Cheating wife - what to do?
Discussion
So, my wife has been cheating. found out last night. Things have been rocky for a while - long shifts, short fuses, etc. Three weeks ago i come in to find her cosying up to a bloke on my sofa - one of my colleagues. She tells me nothing going on, we argue. She tells me its over. We talk and have some time apart. She comes back, I go get councelling to get help, she goes off to meet this bloke, f
ks him, comes home to me. i find out through Facebook messages she left on her profile. I confront her, she initially admits kissing, nothing more, then eventually admits screwing him. Tells me its just the once.
Now part of me wants to throw her out, bag her stuff and dump it at her parents, the lot. As for him - I want to smash his face in, and if i saw him, probably will.
The other part of me wants to move on - recognise we have both made mistakes, accept her version of events, and deal with it. See Relate or whatever, work things out and build back the trust she has completely destroyed. I have so much in this marriage - house, child, the lot. I know I havent been perfect, and have been an arse to live with, so accept some responibility in driving her away.
Now i know this is PH, but I'm not interested in the 'burn her belongings, sling the slag out' opinions, what i need to know is has anyone ever been in this position, moved on and it worked? Has anyone been caught playing away and been forgiven? How was it? Did it work?
ks him, comes home to me. i find out through Facebook messages she left on her profile. I confront her, she initially admits kissing, nothing more, then eventually admits screwing him. Tells me its just the once.Now part of me wants to throw her out, bag her stuff and dump it at her parents, the lot. As for him - I want to smash his face in, and if i saw him, probably will.
The other part of me wants to move on - recognise we have both made mistakes, accept her version of events, and deal with it. See Relate or whatever, work things out and build back the trust she has completely destroyed. I have so much in this marriage - house, child, the lot. I know I havent been perfect, and have been an arse to live with, so accept some responibility in driving her away.
Now i know this is PH, but I'm not interested in the 'burn her belongings, sling the slag out' opinions, what i need to know is has anyone ever been in this position, moved on and it worked? Has anyone been caught playing away and been forgiven? How was it? Did it work?
When the trust goes, it goes for good, and its not coming back.
Which gives you the rest of your life to consider that when she is not at home, or stays out late, or you cant get hold of her on her mobile, the nagging doubt that she is on all fours being rattled vigerously by derek from accounts (or anyone else for that matter).
At which point you will wish that you ended the whole thing years earlier, and got on with life with someone worth being with (ie not the one who took a length off a mate)
Which gives you the rest of your life to consider that when she is not at home, or stays out late, or you cant get hold of her on her mobile, the nagging doubt that she is on all fours being rattled vigerously by derek from accounts (or anyone else for that matter).
At which point you will wish that you ended the whole thing years earlier, and got on with life with someone worth being with (ie not the one who took a length off a mate)
The relationship is dead.
Don't try and bring upn your child in a crap relationship...they're better of with seperate happy parents (IMO).
Next step is mediation to organise the split and who gets what.
Very sorry to hear of your situation.... increasingly common...
What boils my piss is that depsite the fact the woman has had the affair, she will get the better deal at the end...
edit - what Dusty said - very true.
Don't try and bring upn your child in a crap relationship...they're better of with seperate happy parents (IMO).
Next step is mediation to organise the split and who gets what.
Very sorry to hear of your situation.... increasingly common...
What boils my piss is that depsite the fact the woman has had the affair, she will get the better deal at the end...
edit - what Dusty said - very true.
hora said:
From the sounds of it (limited info) I think you'd be better off being professional with her.
An amicable split and move on.
FFS man, this is PH not bloody Mumsnet. We all know the only answer is to text her a photo of him hanging out the back of some fit young totty with the caption "pack your bags and fAn amicable split and move on.
k off". 
I've never been married or had the ties. However I seen quite a few people try and fix things and been confidante to both husband and wife through similar circumstances. The chances of the person cheated on ever properly trusting the cheater again are close to zero IME. Good luck sorting it out in whatever way you choose.
Really, she wants binning.
Bringing a man home! Did you arrive at and odd time? I suspect she wants out and can't bring herself to speak the words, she wanted to get caught.
Honestly, it's time to move on, we're all different, but I could never trust anyone again if they did that, plus every normal argument that every couple has would always lead back to "well, you cheated on me".
Bringing a man home! Did you arrive at and odd time? I suspect she wants out and can't bring herself to speak the words, she wanted to get caught.
Honestly, it's time to move on, we're all different, but I could never trust anyone again if they did that, plus every normal argument that every couple has would always lead back to "well, you cheated on me".
You've been an arse, she's been unfaithful. You now think so little of her as to call her a cheating bh in public.
So I'd suggest one final sit down together to imagine what your situation is going to be like in 10 years time and see if there really is a future. Try not to take the comfortable, easy way out and "give it a go" if you have any doubts about it working.
I think, sadly, a split is inevitable so above all keep it amicable otherwise it will become very stressful and above all more expensive.
Good luck with what ever you both do.
h in public.So I'd suggest one final sit down together to imagine what your situation is going to be like in 10 years time and see if there really is a future. Try not to take the comfortable, easy way out and "give it a go" if you have any doubts about it working.
I think, sadly, a split is inevitable so above all keep it amicable otherwise it will become very stressful and above all more expensive.
Good luck with what ever you both do.
broken biscuit said:
I know I havent been perfect, and have been an arse to live with, so accept some responibility in driving her away.
There is no excuse for what she did. Lack of commitment. Lack of heart and lack of respect for you, your child and your family. Dont excuse her weeks/months of an affair 'a' mistake. A drunk snog on a dancefloor is a mistake.If you want to patch things up then thats fine but if not then focus on keeping the kid. Throw her out to the point of paying for a removal company to pack up her things.
That assumes you are in the position of higher morals. Either way its all about the young one now.
Basically i walked in mid-shift at work - she'd had him and a few mates over. There was just him left when i got there - i know this from reviewing our CCTV. She looked nervous as hell. Told me nothing going on. Eventually admitted she had been kissing. We had a few days apart to think things over as we were arguing and she wanted space. She came back, said to work things out, I booked a councellor. While I went to see said councellor, she went to meet him and shagged him. I caught her out from Facebook messages, as she had been secretive with her phone. She confessed the lot.
As much as I hate her right now, I love her to pieces. She is my world. I have been a crap husband in recent years, and have said some horrible things, which have hurt her. I know i have done wrong, and accepted it, and tried to put it right. In a way, I think i have driven her away.
I dont care about the money, cars, house, any of it. I just want to know if anyone has caught their partner out cheating / been caught out, and worked it out?
As much as I hate her right now, I love her to pieces. She is my world. I have been a crap husband in recent years, and have said some horrible things, which have hurt her. I know i have done wrong, and accepted it, and tried to put it right. In a way, I think i have driven her away.
I dont care about the money, cars, house, any of it. I just want to know if anyone has caught their partner out cheating / been caught out, and worked it out?
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