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ZOLLAR
16,229 posts
42 months
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Council Baby said: Just checking if I can now post on this one  There is no automatic carry over on bans for new threads, so keep your head low in case a mod notices 
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Glassman
17,320 posts
84 months
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We should have New Thread resolutions
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Cock Womble 7
29,908 posts
99 months
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Glassman said: We should have New Thread resolutions What, like 1920 x 1080?
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snowy slopes
27,616 posts
56 months
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Cock Womble 7 said: What, like 1920 x 1080? 
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Glassman
17,320 posts
84 months
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Vieste
9,089 posts
29 months
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 My son asked me today, Dad, what music did you like growing up? "Led Zeppelin," I replied. "Who?" he said. "Yeah, I liked them too."
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PoleDriver
20,229 posts
63 months
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Vieste said: My son asked me today, Dad, what music did you like growing up? "Led Zeppelin," I replied. "Who?" he said. "Yeah, I liked them too." A repost! Already? 
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Matt_N
4,632 posts
71 months
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PoleDriver said: Vieste said: My son asked me today, Dad, what music did you like growing up? "Led Zeppelin," I replied. "Who?" he said. "Yeah, I liked them too." A repost! Already? 
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Life Saab Itch
34,072 posts
57 months
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PoleDriver said: A repost! Already? There's one on the last page too. 
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Vieste
9,089 posts
29 months
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Oh f  kity i did not look at page 2 
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john_r
8,195 posts
140 months
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The Jeremy Kyle 12 Days of Christmas: 12 cans of Carling 11 DNA tests 10 dads to choose from 9 teeth between them 8 squeezed in tracksuits 7 stinking smackheads 6 Dunlop trainers 5 stolen rings 4 ugly t ts 3 fat slags 2 timing b ds and a w ker who parades them on TV!
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snowy slopes
27,616 posts
56 months
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I played bingo with my wife. I got nothing but she won the full house. Pretty s t way to settle a divorce.
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Pixel Pusher
4,699 posts
28 months
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Ill looking bloke walks into a pub and orders a triple Brandy, a triple Scotch and a triple Vodka. Necks the lot and says to the barman, "I really shouldn't be drinking with what I've got". Barman says, "What's that then'? Bloke says, "50p".
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snowy slopes
27,616 posts
56 months
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Oldie for you What's the difference between a woman and a toilet?? Toilet doesn't follow you everywhere once you've used it 
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wiliferus
1,695 posts
67 months
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Blatter said: HOGEPH said: WestYorkie said: Urgent advice to ginger women........ Don't have a brazilian... It will look like a fish finger!! It'll smell like one too! Ginger locks.... smelly box!
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Samcat
305 posts
92 months
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A woman goes to her boyfriends parents house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. She is also feeling a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!" The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrriiip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!". A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she sh ts on you!"
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Samcat
305 posts
92 months
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An old lady is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away.
She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband.
The instant she saw him she starts crying. One of the undertakers strides up to provide
comfort in this sombre moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset because
her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The undertaker apologises and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in black,
but he'd see what he could arrange.
The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before
his funeral the following day.
When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert is
resplendent in a smart blue suit.
She says to the undertaker "Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?"
"Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought in
and he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted
to be buried in a black suit", the undertaker replied.
The wife smiled at the man.
And then he continued, "After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads"
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LordGrover
18,638 posts
81 months
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Samcat said: simply a matter of swapping the heads"
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Jonboy_t
2,536 posts
52 months
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(to be read in a Yorkshire accent)
A Yorkshire lad's wife dies one day and he decides to have something fitting engraved on her headstone. He decides upon 'She were thine' and trundles off t'engraver to get t'job done.
On the day before t'funeral, he goes into t'engraver to have a look at his work. T'engraver pulls out the headstone and, to the lads horror, he has put 'She were thin' on it. 'Hey, you daft get', he says, 'you missed out an E. Have it fixed and I'll be back in t'morning to get it'.
The next morning, he comes back in to pick up the headstone, lift's it up and reads the passage.
'E, she were thin'.
A Yorkshire lads dog dies one day and he decides, as a tribute, to have a model of the dog cast in gold so he can still keep his little pal around. He goes off to the goldsmith and tells him what kind of thing he's after, 'D'you want 18 carot?' asks the goldsmith. 'No, you daft get,' he replies, 'I want it eatin a bone'.
(Apologies for the appalling grammar and shocking attempt at a Yorkshire accent joke!)
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omgus
4,861 posts
44 months
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LordGrover said: Samcat said: simply a matter of swapping the heads" And another
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