Cheating wife - what to do?
Discussion
stuttgartmetal said:
Listen.
An affair doesn't happen in a marriage unless there's something wrong with it. Full stop.
Relationships are cycles. Sometimes the cycle is so long, it doesn't repeat itself, happy marriages.
Sometimes the cycle, in my case 7 years, and each time it repeats and repeats itself. In my case, cycle number 3.
You repair the marriage, but you cycle back to the end/beginning again.
Its important you recognise that. Some relationships are just not worth banging on with. It was always me that did the talking, and offered the change. I always felt guilty, she always thought she was right.
Thats Passive Aggressive for you. Miki it. It'll completely open your eyes.
You may well forgive her, and deep down you will believe what you're doing is right, and how good and modern and loving and perfect you are for her, and how she'll see that and recognise that and will never ever ever turn you over but however in reality,she will, your relationship is over.
If she gave a flying f ck about you, she wouldn't have done it. Stop blaming yourself.
In a case of a big relationship breakdown, or divorce, you go through severaL stages. it's exactly like bereavement.
Denial, thats the first step. Deny it all.Its not happening.
Bargaining. Thats where you are Fella. You've bargained your way out of it, because the reality of splitting up is so huge, and the one being f cked over has feelings of rejection, and loss. You'll do everything to get her back, so your life will be the same. Anything. Any f cking thing.
I know, Ive been there.
In the next two years she'll be positionong herself to take you for the f cking lot, and I hesitate to add...you f cking mug. [sorry Fella]
Bit of straight talk.
You'll be able to tell easily when your Wife is lying when she talks to you.
You see her lips move.
Insist on a break, and either move out, which means you'll lose control, or get her to fo quick.
Your marriage is over, there's no way back, so move it on, don't kid youself 2 years down the road you bump this thread.
Two years down the road, unless you wise up, you'll be living in a f cking shop doorway with the methers. PH wil;l be the last thing on your mind.
Wise up
Forget any revenge, just secure your money, and switch her off.
There's no point in confronting her, just move on, or be f cked.
How's that for straight talk?
Its not straight talk its bAn affair doesn't happen in a marriage unless there's something wrong with it. Full stop.
Relationships are cycles. Sometimes the cycle is so long, it doesn't repeat itself, happy marriages.
Sometimes the cycle, in my case 7 years, and each time it repeats and repeats itself. In my case, cycle number 3.
You repair the marriage, but you cycle back to the end/beginning again.
Its important you recognise that. Some relationships are just not worth banging on with. It was always me that did the talking, and offered the change. I always felt guilty, she always thought she was right.
Thats Passive Aggressive for you. Miki it. It'll completely open your eyes.
You may well forgive her, and deep down you will believe what you're doing is right, and how good and modern and loving and perfect you are for her, and how she'll see that and recognise that and will never ever ever turn you over but however in reality,she will, your relationship is over.
If she gave a flying f ck about you, she wouldn't have done it. Stop blaming yourself.
In a case of a big relationship breakdown, or divorce, you go through severaL stages. it's exactly like bereavement.
Denial, thats the first step. Deny it all.Its not happening.
Bargaining. Thats where you are Fella. You've bargained your way out of it, because the reality of splitting up is so huge, and the one being f cked over has feelings of rejection, and loss. You'll do everything to get her back, so your life will be the same. Anything. Any f cking thing.
I know, Ive been there.
In the next two years she'll be positionong herself to take you for the f cking lot, and I hesitate to add...you f cking mug. [sorry Fella]
Bit of straight talk.
You'll be able to tell easily when your Wife is lying when she talks to you.
You see her lips move.
Insist on a break, and either move out, which means you'll lose control, or get her to fo quick.
Your marriage is over, there's no way back, so move it on, don't kid youself 2 years down the road you bump this thread.
Two years down the road, unless you wise up, you'll be living in a f cking shop doorway with the methers. PH wil;l be the last thing on your mind.
Wise up
Forget any revenge, just secure your money, and switch her off.
There's no point in confronting her, just move on, or be f cked.
How's that for straight talk?
ks. You are imprinting your relationship problems over his story. You've decided that a relationship cannot be saved post infidelity because its your experience.Ask yourself how much you really know about these two people and their relationship before you give advice that could change his life.
For that matter the same could be said of everyone on this thread.
Posting for marriage advice on the internet is very very stupid.
julian64 said:
stuttgartmetal said:
Listen.
An affair doesn't happen in a marriage unless there's something wrong with it. Full stop.
Relationships are cycles. Sometimes the cycle is so long, it doesn't repeat itself, happy marriages.
Sometimes the cycle, in my case 7 years, and each time it repeats and repeats itself. In my case, cycle number 3.
You repair the marriage, but you cycle back to the end/beginning again.
Its important you recognise that. Some relationships are just not worth banging on with. It was always me that did the talking, and offered the change. I always felt guilty, she always thought she was right.
Thats Passive Aggressive for you. Miki it. It'll completely open your eyes.
You may well forgive her, and deep down you will believe what you're doing is right, and how good and modern and loving and perfect you are for her, and how she'll see that and recognise that and will never ever ever turn you over but however in reality,she will, your relationship is over.
If she gave a flying f ck about you, she wouldn't have done it. Stop blaming yourself.
In a case of a big relationship breakdown, or divorce, you go through severaL stages. it's exactly like bereavement.
Denial, thats the first step. Deny it all.Its not happening.
Bargaining. Thats where you are Fella. You've bargained your way out of it, because the reality of splitting up is so huge, and the one being f cked over has feelings of rejection, and loss. You'll do everything to get her back, so your life will be the same. Anything. Any f cking thing.
I know, Ive been there.
In the next two years she'll be positionong herself to take you for the f cking lot, and I hesitate to add...you f cking mug. [sorry Fella]
Bit of straight talk.
You'll be able to tell easily when your Wife is lying when she talks to you.
You see her lips move.
Insist on a break, and either move out, which means you'll lose control, or get her to fo quick.
Your marriage is over, there's no way back, so move it on, don't kid youself 2 years down the road you bump this thread.
Two years down the road, unless you wise up, you'll be living in a f cking shop doorway with the methers. PH wil;l be the last thing on your mind.
Wise up
Forget any revenge, just secure your money, and switch her off.
There's no point in confronting her, just move on, or be f cked.
How's that for straight talk?
Its not straight talk its bAn affair doesn't happen in a marriage unless there's something wrong with it. Full stop.
Relationships are cycles. Sometimes the cycle is so long, it doesn't repeat itself, happy marriages.
Sometimes the cycle, in my case 7 years, and each time it repeats and repeats itself. In my case, cycle number 3.
You repair the marriage, but you cycle back to the end/beginning again.
Its important you recognise that. Some relationships are just not worth banging on with. It was always me that did the talking, and offered the change. I always felt guilty, she always thought she was right.
Thats Passive Aggressive for you. Miki it. It'll completely open your eyes.
You may well forgive her, and deep down you will believe what you're doing is right, and how good and modern and loving and perfect you are for her, and how she'll see that and recognise that and will never ever ever turn you over but however in reality,she will, your relationship is over.
If she gave a flying f ck about you, she wouldn't have done it. Stop blaming yourself.
In a case of a big relationship breakdown, or divorce, you go through severaL stages. it's exactly like bereavement.
Denial, thats the first step. Deny it all.Its not happening.
Bargaining. Thats where you are Fella. You've bargained your way out of it, because the reality of splitting up is so huge, and the one being f cked over has feelings of rejection, and loss. You'll do everything to get her back, so your life will be the same. Anything. Any f cking thing.
I know, Ive been there.
In the next two years she'll be positionong herself to take you for the f cking lot, and I hesitate to add...you f cking mug. [sorry Fella]
Bit of straight talk.
You'll be able to tell easily when your Wife is lying when she talks to you.
You see her lips move.
Insist on a break, and either move out, which means you'll lose control, or get her to fo quick.
Your marriage is over, there's no way back, so move it on, don't kid youself 2 years down the road you bump this thread.
Two years down the road, unless you wise up, you'll be living in a f cking shop doorway with the methers. PH wil;l be the last thing on your mind.
Wise up
Forget any revenge, just secure your money, and switch her off.
There's no point in confronting her, just move on, or be f cked.
How's that for straight talk?
ks. You are imprinting your relationship problems over his story. You've decided that a relationship cannot be saved post infidelity because its your experience.Ask yourself how much you really know about these two people and their relationship before you give advice that could change his life.
For that matter the same could be said of everyone on this thread.
Posting for marriage advice on the internet is very very stupid.
A website specifically for people going through this nightmare.
There you'll find the same story over and over again.
Seen it, been there, and read the book.
I don't have to know people, what I do know, from experience, is human behaviour, and the same old same old story repeated over and over again.
Give it another try?
Sure, yep, she's bringing home guys to f ck, and some 28 year old masters graduste will sort it out for them in in conselling.
Wake up and smell the coffee.
M@verick said:
julian64 said:
For that matter the same could be said of everyone on this thread.
Posting for marriage advice on the internet is very very stupid.
Well that's all of us told. Posting for marriage advice on the internet is very very stupid.
R.
Its like watching an episode of Jerry Springer, and wondering why those people ever agreed to be on the TV to air their problems when they knew the level of ridicule and the standard of replies they were likely to get.
Most of the time I couldn't give a moo, but every so often someone posts who sounds in genuine pain.
Probably I'm just being gullable. Anyway, I guess its stupid to keep trying to get him to do something, when what he really wants to do is post on the internet.
Appologies everyone, I'mmm ooooot.
Agoogy said:
The relationship is dead.
Don't try and bring upn your child in a crap relationship...they're better of with seperate happy parents (IMO).
Next step is mediation to organise the split and who gets what.
Very sorry to hear of your situation.... increasingly common...
What boils my piss is that depsite the fact the woman has had the affair, she will get the better deal at the end...
edit - what Dusty said - very true.
Don't try and bring upn your child in a crap relationship...they're better of with seperate happy parents (IMO).
Next step is mediation to organise the split and who gets what.
Very sorry to hear of your situation.... increasingly common...
What boils my piss is that depsite the fact the woman has had the affair, she will get the better deal at the end...
edit - what Dusty said - very true.
Dusty964 said:
When the trust goes, it goes for good, and its not coming back.
Which gives you the rest of your life to consider that when she is not at home, or stays out late, or you cant get hold of her on her mobile, the nagging doubt that she is on all fours being rattled vigerously by derek from accounts (or anyone else for that matter).
At which point you will wish that you ended the whole thing years earlier, and got on with life with someone worth being with (ie not the one who took a length off a mate)
This ^^. From experience. She'll do it again, a leopard never changes its spots. Was hard having my 2 kids move out with her but I got past it and now I couldnt be happier. Fortunately we now get along and I see them as much as I want to.Which gives you the rest of your life to consider that when she is not at home, or stays out late, or you cant get hold of her on her mobile, the nagging doubt that she is on all fours being rattled vigerously by derek from accounts (or anyone else for that matter).
At which point you will wish that you ended the whole thing years earlier, and got on with life with someone worth being with (ie not the one who took a length off a mate)
irf said:
so in summary.
husband is inattentive, working all hours, is grumpy and moody, wife cheats with a work colleague of the husband, husband is to blame and has apologised for his behaviour and promises to do better?
something not quite right there.
It is the working mans version of the 'Stockholm syndrome' I think. husband is inattentive, working all hours, is grumpy and moody, wife cheats with a work colleague of the husband, husband is to blame and has apologised for his behaviour and promises to do better?
something not quite right there.
"In psychology, Stockholm syndrome is a term used to describe a real paradoxical psychological phenomenon wherein hostages express empathy and have positive feelings towards their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness"
I see where the op is coming from. He could have been the cause of why she cheated and its good he can see that and correct it.
He also has a point about not wanting to hear her complaints within the relationship.
I would say given present and past he is doing the right thing hard as it may be.
He also has a point about not wanting to hear her complaints within the relationship.
I would say given present and past he is doing the right thing hard as it may be.
Oakey said:
didn't the exact same thing happen in the other thread?
the one where the ph'ers wife was sleeping with two other guys behind his back, one of which was his boss?
his thread started the same as this and ended with him forgiving her and them trying to make it work, no?
That was the one where he blamed the guys, wanted to kill them, blamed himself, wanted to die, but the wife was still, somehow, innocent of any wrongdoings. Yes, I remember it well.the one where the ph'ers wife was sleeping with two other guys behind his back, one of which was his boss?
his thread started the same as this and ended with him forgiving her and them trying to make it work, no?
hora said:
King Herald said:
Oakey said:
didn't the exact same thing happen in the other thread?
the one where the ph'ers wife was sleeping with two other guys behind his back, one of which was his boss?
his thread started the same as this and ended with him forgiving her and them trying to make it work, no?
That was the one where he blamed the guys, wanted to kill them, blamed himself, wanted to die, but the wife was still, somehow, innocent of any wrongdoings. Yes, I remember it well.the one where the ph'ers wife was sleeping with two other guys behind his back, one of which was his boss?
his thread started the same as this and ended with him forgiving her and them trying to make it work, no?
And that was even before he had mentioned the wife and her sperm-bank night-safe activities.
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