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Tuscan Rat

Original Poster:

3,267 posts

109 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
Well Volume 6 is now here, so to start it off.....



Three guys walk into a bar.

The first guy says, "I've got the smallest arm in the world."

The second guy, "I've got the smallest head in the world."
...
The third guy, "I've got the smallest penis in the world."

So the three guys go to the Guinness World Records.

The first guy comes back and says, "I really do have the smallest arm in the world!"

The second guy comes back and says, "Amazing, I do have the smallest head in the world!"

The third guy comes back angry and shouts, "WHO THE fk IS JUSTIN BIEBER?!"

SC7

1,882 posts

67 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
A bloke walks into a pub and orders a pint of Whitbread, before nipping to the gents'.

The barmaid places his pint on the bar, and out of nowhere a muscular black woman appears, hops up onto a bar stool, straddles his glass and trumps right into the ale.

The bloke returns from the toilet, picks up his pint, goes to take a sip and immediately wretches and heaves.

He looks around, wiping his mouth and spots the athletic black woman looking guilty at the other end of the bar.

"Oi," he shouts angrily, "You fart in my Whitbread?!"

"No," she replies, "I'm Tessa Sanderson."

Jonboy_t

3,137 posts

69 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
I was in the bar with my mate when I told him, "My girlfriend bet me a tenner that I wouldn't be home before 10pm tonight."

He replied, "Well you've got 5 minutes to get home then."

"No, I've got 3 hours to borrow a tenner."

Thom987

3,185 posts

52 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
Sent away for a hearing aid in June....still haven't heard anything back.

Laurel Green

17,965 posts

118 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
Mods, can we please have a clown (^^^^ one of them) smiley in the margin please. smile
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WestYorkie

1,770 posts

81 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
Urgent advice to ginger women........ Don't have a brazilian... It will look like a fish finger!!

Laurel Green

17,965 posts

118 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
WestYorkie said:
Urgent advice to ginger women........ Don't have a brazilian... It will look like a fish finger!!
hehe

PH lurker

1,300 posts

43 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
Will there be Latvians?...

j44esd

940 posts

109 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
PH lurker said:
Will there be Latvians?...
No Latvians. Only potato.

I'm going to hell aren't I?

omgus

6,493 posts

61 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
woohoo
I have the tenn(ish) post. paperbag

snowy slopes

28,195 posts

73 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
j44esd said:
PH lurker said:
Will there be Latvians?...
No Latvians. Only potato.

I'm going to hell aren't I?
No, is too warm, stay here is cold

im

34,302 posts

103 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
Just to log-in to this thread...

What bounces and makes kids cry? My cheque to Children in Need.

snowy slopes

28,195 posts

73 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
I passed my ethics exam today

I cheated

bob1179

13,734 posts

95 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
SC7 said:
A bloke walks into a pub and orders a pint of Whitbread, before nipping to the gents'.

The barmaid places his pint on the bar, and out of nowhere a muscular black woman appears, hops up onto a bar stool, straddles his glass and trumps right into the ale.

The bloke returns from the toilet, picks up his pint, goes to take a sip and immediately wretches and heaves.

He looks around, wiping his mouth and spots the athletic black woman looking guilty at the other end of the bar.

"Oi," he shouts angrily, "You fart in my Whitbread?!"

"No," she replies, "I'm Tessa Sanderson."
hehe

LordHaveMurci

4,370 posts

55 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
WestYorkie said:
Urgent advice to ginger women........ Don't have a brazilian... It will look like a fish finger!!
rofl

JonRB

43,511 posts

158 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
SC7 said:
"You fart in my Whitbread?!"
Reminds me of another beer-related joke.

Rosemary West is released on parole and goes into her local and the barman says "Rosemary! So great to see you. Can I get you a glass of wine perhaps?"

"No", she replies, "but I could murder some Tennents"

Tuscan Rat

Original Poster:

3,267 posts

109 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
Laurel Green said:
Mods, can we please have a clown (^^^^ one of them) smiley in the margin please. smile
Sorted !!!

Laurel Green

17,965 posts

118 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
Tuscan Rat said:
Sorted !!!
Thanks, TR. smile

Jasandjules

51,332 posts

115 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all

snowy slopes

28,195 posts

73 months

[news] 
Sunday 20th November 2011 quote quote all
JonRB said:
Reminds me of another beer-related joke.

Rosemary West is released on parole and goes into her local and the barman says "Rosemary! So great to see you. Can I get you a glass of wine perhaps?"

"No", she replies, "but I could murder some Tennents"
hehe

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