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Author Discussion

ZOLLAR

17,080 posts

58 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
Council Baby said:
Just checking if I can now post on this one wavey
There is no automatic carry over on bans for new threads, so keep your head low in case a mod notices yes

Glassman

18,788 posts

100 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
We should have New Thread resolutions

Cock Womble 7

29,908 posts

115 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
Glassman said:
We should have New Thread resolutions
What, like 1920 x 1080?

snowy slopes

28,164 posts

72 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
Cock Womble 7 said:
What, like 1920 x 1080?
rofl

Glassman

18,788 posts

100 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
rofl
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Vieste

10,532 posts

45 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
laugh



My son asked me today, Dad, what music did you like growing up?

"Led Zeppelin," I replied.

"Who?" he said.

"Yeah, I liked them too."

PoleDriver

21,522 posts

79 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
Vieste said:
laugh



My son asked me today, Dad, what music did you like growing up?

"Led Zeppelin," I replied.

"Who?" he said.

"Yeah, I liked them too."
A repost! Already? rolleyes

Matt_N

5,456 posts

87 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
PoleDriver said:
Vieste said:
laugh



My son asked me today, Dad, what music did you like growing up?

"Led Zeppelin," I replied.

"Who?" he said.

"Yeah, I liked them too."
A repost! Already? rolleyes
hehe

Life Saab Itch

37,053 posts

73 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
PoleDriver said:
A repost! Already? rolleyes
There's one on the last page too. wink

Vieste

10,532 posts

45 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
Oh fkity i did not look at page 2 getmecoat

john_r

8,336 posts

156 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
The Jeremy Kyle 12 Days of Christmas:

12 cans of Carling
11 DNA tests
10 dads to choose from
9 teeth between them
8 squeezed in tracksuits
7 stinking smackheads
6 Dunlop trainers
5 stolen rings
4 ugly tts
3 fat slags
2 timing bds
and a wker who parades them on TV!

snowy slopes

28,164 posts

72 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all

I played bingo with my wife. I got nothing but she won the full house.

Pretty st way to settle a divorce.

Pixel Pusher

8,659 posts

44 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
Ill looking bloke walks into a pub and orders a triple Brandy, a triple Scotch and a triple Vodka.

Necks the lot and says to the barman, "I really shouldn't be drinking with what I've got".

Barman says, "What's that then'?

Bloke says, "50p".

getmecoat

snowy slopes

28,164 posts

72 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
Oldie for you


What's the difference between a woman and a toilet??















Toilet doesn't follow you everywhere once you've used it


wiliferus

2,436 posts

83 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
Blatter said:
HOGEPH said:
WestYorkie said:
Urgent advice to ginger women........ Don't have a brazilian... It will look like a fish finger!!
It'll smell like one too!
roflrofl
Ginger locks.... smelly box! hehe

Samcat

327 posts

108 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
A woman goes to her boyfriends parents house for Christmas dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
She is also feeling a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the
broccoli casserole.

The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice,
she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't
loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked
over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a
rather stern voice, "Skippy!"

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This
time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrriiip.

The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!". A few minutes later the woman had to
let another rip.
This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train
whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shcensoredts on you!"

Samcat

327 posts

108 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
An old lady is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away.
She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband.
The instant she saw him she starts crying. One of the undertakers strides up to provide
comfort in this sombre moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset because
her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The undertaker apologises and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in black,
but he'd see what he could arrange.

The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before
his funeral the following day.
When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert is
resplendent in a smart blue suit.

She says to the undertaker "Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?"
"Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought in
and he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted
to be buried in a black suit", the undertaker replied.

The wife smiled at the man.

And then he continued, "After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads"

LordGrover

22,394 posts

97 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
Samcat said:
simply a matter of swapping the heads"
rofl

Jonboy_t

3,125 posts

68 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
(to be read in a Yorkshire accent)

A Yorkshire lad's wife dies one day and he decides to have something fitting engraved on her headstone. He decides upon 'She were thine' and trundles off t'engraver to get t'job done.

On the day before t'funeral, he goes into t'engraver to have a look at his work. T'engraver pulls out the headstone and, to the lads horror, he has put 'She were thin' on it. 'Hey, you daft get', he says, 'you missed out an E. Have it fixed and I'll be back in t'morning to get it'.

The next morning, he comes back in to pick up the headstone, lift's it up and reads the passage.

'E, she were thin'.





A Yorkshire lads dog dies one day and he decides, as a tribute, to have a model of the dog cast in gold so he can still keep his little pal around. He goes off to the goldsmith and tells him what kind of thing he's after, 'D'you want 18 carot?' asks the goldsmith. 'No, you daft get,' he replies, 'I want it eatin a bone'.


(Apologies for the appalling grammar and shocking attempt at a Yorkshire accent joke!)

omgus

6,481 posts

60 months

[news] 
Monday 21st November 2011 quote quote all
LordGrover said:
Samcat said:
simply a matter of swapping the heads"
rofl
And anotherrofl
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