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omgus
4,875 posts
44 months
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Big Fat Fatty said: Ayahuasca said: I had a tear in my eye when I watched them open the new memorial to the brave bomber crews.
My granddad had a terrible time in bombers, flying by night over enemy territory, evading flak and prowling nightfighters to find his target, night after night, carrying the war to the enemy, flattening their cities. Still, his machine never let him down. Well engineered, the Junkers 88.  Subtle, I like it. My grandad was treated terribly by the Germans during the war but he didn't like to mention it much, it turns out he was overlooked for promotion twice.
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Disastrous
3,607 posts
86 months
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omgus said: Big Fat Fatty said: Ayahuasca said: I had a tear in my eye when I watched them open the new memorial to the brave bomber crews.
My granddad had a terrible time in bombers, flying by night over enemy territory, evading flak and prowling nightfighters to find his target, night after night, carrying the war to the enemy, flattening their cities. Still, his machine never let him down. Well engineered, the Junkers 88. Subtle, I like it. My grandad was treated terribly by the Germans during the war but he didn't like to mention it much, it turns out he was overlooked for promotion twice. I like that one. Reminds me of "my grandad died in a concentration camp. Fell out a machine gun tower"
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Mikeyplum
1,028 posts
38 months
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DrTre said: I once fancied a doctor so I went to her surgery and complained of bowel pains.
She told me to bend over and started a rectal exam.
"There's something obstructing the anus", she said "It looks like a bundle of stems. I'm going to try and extract it"
She started pulling and exclaimed, "Oh my god, it's a whole bunch of flowers!"
"Read the card! Read the card!!", I shouted  I could quite easily picture that as a Cyanide & Happiness peice! 
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Electric Beaver
533 posts
61 months
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A lad I work with overheard a conversation about Essen in Germany and piped up - My Grandad went there during the war... well he flew over it anyway 
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AdYa
387 posts
42 months
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A threesome is sex between three people. A twosome is sex between two people. I now know why they call you handsome!
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K12beano
14,393 posts
144 months
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Man was in Waterstones paying for '50 Shades of Grey' & 'The Gruffalo' with root vegetables.
That's a turnip for the books...
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OlberJ
11,980 posts
102 months
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What do vegetarian worms eat?
Linda McCartney.
She was actually very popular, a big turnip at her funeral.
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Muntu
5,914 posts
68 months
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How do you annoy Heather Mills?
Nick Clegg
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JonRB
39,536 posts
141 months
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Poor Tom Cruise. Another marriage ended cos his wife wouldn't wear a beard.
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Laurel Green
14,895 posts
101 months
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I guess, sooner or later, the wife would outgrow the marriage.
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JonRB
39,536 posts
141 months
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50 shades of grey is quite an easy read. I heard most women just flicked through it.......
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JonRB
39,536 posts
141 months
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An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are going to Scotland together for a holiday. They are sitting on the train looking out the window as they enter Scotland.
Suddenly, they catch sight of a black sheep grazing on one of the hills.
The engineer says, "Oh, isn't that interesting! The sheep in Scotland are black!"
The physicist says, "Rubbish! We only know that at least one sheep in Scotland is black."
The mathematician says, "Gentlemen, we only know that at least one half of one sheep in one field in Scotland is black."
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DHE
2,005 posts
59 months
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JonRB said: Poor Tom Cruise. Another marriage ended cos his wife wouldn't wear a beard. Getting the news from PH again. Cheers. 
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North West Tom
9,430 posts
46 months
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I told my boss I couldn't make it to work because of the weather today.
"But it's sunny outside," he said.
"Exactly," I replied, cracking open a beer.
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rohrl
3,756 posts
14 months
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North West Tom said: I told my boss I couldn't make it to work because of the weather today.
"But it's sunny outside," he said.
"Exactly," I replied, cracking open a beer. Does anyone ever turn up for work in that office?
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Glassman
17,324 posts
84 months
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rohrl said: North West Tom said: I told my boss I couldn't make it to work because of the weather today.
"But it's sunny outside," he said.
"Exactly," I replied, cracking open a beer. Does anyone ever turn up for work in that office? they're all here talking about it
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heppers75
2,281 posts
86 months
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I am sure this is a pea roast... but it is rather amusing... IF you are a Blackadder fan at least.. Blackadder on the Euro... Baldrick: "What I want to know, Sir is, before there was a Euro there were lots of different types of money that different people used. And now there's only one type of money that the foreign people use. And what I want to know is, how did we get from one state of affairs to the other state of affairs" Blackadder: "Baldrick. Do you mean, how did the Euro start?" Baldrick: "Yes Sir" Blackadder: "Well, you see Baldrick, back in the 1980s there were many different countries all running their own finances and using different types of money. On one side you had the major economies of France, Belgium, Holland and Germany, and on the other, the weaker nations of Spain, Greece, Ireland, Italy and Portugal. They got together and decided that it would be much easier for everyone if they could all use the same money, have one Central Bank, and belong to one large club where everyone would be happy. This meant that there could never be a situation whereby financial meltdown would lead to social unrest, wars and crises". Baldrick: "But this is sort of a crisis, isn't it Sir?". Blackadder: "That's right Baldrick. You see, there was only one slight flaw with the plan". Baldrick: "What was that then, Sir?" Blackadder: "It was b  ks".
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Laurel Green
14,895 posts
101 months
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Jonboy_t
2,538 posts
52 months
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Less of a joke, more of an observation:-
If you put the word "chicken" before any of the Italian football teams surnames, it sounds like a delicious takeaway dish.
Chicken Ballotelli,
Chicken Pirlo etc
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K12beano
14,393 posts
144 months
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Jonboy_t said: Less of a joke, more of an observation:-
If you put the word "chicken" before any of the Italian football teams surnames, it sounds like a delicious takeaway dish.
Chicken Ballotelli,
Chicken Pirlo etc  How does that work then?
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