Cheating wife - what to do?
Discussion
It'd be worth looking into (borderline) personality disorders. In some cases, the person/sufferer (or survivor if you're into support groups) will use a situation (where they know they're in the wrong but couldn't or didn't want to not do it) that they feel guilty in or about to make someone they care about feel to blame for their actions.
Edited by andy-xr on Sunday 2nd October 21:48
Good luck op.
I took the same route as you and it was never the sane afterwards. As much as I promised myself to not bring it up, everytime we had a row I did.
Worst decision ive ever made getting back with her.
IMO you're making a big mistake going back to her, but if you can make it work, then fair play.
I took the same route as you and it was never the sane afterwards. As much as I promised myself to not bring it up, everytime we had a row I did.
Worst decision ive ever made getting back with her.
IMO you're making a big mistake going back to her, but if you can make it work, then fair play.
bennno said:
If you didn't want this thread to go as it has then perhaps you shouldn't have titled this thread 'cheating b
h'?
All you have done since you titled it and wrote about how she has been snagging your work colleague is defend her behaviour, in which case why did you feel the need to go public.
Personally for me it would either be over, but your call if you want to take responsibility for working hard whilst your wife is at home doing god knows what, with god know who.
Bennno
I've seen this behaviour before. For example, woman gets fed up with boyfriends behaviour, slags him off to all and sundry, you know, to get you on side. Maybe even gets you to help kicking him out the house. Two months later he's back through the door, of course, you still hate him because you've heard all about him but when you voice your opinion you get your head bitten off for saying anything against him. Until the next time she decides to start a hate campaign about him. h'?All you have done since you titled it and wrote about how she has been snagging your work colleague is defend her behaviour, in which case why did you feel the need to go public.
Personally for me it would either be over, but your call if you want to take responsibility for working hard whilst your wife is at home doing god knows what, with god know who.
Bennno
I can't speak from experience but I know in myself if I had been cheated on the trust would never be regained.
There would forever be a lingering doubt no matter what happened.
'Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if its broken. But you can still see the cracks in that mother fker's reflection' etc.
There would forever be a lingering doubt no matter what happened.
'Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if its broken. But you can still see the cracks in that mother f
ker's reflection' etc.justayellowbadge said:
Oakey said:
I like the part how she's the one in the wrong but the OP is taking the blame for everything and quite literally putting himself down to justify her actions.
"Darling, I did sleep with him, but it was all your fault, ok? 1,2,3, you're back in the room."
I am really sorry OP, but where are your balls man? fecking hell, have we all been emasculated? I absolutely detest how weak we have become generally as men when we start to dish this sort of s
t out...."oh she was shagging some other guy (a work mate which makes it a lot worse (is that even possible?)- as someone pointed out, she was out to humiliate you, she could have fcked anyone but choose someone you work with FFS!) but it was my fault so I will work through it".....absolute ste. You may have been at fault for a lot of things in the relationship but NOTHING YOU HAVE MENTIONED GIVES HER THE RIGHT TO fk SOMEONE ELSE!! snap out of it man......if you want to work it out as you love her too much etc then so be it, but for heavens sake DO NOT CARRY THE CAN FOR HER MISTAKES, you do this now (thinking it is the right thing to do etc) and you will always be at fault for her mistakes as you have set a precedent... even if you stay together, make sure that there is the understanding that THIS WAS HER DOING! SHE HAS A LOT OF MAKING UP TO DO TO YOU, and furthermore, SHE HAS TO APPRECIATE THAT YOU ARE GIVING HER ANOTHER CHANCE EVEN THOUGH WHAT SHE DID WAS INEXCUSABLE.....DO NOT GIVE HER A JUSTIFICATION FOR HER ACTIONS....THEY ARE UNJUSTIFIABLE.OP....sorry for the CAPITALS......just wanted to get through to you....your head and heart will be telling you different things....please remember your self worth....have some dignity and above all do not take any s
t. You have been working hard to provide for your family during a time of financial uncertainty, she has been selfish and just thought of her own needs! Did she stop to think what this would do to you or your child or the relationship as a whole? I would hazard a guess that she did not... I am sorry OP, the writing is on the wall mate, clear as day for everyone to see, it is up to you if you want to read it or not. "A man's character is defined by how he stands up during adversity/a difficult situation..........time to show some character old bean..."
keep your chin up OP,
cheers
Jam
I think its clear what the majority of posters here think the OP should do, but ultimately its his relationship and his life. I do hope one way or the other it works out for you, relationships are very stressful things when they arent going well - I found them harder to deal with and more all consuming than financial problems, job worries, etc etc.
Its interesting the amount of posters on this thread citing the act of penetration as the big deal breaker for them. I found when I was cheated on, that the idea of this was not what turned my stomach so much (perhaps it would have done so if I had carried on with the relationship, I dont know ?). The thing that made me instantly knock it on the head was when I stumbled across the texts the ex in question was sending - the sentiment in these the "wish I was still with you", "fancy a grope", "Wish you were here curled up in the bed with me" ....etc etc. As if she was a teenager in the first flush of romance, that was too much for me - the notion that she was enjoying the covert liaison, the secrecy and the "danger" of the situation. I think I found that worse than a sordid fk that she later felt guilty about. It cheapened anything we had, or might ever have had again to the point of not being possible and the idea that she was so taken and happy/girlish about something she knew was wrong and would cause me pain. That was what made me resolve almost instantly to getting her out, and moving on.
As with everything on this thread, thats just personal opinion though - I can tell you what I think is the "right course of action", and even explain why I think that is so at length. So can everyone on this thread. At the end of the day I dont think its advice you wanted, I think you needed to vent - a place to *be outraged* about it which is more than fair enough. I think many of us would gladly buy you a pint and hear you out. I hope you find a conclusion to all this that works.
R.
Its interesting the amount of posters on this thread citing the act of penetration as the big deal breaker for them. I found when I was cheated on, that the idea of this was not what turned my stomach so much (perhaps it would have done so if I had carried on with the relationship, I dont know ?). The thing that made me instantly knock it on the head was when I stumbled across the texts the ex in question was sending - the sentiment in these the "wish I was still with you", "fancy a grope", "Wish you were here curled up in the bed with me" ....etc etc. As if she was a teenager in the first flush of romance, that was too much for me - the notion that she was enjoying the covert liaison, the secrecy and the "danger" of the situation. I think I found that worse than a sordid f
k that she later felt guilty about. It cheapened anything we had, or might ever have had again to the point of not being possible and the idea that she was so taken and happy/girlish about something she knew was wrong and would cause me pain. That was what made me resolve almost instantly to getting her out, and moving on. As with everything on this thread, thats just personal opinion though - I can tell you what I think is the "right course of action", and even explain why I think that is so at length. So can everyone on this thread. At the end of the day I dont think its advice you wanted, I think you needed to vent - a place to *be outraged* about it which is more than fair enough. I think many of us would gladly buy you a pint and hear you out. I hope you find a conclusion to all this that works.
R.
Edited by M@verick on Monday 3rd October 11:39
Jam Rock said:
.....
"A man's character is defined by how he stands up during adversity/a difficult situation..........time to show some character old bean..."
........
Jam
And there is also a school of thought that says walking away is the easy thing to do. It's far harder to stay and deal with the adversity and difficulties than throw in the towel and run for the hills."A man's character is defined by how he stands up during adversity/a difficult situation..........time to show some character old bean..."
........
Jam
As for 'being a man'. Really?
^^^ he is gong to have to deal with the fallout regardless of staying with her or not... yes often it is harder to stay and deal with something than to walk, but that is the OP's decision, I am not commenting on that as such (I know what i would do and what i think the OP should do but that is the OP's choice).
I was just commenting that he should not take the blame for her actions no matter what!
and what is wrong with being a man? I am not suggesting I think we should be the prehistoric cave man/hunter gatherer type, nor am I suggesting we should be the drunk abusive womaniser type. There is a middle ground, the hard working honest family man/gentlemen that loves his wife and burns the candle at all ends to keep him and his loved ones in a comfortable lifestyle....but who does not take any st and expects honesty and loyalty of the same level that he himself provides.... I am afraid all this talk about being a "modern man" over the last decade etc has actually emasculated us all to the extent where we let ourselves be walked over by all in-sundry. Of-course not everyone is like that, but exceedingly it seems to be the norm 
Jam
I was just commenting that he should not take the blame for her actions no matter what!
and what is wrong with being a man? I am not suggesting I think we should be the prehistoric cave man/hunter gatherer type, nor am I suggesting we should be the drunk abusive womaniser type. There is a middle ground, the hard working honest family man/gentlemen that loves his wife and burns the candle at all ends to keep him and his loved ones in a comfortable lifestyle....but who does not take any s
t and expects honesty and loyalty of the same level that he himself provides.... I am afraid all this talk about being a "modern man" over the last decade etc has actually emasculated us all to the extent where we let ourselves be walked over by all in-sundry. Of-course not everyone is like that, but exceedingly it seems to be the norm Jam
BrokenB.
Whilst I doubt that I could put myself in your shoes and come up with the same approach I for one admire that you are willing to give this another try. I doubt I could but I am not you.
Good luck but do please remember that no matter how much you and your wife hold you to blame for all of this she must share a little of that burden too. As they say two wrongs don't make a right and she will need to accept that part of your reconciliation will mean that you will be a lot more attentive to things other than just her relationship with you. It is natural in the situation and she must accept this or I sadly feel that there will be future mentions of her reacting in a way she knows you will listen to due to you 'trying to control her life'.
Long hard road but the very best of fortune to you.
Whilst I doubt that I could put myself in your shoes and come up with the same approach I for one admire that you are willing to give this another try. I doubt I could but I am not you.
Good luck but do please remember that no matter how much you and your wife hold you to blame for all of this she must share a little of that burden too. As they say two wrongs don't make a right and she will need to accept that part of your reconciliation will mean that you will be a lot more attentive to things other than just her relationship with you. It is natural in the situation and she must accept this or I sadly feel that there will be future mentions of her reacting in a way she knows you will listen to due to you 'trying to control her life'.
Long hard road but the very best of fortune to you.
irf said:
so in summary.
husband is inattentive, working all hours, is grumpy and moody, wife cheats with a work colleague of the husband, husband is to blame and therefore wife leaves him, keeps the house and puts him through 4 years of court to get half an hour in a contact centre with the children who have forgotten him and call work bloke 'Daddy' now. Having lost his job and being declared bankrupt, OP now lives in a doorway. Wife's friends reckon he's just trying to avoid paying the wife and walk past his cardboard box laughing every now and then after a glass of wine or two.
something not quite right there.
Seem more realistic now?husband is inattentive, working all hours, is grumpy and moody, wife cheats with a work colleague of the husband, husband is to blame and therefore wife leaves him, keeps the house and puts him through 4 years of court to get half an hour in a contact centre with the children who have forgotten him and call work bloke 'Daddy' now. Having lost his job and being declared bankrupt, OP now lives in a doorway. Wife's friends reckon he's just trying to avoid paying the wife and walk past his cardboard box laughing every now and then after a glass of wine or two.
something not quite right there.
justayellowbadge said:
irf said:
so in summary.
husband is inattentive, working all hours, is grumpy and moody, wife cheats with a work colleague of the husband, husband is to blame and therefore wife leaves him, keeps the house and puts him through 4 years of court to get half an hour in a contact centre with the children who have forgotten him and call work bloke 'Daddy' now. Having lost his job and being declared bankrupt, OP now lives in a doorway. Wife's friends reckon he's just trying to avoid paying the wife and walk past his cardboard box laughing every now and then after a glass of wine or two.
something not quite right there.
Seem more realistic now?husband is inattentive, working all hours, is grumpy and moody, wife cheats with a work colleague of the husband, husband is to blame and therefore wife leaves him, keeps the house and puts him through 4 years of court to get half an hour in a contact centre with the children who have forgotten him and call work bloke 'Daddy' now. Having lost his job and being declared bankrupt, OP now lives in a doorway. Wife's friends reckon he's just trying to avoid paying the wife and walk past his cardboard box laughing every now and then after a glass of wine or two.
something not quite right there.
when all you do is get up, work, come home, argue, pick at the pathetic things not done / done, sit down, play with the boy for half hour, collapse asleep on sofa, go bed, repeat but throw in late shifts and night shifts changing every couple of days, its bloody hard. when you barely speak to one another for days and dont tell each other what was going on in your head, you grow apart quickly. when you can argue and shout over the washing up, or mismatched socks, and cant see what the problem is with arguing, its hard.
Now, whilst she is sharing alot of the blame, and takes responsibility of the affair in its entirity, i am taking the majority of the blame for the whole situation over the last 3-4yrs, which has led to the breakdown of our marriage. In one way, i think she had the affair as a reason to go. she admits she would have told me, and expected me to boot her out. that would have been her justification to leave. When i told her i wanted to work it out, she didnt believe me. We are, hoever, working things through.
Whilst I appreciate every single response to this thread, I am aware of how much of a pathetic individual i may come across as. I don't care, I know what I want, I know how much i love her, and what i can / cannot forgive and move on from. I genuinely hope that i can resurrect this thread in a year or two, and be proud to say we worked through it, and are stronger than ever. Only time will tell.
Now, whilst she is sharing alot of the blame, and takes responsibility of the affair in its entirity, i am taking the majority of the blame for the whole situation over the last 3-4yrs, which has led to the breakdown of our marriage. In one way, i think she had the affair as a reason to go. she admits she would have told me, and expected me to boot her out. that would have been her justification to leave. When i told her i wanted to work it out, she didnt believe me. We are, hoever, working things through.
Whilst I appreciate every single response to this thread, I am aware of how much of a pathetic individual i may come across as. I don't care, I know what I want, I know how much i love her, and what i can / cannot forgive and move on from. I genuinely hope that i can resurrect this thread in a year or two, and be proud to say we worked through it, and are stronger than ever. Only time will tell.
broken biscuit said:
when all you do is get up, work, come home, argue, pick at the pathetic things not done / done, sit down, play with the boy for half hour, collapse asleep on sofa, go bed, repeat but throw in late shifts and night shifts changing every couple of days, its bloody hard. when you barely speak to one another for days and dont tell each other what was going on in your head, you grow apart quickly. when you can argue and shout over the washing up, or mismatched socks, and cant see what the problem is with arguing, its hard.
Now, whilst she is sharing alot of the blame, and takes responsibility of the affair in its entirity, i am taking the majority of the blame for the whole situation over the last 3-4yrs, which has led to the breakdown of our marriage. In one way, i think she had the affair as a reason to go. she admits she would have told me, and expected me to boot her out. that would have been her justification to leave. When i told her i wanted to work it out, she didnt believe me. We are, hoever, working things through.
Whilst I appreciate every single response to this thread, I am aware of how much of a pathetic individual i may come across as. I don't care, I know what I want, I know how much i love her, and what i can / cannot forgive and move on from. I genuinely hope that i can resurrect this thread in a year or two, and be proud to say we worked through it, and are stronger than ever. Only time will tell.
Look back to the very first post I did on this thread, and reflect on the fact that everything posted here is bNow, whilst she is sharing alot of the blame, and takes responsibility of the affair in its entirity, i am taking the majority of the blame for the whole situation over the last 3-4yrs, which has led to the breakdown of our marriage. In one way, i think she had the affair as a reason to go. she admits she would have told me, and expected me to boot her out. that would have been her justification to leave. When i told her i wanted to work it out, she didnt believe me. We are, hoever, working things through.
Whilst I appreciate every single response to this thread, I am aware of how much of a pathetic individual i may come across as. I don't care, I know what I want, I know how much i love her, and what i can / cannot forgive and move on from. I genuinely hope that i can resurrect this thread in a year or two, and be proud to say we worked through it, and are stronger than ever. Only time will tell.
ks. There are only two people with a say in where your life goes from here, and the other one is not on this thread. I've been doing a lot of thinking about long-term relationships recently (won't go into the reasons here) and have decided that, for me at least, they don't really make sense in most cases...
You are attracted to some lovely young thing (when you are also a reasonably handsome young thing yourself - in your head at least), start to date, find out there is lots in common and away you go: First few years are full of finding out new stuff about each other - starting with previous experiences before you met, then gradually learning about the differences in your daily lives when you're not actually in each other's presence and how you think about things, process new information, etc... Then (often very suddenly) a realisation that you think you know everything about each other already and start focussing on the things that irritate you and wish each other would change (and this is about the time you start posting rude comments about her on the 'Classic from the Mrs' thread
)...
This is crunch time: Either the good stuff (everyday stuff) is so good that you can overlook the rest, or it isn't... If it is, and you have a little glitch, it is probably worth working through it and getting back to how you were, before maybe trying something new to get back to having something new to talk about... (Dare I say it, having a child or a pet often does this). If it isn't, then call it a day - having the child or the pet will just bring misery to a third body as well and will often become the source of future arguments and further discontent ('you never change the nappies / walk the dog / clean up the sick, etc...')
IMO, if you fall into the latter category and already have the child and it hasn't fixed the relationship - admit it to yourself first (this takes guts, but you haven't 'failed', you've just grown apart - it happens! Then try and separate as amicably as possible NOW! You will be happier, your ex will be happier, but most importantly, your kid(s) won't grow up associating you with arguments and shouting all the time!
In my mind the probability that two people turn out to be well suited for a lifetime is very, very small - we all change over time and after new experiences, traumas, financial and employment changes (things that you probably never talked about when you were first 'in love') and, unless you are very lucky, you will probably both have different reactions to these events and some of those will be deal-breakers! I know too many people like this (some very close to home) that stayed together out of loyalty alone, or because they made a promise 20 years ago, or that they think separation is 'failure' on their part. Don't become one of them - that's just sacrificing your own life and the chances are it will be wasted, as you'll carry on upsetting your child with your arguing, your wife will cheat again (but may be a bit more discreet about it in future and maybe you won't find out for sure - although the doubt will eat away at you and make your behaviour towards her worse and into the vicious circle you go...
A bitter and twisted viewpoint? Possibly...
(but happily recently single again and enjoying the freedom of thought that goes with it )
You are attracted to some lovely young thing (when you are also a reasonably handsome young thing yourself - in your head at least), start to date, find out there is lots in common and away you go: First few years are full of finding out new stuff about each other - starting with previous experiences before you met, then gradually learning about the differences in your daily lives when you're not actually in each other's presence and how you think about things, process new information, etc... Then (often very suddenly) a realisation that you think you know everything about each other already and start focussing on the things that irritate you and wish each other would change (and this is about the time you start posting rude comments about her on the 'Classic from the Mrs' thread
)...This is crunch time: Either the good stuff (everyday stuff) is so good that you can overlook the rest, or it isn't... If it is, and you have a little glitch, it is probably worth working through it and getting back to how you were, before maybe trying something new to get back to having something new to talk about... (Dare I say it, having a child or a pet often does this). If it isn't, then call it a day - having the child or the pet will just bring misery to a third body as well and will often become the source of future arguments and further discontent ('you never change the nappies / walk the dog / clean up the sick, etc...')
IMO, if you fall into the latter category and already have the child and it hasn't fixed the relationship - admit it to yourself first (this takes guts, but you haven't 'failed', you've just grown apart - it happens! Then try and separate as amicably as possible NOW! You will be happier, your ex will be happier, but most importantly, your kid(s) won't grow up associating you with arguments and shouting all the time!
In my mind the probability that two people turn out to be well suited for a lifetime is very, very small - we all change over time and after new experiences, traumas, financial and employment changes (things that you probably never talked about when you were first 'in love') and, unless you are very lucky, you will probably both have different reactions to these events and some of those will be deal-breakers! I know too many people like this (some very close to home) that stayed together out of loyalty alone, or because they made a promise 20 years ago, or that they think separation is 'failure' on their part. Don't become one of them - that's just sacrificing your own life and the chances are it will be wasted, as you'll carry on upsetting your child with your arguing, your wife will cheat again (but may be a bit more discreet about it in future and maybe you won't find out for sure - although the doubt will eat away at you and make your behaviour towards her worse and into the vicious circle you go...
A bitter and twisted viewpoint? Possibly...
(but happily recently single again and enjoying the freedom of thought that goes with it
)Listen.
An affair doesn't happen in a marriage unless there's something wrong with it. Full stop.
Relationships are cycles. Sometimes the cycle is so long, it doesn't repeat itself, happy marriages.
Sometimes the cycle, in my case 7 years, and each time it repeats and repeats itself. In my case, cycle number 3.
You repair the marriage, but you cycle back to the end/beginning again.
Its important you recognise that. Some relationships are just not worth banging on with. It was always me that did the talking, and offered the change. I always felt guilty, she always thought she was right.
Thats Passive Aggressive for you. Wikipedia it. It'll completely open your eyes.
You may well forgive her, and deep down you will believe what you're doing is right, and how good and modern and loving and perfect you are for her, and how she'll see that and recognise that and will never ever ever turn you over but however in reality,she will, your relationship is over.
If she gave a flying f ck about you, she wouldn't have done it. Stop blaming yourself.
In a case of a big relationship breakdown, or divorce, you go through severaL stages. it's exactly like bereavement.
Denial, thats the first step. Deny it all.Its not happening.
Bargaining. Thats where you are Fella. You've bargained your way out of it, because the reality of splitting up is so huge, and the one being f cked over has feelings of rejection, and loss. You'll do everything to get her back, so your life will be the same. Anything. Any f cking thing.
I know, Ive been there.
In the next two years she'll be positionong herself to take you for the f cking lot, and I hesitate to add...you f cking mug. [sorry Fella]
Bit of straight talk.
You'll be able to tell easily when your Wife is lying when she talks to you.
You see her lips move.
Insist on a break, and either move out, which means you'll lose control, or get her to fo quick.
Your marriage is over, there's no way back, so move it on, don't kid youself 2 years down the road you bump this thread.
Two years down the road, unless you wise up, you'll be living in a f cking shop doorway with the methers. PH wil;l be the last thing on your mind.
Wise up
Forget any revenge, just secure your money, and switch her off.
There's no point in confronting her, just move on, or be f cked.
How's that for straight talk?
An affair doesn't happen in a marriage unless there's something wrong with it. Full stop.
Relationships are cycles. Sometimes the cycle is so long, it doesn't repeat itself, happy marriages.
Sometimes the cycle, in my case 7 years, and each time it repeats and repeats itself. In my case, cycle number 3.
You repair the marriage, but you cycle back to the end/beginning again.
Its important you recognise that. Some relationships are just not worth banging on with. It was always me that did the talking, and offered the change. I always felt guilty, she always thought she was right.
Thats Passive Aggressive for you. Wikipedia it. It'll completely open your eyes.
You may well forgive her, and deep down you will believe what you're doing is right, and how good and modern and loving and perfect you are for her, and how she'll see that and recognise that and will never ever ever turn you over but however in reality,she will, your relationship is over.
If she gave a flying f ck about you, she wouldn't have done it. Stop blaming yourself.
In a case of a big relationship breakdown, or divorce, you go through severaL stages. it's exactly like bereavement.
Denial, thats the first step. Deny it all.Its not happening.
Bargaining. Thats where you are Fella. You've bargained your way out of it, because the reality of splitting up is so huge, and the one being f cked over has feelings of rejection, and loss. You'll do everything to get her back, so your life will be the same. Anything. Any f cking thing.
I know, Ive been there.
In the next two years she'll be positionong herself to take you for the f cking lot, and I hesitate to add...you f cking mug. [sorry Fella]
Bit of straight talk.
You'll be able to tell easily when your Wife is lying when she talks to you.
You see her lips move.
Insist on a break, and either move out, which means you'll lose control, or get her to fo quick.
Your marriage is over, there's no way back, so move it on, don't kid youself 2 years down the road you bump this thread.
Two years down the road, unless you wise up, you'll be living in a f cking shop doorway with the methers. PH wil;l be the last thing on your mind.
Wise up
Forget any revenge, just secure your money, and switch her off.
There's no point in confronting her, just move on, or be f cked.
How's that for straight talk?
Edited by stuttgartmetal on Monday 3rd October 15:43
Bad luck.
I have to say if I had been in your shoes and walked in finding her on said couch with him I doubt I would be able to restrain myself. At the very least he'd hve been thrown out of the house with brake fluid thrown over the roof bonnet and doors of his car. (joking on the car bit I'd have thrown him out).
You have to think hard about this situation.
1. You have a child - if you didnt then its different but if you did split then the child will have a broken home. Sure there are plenty where this has zero detrimental effect but there are countless where it isnt.
2. As far as money and assets are concerned firstly she has cheated on you not the other way round.
3. Talk to her. If you cannot talk rationally say that you are going to write down a lists of wants and for her to do the same (from a relationship scenario) and then what are you getting i.e. where is it going wrong.
4. You may or may not be able to forgive her - possibly you could do the same and then its "equal"Could she forgive you??
5. (maybe she wanted you to be involved - I'll getmy coat).
I have to say if I had been in your shoes and walked in finding her on said couch with him I doubt I would be able to restrain myself. At the very least he'd hve been thrown out of the house with brake fluid thrown over the roof bonnet and doors of his car. (joking on the car bit I'd have thrown him out).
You have to think hard about this situation.
1. You have a child - if you didnt then its different but if you did split then the child will have a broken home. Sure there are plenty where this has zero detrimental effect but there are countless where it isnt.
2. As far as money and assets are concerned firstly she has cheated on you not the other way round.
3. Talk to her. If you cannot talk rationally say that you are going to write down a lists of wants and for her to do the same (from a relationship scenario) and then what are you getting i.e. where is it going wrong.
4. You may or may not be able to forgive her - possibly you could do the same and then its "equal"Could she forgive you??
5. (maybe she wanted you to be involved - I'll getmy coat).
@bb - good luck mate. That's about all I can say. I'm not married, never have been, but came close when I was much younger, and it turned out she was a cheating bh - though simply because she was a dirty little slapper, not because of my inattention.
I've put my other half through a little of what you describe, but was able to listen to her and subsequently we're patching things up quite nicely now, and back on the road to things being good, if not great, again. Only word of advice I would offer is that you shouldn't be too hard on yourself - maybe you've made mistakes, and acknowledging that is good, but she still was in the wrong too. I reckon you've both got to come to the table appreciating that neither has acted perfectly, and be willing to both make an effort - if you can do that, you've got a chance.
Also, checked your profile - Almera GTi? Brilliant cars those - well done
h - though simply because she was a dirty little slapper, not because of my inattention.I've put my other half through a little of what you describe, but was able to listen to her and subsequently we're patching things up quite nicely now, and back on the road to things being good, if not great, again. Only word of advice I would offer is that you shouldn't be too hard on yourself - maybe you've made mistakes, and acknowledging that is good, but she still was in the wrong too. I reckon you've both got to come to the table appreciating that neither has acted perfectly, and be willing to both make an effort - if you can do that, you've got a chance.
Also, checked your profile - Almera GTi? Brilliant cars those - well done
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