopefully the advice won't be on how to deal with an impending prosecution as we have seen this week.
Parents only acquire grey hairs for one reason - and it isn't age.
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