Cheating wife - what to do?

Cheating wife - what to do?

Author
Discussion

Cock Womble 7

29,908 posts

229 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
broken biscuit said:
and worked it out?
You can't work it out. It's over. Get rid and move on.

Agoogy

7,274 posts

247 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
broken biscuit said:
I just want to know if anyone has caught their partner out cheating / been caught out, and worked it out?
Caught my wife out.
counselling..relate...tried again.
Within the month 'his' name was back on her mobile
Talked it out...I moved out for 2 weeks
She was desperate for me to come back..
I did
We went on holiday (just us two, daughter stayed with gramps)
Got back....6 months later, 'his'nname was there again.
Every minor disagreement did come back these things..
3 years later, I'm officially free and have a good relationship with her and a REALLY great one with my daughter...

Adenauer

18,564 posts

235 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
broken biscuit said:
I dont care about the money, cars, house, any of it. I just want to know if anyone has caught their partner out cheating / been caught out, and worked it out?
I caught MrsAdenauerMk1 out cheating and slung her out on her ear. And I have never regretted it, not for one second.

Puggit

48,354 posts

247 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
OK - I'll buck the trend.

A couple I know had a similar experience 30 odd years ago, husband was away a lot etc. He ended up cheating and getting caught. They sat down and worked it out.

They celebrated their ruby anniversary last year - and I don't know a more loving and committed couple.

Only you know if this will ever work again - because only you can make it work.

GTIR

24,741 posts

265 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
Once a cheater always a cheater.

They will always justify it "Didn't give me love" or "Always working" etc but as has been said it's just disrespectful and dishonest. Full stop.

I'm afraid even if you do work things out you'll always have one eye open and check her phone, or any "unusual" activity. You'll end up driving yourself crazy.

drivin_me_nuts

17,949 posts

210 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
Do you want to make it work? Even if you could, is what you have done changable? Are you always planning to be hard work? and do you even think you can rebuild trust (because it can be rebuilt, but it takes time and it will be different afterwards - your relationship will be different). Is it worth it to you? Can you sleep in the same house, let alone the same bed knowing someone else has had sex with 'your' woman (can you handle this most primitive of territorial emotions?)?

... oh and before you say, 'it's because of the kid/house/car/home' etc.. None of those things mean anything at all. Kids growing up in a home where parents are unhappy are often miserable as they know something is 'wrong',/ The house.. well, if you leave, you know what the story with that will be (flat for you, less money, access as and when she/courts decide, weekend dad etc etc).

Is it worth even bothering to try and save? The only person who knows this is you. You can only do your bit. is your initial reaction a genuine one? i.e. your're angry etc... but underneath that what do you want to do... and forget all the other stuff. What do you want to do? Because therein lies step number one. And then ask her, what does she want to do?

Oh and there is one other thing. Self respect. Lose that in any of your forthcoming interactions and it will be something you NEVER forget. Everything else is probably going to be an awkward, painful and challenging work in progress to a potential positive goal. But don't put that on the line - but understand also, most imoprtantly, the difference between ego and self respect. Ego will screw up your chances (if you go down that route), loss of self respect will gnaw away at your insides. Know the difference.

Fossilface

3,286 posts

197 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
I have no relevant experience to offer you but why not give it a try. You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain.
If it doesn't work, at least you can look back knowing you tried and not have any regrets about not giving it a shot.

It does sound like you have an awful lot of changing to do though.

Jimslips

6,419 posts

153 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
It cannot work from here in my experience.

Move on.

R500POP

8,777 posts

209 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
Ahhh Moneypenny said:
bum her
Fixed that for you

hunt_the_fox

1,044 posts

224 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
I've been in a similar situation, noone can grasp the exact nature of your relationship from a couple of short posts but my situation was a lot like yours, I persisted in the relationship and it is only years later that I can look back and think 'what the hell was I doing'. Make the split as amicable as possible.

Nikkie B

154 posts

163 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
GTIR said:
Once a cheater always a cheater.

They will always justify it "Didn't give me love" or "Always working" etc but as has been said it's just disrespectful and dishonest. Full stop.

I'm afraid even if you do work things out you'll always have one eye open and check her phone, or any "unusual" activity. You'll end up driving yourself crazy.
Strange but true...I agree with GTIR on this, I've been the "cheated on" wife (madly in love with my ex husband at the time) and he had all the excuses in the world, but the lack of respect towards me and the children ruined anything that could have been resolved....... once you have lost the trust it becomes a spiral which will kill any feelings left.
There were no mobile phones, FB or other networks for surrepticious encounters 20 years ago, but I found myself checking the car for long blonde hairs, sniffing his shirts for perfume and going through credit card bills.
I threw him out, he cleaned me out and has forgotten he has 3 kids for the past 16 years so no real loss there.

A cheat will always cheat, the fact that she "Brought it home" shows that she has no respect for you, your marriage or your home, get rid and whatever it may cost financially is nothing compared to what you will gain in emotional stability later.

Miguel Alvarez

4,944 posts

169 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
From this thread alone I'd say bin her and move on.

Cock Womble 7

29,908 posts

229 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
Miguel Alvarez said:
From this thread alone I'd say bin her and move on.
What about all the other threads the OP has started about his cheating bh of a wife?

therealpigdog

2,592 posts

196 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
Cut your losses mate - she has lied to you - not once, but many times. What value has she put on the relationship?

It is still possible for you to have a great relationship with your kid, even if you are not with their mother. Don't stay for their sake as in the long run they won't appreciate seeing you hurt.

Its painful, its sad, and its scary - but somewhere out there there is someone that will love you unconditionally and treat you how you deserve to be treated.

Best of luck with it.



oh, and because this is PH, we need pics wink

Reardy Mister

13,757 posts

221 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
I think the clue is in the thread title.

axgizmo

1,095 posts

152 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
GTIR said:
Once a cheater always a cheater
I hate when people say that! it's bks! I cheated on my ex, biggest mistake I ever made, would never ever do it to anyone again

Castrol Craig

18,073 posts

205 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
Cock Womble 7 said:
hora said:
I think you'd be better off being professional with her.
Yeah, get all "Professional" on her:

rofl

Edited by Castrol Craig on Wednesday 28th September 10:23

Miguel Alvarez

4,944 posts

169 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
Cock Womble 7 said:
Miguel Alvarez said:
From this thread alone I'd say bin her and move on.
What about all the other threads the OP has started about his cheating bh of a wife?
Not everyone leaves a great impression in my life.

Seriously. If this has been goind on a while then you need to man up and [OP] and accept that this woman has no respect for you. There is wrong and there is fully wrong and this woman is clearly on the fully wrong side. have some confidence in yourself. You met one woman you'll meet another. Dash her clart to the side and live the life you're supposed to live.


MuffDaddy

1,414 posts

204 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
I was in a similar position, working away a lot and when I found out I just left. She got the house, the car, the CD's the lot. I moved to where my job was at the time and I have to say it was the best thing to do at the time.


Landlord

12,689 posts

256 months

Wednesday 28th September 2011
quotequote all
hora said:
Theres also another saying 'when a womans heads been turned only a spade will turn it back'.
Are you seriously suggesting some kind of interracial cuckold/bull scenario?! I'm not sure that'll help!