Cheating wife - what to do?
Discussion
Bin it like a mouldy yoghurt.
- I understand people here saying "it can work" which is a lovely sentiment. I am sure for a small percentage of people maybe it could. Personally I wouldnt take the gamble on being in that percentage.
I caught an ex (sales, travelling on rep duties, stayed away regularly) who had been texting her boss all sorts of stuff about "wish i was still in your bed", "do you want to meet up on the M6 for a grope err I mean a coffee ;-) " etc etc. I went to bed in the spare room with a smile on my face that night, waited till she got home from work the next day - had it out with her, she denied everything, so i asked her to get her works mobile phone out, the look of realisation that melted across her face, then it was a mixture of anger and apology. I was ambivalent at that point, just told her to ask her boss if he wanted any help moving her stuff and let him know i would hire a van if necessary. Then told her to be gone by the end of the week. On the Sunday she went to her parents but stil hadnt "left", so I changed the locks (UPvC door barrels can be ordered online quite quickly and are a doddle to change - I ordered one on the Tuesday morning following the above) and ended up leaving the rest of her stuff in the garage for her to collect at her leisure.
I havent spoken to her since, and do not miss her. I remember in conversation she told me she cheated on two previous boyfriends but wasnt proud of it, they were being a
holes to her etc, it was years ago. See a pattern ?. I was working long hours, and we werent spending a huge amount of time together plus we were arguing a lot because she was French, mental, and had no grasp of logic or reason. Shes married now, and as far as im concerned - very much someone elses problem.
It doesnt matter what is going on in your relationship - as others on here have more eloquently said, there can be all sorts of problems - but cheating is not a valid response. Its indicative of the lack of respect someone has for not only the relationship - but you as well, and it simply isnt necessary. You either work it out, or you split up - why stay with someone you dont want to be with (as indicated by your actions) and cheat ?. For all those that "had an indiscretion" and cite problems in their relationship as the reason - im sure there are a vastly larger proportion of good people that have had relationship problems and didnt just fall over and land on someone elses cock as a result. Go and find one of those people.
Be clinical, put previous feelings aside - the relationship you are dealing with now, is not the one you signed up to originally. If it was a car you would sell it and get a new one, do the same here. You have a whole life of possibilities awaiting you with someone decent, who wont do this to you again, and who hopefully will have cracking bangers.
R.
- I understand people here saying "it can work" which is a lovely sentiment. I am sure for a small percentage of people maybe it could. Personally I wouldnt take the gamble on being in that percentage.
I caught an ex (sales, travelling on rep duties, stayed away regularly) who had been texting her boss all sorts of stuff about "wish i was still in your bed", "do you want to meet up on the M6 for a grope err I mean a coffee ;-) " etc etc. I went to bed in the spare room with a smile on my face that night, waited till she got home from work the next day - had it out with her, she denied everything, so i asked her to get her works mobile phone out, the look of realisation that melted across her face, then it was a mixture of anger and apology. I was ambivalent at that point, just told her to ask her boss if he wanted any help moving her stuff and let him know i would hire a van if necessary. Then told her to be gone by the end of the week. On the Sunday she went to her parents but stil hadnt "left", so I changed the locks (UPvC door barrels can be ordered online quite quickly and are a doddle to change - I ordered one on the Tuesday morning following the above) and ended up leaving the rest of her stuff in the garage for her to collect at her leisure.
I havent spoken to her since, and do not miss her. I remember in conversation she told me she cheated on two previous boyfriends but wasnt proud of it, they were being a
holes to her etc, it was years ago. See a pattern ?. I was working long hours, and we werent spending a huge amount of time together plus we were arguing a lot because she was French, mental, and had no grasp of logic or reason. Shes married now, and as far as im concerned - very much someone elses problem. It doesnt matter what is going on in your relationship - as others on here have more eloquently said, there can be all sorts of problems - but cheating is not a valid response. Its indicative of the lack of respect someone has for not only the relationship - but you as well, and it simply isnt necessary. You either work it out, or you split up - why stay with someone you dont want to be with (as indicated by your actions) and cheat ?. For all those that "had an indiscretion" and cite problems in their relationship as the reason - im sure there are a vastly larger proportion of good people that have had relationship problems and didnt just fall over and land on someone elses cock as a result. Go and find one of those people.
Be clinical, put previous feelings aside - the relationship you are dealing with now, is not the one you signed up to originally. If it was a car you would sell it and get a new one, do the same here. You have a whole life of possibilities awaiting you with someone decent, who wont do this to you again, and who hopefully will have cracking bangers.
R.
Edited by M@verick on Wednesday 28th September 12:05
Davey S2 said:
Do you think that you will be able to ever be intimate with her again without the constant thought of your colleague pounding her into jam?
If not then get rid of her.
This would be my issue. I can forgive her bleeding me dry financially to some extent. I could even forgive her for feeling the need for affection if I hadn't been providing it and I knew I was partially to blame. But I couldn't deal with the image in my head of my missus being nailed by someone else and I really really doubt whether I could ever sleep with her again.If not then get rid of her.
OP, there are two sides to every story.
And to be fair, this is probably the worst place to come to for advice, as topics like this will;
a) tend to attract the cynics and
b) will mostly (if not 100%) result in replies from blokes.
Apart from one or two exceptions, you will not get a balanced view.
If you really want your relationship to work, then seek counseling for both of you (together) and try to communicate effectively with your OH.
That is all.
And to be fair, this is probably the worst place to come to for advice, as topics like this will;
a) tend to attract the cynics and
b) will mostly (if not 100%) result in replies from blokes.
Apart from one or two exceptions, you will not get a balanced view.
If you really want your relationship to work, then seek counseling for both of you (together) and try to communicate effectively with your OH.
That is all.
Mobile Chicane said:
However, I can see why people take the easier route and split.
It's awful leaving with less than half of what you had before...It ain't easy leaving an ex lover behind...and it's damn near impssible leaving a child behind...IMO, leaving is not the easy option.
Putting up with and trying time and time again with someone who once loved you but now lies and lies with others... that might be easier... deny the facts and carry on regardless... easier then starting from scratch with less money and less access... again IMO
Put your child first. It takes a bit of getting your head around, but two happy separated parents will be a far better long term prospect for the emotional wellbeing/development of your child... Rather than a couple living a lie, sharing a bed/roof because they feel they have to stick together for the child's sake. Arguing parents with underlying tension isn't an environemnt condusive to a happy childhood.
Children are very perceptive and also very resilient and far better at coping with any enforced change.
Children are very perceptive and also very resilient and far better at coping with any enforced change.
Edited by FWDRacer on Wednesday 28th September 12:29
alfa pint said:
Davey S2 said:
Do you think that you will be able to ever be intimate with her again without the constant thought of your colleague pounding her into jam?
If not then get rid of her.
This would be my issue. I can forgive her bleeding me dry financially to some extent. I could even forgive her for feeling the need for affection if I hadn't been providing it and I knew I was partially to blame. But I couldn't deal with the image in my head of my missus being nailed by someone else and I really really doubt whether I could ever sleep with her again.If not then get rid of her.
I was cheated on once. The thought of my girlfriend being sexually intimate with another man would drive me mad. I couldn't take her back on this basis - even though tried really hard to get things back.
I went to a party with my GF during the Summer. One of her old housemates was having a birthday and we were invited. My GF hadn't spoken much about him, so I joked on the way down in the car was this because she had shagged him when they lived together? Let's just say I wasn't expecting the answer I got.
I was really jealous - the thought of the two of them together (albeit over 10 years ago).
He was actually a lovely bloke, and the relationship was over years ago, but I still hated him
I take the view that if I feel this way about an old boyfriend of my GF's, then it would be game over if she anything with anyone else during our relationship.
OP - really sorry to hear that this has happened to you. But from what you have said she has got to go, and go pronto.
All I can say is, if you want to work it out, do if for the right reasons.
DO NOT do it for your child. It's not worth spending the best part of your life with someone and being miserable, just because you had a child.
Years down the line, when your child finds out they were the reason that mum and dad stayed together, and they were miserable for years will make them feel awful. REALLY awful.
DO NOT do it for your child. It's not worth spending the best part of your life with someone and being miserable, just because you had a child.
Years down the line, when your child finds out they were the reason that mum and dad stayed together, and they were miserable for years will make them feel awful. REALLY awful.
He should end it, all those saying give it a chance are mental, did you even read the OP? He caught her cheating and he is the one seeking counselling to 'get help'.
This suggests she's already convinced him he's to blame for her actions and that he's the problem that needs resolving otherwise they would be going to counselling together.
This suggests she's already convinced him he's to blame for her actions and that he's the problem that needs resolving otherwise they would be going to counselling together.
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